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  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Oct 30, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    My life is pretty hectic, I am a full time College Student as well as a full time Student Athlete on the guy's Swim Team and i also have a part time job life guarding.

    So because of these responsibilities i find myself very busy.

    I have gone on quite a few dates now, and honestly i think i find myself shutting these guys down because i feel like it is easier to just worry about what i'm doing with my life.

    Is it weird that i'm at a point where i want to focus on school and swimming and don't really want a relationship or anything?

    I am also over the whole online dating perspective, and just want to live my life and have the right guy stumble upon me and me upon him without this cyber connection first.

    I feel like this isn't normal though for some reason.... like an 18 year old should have a boyfriend and be dating.

    Any thoughts? I could really use some wise words right about now.



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    Oct 30, 2011 10:35 PM GMT
    Doesn't sounds strange at all. Sounds like you know your priorities. However, I'd suggest that you don't totally shut people out completely. College is the best time to meet new people, start friendships, start developing professional networks, etc. Dating/relationships can be time consuming, and sometimes emotionally draining. I've seen plenty of guys/girls during college get derailed from their studies because they spent too much time with their SO.

    So yeah, keep doing what you're doing, but take a break once in a while and get to know your college peers a little more. You've got plenty of time ahead of you to look for a relationship.
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    Oct 30, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    If you're dating because you feel like you are supposed to, then you're dating for the wrong reasons. There are no rules about when or how much you are supposed to date. Putting pressure on yourself to date when you aren't really into it will just waste your time and theirs.

    It's not a bad idea to take a break from dating if you feel like you want to concentrate on other facets of your life. Just realize that the odds that the right guy is going to drop into your life are probably slim.

    Finding a balance between all of the aspects of your life is something we all face. There is no simple answer. It's different for each person. Be aware of what you want out of life, both in the short term and in the future. Right now, you're a college student, and that should probably be your primary focus. Once you've graduated, your career will be a major focus, but you probably don't want to be one of those people who sacrifices his personal life for a job.

    Spend some time thinking about what you really want. Talk it out with other people or write it down if that helps. It also doesn't hurt to experiment a little if you aren't really sure what you want. For example, take a couple of weeks off from dating and see how it works for you. Some people go crazy being alone for that long, and some people enjoy the solitude.

    HTH
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    Oct 30, 2011 10:39 PM GMT
    There is nothing wrong with that. If you have any sort of real major, college takes a lot of concentration.

    Back in my antediluvian college years, very few underclassmen dated regularly. In fact, as far as I can recall, all of the guys I knew who had steady girlfriends of the sleep-over variety, flunked or dropped out after a year or two. (Except maybe one or two who had only a "party" major, like that Flintstone fellow at the end of the hall.)

    It turns out that the regents, perhaps, really did know what they were doing with those stupid rules requiring freshmen to live in the (segregated) dorms. (Although I suppose, that wouldn't quite as effective for gay guys...)

    In a strange way, it seemed to be just the opposite in grad school. Possibly those who made it that far already had good study skills, and since they had "some" at home, didn't need to waste time going out "looking for it."
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Oct 30, 2011 11:42 PM GMT
    xrichx saidDoesn't sounds strange at all. Sounds like you know your priorities. However, I'd suggest that you don't totally shut people out completely. College is the best time to meet new people, start friendships, start developing professional networks, etc. Dating/relationships can be time consuming, and sometimes emotionally draining. I've seen plenty of guys/girls during college get derailed from their studies because they spent too much time with their SO.

    So yeah, keep doing what you're doing, but take a break once in a while and get to know your college peers a little more. You've got plenty of time ahead of you to look for a relationship.


    I definitely don't shut out people as in friends or anything, i do spend plenty of time with my friends and hanging out with them when i can. But i definitely do not procrastinate on assignments in order to hang out with them you know.
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    Oct 31, 2011 1:14 AM GMT
    omg you're 18! 18! i'm 25 (almost 26) and i feel the same exact way. there's maybe one guy i'd make an exception for, but i'm not going to look for just anyone to date. there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
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    Oct 31, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    I'm doing the exact same thing. Not rushing it.

    While I really would like a nice guy to keep me company, finding a boyfriend is impractical for me. School keeps me busy enough, and education where I live is pretty extreme. I don't know how people can be in relationships at my age here.

    Of course, there are other factors that are keeping me from finding a guy, but even if those walls weren't there, I'd still wait. It's been my mentality since my peers started getting into relationships when I was a teenager, and it will be until I finish my studies (among other factors).

    So no, it's not strange. Don't worry about it. Focus on what's important!
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    Nov 01, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    You're smart. I wish I had the ability to not obsess about men. I'm still maybe under the assumption a personality will fix me, and I'm 30. At least I recognize it now.
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    Nov 01, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    College ends in a heartbeat and when you look back on it after it's over you wish it had been longer and you had done more stuff. Dating opportunities will be there until you're 90 or 100, don't waste these precious years.
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    Nov 01, 2011 3:00 AM GMT
    Trollileo saidAll I can say is...

    Fucking smart.


    +1
    Undergrad and grad school I just focused on me. It worked so much better than my brief foray into dating post-grad where my work life/well-roundedness took a hit the longer I spent on Grindr trying to find someone to eat dinner with. Now that I have begun focusing on myself again, about to enter another Ph.D program, I have retreated inward again to begin working on myself and taking care of what I need done in my life.

    Just enjoy what you have going on in your life. You will enjoy your life a lot better if you just focus on yourself now and let the relationship come later when you are ready to add that (not replace or displace things already there) to your life icon_smile.gif

  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Nov 01, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    You are correct in your thinking IMO. Undergraduate and graduate school were really not conducive to me dating anybody, although I attempted it at the time (I often joked that dental school was my boyfriend. Looking back on it now, I realize it was pretty one-sided....)

    Now that I'm working, I finally have time to devote to both myself and potential boyfriend material. I just didn't have time in school because there's always SOMETHING you have to be doing. You barely have enough time for yourself, much less someone else.

    That being said, don't frown on the cyber connection. I've met a lot of great people through the internetz, and I believe that it should be utilized as a tool to meet other gay men (since it's nigh impossible to otherwise).

    Be patient most of all. Work on fulfilling and developing yourself as an individual now, find your sense of self, and set yourself up for success so later you will be an amazingly intelligent, compassionate, successful, and happy individual that will be excellent boyfriend material (not saying you're not already... just keep doing it!)
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Nov 02, 2011 5:27 AM GMT
    Thank you guys all for your amazing replies, it really did help hearing some personal experiences about this decision and how it has impacted your lives.

    I shall work my hardest, and focus on my studies, and swimming my ass off haha icon_smile.gif