Gay Forums - Sexual Health - How long do you last in bed?

How long do you last in bed?

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Oct 25, 2011 9:48 PM GMT

I know this similar question has been asked in various forms, but usually in the hetero context on medical websites and from untrustworthy yahoo answers, so I am turning to RJers for answers.

My question is how long do you last (as a top) from penetration to ejaculation? And what do you to last longer?

When I have sex with my partner, I am so worked up during the foreplay, that by the time we are ready for anal, I usually only last 1 or 2 minutes of pumping before getting to the point of no return. While I can (and I have) try various things such as switching position, stop and go, to make the session last longer, but as soon as I start pumping again, it is matter of 10-20 seconds before I know I am about to cum so I stop and wait again. I think this feels unsatisfactory for my partner and it bothers me. So I am looking for advice to work up the duration for each pumping "set".

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Oct 26, 2011 2:33 AM GMT

Maybe you need more experience being a top?

Perhaps you could j/o earlier in the day so that it takes longer for you to come the second time at night...?

Have you considered focusing even more on your partner's orgasm?

Have you considered the grip-and-jerk the balls maneuver that helps to bring down the rise toward coming?

I'm sure others have some good ideas...

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Oct 26, 2011 2:34 AM GMT

last time was 2 hours as i remember

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Oct 26, 2011 2:34 AM GMT

OP are you uncut? This may have a big role in your lack of performance

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Oct 26, 2011 2:35 AM GMT

not very long, as I am a chronic insomniac. One night when I was in high school I took my bed apart and put it out int he the middle of the night for the recycling truck because I wanted more space in my bedroom for things more relevant to my life than a bed.

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Oct 26, 2011 2:36 AM GMT

Until he busts nut

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Oct 26, 2011 2:46 AM GMT

Edward22 saidUntil he busts nut

You sound experienced

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Oct 26, 2011 2:47 AM GMT

uberick saidI know this similar question has been asked in various forms, but usually in the hetero context on medical websites and from untrustworthy yahoo answers, so I am turning to RJers for answers.

My question is how long do you last (as a top) from penetration to ejaculation? And what do you to last longer?

When I have sex with my partner, I am so worked up during the foreplay, that by the time we are ready for anal, I usually only last 1 or 2 minutes of pumping before getting to the point of no return. While I can (and I have) try various things such as switching position, stop and go, to make the session last longer, but as soon as I start pumping again, it is matter of 10-20 seconds before I know I am about to cum so I stop and wait again. I think this feels unsatisfactory for my partner and it bothers me. So I am looking for advice to work up the duration for each pumping "set".

There are a couple of things that you can do but the main one is to absolutely MASTER your breathing.

When you have sex you probably find yourself taking quick shallow breaths. Let's look at it from the evolutionary biology angle. If you were a primitive human living int he wilderness, imagine what cues your body would take to determing how quickly or slowly to complete an action.

Think about anything you do that requires quick shallow breaths. That type of breathing is always associated with running or being anxious etc.
So if you begin to breath like that, your body will say "wow I should do whatever I am doing at a faster rate than I am currently doing it now." It can't tell the difference between running or having sex.

Human males have a natural predisposition toward "premature ejaculation" because up until very recent history it make perfect sense. Mating up until the last few hundred years was way more business than pleasure. If you were a primitive human taking all day to get your nut off in the middle of the african savannah.......something ate your ass. So we evolved to be able to ejaculate fairly quickly like most other animals.

When you take evolutionary biology into account, taking a long time to have sex is extremely risky, dangerous and inefficient so you are fighting an uphill battle against nature here.

When you breath deeply and slowly, you recalibrate your endocrine system away from the fight or flight response, which is in high gear during sex. The next time you masturbate, try breathing as deeply and slowly as you possibly can. You may feel some intermittent uretheral contractions but you will not be able to work yourself up to the point of ejaculating near as quickly because your breathing and heart rate will not be high enough for your brain to justify releasing semen at that point.

The shallow quick breaths though, will make you a loser shot than dick cheyne on a duck hunt. Just try it. There's science behind it, and it's way easier to to master than all those kegels and things.

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Oct 26, 2011 2:49 AM GMT

I last until my partner blows.

Try multiple condoms?

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Oct 26, 2011 2:52 AM GMT

I can last as long as I want to. . .the problem is, once I cum. . .I'm over it, so in my partner's best interest, they better hope they blow first or they probably won't be getting a happy ending.

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Oct 26, 2011 3:00 AM GMT

7Famark saidI can last as long as I want to. . .the problem is, once I cum. . .I'm over it, so in my partner's best interest, they better hope they blow first or they probably won't be getting a happy ending.

Pretty much.

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Oct 26, 2011 3:01 AM GMT

Less than five minutes. I don't keep a stopwatch or anything but I know how to time it.

I always disclose I am nervous, inexperienced etc. well before any shirts get popped off. Especially on this one, the cat left the bag about ten minutes after we met.

The one I am with now, recovering drug addict, is much more in tune with me than anyone else in the past. Very understanding, very willing to work up to more endurance. Very warm spirit, very comfortable cuddling when that is about all that's left to do for the time being.

He says it is a compliment to how hot he is. It is a big compliment, he is way hotter than anyone has ever talked to me before and on top of that he just turned 18. After reading the "seven types bad for you" thread I no longer mention our differences that way but in the back of my mind I still wonder why of all the possibilities, he even talks to me, let alone facebook friended me after our first night.

I still feel like a failure though. I am amazed he still texts back.

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BlackBeltGuy

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Oct 26, 2011 3:09 AM GMT

jerk off a couple hours before hand.
Condoms make it impossible for me to shoot, I cannot cum with a condom on.
it's nice having a 13 year relationship I don't have to worry about the bags.

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Oct 26, 2011 3:15 AM GMT

Wow. 2 minutes?

Is this what I'm in for?

Damn then I ain't giving head for shit. LOL!

*No offense to the OP. Just shocked.*

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Oct 26, 2011 3:16 AM GMT

spaghettimonster saidLess than five minutes. I don't keep a stopwatch or anything but I know how to time it.

I always disclose I am nervous, inexperienced etc. well before any shirts get popped off. Especially on this one, the cat left the bag about ten minutes after we met.

The one I am with now, recovering drug addict, is much more in tune with me than anyone else in the past. Very understanding, very willing to work up to more endurance. Very warm spirit, very comfortable cuddling when that is about all that's left to do for the time being.

He says it is a compliment to how hot he is. It is a big compliment, he is way hotter than anyone has ever talked to me before and on top of that he just turned 18. After reading the "seven types bad for you" thread I no longer mention our differences that way but in the back of my mind I still wonder why of all the possibilities, he even talks to me, let alone facebook friended me after our first night.

I still feel like a failure though. I am amazed he still texts back.

I had a buddy that was like that. As soon as I was in, he was like "crap... I'm close... here goes!" It was great and fun too. You are what you are. Keep your head up. Not literally....

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Oct 26, 2011 3:23 AM GMT

Brownale said
spaghettimonster saidLess than five minutes. I don't keep a stopwatch or anything but I know how to time it.

I always disclose I am nervous, inexperienced etc. well before any shirts get popped off. Especially on this one, the cat left the bag about ten minutes after we met.

The one I am with now, recovering drug addict, is much more in tune with me than anyone else in the past. Very understanding, very willing to work up to more endurance. Very warm spirit, very comfortable cuddling when that is about all that's left to do for the time being.

He says it is a compliment to how hot he is. It is a big compliment, he is way hotter than anyone has ever talked to me before and on top of that he just turned 18. After reading the "seven types bad for you" thread I no longer mention our differences that way but in the back of my mind I still wonder why of all the possibilities, he even talks to me, let alone facebook friended me after our first night.

I still feel like a failure though. I am amazed he still texts back.

I had a buddy that was like that. As soon as I was in, he was like "crap... I'm close... here goes!" It was great and fun too. You are what you are. Keep your head up. Not literally....

He is my first pick to go eat a burrito with, go to a play, move my couch across the loft, go food shopping with for a Paula Deen Monster inspired dish ... I think he knows it, I hope he does. He seems really okay with our relationship as it is, not as how he ideally wants it in his mind, and I am getting really comfortable too.

Your post helps me think we might have something going on, even if not the ideal thing for him, something he might consider sticking around for.

Thank you.

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Oct 26, 2011 4:41 AM GMT

Start an edging regiment and go for long periods in each session. This may help to extend your endurance. If you find you can't maintain control when edging yourself, find someone who is an expert and have him do it for you. If needed, have him tie your hands down so you can't interfere. Go at least a couple of hours at a time. It may take awhile to kick in, but you might enjoy the process. ;^)

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Oct 26, 2011 4:43 AM GMT

likewatuc saidWow. 2 minutes?

Is this what I'm in for?

Damn then I ain't giving head for shit. LOL!

*No offense to the OP. Just shocked.*

Dont worry, it can be waaaaay longer than 2 minutes ;)
What's up?

(CHIdude in a non-so-subtle way flirts with the cute Chicago dude and goes to hide behind the chair, redfaced hoping there would be a bar of chocolate around)

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Oct 26, 2011 4:51 AM GMT

spaghettimonster said
Brownale said
spaghettimonster saidLess than five minutes. I don't keep a stopwatch or anything but I know how to time it.

I always disclose I am nervous, inexperienced etc. well before any shirts get popped off. Especially on this one, the cat left the bag about ten minutes after we met.

The one I am with now, recovering drug addict, is much more in tune with me than anyone else in the past. Very understanding, very willing to work up to more endurance. Very warm spirit, very comfortable cuddling when that is about all that's left to do for the time being.

He says it is a compliment to how hot he is. It is a big compliment, he is way hotter than anyone has ever talked to me before and on top of that he just turned 18. After reading the "seven types bad for you" thread I no longer mention our differences that way but in the back of my mind I still wonder why of all the possibilities, he even talks to me, let alone facebook friended me after our first night.

I still feel like a failure though. I am amazed he still texts back.

I had a buddy that was like that. As soon as I was in, he was like "crap... I'm close... here goes!" It was great and fun too. You are what you are. Keep your head up. Not literally....

He is my first pick to go eat a burrito with, go to a play, move my couch across the loft, go food shopping with for a Paula Deen Monster inspired dish ... I think he knows it, I hope he does. He seems really okay with our relationship as it is, not as how he ideally wants it in his mind, and I am getting really comfortable too.

Your post helps me think we might have something going on, even if not the ideal thing for him, something he might consider sticking around for.

Thank you.

Is this in addition to the woman you are considering having a child with in your other thread?

For someone who claims to be so very lonely...you seem to have a pretty active social life...

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Oct 26, 2011 4:53 AM GMT

CHIdude said
likewatuc saidWow. 2 minutes?

Is this what I'm in for?

Damn then I ain't giving head for shit. LOL!

*No offense to the OP. Just shocked.*

Dont worry, it can be waaaaay longer than 2 minutes ;)
What's up?

(CHIdude in a non-so-subtle way flirts with the cute Chicago dude and goes to hide behind the chair, redfaced hoping there would be a bar of chocolate around)

Oh nothing.

Just studying for my piano quiz.

Yourself?

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Oct 26, 2011 5:00 AM GMT

likewatuc said
CHIdude said
likewatuc saidWow. 2 minutes?

Is this what I'm in for?

Damn then I ain't giving head for shit. LOL!

*No offense to the OP. Just shocked.*

Dont worry, it can be waaaaay longer than 2 minutes ;)
What's up?

(CHIdude in a non-so-subtle way flirts with the cute Chicago dude and goes to hide behind the chair, redfaced hoping there would be a bar of chocolate around)

Oh nothing.

Just studying for my piano quiz.

Yourself?

I am also "studying" for my "piano quiz." ;) Actually no, I'm just online checking my email and my RJ before bed. You have nice pics by the way.

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Oct 26, 2011 5:02 AM GMT

do the Kegels exercise, it works

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Oct 26, 2011 5:14 AM GMT

CHIdude said
likewatuc said
CHIdude said
likewatuc saidWow. 2 minutes?

Is this what I'm in for?

Damn then I ain't giving head for shit. LOL!

*No offense to the OP. Just shocked.*

Dont worry, it can be waaaaay longer than 2 minutes ;)
What's up?

(CHIdude in a non-so-subtle way flirts with the cute Chicago dude and goes to hide behind the chair, redfaced hoping there would be a bar of chocolate around)

Oh nothing.

Just studying for my piano quiz.

Yourself?

I am also "studying" for my "piano quiz." ;) Actually no, I'm just online checking my email and my RJ before bed. You have nice pics by the way.

Aww thank you. :]

And haha I swear I'm studying for a piano quiz. I'm supposed to be practicing Cafe Vienna.

And I would tell you your pics are pretty amazing as well but I'm sure you hear that on a regular basis.

;)

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Oct 26, 2011 5:24 AM GMT

I've lasted an average of 30 seconds to 3 minutes, except one time in which I topped for 2.5 hours without ejaculating then blew everywhere...

FML. Not enough practice?

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Oct 26, 2011 5:43 AM GMT

It takes me forever to cum when I top, especially with a condom. Sometimes it's not even possible for me to climax with the bag. Which just lets me focus on pleasing the man under/in front of me.

To be more specific: I have topped for 20-30 min stopping only to change positions.

I am circumcised as well. I like the look and hygiene of being cut, but hate the insensitivity. Don't even get me started on oral: takes me about an hour and a half to cum from getting blown, and some guys don't have the technique or determination to get me there).

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How long do you last in bed?