Ask a bi jock married guy anything you want?

  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    Yes, I am happily married and yes, my wife is comfortable with my sexuality. I get questions on here from: a lot of bi curious younger guys; married guys in the closet; and 100% gay guys who think I am a complete fraud. Any questions?
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    Oct 26, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    How comfortable is your wife with your sexuality. . . for example, is she OK with the Real Jock site, do you spend time with other guys. . . how does all that work? (Hope this isn't too nosy, just know the questions are meant respectfully)
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    Oct 26, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    I assume that this would be called an open relationship. You don't mind your wife ... messing around ... with other men?
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 2:05 PM GMT
    To answer LittleDude: My wife is comfortable, but the first key difference from most married/gay/bi situations is that I told her before I proposed, and my first m2m buddy actually came to our wedding. Second key difference: I try to focus 2000% on my wife and kids, so she honestly feels I am a super dad and husband, and my sexuality, as long as I am safe, discreet and careful is not important
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    Buddy in NY: My wife has zero interest in messing around, and I have never messed around with another woman since we've been married. This works for us, probably doesn't work for everyone.
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    Oct 26, 2011 2:08 PM GMT
    laxdude25 saidBuddy in NY: My wife has zero interest in messing around, and I have never messed around with another woman since we've been married. This works for us, probably doesn't work for everyone.


    Theoretically, would she mind if you were to fuck around with a woman other than her?
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 2:11 PM GMT
    I definitely think messing around with another woman would bother her. Another guy, not so much, especially since in our 25 years of marriage there has never been an issue of distraction, lack of focus on the family, whereas with a woman Im sure there would be competitive and emotional issues.
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    Oct 26, 2011 2:13 PM GMT


    Bill and I were talking about this the other night: when would the best time be to tell the kids? When they get the sex-ed speech from Mom and/or Dad, or wait til they're grown up? We figured wait til they're adults.

    warmly,

    -Doug
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    Hey Doug: My wife and I have talked about this, and our focus to date has been to raise the kids in a gay/bi/transgender positive environment for the kids and their friends. We are pleased to see this upbringing reflected in how they now conduct themselves at college. They have a very diverse group of friends, and recognize the encompassing nature of our household. We don't discuss the specifics of our sex life with the kids now, and see no reason to talk about our personal sexuality. This would change if one of the kids was clearly having sexuality issues. So, long answer, now short version. Wait until later, or an appropriate moment.
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    Oct 26, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    laxdude said, " My wife and I have talked about this, and our focus to date has been to raise the kids in a gay/bi/transgender positive environment for the kids and their friends. We are pleased to see this upbringing reflected in how they now conduct themselves at college. "

    I'm experiencing a surge of HUGE respect! Well done, to both you and the Mrs.



  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    Hey, the only way this works is huge mutual respect and love and the fact that my wife is awesome. Most of my gay friends who first are skeptical about our marriage meet my wife and say they would do exactly the same thing if they could just find someone like her.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Oct 26, 2011 3:43 PM GMT
    Hey, happy to hear life is panning out for you. congrats!
    Don't worry how to define anything to anyone else.
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    Oct 26, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    You give me hope lax...Honestly sometimes I feel I get judged because of my bisexuality..
    Why can't sexuality be more fluid.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 3:55 PM GMT
    Hey blackbelt: If there is one thing I have learned is that I can't define a path for anyone else. The key foundation is mutual respect and depending on the level of commitment, unconditional love. But I certainly am in NO position to judge how others are living their lives.
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    Oct 26, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    laxdude25long as I am safe, discreet and careful


    It's 2011.

    It's OK to come out of the closet.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 3:59 PM GMT
    Jake: Who knows what 100% bisexual means? I know I am sexually attracted to and respond sexually to both men and women (woman now for 25 years since I have been married and have had no experience with other women). The attraction is very different for the different sexes. You'll have to define your own sexuality by whatever works for you.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    BAMF: I am out of the closet to my friends and many close business associates. My lifestyle and path is what works for me, and may clearly not be relevant to you or many other men on this site.
  • hebrewman

    Posts: 1367

    Oct 26, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    laxdude25 saidBAMF: I am out of the closet to my friends and many close business associates. My lifestyle and path is what works for me, and may clearly not be relevant to you or many other men on this site.


    i admire you for that. you do what works for you and don't compatmentalize yourself into any one thing. if only everyone else would choose to live their lives that best suited themselves, then i think that the world be far better for it.
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    Oct 26, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    I enjoyed very much a 10 year relatonship with a bi guy. Our mothers introduced us. Hadn't he died, I'm pretty sure we'd still be together today but I don't know if our relationship might have evolved had he ever the urge to marry a female. He did start getting close (beyond just sexually) to one while we were best buds (my term for a partnership) but dumped her when she presented the ultimatum between her or me (I didn't even get involved in that, knowing where my bud's loyalties lay). We were in our 20s & 30s at the time and both very playful, so having fun with others in bed with us was normal for our relationship.

    As much as I still love him (sucks being in love with a dead guy), I don't know if I'd initiate a similar relationship today. So, while I suspect by some things you have said that you are, I'm going to ask, are you capable of falling in love with a man? If so, does being married to a woman and raising kids ("focusing 2000%") mean that even though you are bisexual, a guy has no chance of a committed, whole relationship with you, but that they should just be satisfied with being your sexual sidedish? Could you ever see yourself in a true threesome (however that might configure), giving 3,000%, with the guy getting his 100% too?
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Oct 26, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    You said she knew about your sexuality before you proposed to her. How'd that go over? Personally, I think everyone is a little bi and no one is truly bi (having no preference between men or women). I'm open to the idea of being with women also but I am anxious about how they would react to being with a guy who was bi or even something closer to gay.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 4:30 PM GMT
    Hey AntiJock: I have actually been in 3 "committed" longer term relationships with guys over the past 25 years. In 2/3 I would say I was in love with the guy, but maybe in a bromance no drama kind of thing. In 2 of the cases the guys I was with said they got more from me emotionally and time wise than they had with previous or subsequent relationships with guys, notwithstanding my family commitment. I think this is just a result of the fact that many guys treat their "commitments" pretty shallowly, so my commitment seemed HUGE to them on a comparative basis. Does that answer your question?
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Oct 26, 2011 4:30 PM GMT
    Do you feel that as a bisexual, you receive some form of opposition from homo and heterosexual?
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 4:31 PM GMT
    Groundcombat: She reacted well, because she had experienced a relationship with me and based on that felt we had a strong basis for a successful and happy marriage. But again, she is VERY special.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    Montague: I def get more opposition from other gay men than my straight friends who know but couldn't care less about the details as long as everyone is happy and treated with mutual respect.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Oct 26, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    Montague: I def get more opposition from other gay men than my straight friends who know but couldn't care less about the details as long as everyone is happy and treated with mutual respect.