Should I come out to my friend?


  • Oct 25, 2011 7:39 AM GMT
    So, I met this guy in class 2 months ago. We started studying together & just this month we started working out together. We have started to become good friends so I stupidly invited him to a Halloween party i am going too not realizing that it is going to be a party where a lot of gay, bi & straight people will be.

    I have a feeling that I may need to let him know this in advance and in the process have to tell him about me being bi. I have a feeling he may be bi too though based off the stares he gives me. I want to be safe and go about this the right way. He is also religious and I don't want to loose him as a friend over this.

    What should I do? icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 25, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    Tell him at the party. That way you have backup (other gays and bi's and 'friendlies').
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    Oct 25, 2011 7:47 AM GMT
    If he's a "real" friend then it shouldn't matter what your sexuality is. It's not like you're trying to get at him, right?
    If it bothers him that much that he stops talking to you, then it's better to lose that person now than later.

  • Oct 25, 2011 8:09 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidTell him at the party. That way you have backup (other gays and bi's and 'friendlies').


    Wouldn't that make him feel more uncomfotable though since it was unexpected and he will have people who he may be opposed too if he isn't okay with gay/bi people?

  • Oct 25, 2011 8:12 AM GMT
    Watermelons saidIf he's a "real" friend then it shouldn't matter what your sexuality is. It's not like you're trying to get at him, right?
    If it bothers him that much that he stops talking to you, then it's better to lose that person now than later.


    Well uhh... he is kinda cute hahaha. But no, not trying to have some kind of relationship with him. Our friendship is still pretty immature. Only 2 months. So if i tell him he may be like ohh wow... and then may never talk to me again or it could be the direct opposite. You do have a point when you said it is better to loose him now then later because we haven't been friends for a while.
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    Oct 25, 2011 8:23 AM GMT
    mattmattishere said
    paulflexes saidTell him at the party. That way you have backup (other gays and bi's and 'friendlies').


    Wouldn't that make him feel more uncomfotable though since it was unexpected and he will have people who he may be opposed too if he isn't okay with gay/bi people?
    If he's opposed to it, why would you want to be his friend anyway?
    You say there are other gay/bi people at the party. Maybe it's time to make new friends.
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    Oct 25, 2011 11:39 AM GMT
    It always sucks losing friends of course, rejection in any form is always harsh.
    But at least it helps weed out the people actually worth getting to know icon_smile.gif

    Better now than 5 years later only to get the same reaction anyway.
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    Oct 25, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    I agree, it is better to lose him now than later if he ends up not being ok with it. Odds are, since you have only known him for 2 months, you might not know him quite as well as you think. Hopefully he will surprise you in a good way.

    Just try not to make a big deal about it. You can say something like, "Oh, by the way I just wanted to give you a heads up about something. Since I'm bi, I have quite a bit of gay and bi friends and there are going to be a lot of them at the party."

    Good luck!
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    Oct 25, 2011 12:58 PM GMT
    Why would you need to come out to your boyfriend?
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    Oct 25, 2011 1:13 PM GMT
    Fuck it man.......take him to the party, give him a drink right away.

    If he likes you that way, I can see you holding him close to you as you kiss him and feel his aswome body next to yours. You guys were laughing and having a good time.

    Fuck it,,,,,,,, I'll take him icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 25, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    Sooner or later he's gonna find out and it would stand to reason that other friends you have probably know you are gay. I mean you are going to a party that is gonna be full of other gay & bi folks so if he doesn't hear it from you then I'm sure someone will inform him. This particular friend should have the same equal rights in knowledge about you as your other friends do since you are inviting to a party like this one. You are basically throwing him in a mine field blindfolded.

    You already know where you stand. Give him the option and put the ball in his court. He'll either want to continue being a friend or he won't. Either way you'll have your answer on whether to continue the friendship based off his actions which you'll only get if you inform him that you're gay.

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    Oct 25, 2011 1:40 PM GMT
    You're asking all the right follow up questions here. Your friend's feelings absolutely do matter just like yours do. That's what makes it a friendship. And "how" and "where" you tell someone something is just as important as what you tell them. Also understand that just because a person is a little insecure doesn't automatically make someone a bad friend (except in the fucked up gay world). It just means its an area where they will need to grow in.

    If you think there might be an issue, see if you two can go with/invite others as a group. That way it doesn't necessarily obligate you two as a "couple" OR as a "gay/bi couple". Keep it as a group of friends with the purpose of having fun. You two can always peel away from the group if things lead that way or if you decide to leave early. This is about him feeling comfortable with YOU and trusting YOU. What will determine if he is a good friend is if HE is thinking about your feelings/comfort/trust as well. It's not about the party, or his religion or gay/bi stuff. Have fun and get after it!
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    Oct 25, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    mattmattishere said
    Watermelons saidIf he's a "real" friend then it shouldn't matter what your sexuality is. It's not like you're trying to get at him, right?
    If it bothers him that much that he stops talking to you, then it's better to lose that person now than later.


    Well uhh... he is kinda cute hahaha. But no, not trying to have some kind of relationship with him. Our friendship is still pretty immature. Only 2 months. So if i tell him he may be like ohh wow... and then may never talk to me again or it could be the direct opposite. You do have a point when you said it is better to loose him now then later because we haven't been friends for a while.
    Exactly. Do you really want a 'friend' that would not support you. I say tell him now, put the ball in his court and see how he handles the play. If he takes the ball and goes home, he wasn't really worth playing with to begin.

    Let us know how it goes.
  • tuffguyndc

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    Oct 25, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    mattmattishere saidSo, I met this guy in class 2 months ago. We started studying together & just this month we started working out together. We have started to become good friends so I stupidly invited him to a Halloween party i am going too not realizing that it is going to be a party where a lot of gay, bi & straight people will be.

    I have a feeling that I may need to let him know this in advance and in the process have to tell him about me being bi. I have a feeling he may be bi too though based off the stares he gives me. I want to be safe and go about this the right way. He is also religious and I don't want to loose him as a friend over this.

    What should I do? icon_confused.gif
    humm tough one. i say tell him about the party and not necessarily yourself. however, if he ask you and i am sure he might. why don't you go ahead and tell him. however, you can dampened the blow by asking him first will it changed the way you view me