Oct 30, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
Being heartbroken sucks. It sucks bad. I can't help but feel disgust because I continually put myself in situations where I end up getting hurt. You'd think that experience and age would make you stronger and better, but why do I feel more vulnerable than ever? I don't want to end up jaded but now I can see why so many older gay men are. I know I've always been really emotional but it's always been to my detriment. I'm supposed to deploy in the next few days and I can't help but feel excited that I get to get away for a while, even it is to the desert. I put on a smile at work and in front of everyone but deep down I'm hurting and don't know how to deal with it. I find myself withdrawn from everyone and I sit alone in the dark with a stiff drink and sad, familiar music to keep me company. I'm sorry, maybe I just needed to vent. I almost wish this last guy screwed me over and I hated him so that i could get over him much more quickly, but he's done nothing wrong. What the hell is wrong with me???