Serious Question for my Fellow Gay/Bi Men

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 31, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    So Tonight I found out things about someone that I have liked for a little while...Me and this someone are nothing and most likely wont be nothing but it left me a little upset and down.

    So...im in one of those moods where I need a little positive re-assurance from other gay men....I'd like to believe I already know the answer but Like I said I need to hnear it from you guys and I want the 100% TRUTH.

    Are their Gay/Bi Men out there that actually want a serious/committed/loving relationship with someone?

    Or are all of them just looking for the next hookup?

    Theirs a side to me that has lost hope but then the other side stays hopeful
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    Yes. There are plenty of other posts on here about guys wanting that ONE special someone, so obviously you aren't the only one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    go read my threads and you will understand that you are definitely... not alone in this.
    and read meninlove's thread too asking young men out there who want a relationship (me being one of them who wants an extremely 100 % loyal, commited, monogamous relationship).

    and i've tried all.

    /end of thread.
  • wpc56

    Posts: 45

    Oct 31, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    Different stages in life really.

    If you want to settle down when you're in your 20s or late teen... well other ppl are just coming out and want to explore and enjoy life before committing to a relationship (ie. tied down)

    If you are in your 30s+ and your peers (also in their 30s) have been there and done that and chances are they are looking to settle down as well.

    Obviously there are exceptions to the rules but that's pretty much it.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 31, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidYes. There are plenty of other posts on here about guys wanting that ONE special someone, so obviously you aren't the only one.


    Im sorry if this topic is already out there because Im sure it is...Im just down a little bit and Im kind of turning to all the gay men on here to reassure/comfort me I guess...
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Oct 31, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    And Im aware that we all have our "needs" and theirs nothing wrong with just dating and being sexual...

    Its just that I do want that ONE special person..for more than sex...for a companionship....someone to depend on and laugh with ect ect....Im just wondering if its possible
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:32 AM GMT
    I definitely want someone/something like that. Finding him is just hard, so just don't give up ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:39 AM GMT
    Yes, they are out there. I am one of them. But I must admit, most of the guys around my age don't want that. They enjoy their time being free but then again, they are in college. I know quite a few guys in monogamous relationships, and they're quite happy. It's possible, but I think that many younger guys are not all into that. But that's just generalizing. Keep a lookout. Monogamous gay guys are out there.
  • NHLFAN

    Posts: 370

    Oct 31, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    Yes, there are guys who want to be in a long term relationship with one person who will share the ups and downs of life. I was in one for 14 years, but I think we're more on the smaller side of the gay community. I'd much rather sleep in the same bed with the man I love every day then have a new guy or two or three each week.

    You are not alone. It's finding guys with the same attitude that can be tough. You will find him no doubt!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:22 PM GMT
    Happy Answer: Yes, there is a guy who will make you happy and love you! icon_smile.gif

    Shitty Answer: I have no idea where he is, or when you'll find him. Sorry icon_sad.gif

    Verdict: Don't lose hope because of one guy. He's one of many, and dating is a matter of trial and error. It sounds bad, but you really do go through quite a bit to find Mr. Right. At times you'll feel like you have him, and at times you'll feel like you despise men... but it's all a learning experience, and it'll help you be that much closer to finding what you truly want. Good luck to you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    ShaneF_87 saidYes, they are out there. I am one of them. But I must admit, most of the guys around my age don't want that. They enjoy their time being free but then again, they are in college. I know quite a few guys in monogamous relationships, and they're quite happy. It's possible, but I think that many younger guys are not all into that. But that's just generalizing. Keep a lookout. Monogamous gay guys are out there.


    Aren't you the one who was asking if there was something wrong with being promiscuous this morning? icon_eek.gif
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    Oct 31, 2011 9:05 PM GMT
    njmeanwhile said
    ShaneF_87 saidYes, they are out there. I am one of them. But I must admit, most of the guys around my age don't want that. They enjoy their time being free but then again, they are in college. I know quite a few guys in monogamous relationships, and they're quite happy. It's possible, but I think that many younger guys are not all into that. But that's just generalizing. Keep a lookout. Monogamous gay guys are out there.


    Aren't you the one who was asking if there was something wrong with being promiscuous this morning? icon_eek.gif


    Just because I've been known to be a little promiscuous doesn't mean I don't value monogamy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 9:06 PM GMT
    yes, we exist. Seek the light and embrace your truth.

    or somethin like that
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 364

    Oct 31, 2011 9:13 PM GMT
    Yes, there are plenty of gay-men who want to be in serious monogamous relationships... sometimes it seems that everyone is on the remodeled house in the suburbs, white picket fence, IKEA furnishings, and adopted children from another country-kick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    You are definitely not alone. I have tried to meet potential guys in hopes of developing a relationship but it just never turned out that they want the same thing. I haven't even been out with anyone in such a long time because I have gotten so fed up with the way guys are when it comes to dating and what not. I just came to the conclusion that I'll meet someone when it actually happens...not rushing it or obsessing over it.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Oct 31, 2011 10:30 PM GMT
    Yes to both questions; however, I wish for 2 special Ppl., but not of the same gender.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 10:33 PM GMT
    comical44 saidAnd Im aware that we all have our "needs" and theirs nothing wrong with just dating and being sexual...

    Its just that I do want that ONE special person..for more than sex...for a companionship....someone to depend on and laugh with ect ect....Im just wondering if its possible
    It's easier if you're not playing hide and seek. Figure out who you are first and what you want then embrace who you are. You're hiding from the truth and others and then wondering why you can't find someone.

    Where are you looking? What are you doing to put yourself out there to meet other gay guys? Are you gay? Open? Single? Out? So many questions and so few answers.

    There may be guys right here that would like to get to know you but I'll bet most are discouraged and/or turned off by no pic, no profile descriptive information. No one wants a mystery man. I get being discreet but with that comes fewer to choose from too. There's a down side to everything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 10:58 PM GMT
    Couldn't agree more w eb295guy

    It is hard enough for you to find that someone on your own. But you make it doubly hard for anyone else to find you by limiting information about you - photos, likes, dislikes, interests, etc... Take some time and share something about you. This is how it works today.

    Now to answer your specific question.....I honestly don't know. My experience in this community is they like the idea of a committed relationship but aren't prepared to make the sacrifices necessary for that lifestyle. My 2 cents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    I'm not looking for a hookup, but when people find out I'm a virgin it becomes

    "All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy"


    I guess there's something in being able to say you took somebody's v-card.

    I could see myself with either a guy or girl, but girls always want me to "tone myself down". Guys just want to see if "what they say about black guys is true"icon_rolleyes.gifI refuse to change for anyone.

    I can be mature.
    I can be goofy.
    I don't want to be seen as a sex object.

    I will always be me though.

    I don't speak for everyone, but the ones looking to be Johnny Appleseed despositing their sperm in everyone don't speak for all of us either.

    Hope this gives you a bit of hope.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 11:19 PM GMT
    Ive said it once and Ill say it again... compared to actual commitment.. I find hookups boring and not really worth the trouble
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2011 11:40 PM GMT
    so some of you live on a constant diet of hookups and being promiscuous as all get out and yet expect to have a committed relationship. how do you all figure that is going to happen?
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    Oct 31, 2011 11:59 PM GMT
    ShaneF_87 said
    njmeanwhile said
    ShaneF_87 saidYes, they are out there. I am one of them. But I must admit, most of the guys around my age don't want that. They enjoy their time being free but then again, they are in college. I know quite a few guys in monogamous relationships, and they're quite happy. It's possible, but I think that many younger guys are not all into that. But that's just generalizing. Keep a lookout. Monogamous gay guys are out there.


    Aren't you the one who was asking if there was something wrong with being promiscuous this morning? icon_eek.gif


    Just because I've been known to be a little promiscuous doesn't mean I don't value monogamy.


    Just confused. Not trying to be judgy.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Nov 01, 2011 12:01 AM GMT
    GUYS...thankyou so much for your feed back and opinions...This week Specifically they are SO helpful and appreciated....sometimes its good to vent and get other peoples opinions when your feeling down.

    To answer some peoples questions...No ...im not fully out but im on my way...slowly but surely telling more people....majority just my best friends...ill be starting with family soon...taking it slow but I also am making sonscious decisions to be more open and honest because Im not getting any younger.

    I dont know why but within the last year....Something has taken over me and I really have been feeling lonely and just want to be in a relationship...I want that other person...I think its because im 26(not old,notyoung) and I would like to give a realtionship a try and fall in love...Ive dated guys but never been in a LTR and im read,willing and open.

    I just feel like all guys just want their dick in someones mouth and call it a wrap...yes I know not all guys are like this but A LOT are and it is frustrating.

    Someone mentioned something similiar above.....But...Its so easy to get a bj or sex or whatever.....Wouldnt it be awesome if you could find a guy to fall in love with and not only could you do sexual things with him but you could experience so much more....like LIFE together
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2011 12:15 AM GMT
    I think people fall into the categories of either a relationship kind of guy or a hook-up kind of guy. Doesn't mean people can't change from one or the other, i just think they lean one way more then the other. As a bisexual, i am total relationship kind of person, with both female and males.

    So yes there are others like you. You will find that someone eventually.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2011 12:15 AM GMT
    comical44 said...Something has taken over me and I really have been feeling lonely and just want to be in a relationship...


    I didn't get to read this right away. For me, there shouldn't be this reason at all (that you are lonely that's why you want someone to be with).

    First, for you to love someone, you should love yourself. Cliche, I know, but it is true. How can you give something you don't have?

    Second, sometimes, love/commitment/LTR is not all a bed of roses. There are times that true love would hurt so much or take so much toll on you. In the end of course, you will want to work things out with your partner. But you know what I mean.

    Try to find happiness in yourself first, then you will attract love...Good luck!