I feel ludicrously alone

  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 25, 2011 7:22 AM GMT
    I moved across the country and made a tons of friends. I moced back the enxt year with my 2 best friends, again for school. One of them stopped tlaking to me. From my sister, to nothing in 2 months.

    The other I'm living with now. I enver see her, she's always out at other peoples houses, or school or work or partying.

    I haven't seen anyone in weeks other than her and another girl form back home who lives down the street, and then it's only to listen to her whine about shit and play terrible music so that for at least a few hours it's not me and my cat, who i love muchly.

    I don't even know how to talk to anyone.

    I'm seeing someone, and he makes me happy, but he has a hig hpower job and he'll be away a lot more now.
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    Oct 25, 2011 11:21 PM GMT
    what bout work or school?
  • justinlee86

    Posts: 501

    Oct 25, 2011 11:40 PM GMT
    you can always write me...
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    Oct 26, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    Join a gay group of some sort.. there's tons of them. Or go volunteer somewhere to kill some time. Life is what you make it.

  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 26, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    ALEXXXANDRO saidand to be honest, you're 20... i think you're only just now getting a taste of how things really work and having a tough time with it; my only advice is to work with it and swim like a fish.. think of it as a dance.

    who leads?



    i can't look at your picture without thinking you're a complete airhead
    and perhaps that none of this will even resonate with u til you're at least in your 40's

    but if i plant a seed, i guess it's just as good.



    I don't mean to come off rudely here, but you are wrong. I didn't grow up soft. I busted my ass since I was 8. I ranked provincially and nationally in 2 sports, and went to a gifted highschool. I graduated early and went on to an amazing university. I've lived alone before, I've grown apart form friends before.

    But i'm glad I look like an airhead.

  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 26, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    justinlee86 saidyou can always write me...
    I'm awkward.

    I enver know what to say or how to act. I'm not comfortable with myself anymore.

    And I know you mean well, I do.

    But it would be nice to see someone in person. I mean to actually get to hang out with someone.
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    Oct 26, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    *there there* spoon me
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 26, 2011 5:37 AM GMT
    GreenHopper saidwhat bout work or school?
    Can't find a job, and school only takes up so much time. No one in the classes are very friendly, and msot are a good deal older than me.
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    Oct 26, 2011 5:44 AM GMT
    I can't help but think that you are just having "one of those days" when you have a lot on your mind and just feel lonely. You said it yourself, that you made tons of friends in past, which means you have strong social skills and can easily relate to people. So what has changed to make you feel the way you do? Why are you so down on yourself?
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 26, 2011 5:47 AM GMT
    Despite the fact that you don't feel you know how to talk to people, and you feel that you are awkward (which is true, since you have stated it) do you feel it is worth your time to try and learn how not to be?

    I mean, I was super awkward back in middle school. Not that I'm a complete Rico Suave now, but I'm tons better at interacting with people now. I had to stumble my way through, fuck up a lot of conversations, and make a lot of wrong choices before I developed the ability to make friends easily....

    Now I'm not saying that it's all you. Your schedule and setup isn't exactly conducive to making friends from what I can tell. But what happens when you ty and make friends? And what other obstacles do you feel are preventing you from making friends or connecting with others?
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    Oct 26, 2011 5:48 AM GMT
    mizu5 said
    GreenHopper saidwhat bout work or school?
    Can't find a job, and school only takes up so much time. No one in the classes are very friendly, and msot are a good deal older than me.



    You definitely should find ways to keep yourself occupied. Even if you can't find a job at the moment, you can volunteer to help out non-profit organizations (which also looks good on your resume). You can also join social groups/organizations such as gay sports leagues. That way you will meet new people, get physical exercise, and learn to "reconnect" with others.


  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 26, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    musicbox89 said

    You definitely should find ways to keep yourself occupied. Even if you can't find a job at the moment, you can volunteer to help out non-profit organizations (which also looks good on your resume). You can also join social groups/organizations such as gay sports leagues. That way you will meet new people, get physical exercise, and learn to "reconnect" with others.




    You could knit sweaters for the New Zealand penguins!!!

    penguins.jpg

    http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/10/new-zealand-penguins-in-need-of-sweaters/
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 26, 2011 6:00 AM GMT
    I've tried knitting. I've no hand for it.

    Or I would. Socute.

    And really I don't know. I never used to be awkward. I used to be a little cocky, and happy with myself.
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    Oct 26, 2011 6:03 AM GMT
    sounds like it might be a good idea to find a passion, entertain an interest, or create something new and productive... for yourself. The people who are most important to me, who I have come to view and feel as family, did not enter my life because I was 'seeking' them out. We simply stumbled into one another, and usually always in periods of which I made big decisions, pursued change for myself.

    If you seek to not find comfort in others, but in something you can do, comfort in yourself, and from that, a great deal of happiness... you may be surprised at how you stumble across interesting, entertaining, and incredible people... also in pursuit of their own comfort, creativity, and goals.

    It doesn't have to be life-changing, but find something you'd like to do/create/pursue/produce... something beneficial to your own individual person, good for the soul... and others will be drawn to it.

    If you hold others to high expectations, they are sure to disappoint. Expect only of yourself (but still be kind), and actively seek to meet those expectations.

    I also recently had a falling out with my former best friend, someone who had been my best friend for nearly nine years, and we often lived on other sides of the country, and even other sides of the world, but we were always in contact. And now, we live in the same city, but haven't spoken since early May. So, I know it hurts, I do. But pain has purpose. Don't get lost in it, do something with it. Use it. Learn from it.

    Surely there are things you can take from all these experiences, to inform your actions and ideas down the road. The point is... keep going down the road. Don't get lost in what you "don't have," based upon what you "had"; instead, look at the blank slate not simply as empty, but also full of potential. If there is no one you are attached to, nothing that seems to inspire you, you feel lost and consumed with loss, lonely, out of place, only YOU can get yourself out of there... and with that many things NOT holding you in that place, sounds like you have the potential to go anywhere.

    Lonely people can be very productive and creative people (trust me), and then their productivities and creativity often attracts other people with similar attributes and interests... and then suddenly, not so lonely anymore. And it is a friendship or relationship built on something more that simply wanting a friend. I never 'wanted' the best friends I got. I never 'expected' to have had friends like them. Try to 'want' and 'expect' from yourself, and not others.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Oct 26, 2011 6:10 AM GMT
    I write.

    I design cocktails that noone but myself drinks. Somestimes they even turn out okay.

    I want to dance. But, I'm scared to go back.

    And I ski, but you don't make friends doing that.
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    Oct 26, 2011 6:26 AM GMT
    mizu5 saidI write.

    I design cocktails that noone but myself drinks. Somestimes they even turn out okay.

    I want to dance. But, I'm scared to go back.

    And I ski, but you don't make friends doing that.


    Don't make me spell it out for you.
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    Oct 26, 2011 6:32 AM GMT
    You seem to be purposely making excuses.. there's tons of gay groups in Vancouver including one for skiing

    http://www.skiout.com/
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    Oct 26, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    I commend you for taking the time for introspection while also reaching out. The examined life is invariably rich and varied. What I might offer from my own experience is the observation that feelings are extremely transient yet seem painfully long-lived. I've found that if I am consistently kind, actively engaged, spiritually inclined, and prayerfully centered, contentment follows. Happiness and companionship are really just byproducts of a life lived well. Discover the man you are now and continue working towards growth. I believe you'll achieve much judging from the path you already appear to be taking.
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    Oct 26, 2011 6:56 AM GMT

    MeOhMy
    If you seek to not find comfort in others, but in something you can do, comfort in yourself, and from that, a great deal of happiness... you may be surprised at how you stumble across interesting, entertaining, and incredible people... also in pursuit of their own comfort, creativity, and goals.


    ^^^ THIS. If you focus on your own happiness, then life becomes much easier. Your confidence will be much better, you'll be relaxed and it will make it that much easier to meet and find new peeps. I had a best friend stop talking to me in March. Just stopped talking to me. I don't know why, and it hurt and was confusing at first. But life goes on, and there are literally millions of people who you might find you have something in common with. We all have our rough patches.

    GO OUT. Try making new friends. Do what you (still) like doing. Go dancing. Look for a gay soccer group, or silly sports like broomball or dodgeball. Even a marital art.You said you can ski, but that you don't meet people that way. You can always run a cute guy over. It's taking it literally, but sometimes hitting (on) people works. Use your imagination icon_lol.gif

    Cheer up. We all have these periods, but they are where we grow the most.

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    Oct 26, 2011 7:18 AM GMT
    Take it from another guy who grew up in a lonely environment. There's lonely, and then there's alone. Some days I'm one. Some days I'm the other.

    You said yourself that you have the capacity to make new friends. What's stopping you? What did you do when you moved across the country that you aren't doing now? Something is obviously different.

    It's possible that you are just in a "funk" right now. It's possible that you are feeling some depression. It's possible that you just feel unsettled and don't know what to do with yourself. It's not something you are going to figure out in one day. You need to explore what's going on with yourself and why you feel this way.

    In the mean time, doing some of the activities suggested by other people can help. You can also do something like volunteering. Sometimes the best way to forget about your own troubles is to help someone else out.

    Edit: Someone here offered to talk to you. Maybe you should talk to him or someone else, even if they aren't close to your area. Talking through it might help you figure out what is going on. Sometimes having an outsider's opinion can help because they can see things from a perspective that you can't.
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    Oct 26, 2011 7:27 AM GMT
    I had a French roommate once who told me that one of those things she loves so much about English was that there were the words, "alone" and "lonely," which had two separate meanings. Though they could be used interchangeably, one described a physical state, and the other an emotional. In French, she told me, there is no such differentiation.

    My point is... change the perspective, your perception. Things may take on new qualities with subtle beautiful little things. Ever since I learned about this English/French concept of alone/lonely, it just sort of forced me to look at what a wonderful little thing that differentiation is, something I had absolutely NO appreciation for prior to.

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    Oct 26, 2011 7:31 AM GMT
    mizu5 saidI moved across the country and made a tons of friends. I moced back the enxt year with my 2 best friends, again for school. One of them stopped tlaking to me. From my sister, to nothing in 2 months.

    The other I'm living with now. I enver see her, she's always out at other peoples houses, or school or work or partying.

    I haven't seen anyone in weeks other than her and another girl form back home who lives down the street, and then it's only to listen to her whine about shit and play terrible music so that for at least a few hours it's not me and my cat, who i love muchly.

    I don't even know how to talk to anyone.

    I'm seeing someone, and he makes me happy, but he has a hig hpower job and he'll be away a lot more now.


    Pretty and lonely. It blows a lot of peoples minds. I think that's why you are getting the responses you are getting.

    Have you tried talking to the friend who you haven't heard much from? Any idea why she is distancing herself from you or maybe she is just really busy?

    Do you work or go to school? That might be your best way to meet people. If its work, try to get some co-workers to go out after work somewhere. If its school, look for some clubs or groups that interest you.

    I think (I hope) the source of your depression is just a lack of social connections for an extroverted (someone who thrives being around people) person. Once you fix that, you should feel better.

    Do you think you're depressed for other reasons?
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    Oct 26, 2011 7:34 AM GMT
    mizu5 said
    GreenHopper saidwhat bout work or school?
    Can't find a job, and school only takes up so much time. No one in the classes are very friendly, and msot are a good deal older than me.


    A well if they are not very friendly that is a problem.. If that happens i sometimes latch on to a few friendly ppl.. but that might be difficult then.. well i guess some kind of group would be good.. even bingo or somthing lol
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    Oct 26, 2011 7:38 AM GMT
    MeOhMy saidI had a French roommate once who told me that one of those things she loves so much about English was that there were the words, "alone" and "lonely," which had two separate meanings. Though they could be used interchangeably, one described a physical state, and the other an emotional. In French, she told me, there is no such differentiation.

    My point is... change the perspective, your perception. Things may take on new qualities with subtle beautiful little things. Ever since I learned about this English/French concept of alone/lonely, it just sort of forced me to look at what a wonderful little thing that differentiation is, something I had absolutely NO appreciation for prior to.



    Before I moved to Northern Europe... where most languages carry that distinction.. I had no idea what being lonely meant....

    The concept is indeed very foreign to most cultures who ar much more collectivist... most Northerners find it impossible to believe me when I tell them I never felt lonely at home., and that its a word I never used over there... but its true... Ive heard alot of people who move North report learning about this strange emotion lol...
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    Oct 26, 2011 7:40 AM GMT
    MeOhMy said
    mizu5 saidI write.

    I design cocktails that noone but myself drinks. Somestimes they even turn out okay.

    I want to dance. But, I'm scared to go back.

    And I ski, but you don't make friends doing that.


    Don't make me spell it out for you.




    Then i will: 'I'.'T'.

    (Ive been studying all day for exams and Im in a lame mood, gimme a break!)