If I was a manipulator I would get the guys I want.

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    Oct 28, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    Whenever I like a guy, I try to treat him really well, and give him an honest and real sense of how I am feeling about him. I really can’t stand games, I think that they are a waste of time and as much as others complain about them….I used to think they agreed with me. But I think the reason that games are so prevalent in the gay world is simple-they work.

    It seems like you can’t actually get anywhere with men without manipulating them. I made a promise to myself very early on that I would try my best to never lie to or manipulate someone I was romantically interested in. The problem is that that does not seem to work very well at all.
    Gay dating culture just seems to be rooting in manipulation and distorting the other guy’s perception of what’s going on.

    Example:

    (I like this guy. We went out on a date last night and he just texted me this morning. I have absolutely nothing to do today, but I will not answer his text until a few hours from now.)

    To me, this seems like kindergarten stuff, and worse yet, it’s dishonest and rude. But people love to try to convince others that they are busier or in higher demand or more important than they really are.
    Almost subconsciously though, I profile pretty much everyone I know and at some point have a little mock-up in my mind of what makes them tick. Sometimes when interacting with a guy I like, I can identify pivotal points where manipulating him would increase his interest in me.

    Example:

    (There are plenty of very attractive guys out there who are incredibly insecure about the way they look (among other things.) If you interact with a guy like this on a consistent basis, flirt with him, but NEVER make any reference to the way he looks, you will maintain a much longer more intense level of interest from him. He feeds on attention and praise and needs to be validated by whoever he is with, once he gets that validation, it diminishes the value of the person who gave it to him.)

    The example wasn’t explained very well but hopefully some of you guys got it. Things like that are really unsettling to me, but there are times where I know that maybe those are the types of things I should do to a guy I like if I understand the way he thinks. There are times where I can feel a guy slipping through my fingers because I won’t play games.

    If you text me, and I have nothing to do at the moment I text you back. Even if I know you are going to lose interest in me if I say you look good, If you ask me how you look (and I think you are attractive) I will still tell you that you look good. I’m not going to pretend I like you any more or any less than I actually do, or leave you in the dark on where my feelings are.
    But I’m slowly beginning to come to the conclusion that the type of person that I am (or at least think I should be) isn’t even what gay men want.
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    Silhouette says what?
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    Oct 28, 2011 4:24 PM GMT
    I can see where you're coming from, but that would definitely not be the case with me. I LOATHE games, they are annoying, time consuming, frustrating and draining. Too much analysis is needed to read between those fine lines.

    I had to work with a girl in the past for some event planning, and it took so bloody much out of me. So I can definitely see where you're coming from and appreciate your frustration. But I don't think all guys are like that?
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    It's playing on psychology. I'm studying a bit about this now.
    (Not about relationships, but in general)

    In this case, the trick is to know how to make them see you as desirable, without playing with their emotions.
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    nicerough saidIt's playing on psychology. I'm studying a bit about this now.
    (Not about relationships, but in general)

    In this case, the trick is to know how to make them see you as desirable, without playing with their emotions.


    Is there even such a thing?? Elaborate!
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:23 PM GMT
    i find this topic intriguing. I don't think i have the capacity to be truly manipulative so i'm interested in how this discussion will progress.
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    RoadsterRacer saidi find this topic intriguing. I don't think i have the capacity to be truly manipulative so i'm interested in how this discussion will progress.


    Any one can learn to manipulate - it usually only starts after you've been taken advantage of and had your heart ripped out by someone who doesn't give a shit, even though you thought they liked you.
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    Bale02 said
    RoadsterRacer saidi find this topic intriguing. I don't think i have the capacity to be truly manipulative so i'm interested in how this discussion will progress.


    Any one can learn to manipulate - it usually only starts after you've been taken advantage of and had your heart ripped out by someone who doesn't give a shit, even though you thought they liked you.



    hmmm, i guess that's possible. Its just my dad's been ripping my heart out for fifteen years now and I'm still trying to kindle a relationship with him. Trust me, if i was going to be vindictive I think i would've learned how after the first time he hit me with a stool
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:41 PM GMT
    Games are everywhere. Gay men are flaky, we will say whatever we want then "oops did you take that seriously". Happens all the time. I'm very used to it.
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    TheChrisGuy said
    nicerough saidIt's playing on psychology. I'm studying a bit about this now.
    (Not about relationships, but in general)

    In this case, the trick is to know how to make them see you as desirable, without playing with their emotions.


    Is there even such a thing?? Elaborate!

    Persuasion.

    You give them something, whether it's a listening ear, or a drink at the bar, or whatever, and they should feel indebted to you. Not getting them to overtly think "I must pay him back", but if you ask for a favour, they will feel obligated to comply.

    There's also making yourself seem rare. You make yourself seem unavailable, and they will feel even more inclined to like you. Think Cinderella. She ran off at midnight, just as the Prince was getting to like her, and he combed the kingdom to return her a shoe! Boom!

    There are several other things, and these hardly scratch the surface of their own topics. It's too much to post here*.

    Basically, however, you'd be trying to make them convinced that you're someone they need to interact more with, in whatever way the method 'requires' (returning a favour, or trying to spend time with you, etc). It's not playing on emotion, but basic human behaviour.

    I guess emotion could become involved, but that's a line that's up to you to cross. Personally, I haven't ever used any of these, and won't be trying them on anyone anytime soon.

    *This withholding information is an example of that second example. You only have a certain amount of info, and I'm seemingly the only one who has the answers. Of course though, I'm not being mean. It's past 1:40 am where I am, and I have other work to do before I sleep.
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    Omg I totally feel u.

    It seems like most guys I meet want to play games, whereas I am blunt, to the point, responsive and honest.

    I sometimes think I should play the game to increase my chances. But then in the end I realize that I truly do not want the type of guy who will play games with me.


    It's bullshit, but we gotta sort thru a lotta crap to find a diamond. This is prob y I have yet to get to a second date and never had a boyfriend : (
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    For some people, being sweet and nice is all an act to get you into bed. But then once they fucked you...

    "ok that's all I wanted, kthxbai"

    happens all the time. once you get used to it and have your heart broken 10,000 times, you will learn. don't worry man
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    wolverinecub86 saidOmg I totally feel u.

    It seems like most guys I meet want to play games, whereas I am blunt, to the point, responsive and honest.

    I sometimes think I should play the game to increase my chances. But then in the end I realize that I truly do not want the type of guy who will play games with me.


    It's bullshit, but we gotta sort thru a lotta crap to find a diamond. This is prob y I have yet to get to a second date and never had a boyfriend : (


    diamond? in a pile of gay crap? good luck mate
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    Oct 28, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    Is there any other choice but to play your cards close to your chest and not reveal your feelings to avoid scaring the guy off?

  • masculumpedes

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    Oct 28, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    waimea said

    diamond? in a pile of gay crap? good luck mate


    Diamond?......Nah, a few scattered sequins maybe....icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 28, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    waimea saidFor some people, being sweet and nice is all an act to get you into bed. But then once they fucked you...

    "ok that's all I wanted, kthxbai"

    happens all the time. once you get used to it and have your heart broken 10,000 times, you will learn. don't worry man


    You learn realllll quick after awhile.
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    Oct 28, 2011 6:26 PM GMT
    running11 said
    waimea saidFor some people, being sweet and nice is all an act to get you into bed. But then once they fucked you...

    "ok that's all I wanted, kthxbai"

    happens all the time. once you get used to it and have your heart broken 10,000 times, you will learn. don't worry man


    You learn realllll quick after awhile.


    Then you learn how to do it to others...hehehe.
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    Oct 28, 2011 6:27 PM GMT
    I feel I've had relationships where this has definitely been the case. In the end.. Some people want, or need to be manipulated to fill whatever role they feel best fits them. And there's no shortage of guys that will give them that. The thing is.. Playing these games will only land you in a relationship based on a premise you feel is immoral, or stupid (as you've put it). Yes, it is frustrating as hell.. But long term, it is better to find someone who appreciates who you actually are.. low drama, honest, respectful..

    I have someone like that now. I often wonder about his interest, and the long term health of the relationship based on my lack of mystery, or open availability. When my worry goes up... I make it a point to set aside a day where he and I can spend special time with each other. When I see him excited, engaged, and wanting to participate in that time, it reinforces that I've made the right choice. I will say that we both spend healthy amounts of time away from each other.. But in that regard, I'm being myself, and not over playing aspects of our relationship, purposefully spending time apart in order to manipulate him into being more interested. Trust me.. It's worth finding someone you're actually compatible with, rather than forcing yourself to be compatible on someone else's terms.
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    Oct 28, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    *sigh* If only it was only gay guys who did this.icon_neutral.gif
  • Inimitable

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    Oct 28, 2011 6:51 PM GMT
    They may work, but only in the short term.

    How you get a man is how you keep him.

    Keep being honest and resist the games. There are more of us out there than you think...although a challenge to find it'll be well worth the reward.
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    Oct 28, 2011 6:53 PM GMT
    RobertF64 saidIs there any other choice but to play your cards close to your chest and not reveal your feelings to avoid scaring the guy off?



    Yes. You can live as real as you are courageous enough to live, knowing that the man who can respond to that and respect that is the man you ought to be with.
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    Oct 28, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    dekiruman said the type of person that I am (or at least think I should be) isn’t even what gay men want.


    Oh good lord. What is it with the self-pity and generalizations here today?

    "What gay men want" - as if there is a single one thing that all gay men want in a partner. Yeesh.
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    Oct 28, 2011 7:23 PM GMT
    dekiruman said, "(I like this guy. We went out on a date last night and he just texted me this morning. I have absolutely nothing to do today, but I will not answer his text until a few hours from now.)

    lol, why not? I think being real, spontaneous, fun, and true will scare off the boys and attract the men. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Oct 28, 2011 7:47 PM GMT
    The greatest happiness and fulfillment is to just be yourself, and your confidence and personality will attract guys that are really right for you. Hold out of quality.

    After dating a lot of guys since my college years, I finally found someone who is truly right for me. We get along in every way - and he was well worth waiting for. Just be yourself and don't settle for anyone that doesn't appreciate you just as you are.
    icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 28, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    running11 said
    waimea saidFor some people, being sweet and nice is all an act to get you into bed. But then once they fucked you...

    "ok that's all I wanted, kthxbai"

    happens all the time. once you get used to it and have your heart broken 10,000 times, you will learn. don't worry man


    You learn realllll quick after awhile.


    Then you learn how to do it to others...hehehe.


    i love you more errrryyyydayyyy