Oct 26, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
I feel like my life is empty. There's so much in life that I haven't experienced and it really upsets me. Someone asked me what I was gonna be for Halloween this year and it confused me. I told them I haven't dressed up since I was a child. They looked at me like I was crazy, I didn't understand until I thought about it more. Most people my age hang out with friends on halloween and dress up. Some go to parties and get drunk and do normal things young people do. Of course I've never had a sip of alcohol or been to a party ever. I've never had a true friend or a circle of friends. During school I kept to myself and never really talked to anyone. I can't meet people in college because I go online, and I doubt my social life would be any different than high school. Most people don't care to try and get to know a person who doesn't talk much. Especially someone like me that is reserved. I just don't care to talk to certain people, it's draining to me. The problem is that I'm lonely. Imagine having no one to talk to but your parents. It's absolutely awful. When I've selected a few people to try and get to know they only want to hookup with me. I'm not a very interesting person. I can't hold a decent conversation without being awkward and boring. So most guys just end up using me for sex and then ignoring me. I'm alone all the time. I spend 70% of my day in my bedroom online. The only time I leave my house is when I go to work, the gym, the gas station and restaurants. My life has no excitement in it. The most fun I have is renting a movie or downloading a new song. I don't really count having sex as fun because I don't care about the sex, just getting the guy to want me, it never works. I text a few guys but they don't really care to talk to me. I can't make anyone want to be around me. I just really am tired of living this way. Sorry for the long post.