Is promiscuity such a terrible thing?

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    Oct 31, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    Okay, I'm fairly young: 24 and a college student. I came out over a year ago, but in the past few months, I've been having more sexual encounters than ever in my life. It had to do with my going to a new, bigger city on the weekends to visit friends. There, I met a number of gay guys who were quite interested in me.

    I usually didn't have sex right away but lately, it doesn't seem to be a problem. I think that as long as I was using protection, it was fine. But my best friend is in a steady relationship with her girlfriend, and sometimes I mention these trysts to her. She and her girlfriend once said that there are so many new guys they lost track.

    Perhaps I'm a bit slutty, but I felt like I hadn't gotten some for so long that now I can't help myself. In the end, I do want a long-term relationship, but these encounters keep happening without much notice. I wonder if this will psychologically affect me in the future.

    Thoughts?
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    IN MY OPINION, I do not like promiscuity.. .so I would disagree with your lifestyle choice if that was to be slutty.

    I would rather find a man.. and have sex with him only everyday than have sex with different men.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    Be promiscuous if you want, as long as you're safe and don't shout it from the rooftops.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:11 AM GMT
    It's pretty difficult to define what exactly is promiscuous considering some people have either conservative or liberal perspectives on it. What's considered "slutty" to one might not to be to another. The debate never ends icon_rolleyes.gif

    Personally I feel how active you want your sex life to be is up to you. Some just have to have it all the time. Others not nearly as much. It's your choice to make. Who cares what other people think? In the end, all that matters is that you're making choices you feel comfortable with and that the sex you have with others is consensual.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Oct 31, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Do as you will, so long as you're not doing it to avoid something or someone.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Oct 31, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    It's natural and normal to go through slutty phases, practically (or actually) celibate phases, and more homey-with-a partner phases. While some people do end up tilting toward a certain pattern long term, many of us go through each of them at different times.

    The fact that you're in a slutty phase now -- a.k.a sowing your wild oats -- doesn't commit or doom you to stay in one forever if that's not what you want to do.

    Keep using protection and treat each guy with respect. If you haven't already, broaden your sexual repetroire enough that somebody doesn't have to get fucked every time you hook up in order for you to have a good time. Be mindful of the news that's been coming out about the link between HPV, oral sex and throat cancer and weigh the risks you're willing to take accordingly.

    Enjoy and be enjoyed.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:16 AM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREPersonally I feel how active you want your sex life to be is up to you. Some just have to have it all the time. Others not nearly as much. It's your choice to make. Who cares what other people think? In the end, all that matters is that you're making choices you feel comfortable with and that the sex you have with others is consensual.


    Thanks. I'm trying really hard to have this mindset but with fear of judgment from friends and family, it makes me uncomfortable to think about. I honestly don't like indiscriminate sex all that much. I want someone to share my life with and be physical with exclusively. I would totally forget other guys if that special guy were in my life.

    Perhaps that's why this idea of being promiscuous, which would have never fit me just a couple years ago, bothers me a bit.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    I think as long as you are being responsible, like using protection and having consensual sex. That's fine. Who are we to judge you if you are being slutty or prudish?

    Psychologically, I think it'll only affect you in the future if you
    1) BELIEVE that it will
    2) ALLOW it to affect you
    otherwise, no.

    With that said, I say you do whatever you wanna do. As long as you're not hurting yourself or another person. Have fun. I am not a slutty person myself, because I think sex is better when you know the guy and you two can explore each other's desires and bodies, but I certainly do not think promiscuity is a bad thing.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    ShaneF_87 said[quote]Personally I feel how active you want your sex life to be is up to you. Some just have to have it all the time. Others not nearly as much. It's your choice to make. Who cares what other people think? In the end, all that matters is that you're making choices you feel comfortable with and that the sex you have with others is consensual.


    Thanks. I'm trying really hard to have this mindset but with fear of judgment from friends and family, it makes me uncomfortable to think about. I honestly don't like indiscriminate sex all that much. I want someone to share my life with and be physical with exclusively. I would totally forget other guys if that special guy were in my life.

    Perhaps that's why this idea of being promiscuous, which would have never fit me just a couple years ago, bothers me a bit.[/quote]

    Your sex life is your business. How much of that you share with family and friends just entirely depends. I'm sure there are some people you can confide in and others who are better off not knowing much. The people you feel most comfortable with shouldn't be in a position to judge you since some of them probably are going through or have gone through similar situations. Life's issues are hardly ever unique among people, lol. But I hope in time you'll become more confident of your choices icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    Well my 2 cents since you asked.
    Mo, I agree with you. In fact I can count on a single hand (and have extra fingers to count with) the men I've slept with icon_eek.gif. For me I wanted it to be something more than just random fucking.
    But it's not really a bad thing either. If your friends are having problems then maybe you should be more discrete. As long as you are happy with your choices then go for it. Really its none of their business. Just be safe!
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    Personally, I wouldn't do it, but if you like it- go for it, and if you want to stop, stop.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    I don't think of it as a negative, when a guy is having fun and dating around or having one-nighters. I'm a guy who came out in the very late 70's and between boyfriends, that's what my buddies and I did. We went out almost every weekend to parties and dancing in the City (SF) - and we met guys - and had our fun. As long as you're safe and not hurting anybody - what is wrong with that? Eventually though, you should meet guys cool enough that you want to see them more than just once. One-nighters are to me - a bit like renting a car. Rental cars are fine, but wouldn't you really rather have something of your own? Strange analogy, I know!

    icon_cool.gif
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    Trollileo said59109_159233790759708_100000192632303_50


    It could be worse. You could get pregnant and FAT! At least death means the end of suffering.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    Cityaznguy saidI think as long as you are being responsible, like using protection and having consensual sex. That's fine. Who are we to judge you if you are being slutty or prudish?

    Psychologically, I think it'll only affect you in the future if you
    1) BELIEVE that it will
    2) ALLOW it to affect you
    otherwise, no.

    With that said, I say you do whatever you wanna do. As long as you're not hurting yourself or another person. Have fun. I am not a slutty person myself, because I think sex is better when you know the guy and you two can explore each other's desires and bodies, but I certainly do not think promiscuity is a bad thing.


    That was wonderful to read, City!

    I'd like to add that from my own experiences and observations of friends it only gets bad when promiscuous guys pick up guys that are one-man-banders, and vice versa. If only birds of a feather could flock more together (on both sides of this, lol).

    -Doug


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    Oct 31, 2011 3:30 AM GMT
    Move somewhere that promiscuity is less taboo and more expected. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidI don't think of it as a negative, when a guy is having fun and dating around or having one-nighters. I'm a guy who came out in the very late 70's and between boyfriends, that's what my buddies and I did. We went out almost every weekend to parties and dancing in the City (SF) - and we met guys - and had our fun. As long as you're safe and not hurting anybody - what is wrong with that? Eventually though, you should meet guys cool enough that you want to see them more than just once. One-nighters are to me - a bit like renting a car. Rental cars are fine, but wouldn't you really rather have something of your own? Strange analogy, I know!

    icon_cool.gif


    Haha, I guess I'm the more recent version of your experience. I am being safe and would never hurt anyone emotionally. But one of my biggest worries regarding promiscuity is becoming numb to any emotions I may wish to feel in the future, all because I thought about sex too much. I don't want that at all.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    ShaneF_87 said
    Jockbod48 saidI don't think of it as a negative, when a guy is having fun and dating around or having one-nighters. I'm a guy who came out in the very late 70's and between boyfriends, that's what my buddies and I did. We went out almost every weekend to parties and dancing in the City (SF) - and we met guys - and had our fun. As long as you're safe and not hurting anybody - what is wrong with that? Eventually though, you should meet guys cool enough that you want to see them more than just once. One-nighters are to me - a bit like renting a car. Rental cars are fine, but wouldn't you really rather have something of your own? Strange analogy, I know!

    icon_cool.gif


    Haha, I guess I'm the more recent version of your experience. I am being safe and would never hurt anyone emotionally. But one of my biggest worries regarding promiscuity is becoming numb to any emotions I may wish to feel in the future, all because I thought about sex too much. I don't want that at all.


    well, that's what most people end up becoming... but you could be an exception.

    either way, make sure that you ARE HAPPY with your choice.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    I find nothing wrong with hooking up and having sex with multiple people so long as you're using protection, like you stated. I really think the only reason why gay men have a problem with hooking up is because of the "higher chance of getting an STI" thing. But for the record, straight men have to worry about, not only giving/getting an STI, but pregnancy as well.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    Nothing worser than being a hoe. But to each his own smh
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Oct 31, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    ShaneF_87 said

    I usually didn't have sex right away but lately, it doesn't seem to be a problem. I think that as long as I was using protection, it was fine. But my best friend is in a steady relationship with her girlfriend, and sometimes I mention these trysts to her. She and her girlfriend once said that there are so many new guys they lost track....

    Thoughts?


    I think you should not compare yourself to lesbians first of all. There are some cultural and/or biological (depending on whom you ask) differences between the way men and women see relationships. Have you ever heard the old joke? What does a lesbian bring on the second date? A U-haul. What does a gay man bring on the second date? What second date?

    This is of course only a joke--but there's a grain of truth in it. Personally I'm not looking to sleep around at random, but I say do what you want. Just use protection and if you start to feel like it's gotten out of hand at all (like if you walk into a random bar and realize you've slept with half the guys there, or you've slept with so many men that you forget sleeping with them when they come up to talk to you) then maybe it's time to take a break.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Edward22 saidNothing worser than being a hoe. But to each his own smh
    Why do you use SMH after everything even when it's not applicable?



    Because i can. Got a problem with that I don't care #NEXT icon_razz.gificon_twisted.gif
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    So there a lot of lonely, uptight, depressed guys on here who will tell you that you should be miserable like them and only hook up with your soul mate. That's how women think. It's not how straight men think. Some people attach feelings with sex. You have a choice here. I think you should enjoy the moment but BE SAFE 100% of the time. But hook up man.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1980

    Oct 31, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    you+only+live+once.jpg

    I say have fun while you're young. Someday you'll be settled down and look back on these days fondly.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    Brownale saidSo there a lot of lonely, uptight, depressed guys on here who will tell you that you should be miserable like them and only hook up with your soul mate. That's how women think. It's not how straight men think. Some people attach feelings with sex. You have a choice here. I think you should enjoy the moment but BE SAFE 100% of the time. But hook up man.


    since you are attacking my views (by saying "that's how women" think), I will have to teach you something.

    First of all, there's no black and white thought process distinctively for men or women.

    Clearly, if there is a man that thinks the same way a woman does, then that way of thinking cannot be classified as a woman's way of thinking... it shouldn't be classified at all.

    Secondly, you are a GAY MAN... so why do you bring in women and then jump to straight men...

    why not just talk about how gay men think?
    Are you not gay?
    how do you think?

    SO FUCKING WHAT IF I, OR ANYONE ELSE ATTACH FEELINGS TO SEX? SO WHAT. YOU FUCKING LOSER.

    OH RIGHT... EVERYONE THINKS DIFFERENTLY and THEIR THOUGHT PROCESS IS UNIQUE TO THEM...

    SO, STOP LABELLING.. AND SIT YOUR ASS DOWN. BECAUSE HONEY, YOU SO GOT ME OFFENDED.

    wait, am I acting like a housewife now?
    what you going to do about it?

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    Oct 31, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ saidIN MY OPINION, I do not like promiscuity.. .so I would disagree with your lifestyle choice if that was to be slutty.

    I would rather find a man.. and have sex with him only everyday than have sex with different men.


    Yeah.

    Like I hate talking about this with other gays because they immediately get all offensive.

    So I totally know why _Mohamed_ capsed his MY OPINION because the slutty promiscuous gays always feel offended.

    It’s like hey it isn't my fault you're a slut ok? Hee. icon_smile.gif

    But I mean it is really easy to get sex and what not but I prefer for things like that to be meaningful.

    Especially when you're a bottom. Guys treat you like crap and once they fuck you they don't care about you, you just become another.

    I prefer to leave a mark and have a mark left on me.

    Not just another fling or trick.

    I'd rather be something meaningful for the guy than just another one night stand. And vice-versa.

    It is up to preference but don’t bitch about it when it comes back to bite you in the butt.

    And like something else that always gets to the promiscuous ones is that society deems sluts and promiscuous people as bad.

    I am all for going against social norms but don’t expect to be taken seriously when word gets around that you are a cockwhore.

    Cause guys like to talk and if you fuck as many and word starts going it could ruin some opportunities or some chances basically your reputation.

    These are my reasons.

    Again MY OPINION. So all you slutty promiscuous gays better NOT come at my throat.