Trying a long distance relationship has become a near epic fail...

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    Oct 30, 2011 10:37 PM GMT
    There is so much running thru my head at this point that I just don't know where to start. I'm 24 y/o and doing stuff like this reminds me of my younger and dumber 19-23 age. I thought I wouldn't be making these mistakes.

    Rewind back: I met a guy while he was visiting my city 2 weekends ago. We hit it off great, met 4 days in a row and he invited me to his city. We had a bunch of sex and a bunch of dates.

    I came to his city today which was over 500 miles driving last night. Well almost the moment I got in things seemed to be on a COMPLETELY different level. On a more platonic friend level. Even though our attraction was like glue when he was in my town.

    That's the first thing I noticed. But since we were getting ready for a party I assumed it wasn't a big deal. 2nd, he then allows drama to take place at the club, where he let's some other nigga (GET THIS...) tell him to me, "this is my boyfriend". Then the supposed boyfriend ' is interrogating me in the club asking, "did you guys have sex???" My answer was "why don't you ask him that" with a smile on my face.

    Come to find out, (even after he told me twice in Denver that he was single) that him and this guy have been 'seeing each other' but the other guy doesn't want to be serious. He got jealous last night that he saw dude with me and started trying to major cock block. I asked the guy repeatedly today, "if you guys aren't boyfriends, why did you tell me in the club that you were?" His response was, "he was drunk and he's jealous and I just said it to avoid any drama because I was afraid he would do something stupid to you." So he felt the need to 'appease' his jealous, cheating, fuck buddy to avoid a confrontation? I told him, you don't appease drama, you WALK AWAY from it. Which is exactly what I did when the other guy came to me with that fucking stupid shit.

    3rd, after much talk...the guy apparently isn't even interested in a long distance relationship. He says he tried twice but it didn't work out. That he's too horny all the time and can't go on for over a week without sex.

    When I told him I was given the impression he came to Denver because he was considering moving THERE as his new place to relocate to, he says, "oh well it's a nice place to live...but not a good place to find sex. If I move there and we hypothetically break up, there aren't that many Black guys I'll be able to get with so I don't wanna move there."

    I'm like, that is such a closed-minded way of thinking. What the fuck does the have any influence on the situation at hand if I'm there? And not to mention, the Black guys that he introduced me to at the bar who he dated or fucked were all busted ass niggas. 1 had like 2 missing teeth, the other was a broke ass, and the 'boyfriend' is the one who "wants to fuck around, but you can't" attitude. It's like dude really? Don't you have any taste in men....I understand you like Black guys but at the very fucking least use your head and be a bit discriminate about who you choose. These niggas you picking up look like they just crawled out the damn dumpster. That's why they are jealous and giving you all the attention now because of me.

    And I told him, if this is what you rather deal with than to at least open yourself to consider the possibility of a long distance thing, then keep dealing with what you are dealing with and don't bring me into this shit.

    Last night after I came back to his house, I slept in his bed and he was on the couch and didn't even seem like he wanted me. Today we got to talk about it more and I'm not as angry, but I'm still not happy at the fact that he lead me on to think he was interested in doing the long distance thing, but now all of a sudden he has all these reasons why it won't. And he's not showing my affection because, "he doesn't want to get too attached since I'm just visiting."

    His excuse was that he thought I came to his town just to "see the city". But when I asked him WHY did HE want me to come to town, he says that he wanted to get to know me more??? I re-affirmed that I didn't just come here for the city but only for him (like I said the morning before I came which he doesn't seem to remember).

    This is another good reason not to bring boyfriend material or anything like it to bars and clubs. Figuring it was a special occasion and HIS idea. They don't know how to behave in situations and I don't want to know all who the fuck you fucked or dated when I'm trying to know you.

    It's another reason I tend to stay away from Chocolate chasers. They will pull candy wrappers from out the garbage just to say they have a bit of Chocolate. Don't care what the guy looks like, "he's Black? I want to fuck them". They are really annoying and not very trust-worthy. Sucks to date interracially sometimes.
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    Oct 31, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    mochamuscle saidThese niggas you picking up look like they just crawled out the damn dumpster.


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    Oct 31, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    so it seems like you're venting but here's the perspective:

    there's like four different kinds of guys:
    1. those who don't like black guys period

    2. those who are normal and like whomever they have a connection with (physical, emotional, intellectual, some combination of the three)

    3. those who won't exclusively date black guys but prefer to date them for whatever reason (some legit, some questionable)

    4. full-blown chocolate chasers

    ---

    if you can't spot a #4 from a #2 or even a #3 then that's your bad. and honestly, it seems like karma, because unless i have you confused with someone else (apologies in advance if i do), i think i remember you saying you only like white/hispanic dudes. so that would make you a reverse chocolate chaser and like-minded people seek like-minded people, after all.
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    Oct 31, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    closer85 saidso it seems like you're venting but here's the perspective:

    there's like four different kinds of guys:
    1. those who don't like black guys period

    2. those who are normal and like whomever they have a connection with (physical, emotional, intellectual, some combination of the three)

    3. those who won't exclusively date black guys but prefer to date them for whatever reason (some legit, some questionable)

    4. full-blown chocolate chasers

    ---

    if you can't spot a #4 from a #2 or even a #3 then that's your bad. and honestly, it seems like karma, because unless i have you confused with someone else (apologies in advance if i do), i think i remember you saying you only like white/hispanic dudes. so that would make you a reverse chocolate chaser and like-minded people seek like-minded people, after all.


    LOL, you got a point there. I can certainly tell the difference between # 2 and 4. Yes I do tend to date White and Hispanic guys. But that's not to say I only like them.

    I wouldn't consider myself a reverse chocolate chaser because ain't nan one in Denver can point out that I've only slept with White guys or only slept with Hispanic guys. They may see me with but I damn sure ain't slept with em all. I don't have that reputation. This guy made it clear to me that every one of his X's slash fuck buddies were Black. And in a mostly White midwestern town it is CLEARLY obvious.

    I can't see how Karma would have anything much to do. I have not explicitly turned down any Black guys or said anything like, "thanks but no thanks, I'm only into White/Latino; no Blacks".

    But it sucks that generally these guys who tend to always talk about their weird fetish of Black guys (or probably any race who tends to pursue 1 type of race other than their own) are jerks morons assholes dweebs imbeciles, etc

    It seems as if one has leverage because of their preference, but instead that preference is really just a quest...an insatiable appetite for.

    In the meantime, I'm happy to say I found it in my heart to forgive the guy and not hold onto the anger...and just know that there's a better man waiting for me back home. The older, mature one I've been seeing steadily that doesn't allow his life to revolve around bar drama and racial preferences.
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    Oct 31, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    i dunno dude. your situation CLEARLY describes a #4 and yet you're tripping out over it. i don't get it.

    i don't honestly think you'd give a black dude the time of day, but ultimately i don't really give a fuck and i could be dead wrong. again - don't give a fuck.

    i just hope you're honest with yourself and realize that you're only going to attract the guys you think you're worth attracting. and reading your other posts, it seems to have a theme of attracting sleazeball guys who want to fuck you but not date you. and that seems like karma for being really judgmental (e.g. calling people broke ass niggas, dealing with #4s) and parochial (e.g. tend to date whites and hispanics)

    everyone has preferences, but seems like you need to broaden your palate
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    Oct 31, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    Besides being TL;DR I've been seeing these threads of yours for a year now.

    Seriously: icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 31, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    closer85 saidi dunno dude. your situation CLEARLY describes a #4 and yet you're tripping out over it. i don't get it.

    i don't honestly think you'd give a black dude the time of day, but ultimately i don't really give a fuck and i could be dead wrong. again - don't give a fuck.

    i just hope you're honest with yourself and realize that you're only going to attract the guys you think you're worth attracting. and reading your other posts, it seems to have a theme of attracting sleazeball guys who want to fuck you but not date you. and that seems like karma for being really judgmental (e.g. calling people broke ass niggas, dealing with #4s) and parochial (e.g. tend to date whites and hispanics)

    everyone has preferences, but seems like you need to broaden your palate


    C'mon, I'm from Florida. Unlike some of these other states, meeting another Black person and dating isn't something out of the ordinary especially if you are Black. And of course, it's my business iny Way. So it's okay if you don't give a fuck.

    I'm trying to attract better guys and this guy seemed ideal while he was visiting me. But now that I'm on home field, his behavior has switched significantly. Mother fuckers act up when they out of town and show their ass and put on a fake.
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    Oct 31, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    Wait, wait, wait. You met a guy two weekends ago and you're trying to start up a long distance relationship with him? Don't you think that's assuming a bit much about his intentions and wants?
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    Oct 31, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    What I fail to understand is why you considered ANY type of relationship at all after ONE week of what you call "dating." "Long distance" doesn't even enter into the equation at that point. This entire scenario shouts "needy." I know. I used to be that way.

    Thankfully life seared that out of me quickly.
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    Oct 31, 2011 6:02 AM GMT
    thenes saidWait, wait, wait. You met a guy two weekends ago and you're trying to start up a long distance relationship with him? Don't you think that's assuming a bit much about his intentions and wants?


    OK, remember this wasn't 100% my doing. I was lead to believe the guy was planning to sell his house and move to Denver. That's the discussion that was made. He came to my town first and I was under the impression he was open to do the long distance thing atleast until he was ready to move the so-called boring small town that he wants to leave from.

    I'm not saying that I expected things to turn into boyfriends immediately, but I didn't expect to come here on my 1st night and have him tell me he is boyfriends with a fuck buddy when all the while before he said single, single, single.

    RedheadedRy saidWhat I fail to understand is why you considered ANY type of relationship at all after ONE week of what you call "dating." "Long distance" doesn't even enter into the equation at that point. This entire scenario shouts "needy."


    I admit I got my hopes up, assumed better than I should have. It's too hard to find these things out prior thru texts and phone without sounding 'needy'. And people may say what they want just to get you to come to them.

    My question is: How long was I supposed to wait to find out? I think I got away better moving things along quickly NOW rather than hope for months only to find out he had no intent on moving here or is involved. I never intended on making it a LDR. But I liked him so much, and him me; that it felt at the time to be a good idea.

    I didn't come all the way here though without other things in mind. I had other plans lined up. Because after experience, I at least learned to always have backup no matter how much you think the person has DAYUM sense.

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    Oct 31, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    Yeah, he apparently lied to you and was actually dating his fb.

    But that's not the point.

    The point is why after only ONE WEEK were you even THINKING of trying to start up a long distance relationship? You didn't know him. A week isn't long enough to know a guy.

    Pace yourself bro. Slow the fuck down.
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    Oct 31, 2011 6:24 AM GMT
    thenes saidYeah, he apparently lied to you and was actually dating his fb.

    But that's not the point.

    The point is why after only ONE WEEK were you even THINKING of trying to start up a long distance relationship? You didn't know him. A week isn't long enough to know a guy.

    Pace yourself bro. Slow the fuck down.


    It was 2 weeks! I met him 2 weekends ago. Not 1. So gave me 2 weeks to think about it LOL. We met 4 days in a row, went out, went hiking, my favorite restaurant, etc.

    As for the fb, they aren't 'dating' because he says the guy isn't serious and just wants to fuck other guys but he can't. So that's why he invited me to come this weekend because there wasn't anything there.

    The fuck buddy coerced him into telling me that they were boyfriends during a drunken stupor at the club. And the guy made him say it because he was jealous, also prompting him to ask me if we had sex. He went along with saying he's my boyfriend because he was afraid, "he'd be drunk and might attempt to fight me'.

    And I'd be drunk too and elbow him right in the mouth. Just kidding! That's why I walked away and did my own thing icon_wink.gif

    But you're right, I should have put the brakes on it. It just felt so right icon_cry.gif