Commitment issues

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2011 11:30 PM GMT
    Well, I figured it out.

    In simple terms... gay men aren't responsible enough to be tied down to a commitment... therefore, when they try to make plans with someone (*ehm* a potential date for example,) they are able to point out when they are not free for the days to come, and unable to point out when they are free.

    Which is highly unfortunate.

    If X is when you are NOT FREE and Y is when you are FREE... gay men tend to only see the X...

    Even though they may not notice it... that's what they do.

    So, what ends up happening is this (in a series of steps):

    - Call potential date up and ask about their availability.
    - Potential date says: "I'm busy tomorrow, and definitely not available for the weekend..."
    - Ok so how about next week?
    - Potential date says: "Sorry, it's too ahead in advance to be able to let you know when i'm free next week"
    - moment of silence.
    - How the hell are we supposed to meet up then? Because I, unlike you, know exactly when I am busy and therefore, FREE next week... so I can fit you into my schedule... but if you don't know... then how can we have a mutual agreement on what day is best for the both of us?

    and it keeps going around and around in this circle of flaking and not being able to commit to one day.

    ---------------------------------------

    GUYS...LEARN WHAT COMMITMENT MEANS.

    this is how you should do it:

    You should call the person, tell them when you are FREE in the following days and next week.. and say "I WILL FIT YOU INTO MY SCHEDULE" as CONFIRMED.
    If something comes up, CALL ME ASAP and we will cancel it.
    Not 2 hours in advance... and certainly not the morning of the day of.

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    Oct 27, 2011 11:53 PM GMT
    I personally just take it as a sign they don't want to hangout. Don't sweat it, they were probably a douche anyway.
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    Oct 28, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    Mo, I refer you to Rule #1:

    "Never, ever... EVER... underestimate the flakiness of the gay male."
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    Oct 28, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    I don't think it's a gay thing.

    People that aren't able to make commitments are not part of my life anymore. Remember we attract who we are; not necessarily who we fantasize about being.
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Oct 28, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    Welcome back Mohamed! Glad you're sticking around.
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    Oct 28, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    Guys are just flakey. You shouldn't be ranting because your ranting is not going to change anything. You should change your mentality and accept the fact that gay men are flakey and not likely to commit. this way when someone does commit, it's like finding diamond in a rough
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    waimea saidGuys are just flakey. You shouldn't be ranting because your ranting is not going to change anything. You should change your mentality and accept the fact that gay men are flakey and not likely to commit. this way when someone does commit, it's like finding diamond in a rough


    but that's incorrect. How come my straight friends are always there when their female counteerparts need them?
    Is it really a guy thing? I don't think so.
    I think it is a "gay man" thing.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    creature saidWelcome back Mohamed! Glad you're sticking around.


    thanks creature icon_razz.gif
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    alphatrigger saidMo, I refer you to Rule #1:

    "Never, ever... EVER... underestimate the flakiness of the gay male."


    It's ridiculous though how we have to put up with it especially as an already disadvantaged class of citizens.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    You're young. You have plenty of time to be bitter and single....

    You also have plenty of time to find someone, to settle down, and to live your life. If you keep forcing things to be what they aren't then you'll never find what you want.

    Take it from me and my experience-- when you least expect it, it will come to you. until then- enjoy and have fun. people are flakes NOT just gay guys.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    running11 saidYou're young. You have plenty of time to be bitter and single....

    You also have plenty of time to find someone, to settle down, and to live your life. If you keep forcing things to be what they aren't then you'll never find what you want.

    Take it from me and my experience-- when you least expect it, it will come to you. until then- enjoy and have fun. people are flakes NOT just gay guys.


    why do you associate young with being single ... or okay to be single?
    I don't get it.

    and then you are assuming that as a young man, I should enjoy and have fun... well run, that's EXACTLY what i am trying to do, but you see... there are too many flakers which block my ability from having fun.

    Stop categorizing young people as people who are in it just for the lust... open up your eyes to the idea that maybe there are other definitions of what fun is.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    waimea saidGuys are just flakey. You shouldn't be ranting because your ranting is not going to change anything. You should change your mentality and accept the fact that gay men are flakey and not likely to commit. this way when someone does commit, it's like finding diamond in a rough


    but that's incorrect. How come my straight friends are always there when their female counteerparts need them?
    Is it really a guy thing? I don't think so.
    I think it is a "gay man" thing.


    you are absolutely correct. it is a gay men thing. since you are dating gay men then you should follow the general rule. unless you want to change your sex.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    waimea said
    _Mohamed_ said
    waimea saidGuys are just flakey. You shouldn't be ranting because your ranting is not going to change anything. You should change your mentality and accept the fact that gay men are flakey and not likely to commit. this way when someone does commit, it's like finding diamond in a rough


    but that's incorrect. How come my straight friends are always there when their female counteerparts need them?
    Is it really a guy thing? I don't think so.
    I think it is a "gay man" thing.


    you are absolutely correct. it is a gay men thing. since you are dating gay men then you should follow the general rule. unless you want to change your sex.


    or I just won't date and therefore, won't have sex... which seems like a very nice option considering how most gay dates end up being.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 28, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    waimea saidGuys are just flakey. You shouldn't be ranting because your ranting is not going to change anything. You should change your mentality and accept the fact that gay men are flakey and not likely to commit. this way when someone does commit, it's like finding diamond in a rough


    but that's incorrect. How come my straight friends are always there when their female counteerparts need them?
    Is it really a guy thing? I don't think so.
    I think it is a "gay man" thing.


    It's totally a human thing. I've had straight female and straight male and gay male and gay female friends all flake on me. I've met flaky people from all walks of life, and not necessarily all in the same arena either. Some people are flaky when it comes to work (bad) others are flaky when it comes to making plans (indecision, tardiness, forgetfulness) while others are just all around flaky or distracted).

    All you can do is figure out who is interested AND can keep commitments, and go from there. I don't sweat it much - if a guy is interested, he'll get back to me. Sometimes it may be years later that we reconnect, but it happens when it happens.

    Lastly, life happens. Especially when we are younger, I feel that interest and attraction can wax and wane in a matter of hours. That's a fact, and it's one that I've learned to deal with from both sides.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    running11 saidYou're young. You have plenty of time to be bitter and single....

    You also have plenty of time to find someone, to settle down, and to live your life. If you keep forcing things to be what they aren't then you'll never find what you want.

    Take it from me and my experience-- when you least expect it, it will come to you. until then- enjoy and have fun. people are flakes NOT just gay guys.


    why do you associate young with being single ... or okay to be single?
    I don't get it.

    and then you are assuming that as a young man, I should enjoy and have fun... well run, that's EXACTLY what i am trying to do, but you see... there are too many flakers which block my ability from having fun.

    Stop categorizing young people as people who are in it just for the lust... open up your eyes to the idea that maybe there are other definitions of what fun is.


    Because it's true- you're young and should be more worried about school, and having fun, than worrying about flaky guys. Who gives a fuck? You're 19 and think you know everything and make extremely generalized statements that only young, inexperienced men would make.

    And how are flakes stopping you from having fun? Guys are the ONLY way you can have fun? Maybe go out with friends, stop worrying about hanging out/being with guys for a few moments and you'll see that you can have a ton of fun without those things.

    My eyes are open-- it's your immaturity that blinds you from what you're missing and until that veil is lifted you will be miserable and posting on the internet your concerns with flakes and no shows instead of going out and living your life.

    kthxbai.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    and if you are meeting people your age, they are more likely to be flaky. it's the truth. Age DOES make a difference as much as you would love to think it doesn't.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    dancedancekj said
    _Mohamed_ said
    waimea saidGuys are just flakey. You shouldn't be ranting because your ranting is not going to change anything. You should change your mentality and accept the fact that gay men are flakey and not likely to commit. this way when someone does commit, it's like finding diamond in a rough


    but that's incorrect. How come my straight friends are always there when their female counteerparts need them?
    Is it really a guy thing? I don't think so.
    I think it is a "gay man" thing.


    It's totally a human thing. I've had straight female and straight male and gay male and gay female friends all flake on me. I've met flaky people from all walks of life, and not necessarily all in the same arena either. Some people are flaky when it comes to work (bad) others are flaky when it comes to making plans (indecision, tardiness, forgetfulness) while others are just all around flaky or distracted).

    All you can do is figure out who is interested AND can keep commitments, and go from there. I don't sweat it much - if a guy is interested, he'll get back to me. Sometimes it may be years later that we reconnect, but it happens when it happens.

    Lastly, life happens. Especially when we are younger, I feel that interest and attraction can wax and wane in a matter of hours. That's a fact, and it's one that I've learned to deal with from both sides.


    Yea well, good for you. But I don't agree with that lifestyle. I can't click with the gay community because the majority of them are okay fucking many guys @ their younger years and settle when they are older...

    why can't I find a man who wants to have sex and settle at younger years?

    Why can't I be like that of the 55 % heterosexual population? Why am I gay... like fuck.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    running11 saidand if you are meeting people your age, they are more likely to be flaky. it's the truth. Age DOES make a difference as much as you would love to think it doesn't.


    No it's NOT the truth.. if it was the truth, then me. who is almost 19, should not even be worried about this..

    therefore age does not play a role here... there are just as many old whores as there are younger ones.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    deltalimen saidI don't think it's a gay thing.

    People that aren't able to make commitments are not part of my life anymore. Remember we attract who we are; not necessarily who we fantasize about being.


    Totally agreed !
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    running11 said
    _Mohamed_ said
    running11 saidYou're young. You have plenty of time to be bitter and single....

    You also have plenty of time to find someone, to settle down, and to live your life. If you keep forcing things to be what they aren't then you'll never find what you want.

    Take it from me and my experience-- when you least expect it, it will come to you. until then- enjoy and have fun. people are flakes NOT just gay guys.


    why do you associate young with being single ... or okay to be single?
    I don't get it.

    and then you are assuming that as a young man, I should enjoy and have fun... well run, that's EXACTLY what i am trying to do, but you see... there are too many flakers which block my ability from having fun.

    Stop categorizing young people as people who are in it just for the lust... open up your eyes to the idea that maybe there are other definitions of what fun is.


    Because it's true- you're young and should be more worried about school, and having fun, than worrying about flaky guys. Who gives a fuck? You're 19 and think you know everything and make extremely generalized statements that only young, inexperienced men would make.

    And how are flakes stopping you from having fun? Guys are the ONLY way you can have fun? Maybe go out with friends, stop worrying about hanging out/being with guys for a few moments and you'll see that you can have a ton of fun without those things.

    My eyes are open-- it's your immaturity that blinds you from what you're missing and until that veil is lifted you will be miserable and posting on the internet your concerns with flakes and no shows instead of going out and living your life.

    kthxbai.


    are you god?
    are you the one who determines at what age you carry what lifestyle?
    Who the FUCK said at my age I should be worried about school?


    the only thing missing in my life is a MAN... but unfortunately I cant get one because so far, all I have met are flakes.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 28, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    dancedancekj said
    _Mohamed_ said
    waimea saidGuys are just flakey. You shouldn't be ranting because your ranting is not going to change anything. You should change your mentality and accept the fact that gay men are flakey and not likely to commit. this way when someone does commit, it's like finding diamond in a rough


    but that's incorrect. How come my straight friends are always there when their female counteerparts need them?
    Is it really a guy thing? I don't think so.
    I think it is a "gay man" thing.


    It's totally a human thing. I've had straight female and straight male and gay male and gay female friends all flake on me. I've met flaky people from all walks of life, and not necessarily all in the same arena either. Some people are flaky when it comes to work (bad) others are flaky when it comes to making plans (indecision, tardiness, forgetfulness) while others are just all around flaky or distracted).

    All you can do is figure out who is interested AND can keep commitments, and go from there. I don't sweat it much - if a guy is interested, he'll get back to me. Sometimes it may be years later that we reconnect, but it happens when it happens.

    Lastly, life happens. Especially when we are younger, I feel that interest and attraction can wax and wane in a matter of hours. That's a fact, and it's one that I've learned to deal with from both sides.


    Yea well, good for you. But I don't agree with that lifestyle. I can't click with the gay community because the majority of them are okay fucking many guys @ their younger years and settle when they are older...

    why can't I find a man who wants to have sex and settle at younger years?

    Why can't I be like that of the 55 % heterosexual population? Why am I gay... like fuck.


    While I understand your frustration, it's not just gay men who do the fucking around in their younger years - it's straight men too. We have the fortunate (or unfortunate) lack of the consequence of pregnancy, so screwing around is pretty much long term consequence free.

    Most of the men my age or younger (<25) are a bunch of fucktards for the most part. Sure, there are exceptions (some of which can be found on this site) but a lot of them aren't. Most men 18-25 are either in school or just starting work, and are still growing and evolving in their personalities and habits. Male brains aren't fully developed until age 30. Our parent's generation probably were mostly married before 25. Now, more young adults are pursuing careers or finding personal fulfillment as opposed to settling down and having children. Careers such as those in the health professions, in academia, climbing the corporate ladder, or workng in the entertainment industry require a lot of personal learning and effort, and therefore personal fulfillment and relationships often are delayed in favor of the career.

    By quoting the 55% of the heterosexual population, I am assuming you mean the 55% of the heterosexual population that's married. With a mortgage, 2 car payments, maternity bills, credit card debt, and is unhappy that they are expected to be parents when they'd rather be fulfilling their own personal lives? I've also watched the heterosexual relationships around me crumble as partners cheat, or tensions grow as the partners are trying to establish themselves in their careers and must make sacrifices to do so, or the happy high school sweethearts have now grown beyond apart as individuals, and the marriage no longer works.

    Don't be so concerned about being in a relationship, really. Two halves do not make a whole in this case. It took me a great while to realize this, but you must realize your potential as an individual. We come into this world single, and most of us leave the same way. Live your life until love is found, or love is gonna get you down. Stop thinking of your life as Sleeping Beauty or Twilight (One day my glittering prince will come) and start thinking of your life as Harry Potter, or Game of Thrones (Imma fuck shit up, kill this horse, and make a difference)
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    dancedancekj said
    _Mohamed_ said
    dancedancekj said
    _Mohamed_ said
    waimea saidGuys are just flakey. You shouldn't be ranting because your ranting is not going to change anything. You should change your mentality and accept the fact that gay men are flakey and not likely to commit. this way when someone does commit, it's like finding diamond in a rough


    but that's incorrect. How come my straight friends are always there when their female counteerparts need them?
    Is it really a guy thing? I don't think so.
    I think it is a "gay man" thing.


    It's totally a human thing. I've had straight female and straight male and gay male and gay female friends all flake on me. I've met flaky people from all walks of life, and not necessarily all in the same arena either. Some people are flaky when it comes to work (bad) others are flaky when it comes to making plans (indecision, tardiness, forgetfulness) while others are just all around flaky or distracted).

    All you can do is figure out who is interested AND can keep commitments, and go from there. I don't sweat it much - if a guy is interested, he'll get back to me. Sometimes it may be years later that we reconnect, but it happens when it happens.

    Lastly, life happens. Especially when we are younger, I feel that interest and attraction can wax and wane in a matter of hours. That's a fact, and it's one that I've learned to deal with from both sides.


    Yea well, good for you. But I don't agree with that lifestyle. I can't click with the gay community because the majority of them are okay fucking many guys @ their younger years and settle when they are older...

    why can't I find a man who wants to have sex and settle at younger years?

    Why can't I be like that of the 55 % heterosexual population? Why am I gay... like fuck.


    While I understand your frustration, it's not just gay men who do the fucking around in their younger years - it's straight men too. We have the fortunate (or unfortunate) lack of the consequence of pregnancy, so screwing around is pretty much long term consequence free.

    Most of the men my age or younger (<25) are a bunch of fucktards for the most part. Sure, there are exceptions (some of which can be found on this site) but a lot of them aren't. Most men 18-25 are either in school or just starting work, and are still growing and evolving in their personalities and habits. Male brains aren't fully developed until age 30. Our parent's generation probably were mostly married before 25. Now, more young adults are pursuing careers or finding personal fulfillment as opposed to settling down and having children. Careers such as those in the health professions, in academia, climbing the corporate ladder, or workng in the entertainment industry require a lot of personal learning and effort, and therefore personal fulfillment and relationships often are delayed in favor of the career.

    By quoting the 55% of the heterosexual population, I am assuming you mean the 55% of the heterosexual population that's married. With a mortgage, 2 car payments, maternity bills, credit card debt, and is unhappy that they are expected to be parents when they'd rather be fulfilling their own personal lives? I've also watched the heterosexual relationships around me crumble as partners cheat, or tensions grow as the partners are trying to establish themselves in their careers and must make sacrifices to do so, or the happy high school sweethearts have now grown beyond apart as individuals, and the marriage no longer works.

    Don't be so concerned about being in a relationship, really. Two halves do not make a whole in this case. It took me a great while to realize this, but you must realize your potential as an individual. We come into this world single, and most of us leave the same way. Live your life until love is found, or love is gonna get you down. Stop thinking of your life as Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella, and start thinking of your life as Harry Potter, or Game of Thrones.


    No. I don't want that lifestyle.
    I would rather be tied down to someone in marriage and have to struggle with them... then be worry free and be only concerned about my selfish pleasure.

    I know my potential as an individual, and I can still be successful in my career and pursue my goals while still being in a relationship.

    I am not asking you to tell me how to live my life... I am venting about something I am annoyed and angry about.

    It seems you are content about living your life as a single man, fucking multiple people, and then settling down... good for you.. but JUST B/C YOU WANT IT... DOESN'T MEAN I WANT IT.

    I am not going to let the new world (today's society) force me into living a lifestyle that goes against my own will.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 28, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said

    No. I don't want that lifestyle.
    I would rather be tied down to someone in marriage and have to struggle with them... then be worry free and be only concerned about my selfish pleasure.

    I know my potential as an individual, and I can still be successful in my career and pursue my goals while still being in a relationship.

    I am not asking you to tell me how to live my life... I am venting about something I am annoyed and angry about.

    It seems you are content about living your life as a single man, fucking multiple people, and then settling down... good for you.. but JUST B/C YOU WANT IT... DOESN'T MEAN I WANT IT.

    I am not going to let the new world (today's society) force me into living a lifestyle that goes against my own will.


    You are treating the symptoms, not the disease. For the people you are talking with I mean. Flakey guys = not interested, perhaps for the reasons I mentioned. You have to know your audience.
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:04 AM GMT
    dancedancekj said
    _Mohamed_ said

    No. I don't want that lifestyle.
    I would rather be tied down to someone in marriage and have to struggle with them... then be worry free and be only concerned about my selfish pleasure.

    I know my potential as an individual, and I can still be successful in my career and pursue my goals while still being in a relationship.

    I am not asking you to tell me how to live my life... I am venting about something I am annoyed and angry about.

    It seems you are content about living your life as a single man, fucking multiple people, and then settling down... good for you.. but JUST B/C YOU WANT IT... DOESN'T MEAN I WANT IT.

    I am not going to let the new world (today's society) force me into living a lifestyle that goes against my own will.


    You are treating the symptoms, not the disease. For the people you are talking with I mean. Flakey guys = not interested, perhaps for the reasons I mentioned. You have to know your audience.


    yea well.. at 19, I've realized that I don't fit the criteria to perform for this audience... or should I say.. I don't want to perform for that audience.

    I wish being gay was a choice... because I would go straight in an instant to live the life I want.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 28, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    dancedancekj said
    _Mohamed_ said

    No. I don't want that lifestyle.
    I would rather be tied down to someone in marriage and have to struggle with them... then be worry free and be only concerned about my selfish pleasure.

    I know my potential as an individual, and I can still be successful in my career and pursue my goals while still being in a relationship.

    I am not asking you to tell me how to live my life... I am venting about something I am annoyed and angry about.

    It seems you are content about living your life as a single man, fucking multiple people, and then settling down... good for you.. but JUST B/C YOU WANT IT... DOESN'T MEAN I WANT IT.

    I am not going to let the new world (today's society) force me into living a lifestyle that goes against my own will.


    You are treating the symptoms, not the disease. For the people you are talking with I mean. Flakey guys = not interested, perhaps for the reasons I mentioned. You have to know your audience.


    yea well.. at 19, I've realized that I don't fit the criteria to perform for this audience... or should I say.. I don't want to perform for that audience.

    I wish being gay was a choice... because I would go straight in an instant to live the life I want.


    Don't be so hard on yourself. You are still very young, are attractive, and have a good body, and therefore have dating equity. And don't be so hard on other gay men you meet either. They're humans, with all their talents and wisdom and experiences, but also with their fears and faults and flakiness. Don't expect Superman and be disappointed when they fall short.

    And lastly, straight people don't have it any easier than us. Numberwise yes, but they have their own set of problems, and they don't have the dating game figured out any more than we do, though the grass might appear greener.