Have you tried an open relationship? If it didn't work out.. why not?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    I tried it... but it didn't work out... didn't get the emotional satisfaction out of it.

    Simple terms: didn't really feel loved.

    Don't know how to explain it.. just didn't feel right.

    Therefore, I am back hunting for monogamy.

    what about YOU?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:07 PM GMT
    lol, been there and done that several times in my long agos...for the partners who wanted it that way.

    Same for Bill when he was single, who was a lot less able to navigate it than I.

    -Doug
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    You gotta do whatever to make yourself happy. If open relationship is not it, then don't do it in the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:16 PM GMT
    Never tried it.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    I think it is different strokes for different folks.

    I could never be in one. I am a germaphobe though haha....so I don't want my boyfriend touching anyone but me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:36 PM GMT
    My relationship is still open and still working, but it wasn't open for approximately 23 years so I have plenty of experience with monogamy too.

    Re: your not feeling loved, you deserve that no matter what kind of relationship you are in. Hugs.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:51 PM GMT
    Mohamed, it seems you have gone through quite a bit. I remember back then when you sworn against open relationship, loudly and openly, and then when you got into a relationship when open relationship is encouraged, you found it liberating; but I guess things do change. I am actually glad that you have tried it and realized that it isn't for you. That's why we date and get in and out of relationships in the first place.

    My case is a little different. I have never tried it because my bf is strongly against it. I have brought the topic up once, and he got really upset, and said he is disappointed that I have even have the willingness to have sex with a stranger, or someone I have no emotional connection with. We never talked about it again and I have decide to stick to monogamy since I love my bf a lot.


    Well, best of luck to you and I hope you will find someone more inline with your relationship views soon. However, keep your mind open. I trust that with every relationship, long or short, or even just dates, you will be able to learn more about what makes you happy and what you really want.
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    Oct 28, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    uberick saidMohamed, it seems you have gone through quite a bit. I remember back then when you sworn against open relationship, loudly and openly, and then when you got into a relationship when open relationship is encouraged, you found it liberating; but I guess things do change. I am actually glad that you have tried it and realized that it isn't for you. That's why we date and get in and out of relationships in the first place.

    My case is a little different. I have never tried it because my bf is strongly against it. I have brought the topic up once, and he got really upset, and said he is disappointed that I have even have the willingness to have sex with a stranger, or someone I have no emotional connection with. We never talked about it again and I have decide to stick to monogamy since I love my bf a lot.


    Well, best of luck to you and I hope you will find someone more inline with your relationship views soon. However, keep your mind open. I trust that with every relationship, long or short, or even just dates, you will be able to learn more about what makes you happy and what you really want.


    this is very much true.

    But I wish I can just meet that person now... you know what I mean? so that while our bodies and mind are young and healthy, I can enjoy them and they can enjoy me physically and emotionally.
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    Does anyone else think that an open relationship is basically saying "You can cheat on me as long as I know about it."?
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:02 PM GMT
    Personally dont think its for me... even hooking up isnt really for me honestly.. my bf at the time wanted to be in an open one... I didnt want to, but I was very caribbean about it and decided to just ignore it.. but it didnt work out anyway.. was over very quickly
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    uberick saidMohamed, it seems you have gone through quite a bit. I remember back then when you sworn against open relationship, loudly and openly, and then when you got into a relationship when open relationship is encouraged, you found it liberating; but I guess things do change. I am actually glad that you have tried it and realized that it isn't for you. That's why we date and get in and out of relationships in the first place.

    My case is a little different. I have never tried it because my bf is strongly against it. I have brought the topic up once, and he got really upset, and said he is disappointed that I have even have the willingness to have sex with a stranger, or someone I have no emotional connection with. We never talked about it again and I have decide to stick to monogamy since I love my bf a lot.


    Well, best of luck to you and I hope you will find someone more inline with your relationship views soon. However, keep your mind open. I trust that with every relationship, long or short, or even just dates, you will be able to learn more about what makes you happy and what you really want.


    this is very much true.

    But I wish I can just meet that person now... you know what I mean? so that while our bodies and mind are young and healthy, I can enjoy them and they can enjoy me physically and emotionally.


    Lol.. I can understand what you mean, but dont be in a hurry to get there though babe.. from what Ive seen, is that the people I knew who were in a hurry to get there wound up in unsatisfactory relationships because they thought they wanted it that way, but realised it was not proper for them... haste makes waste.. for the time being just at least date freely, without having any expectations... and just go with the flow icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    I have a hard time imagining that I could do an open relationship. For some people they can separate sexual and emotional intimacy, but I'm not the kind of person who can really do that. If I'm having sex, it is an emotional expression of something... With a boyfriend, it's an expression of how much I care for him. If it's a trick, it's probably me expressing some emotional need (which is why I don't really trick around... I know myself too well).

    I can picture a 3 way - maybe, under very specific circumstances - but I can't imagine a situation in which I would be ok with our relationship just being open. That sexual experience with him specifically means too much to me.
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    My bf would never allow it.
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    this is very much true.

    But I wish I can just meet that person now... you know what I mean? so that while our bodies and mind are young and healthy, I can enjoy them and they can enjoy me physically and emotionally.


    Well, you are still very young, and your body is still growing and maturing ( I read that guys are pretty much still in puberty until 21'ish), and our body peaks around 25. So really, your physical body and brain has not even reach its peak condition yet!

    You are very mature emotionally, I think, to want a serious and monogamous relationship now. Unfortunately not many young people your age share that same view, and I am not talking about just gay guys; it applies to most guys and girls your age.

    I would suggest (and this is just a suggestion) to date with someone older, as they are more likely to have a LTR mindset. I know what you might be thinking, "no way". I remember when I was 18 or 19, I would only look for people between 18-22. Even someone 25 seemed like a generation away. But just give it a thought. I am suggesting that as you come across as someone more mature, as least your relationship view is.
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    Uberick
    Well, you are still very young, and your body is still growing and maturing ( I read that guys are pretty much still in puberty until 21'ish), and our body peaks around 25. So really, your physical body and brain has not even reach its peak condition yet!

    You are very mature emotionally, I think, to want a serious and monogamous relationship now. Unfortunately not many young people your age share that same view, and I am not talking about just gay guys; it applies to most guys and girls your age.

    I would suggest (and this is just a suggestion) to date with someone older, as they are more likely to have a LTR mindset. I know what you might be thinking, "no way". I remember when I was 18 or 19, I would only look for people between 18-22. Even someone 25 seemed like a generation away. But just give it a thought. I am suggesting that as you come across as someone more mature, as least your relationship view is



    I don't mind dating anyone up to 28. y/o as long as they are into long term monogamy and commitment.
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    Steel1 saidDoes anyone else think that an open relationship is basically saying "You can cheat on me as long as I know about it."?


    No.
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    Oct 28, 2011 6:00 PM GMT
    Steel1 saidDoes anyone else think that an open relationship is basically saying "You can cheat on me as long as I know about it."?


    Do you think a monogamous relationship is "basically" saying "You can loathe and resent me and live bored and unfulfilled because there is nothing more important in the world than ME knowing where your dick is 24/7?"

    Probably not. Both are are equally stupid statements bred out of naivete and blanket assumptions of what makes individual human beings feel worthy and happy.

    And before you start building the bonfire to burn me at the stake - I happen to NOT be in an open relationship.
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    Oct 28, 2011 6:25 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidMy bf would never allow it.


    QFT
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    Oct 28, 2011 7:26 PM GMT
    showme said
    Steel1 saidDoes anyone else think that an open relationship is basically saying "You can cheat on me as long as I know about it."?


    No.



    No from us, as well.


    monogamously yours,

    -Doug and Bill
  • BCSwimmer

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    Oct 28, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    Steel1 saidDoes anyone else think that an open relationship is basically saying "You can cheat on me as long as I know about it."?


    While there may be some who feel that way, personally no I don't concur. The generally accepted definition of "cheating" is doing things underhandedly. If people have an agreement that is not "cheating". See for example the definition below *

    I am curious why some guys, who would allow their partner to go to a movie, a dinner, a party, etc with a friend (gay, straight or otherwise) and not have an issue with it, have such strong reactions about their partner doing anything physical or sexual with anyone else?

    I've heard the arguments that "it's different, it's too intimate"... While personally, I happen to think that "breaking bread" with someone (i.e. supping or having a multi-course meal) can be extremely "intimate" as well. (See below **) (Incidentally, if you have a partner who has a problem with you going with a friend to a movie which he doesn't want to watch; or out for dinner with a friend while he is at a business meeting; or to a club when your friend wants to go dance and your partner isn't up for it then you've likely got control issues or a power struggle in your relationship which is a differnet, and bigger, problem altogether).

    Why do some people buy into our cultural dictates that sex is sacrosanct. Remember that it wasn't that long ago that our cultural norms (in the west) dictated that sex was not to occur before marriage and since, in many jurisdictions, gay people cannot be married that you quite simply should abstain from sex for life (for example, this is still the basic tenet of the Catholic Church position on homosexuality today).

    So why buy into that cultural dictate?

    Granted each person/partner must follow their own path and do what is right for them. So for those of you who say "It isn't for me but if other people want that in their relationship that's their choice" you clealy understand that each person has to walk their own path in life.

    On the other hand for those of you who say "It isn't for me and neither should it be for anyone else" do you really think that everyone in the world should follow your moral code of life? I take the position that for everyone: your morals should only "control" your life; not anyone elses.

    If you think your morals are the only right ones what do you say to people whose morals, quite honestly, say that gay people should be executed? Why shouldn't their morals have any more justification than yours? Of course they shouldn't. A moral compass should be used to gauge ones own course in life not be used to dictate those believes to or upon others.


    *
    thefreedictionary.comcheat
    1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
    2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
    3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye...


    **
    thefreedictionary.comin·ti·mate
    1. Marked by close acquaintance, association, or familiarity.
    2. Relating to or indicative of one's deepest nature: intimate prayers.
    3. Essential; innermost: the intimate structure of matter...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2011 11:35 PM GMT
    I don't see why there is so much judgment against it... then again, I can separate sex and intimacy, and I'm currently skeptical of monogamous relationships based on observations of others' so that could affect my view on the matter.
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    Oct 28, 2011 11:49 PM GMT
    Steel1 saidDoes anyone else think that an open relationship is basically saying "You can cheat on me as long as I know about it."?



    I completely agree. I am engaged now and we have been together for 4 years. We have invited other men into our bed at times, and at others been completely monogamous. I think that it is a learning process, you really figure out what you and your spouse collectively desire. Atleast, for us it has happend this way. I believe in monogamy but I also believe that I can make a decision to share intimate moments with my spouse and another if not several men together. Now, if you have some very immature dudes doing this, headed for disaster.
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    Oct 29, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    I tend to prefer open relationships, or even just having a circle of regular fuckbuddies.

    I think I would get too bored (sexually) with only the same guy for years on end, and then find that I am utterly unmarketable should I have discovered that the man I had loved didn't love me back.

    And I just love fucking fresh ass on a semi-regular basis. icon_razz.gif

    Human males are not really monogamous by nature; monogamy is a cultural construct that was imposed by a heteronormative requirement that ensured the stability of families in times past where a family needed a father to earn the income and fight off invaders, and the mother worked in the kitchen and kept the home (in other words, gender roles were very clearly reserved and kept).

    The male who broke from that construct was considered a worthless and unreliable man, and the woman who did so considered a loose and immoral woman.

    While there are plenty of positive reasons for having a monogamous relationship (not as complex as polygamy, and arguably more secure than remaining single), there is less need of monogamy to survive as there was in the past.

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    Oct 29, 2011 12:47 AM GMT
    Cash said
    Steel1 saidDoes anyone else think that an open relationship is basically saying "You can cheat on me as long as I know about it."?


    Do you think a monogamous relationship is "basically" saying "You can loathe and resent me and live bored and unfulfilled because there is nothing more important in the world than ME knowing where your dick is 24/7?"

    Probably not. Both are are equally stupid statements bred out of naivete and blanket assumptions of what makes individual human beings feel worthy and happy.

    And before you start building the bonfire to burn me at the stake - I happen to NOT be in an open relationship.


    Bummer. I'd fuck that mind. I'd mind-fuck you. Is mind-fucking allowed within monogamy? Can we mind-fuck?
  • djzilla

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    Oct 29, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    I've only been in monogamous relationships and I've been with my current bf for 6 years. I don't know if it's cause I'm reaching a certain age or what but I am willing to try it.

    Now me and my bf have never had a 3 some, I personally never have either but I know he has.

    I wonder what he would say if I suggested an "open" relationship.