Coming out: Not my brightest moment

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    Oct 29, 2011 4:53 PM GMT
    Ok, so, I thought I'd share this story with you guys. I can laugh about it now, and see what an idiot I was, because it's been a long time, and things eventually turned out well.

    I dated a girl for close to four years. I came out "to myself" towards the end of our relationship. At that point I had never even kissed or touched a guy in a sexual way--as you guys will understand, I didn't need to do that to be sure I was gay. So, I decided I needed to break up with her.

    I had a great job at a major newspaper in Guatemala City, we were both seniors in college, her family loved me, and my family loved her. We had lost our virginity to each other years earlier, and we really did have great sex (I still knew that didn't mean I was straight--I was just a horny young guy).

    Anyway, everything was pointing in one direction: marriage. It's not super common to marry at that age in Guatemala, but it's also not unheard of. I needed to end the relationship, and quick. That much I knew.

    So, one day, I told her we needed to talk. I was feeling shitty, because I knew I was about to break her heart, so, doing what a guy does when he feels guilty, I sent flowers to her house that afternoon. I picked her up in the evening, and we drove to a nice restaurant 45 minutes outside the city. I was visibly nervous the whole time. Now, keeping in mind that our first date had taken place almost four years earlier, give me a break and don't judge me for forgetting a tiny detail: the place I took her was the same place where we had our first date!!! Oy.

    So, to recap: "We need to talk," flowers, nervousness, dinner at the restaurant where we had our first date. Yeah... You can see what she was thinking.

    The details are a blur, but about halfway through dinner, I tell her we need to break up because I'm gay. She didn't say a word the rest of the night. The fucking restaurant (I kid you not) had a violin trio that night, going around. They fucking came to our table about a minute after I told her, and played some romantic fucking shit. It was like something out of a bad sit com.

    We then had to drive 45 fucking minutes back to the city. In complete silence, with me making lame attempts at levity: "Heh.., so you know how you used to say that one of the things you liked about me was that you could actually point hot guys to me and I wouldn't get mad? Now I can even tell you if I agree.. heh. heh..." icon_rolleyes.gif Idiot, Constantino, you fucking idiot.

    Well, when I dropped her off, she finally said something: "I thought you were going to propose."

    She didn't talk to me for like six years. We eventually reconnected through facebook. I saw her in New York a couple of years ago. We went out, got drunk, had fun reminiscing, and then we got to this memory. She asked if she could punch me in the face. She had gotten over it a while ago, obviously, but she had wanted to do that for so long, that she thought she needed to just get it out. I let her. I deserved it.
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    Oct 29, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    Oh... my....god.


    That is the most unfortunate and hilarious story I've heard in a long time...


    You idiot. HAHAHAH. That's good. I'm glad you can look back on it with a laugh now, I hope she's really over it.


    How's your face?
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    Oct 29, 2011 5:20 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidOh... my....god.


    That is the most unfortunate and hilarious story I've heard in a long time...


    You idiot. HAHAHAH. That's good. I'm glad you can look back on it with a laugh now, I hope she's really over it.


    How's your face?
    hahah... yeah, she's married, now, so she is definitely over it. As to my face, I'm not gonna lie... She didn't "pretend punch" me. I had to tell people at work the next day that I'd gotten into a fight.
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    Oct 29, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    At least all she asked for was to punch you instead of emasculate you!

    I guess we couldn't expect a Will & Grace ending to this story?
  • tomjack

    Posts: 91

    Oct 29, 2011 5:37 PM GMT
    So in love with this story!!!!
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    Oct 29, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    Oh my...
    But at least you told her, and it took awhile but everything turned out well.
    It could be worse.

    *HUGS!*
    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 29, 2011 5:51 PM GMT
    19c79 saidWell, when I dropped her off, she finally said something: "I thought you were going to propose."

    How tough for her. How tough for you. You owe her, you do know that, right?

    You did the right thing, but it was a difficult thing. You know I do feel sorry for her? Yeah, you really have some making up to do, even after 6 years and a punch in the face.

    She clearly was in love with you. Not who you were, better you broke it off. Life isn't always pretty. Thanks for sharing that. I think you're a good guy. Now name her in your will. LOL!
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    Oct 29, 2011 5:57 PM GMT
    Although hilarious now, she suffered a cruel buildup--an imploding blossom.
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Oct 29, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    Great story. Probably not even close to the brightest way to let the girl down -- what were you thinking? A 45 minute drive??? Excruciating!! I don't think you owed her anything but honesty -- and she got it. The truth hurts sometimes.
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    Oct 29, 2011 5:59 PM GMT
    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
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    Oct 29, 2011 6:11 PM GMT
    Dude, you should have texted her icon_lol.gif

    Seriously, what were you thinking? Even before reading the rest of the story, the minute you said you sent her flowers I was like, uh, oh.

    But, you live and learn. Coming out isn't an easy thing and it makes the brain do wacky things. Glad that it sounds like things worked out for both of you in the long run and hopefully you two can still be friends...with bruises.
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    Oct 29, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    yes you def didnt think it through..i cant imagine her shock though.
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    Oct 29, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    Wow. That does sound like a bad sitcom. Almost like an episode of Three's Company. Lol
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    Oct 29, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    Tino, you should have negotiated that punch.
    I bet she'd have settled for a jab to the gut.
    icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 29, 2011 6:38 PM GMT
    that is awful.
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    Oct 29, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
    I would not have let her punch me in the face.
    If she is mad she should blame society for making gay men stay in the closet and date women.
  • commoncoll

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    Oct 29, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    Good God! What were you thinking? 45 minutes! I have suddenly developed respect just because she didn't punch you or throw food at you in the restaurant.

    Good to know you can look back at it with good humor.
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    Oct 29, 2011 7:03 PM GMT
    Sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but I have to. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 29, 2011 7:26 PM GMT
    OMG icon_eek.gif....That is soooo cold, poor lass, and here was me thinking I was bad... lol

    tumblr_loi1938Y4H1qcwrtdo1_400.gif
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    Oct 29, 2011 7:29 PM GMT
    Damn dude. Lmao.
  • stratavos

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    Oct 29, 2011 7:33 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Stan904 saidI would not have let her punch me in the face.
    If she is mad she should blame society for making gay men stay in the closet and date women.
    Yes, but we as gay men should be able to control our desires to be "normal" even though life generally deals us a really difficult hand to play with. We can't use that excuse forever.


    The fault lies with everyone, just like it's a manipulator's fault for setting up the "plan" (honestly I am not pointing at anyone, just bringing up a situation)
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    Oct 29, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    Wow that must have been the most awkward drive ever.
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    Oct 29, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    thats very sad man... you should have just told her. i would have thought the same thing but hey you did what you had to do.
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    Oct 29, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    You meant well. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions. No flowers, no romantic dinners. I don't blame her for getting the wrong idea....




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    Oct 29, 2011 8:12 PM GMT
    Wow.... be sure to include that story in your autobiography.