The disappearance act

  • gymnewby1983

    Posts: 36

    Oct 25, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    We've all been there... or at least that's how I explain it to myself so I don't end up depressed.
    You meet this guy online, really cute, really nice, there is a connection.
    You chat, you exchange pictures, you email.
    For various reasons (both his and yours) you can't meet directly for the time being.
    Then one day, you send an email and... postmaster@crappyemailservice.com answers... Mailbox unavailable...
    And then the craziness starts... with the questions :

    1- Did I do anything wrong?
    2- Was it just a fake?
    3- How come I always get those guys?

    Then you start reading the messages, and it drives you crazy because NOTHING seem to be wrong...

    There... I put it out there for you to comment. I'd be curious to read the results.
  • no1timehookup...

    Posts: 208

    Oct 25, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    It was fake.. Prob some old creep with a fantasy.... That's why when I meet someone I take it directly to phone.. Those type of people are everywhere online.. That's why you sorta gotta fake proof them by exchanging numbers.. Usually when they quit responding after inquiring digits tells you right there they are fake.
  • gymnewby1983

    Posts: 36

    Oct 25, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    We chatted on cam... I can guarantee he was not an old creep... that's the sad part !
  • no1timehookup...

    Posts: 208

    Oct 25, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    Well if you saw him on cam, then he wasn't fake.. Maybe he wasn't local and was trying to cyber with you.. It wasn't you, or he would not have chatted with you.. Did he say what the reason was for not meeting for a long time? When they say that, usually turns into never, and could be various of reasons behind that, maybe not out and was afraid, maybe had a bf, or as I mentioned above..
  • gymnewby1983

    Posts: 36

    Oct 25, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    Reasons were his and mine... I have a crazy schedule... but it doesn't explain the email disappearance...
  • no1timehookup...

    Posts: 208

    Oct 25, 2011 1:20 AM GMT
    Then maybe he got tired of waiting for you, or life changed for him, moved away, changed jobs, could be many reasons..
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    Oct 25, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    Similar thing happened to me a over the summer. I met this guy at a club, we started to talk, went out on 4 or 5 dates. I made dinner for him once, he made dinner for me once, things seemed to be going great. Then he says that he's going to the beach for the weekend and we would see each other the next week. Monday comes, I send a message, no response. Wednesday, no response. Then the weekend comes and I see on facebook that one of his friends hasn't heard from him either, so I get a little worried. The next week comes, still no response. I go by his house, no answer. So I finally ask his sister when she last spoke to him and if he was ok and she said she had seen him a few days earlier.

    No warning, no signs, nothing. He just chose to break things off completely with no warning or explanation. So I deleted his number, deleted him from facebook, and moved on. If you don't want to see me anymore, fine, but at least have the guts to say it.

    Sometimes guys are just like that. Chances are that it wasn't anything you did, it's just how he is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2011 7:42 PM GMT
    Its not you 90% of guys are self-indulgent creeps. That's why I abstain for the better part lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    weisumin saidIts not you 90% of guys are self-indulgent creeps. That's why I abstain for the better part lol


    Damn.....90%........icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 25, 2011 8:09 PM GMT
    I was talking with a guy and we kept looking forward to a dinner date. First time, he claimed we had mis-communication, I said 9pm, he said 8pm and went at 8, then how he waited for 20 mins. But didn't bother to text me in this time to check why am not showing up. My bad for missing the signal right here. Second he said he had a big family emergency, but he did let me know in advance so I was ok. Third time a day before the date we have text and all saying looking forward to see u etc etc. On the day of the date I text him to say am running late and we will have to meet 30 mins after the scheduled time, this was an hour before the date. No response, calls went to voice mail. No response at all. Realized what is happening and decided to move on.
    Sometimes some men like to play the game and have no intention of meeting. Best to find them before its too late.
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    Oct 25, 2011 8:15 PM GMT
    I find this happens a lot over the long distance. I try to get a penpal thing going and it doesn't work, or Americans find English guys boring
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    Oct 25, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    turbobilly said
    weisumin saidIts not you 90% of guys are self-indulgent creeps. That's why I abstain for the better part lol


    Damn.....90%........icon_confused.gif



    Actually, I thought that percentage was a little on the low side.
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    Oct 25, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
    no1timehookups saidIt was fake.. Prob some old creep with a fantasy.... That's why when I meet someone I take it directly to phone.. Those type of people are everywhere online.. That's why you sorta gotta fake proof them by exchanging numbers.. Usually when they quit responding after inquiring digits tells you right there they are fake.


    Maybe everyone has their own way to weed out the fakes. As for the numbers thing, that actually weeds out decent or "ok" guys like myself. It takes a lot to get a phone number out of me. If I'm asked for my number outright, then I immediately let the guy know I'm not interested. As for verification, I'll create and email any pic he asks for. I have a separate email I use just for that. Facebook is just out of the question. That only happens if we've established that this newly formed friendship will be a long lasting one, and also that the person on the other end isn't some creeper or eats a healthy bowl of drama cereal for breakfast.

    As for the disappearing act...yeah. There are people out there who, for various reasons, won't man up and reveal that they've chose to drop everything. It's not anyone's job to text them, check up on them daily. If they can't inform you in a timely manner why they've ditched you, or have the world's best and valid excuse, completely drop said person to the curb and move on, immediately!
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    Oct 25, 2011 10:47 PM GMT
    Maybe it's just me, but I think people put way, way, way too much value and invest more than they should for online interactions. Realistically, if they vanish, oh well. I'm not going to cry a river over it or obsess over what went wrong and why.

    It happens, it always will happen, that is the way it is. Expect it and do not read too much into it until you've actually met the person face-to-face.



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    Oct 25, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    It could have been that he thought you were the flake. Bantering back and forth dates and times to meet and none worked out. Im NOT saying you didn't have true conflicts in schedules. Try sending a test email by you using another one of your email addys, one he doesn't know.

    Edit: I think this can happen very easily if you meet a guy online and don't meet within a week or 2. If you spend a month chatting back and forth, your mind makes assumptions of the guy and you develop a bit of a crush on him. Then all of a sudden you get the knife in the back feeling.
    1- Did I do anything wrong?
    2- Was it just a fake?
    3- How come I always get those guys?
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Oct 25, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    For me, I get to go out on dates, then after date #1-3 they vanish with no explanation. At which point, then you can start asking those kind of questions. Even then, more than likely it was them not being interested in you; not much you can do about it and just move on. Obsessing over such "questions" is counterproductive.
  • gymnewby1983

    Posts: 36

    Oct 25, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    We both flaked out on dates... he was pretty aware of my weird work schedule and he had his commitments too.
    I don't mind someone stopping everything or not giving reasons... I just want the guy to man up and say: "it's not working" or "you're not my type" or "No"...
    And I tell them flat out... if doesn't work for you... just say it and we'll part ways.
    I know that I'm not to everybody's tastes... and it's not a big deal... I say no to some guys too...
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    Oct 26, 2011 12:01 AM GMT
    Studinprogress saidFor me, I get to go out on dates, then after date #1-3 they vanish with no explanation. At which point, then you can start asking those kind of questions. Even then, more than likely it was them not being interested in you; not much you can do about it and just move on. Obsessing over such "questions" is counterproductive.


    I think vanishing after date 1 is ok but after 2 dates with a guy I'll at least tell them it isn't working. After putting time into someone 2 times I will at least give them that courtesy. Not all men feel that way though
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    Oct 26, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    Obviously, no one can answer this question but him. However I can tell you what usually happens with me. When I first meet someone, there's always some little thing that bugs me about them as I'm sure there are things about me that grate on their nerves. In the beginning, I have often told myself I can deal with a particular issue or quirk as long as it doesn't get any worse. Well, 9 times out of 10 it gets worse because people are on their best behavior in the beginning. Once it gets to a certain level I just lose interest. And unless you're actually dating in a serious way, I see no reason for them to spell it out for you to break it off.
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    Oct 26, 2011 5:53 AM GMT
    ALEXXXANDRO said
    Studinprogress saidFor me, I get to go out on dates, then after date #1-3 they vanish with no explanation. At which point, then you can start asking those kind of questions. Even then, more than likely it was them not being interested in you; not much you can do about it and just move on. Obsessing over such "questions" is counterproductive.


    i don't support the status quo
    call me confrontational;
    i really do not like this pansiness that goes on
    get some fucking balls
    and tell the guy why you're no longer seeing him.

    if he's not your type, muster up the fucking courage
    hell, take some tequila shots if u have to and tell him!!!

    but your not telling a guy y ur not into him
    makes him feel that it may be the norm
    and since the situation resolved isn't being talked about in conversation
    all other kinds of idiots think it's ok, too.. NO!!!!!

    don't know where along the way
    being a wuss started being rewarded and it started being ok

    nothing about any of that do i find 'manly',
    and even some of the women i've met
    have a bigger pair than that.

    hunt(*not literally) the motherfucker down.
    call him.
    ask for answers.
    because then that 'what if' lingers
    and even when the next guy shows up,
    that previous 'what if' was never resolved
    so really, the person rarely moves on
    they just move on to finding the same answer a diff way
    but just more unsure of themselves

    so call the bastard up
    (***this is for the guys who have actually DATED the person they're lusting after and have been mentally evaluate.... k??????????)
    and figure it out.

    if u can handle it, great.

    start stoning ur friends to death when u hear of them doing that shit to other guys
    i think that this attitude of not wanting to face the real issue at hand
    is the culprit for a lot of the social shit that's going on today
    get on ur shits people
    stop being a fucking wuss

    are u men?
    or AS%2BMean%2BGirls.jpg

    don't reward pussy ass behaviour and you'll see how quickly and amazingly fast your romantic life and everything else will just plop right up.

    fuck.
    that's it.
    no more for today.
    i'm signing off.
    love the forums
    but there's only so much talking one can do before wanting to troll
    get off ur fucking shits and do ; that simple!

    This is + about 1000