Went on a first coffee date...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2011 5:23 AM GMT
    ...And it sunk .... icon_confused.gif


    I really tried to converse with the guy..I paid attention to what he talked about..But he seemed, so not interested.... I wasn't expecting something spectacular but he seemed really keen to meet me before. In fact it was an impromptu meet up.
    I even wore a red sweater to generate visual interest and play up my appearance...

    *sigh* Gosh golly I don't want to end up being negative Ned if coffee dates end up like this constantly....

    It'll be even worse if the takes even more interest with me and I become disinterested!! Ack....



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    Oct 25, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    Dating is like interviewing for a job. You have to put your best foot forward, but if during the process you get the strong impression that it's just not meant to be, stand up, thank them for their time, and walk away.

    Sounds like you went on a simu-date more than an actual date. Use the experience as a lesson going forward. Not all dates, like job interviews, are going to be fun, pleasant, and worthwhile.

    It can be discouraging, but at least you are getting yourself out there, meeting people, and willing to at least take that initial step of meeting. A lot of people are not even up for that much.
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    Oct 25, 2011 12:58 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear your first date flunked out. Don't feel bad though its okay, what you've learned is that he isn't for you.
    Honestly though sometimes alot of pressure is put on a first date. What to wear, how to act but really, it's a cliche, but be yourself.

    If you display something at first that's not you, then they are going to keep expecting that since its what they first saw. Give them who you actually are and if they like it, then you can be content knowing that they appreciate you for being you.

    Now I'm not saying go in your pj's and do whatever you want. Be polite, dress appropriately and actively listen and engage in conversation but if you have try be or act in a way that's not really like you to get their attention, then at least for me, I wouldn't think it's worth pursuing.

    Dating (as far as I know) is just getting to know another person. If they can't be a friend, they can't be much else to you.

    Hope this helps.
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    Oct 25, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    Instead of dating, I prefer indiscriminate sex with hot guy after hot guy.

    It's cheaper, everyone involved knows what he is after and there is no pretext of "Oh, I might want to see you again or not!"

    Plus, he goes home after we are all done!

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 25, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    I'd honestly just toss it in the heap of experience, it can happen, but you can also meet somebody who is really interesting and into you. Don't get jaded (and you have never iimpressed me that you would do that), but keep a good attitude and do it again when a reasonable guy seems to present himself.

    Try and get enough information from the guy beforehand that you know you have some interests in common, that really helps. If you find you don't have much to share, I'd pass on the coffee.
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    Oct 26, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    I just don't want to end up as being non datable :S
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    Oct 26, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    If dating were easy, there would be no use for dating sites.

    Chalk it up to experience. It's more difficult than you might think for two people to "click" with common interests and compatible personalities. You just have to keep trying. Be thankful it was just a coffee date. A long date where you didn't click with the guy would have been torture.
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    Oct 26, 2011 1:47 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidI just don't want to end up as being non datable :S


    Go somewhere better then coffee on a first date. Excuse my Zimbabwean but "shit is played out". Your better off going to somewhere unexpected and new. Always helps ease the first date nerves if you guys do something new and adventurous.
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    Oct 26, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    Awe OP lighten up someone that deserves you will come along icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 26, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    Looks like his loss. You'll find someone who will appreciate the effort you put in :-)
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    Oct 26, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    I went on a coffee date once with a guy too and it was horrible! There was no second one... I think we bored the fuck out of each other. But I guess I learned from that experience. The next date I went on (with another guy) was totally awesome! There was even a second date ;)
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    Oct 26, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    Maybe the next date he and I can go to a swanky bar...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidMaybe the next date he and I can go to a swanky bar...


    It's not the location. It's the company. icon_biggrin.gif
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Oct 26, 2011 2:09 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    Fivealive saidMaybe the next date he and I can go to a swanky bar...


    It's not the location. It's the company. icon_biggrin.gif


    So true!
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    Oct 26, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidMaybe the next date he and I can go to a swanky bar...


    You can do better then that man...I have faith
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    Oct 26, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    "Converse"... "I EVEN wore a red sweater to generate interest." Not meant as a personal attack on you at all my man. I just think that we are too cerebral for our own good sometimes. I mean if you're trying to get me to be interested in you and I'm trying to get you to be interested in me...zzzzz zzz... wait what are we talking about again? And why don't you take off that itchy red sweater icon_wink.gif

    The best dates I've been on, I've been like "hey man, i fucking hate dates. I'll pay for this dinner, can we please just talk about random crap and just relax. We can figure out the rest later. Then I do something dumb to make him/her laugh and take the edge off some. I also like to play this stupid game called "what if I...." where we trade questions and fill in the blanks to ask questions, some deep, some really stupid. Warning...the stupid questions/answers get me into trouble as humor seems to be a big turn on.

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    Oct 26, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    *sigh* Hmmmm , bah I can't think of anything right now....I dunno who is going to be the next guy!

    Any takers! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 26, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    How could you tell he seemed, so not interested?

    It never happened to me because I couldn't tell if he was interested or not......
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 26, 2011 5:09 AM GMT
    Fivealive said...And it sunk .... icon_confused.gif


    I really tried to converse with the guy..I paid attention to what he talked about..But he seemed, so not interested.... I wasn't expecting something spectacular but he seemed really keen to meet me before. In fact it was an impromptu meet up.
    I even wore a red sweater to generate visual interest and play up my appearance...

    *sigh* Gosh golly I don't want to end up being negative Ned if coffee dates end up like this constantly....

    It'll be even worse if the takes even more interest with me and I become disinterested!! Ack....



    Well, love is a pretty awful betting game. You gotta go all in, for the most part, if you want to win anything. Most of the time you come out even, sometimes you lose really badly. But it's all about playing and enjoying the process.

    I think I've gone on at least 50 separate coffee dates in the past 4 years (yes, there are more than 50 gay men in Omaha, believe it or not icon_razz.gif) and now I almost enjoy the date more than the promise of potential. Expect nothing, and be pleasantly surprised when you do discover someone fun!

    That being said, I feel like I need a viagra to spice up my dating experience.
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    Oct 26, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    BAMF saidInstead of dating, I prefer indiscriminate sex with hot guy after hot guy.

    It's cheaper, everyone involved knows what he is after and there is no pretext of "Oh, I might want to see you again or not!"

    Plus, he goes home after we are all done!



    Sound advice. Dating, at the moment, does not interest me. I'll take the above option.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 26, 2011 5:31 AM GMT
    MeOhMy said
    BAMF saidInstead of dating, I prefer indiscriminate sex with hot guy after hot guy.

    It's cheaper, everyone involved knows what he is after and there is no pretext of "Oh, I might want to see you again or not!"

    Plus, he goes home after we are all done!



    Sound advice. Dating, at the moment, does not interest me. I'll take the above option.


    I hate when I do that, just because I end up catching all the strains of the cold and flu from other people during the fall and winter. It becomes like playing Pokemon after a while, but in a bad way.
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    Oct 26, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    Sorry about my vocabulary... I usually diversify my words use to prevent stagnation of sentences.

    Has for the red sweater. Guys and girls tend to get attracted to that color so I wore it for that sole purpose.

    I could take the sex option but where would that lead me.... :/

    Well I'm just going to continue along....I'll give a another shout out if a second date goes wrong! icon_biggrin.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Oct 27, 2011 7:50 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidI just don't want to end up as being non datable :S


    I can't ever believe that you would be "non-datable". May I ask what you were drinking on this coffee date? tablesm.gif
  • metatextual

    Posts: 774

    Oct 27, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    How was the coffee?
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Oct 27, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    metatextual saidHow was the coffee?

    Hopefully it was delicious?