What if the person you love desires somebody else?

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    Oct 31, 2011 7:32 PM GMT
    I know this question seems almost yawnably cliche, but what if the person you love desires somebody else? What do you do? Do you get jealous? Do you get excited? Do you want to lock your beloved up in a closet? Do you want to watch? Do you say no? Do you say yes?

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    Oct 31, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    novo saidI know this question seems almost yawnably cliche, but what if the person you love desires somebody else? What do you do? Do you get jealous? Do you get excited? Do you want to lock your beloved up in a closet? Do you want to watch? Do you say no? Do you say yes?



    You bow out with as much dignity as you can muster.
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    I find me somebody else to love. Simple as that.

    I'm not like some of these other ho's that go running around asking about who someone is sleeping with. By the time that person thinking of what to say to me, I done already had another one lined up.

    Trollileo saidIsn't it obvious? You kill his loved one.


    That's mismanagement. I find it stupid for people to fight the loved one rather than fight the idiot who created the situation.

    No, I'm not going to fight the other guy. I'm going to fuck YOU up...
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:42 PM GMT
    RedheadedRy said
    novo saidI know this question seems almost yawnably cliche, but what if the person you love desires somebody else? What do you do? Do you get jealous? Do you get excited? Do you want to lock your beloved up in a closet? Do you want to watch? Do you say no? Do you say yes?



    You bow out with as much dignity as you can muster.


    Wait. I misread that. "Desires" somebody else? You mean, he wants to have sex outside the relationship? Only you can say how you would really feel in that situation. I've tried the open thing once. It didn't work. Not because I think it caused a breakdown. I think in our instance it was symptomatic of us not being for each other in the first place. I do know of some relationships that are open and apparently successful, but I am unsure about their viability longterm.

    Talk over whatever feelings you have about the issue with this person. I assume he's told you he loves you as much as you love him?
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:43 PM GMT
    I'd need a little more context for the question... Did he love you at some point? Are y'all in a relationship? Is it just some guy you have gaga eyes for but doesn't notice you?
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    How do you define "desire"?
    If he likes the other man that much he isn't sure about our relationship anymore, I'd end it.
    But it's totally fine if he thinks that someone other than me is hot
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    I've loved somebody for years who couldnt give a toss about me and constantly bragged to me how he is bedding every 18 year old in Florida. Trust me; in the end it hurts more trying to put up with him than it is to leave him.
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    If they want someone else, it's time for YOU to move on. Otherwise you're only gonna make life difficult for the other person, and you're going to hurt yourself fantasizing over something that's a closed case.

    There's plenty of guys, and one of them will like you back. It's just a matter of time. There's a solution to everything in life but death. Chin up icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:50 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies; here's some context: This is a relationship in which both people continue to love each other, but one of them is also attracted to somebody else.
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    Oct 31, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    I think it's natural to have an attraction towards someone else. It's just a matter of how far you are willing to let it go. If he's just looking, it does no harm. You both just have to be reminded of why it is that you are in love with each other. It's easy to become attracted to someone, but not to find someone you love.

    Just a matter really of whether or not you'd be willing to have an open relationship, have a 3rd wheel in the bedroom, or spice things up for him. Hope things work out for you icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:07 PM GMT
    Polygamy is full of win.

    Just sayin'...
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:08 PM GMT
    novo saidThanks for the replies; here's some context: This is a relationship in which both people continue to love each other, but one of them is also attracted to somebody else.


    Attracted is different than in love... When I was in love, I loved him from the roots of my soul. But I didn't suddenly go blind! I still recognize a sexy man. That's a far cry from developing an emotional bond with someone else.

    (assuming of course we're talking about monogamy) If I'm in a situation where I can develop a bond with another man who isn't my partner, then there is some other problem at work in the relationship already.
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:11 PM GMT

    You leave the bitch, because that person didn't deserve what you had to offer so they are settling for less because they deserve less, fuck em I say...
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    alex1990 saidI think it's natural to have an attraction towards someone else. It's just a matter of how far you are willing to let it go. If he's just looking, it does no harm. You both just have to be reminded of why it is that you are in love with each other. It's easy to become attracted to someone, but not to find someone you love.

    Just a matter really of whether or not you'd be willing to have an open relationship, have a 3rd wheel in the bedroom, or spice things up for him. Hope things work out for you icon_smile.gif


    I agree, Alex, that this is really the old "open relationship" question. I've never tried it, and I think my natural tendency is to feel jealous if somebody I'm in a relationship with desires somebody else. But, I'm trying to be more enlightened about this question, and wondering if jealousy is the best response. I mean, rather than standing as a barrier between the person you love and the other person he's attracted to, couldn't this be a way to learn more about the beloved? Don't trap him, but give him freedom.
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    dragondevil said

    You leave the bitch, because that person didn't deserve what you had to offer so they are settling for leads, fuck em I say...


    +1
    Time to move on
    Not to sound callous
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    It goes both ways. If you show too much jealousy, he may be turned away from it, however, if you don't show any signs of jealousy at all, he could think you have no interest in the situation. If you allow him the freedom, you have to be willing and able to accept he could end up doing something with this guy. In my opinion, I would just try to see what his needs are, and find a way to meet them. Just don't be too clingy about it. Relationships are hard.
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:26 PM GMT
    3some
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    novo saidThanks for the replies; here's some context: This is a relationship in which both people continue to love each other, but one of them is also attracted to somebody else.


    Attracted is different than in love... When I was in love, I loved him from the roots of my soul. But I didn't suddenly go blind! I still recognize a sexy man. That's a far cry from developing an emotional bond with someone else.

    (assuming of course we're talking about monogamy) If I'm in a situation where I can develop a bond with another man who isn't my partner, then there is some other problem at work in the relationship already.


    So true
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:30 PM GMT
    Y'all just gotta move on, son. If that person isn't into you at first, they'll probably never be into you.
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    When I was in love, I loved him from the roots of my soul.

    Oh Larkin. This sentence made my heart melt. Just like this picture.

    Freebie_You_Make_My_Heart_Melt.JPG
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    Oct 31, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    Cityaznguy said
    Larkin_PLR said
    When I was in love, I loved him from the roots of my soul.

    Oh Larkin. This sentence made my heart melt. Just like this picture.

    Freebie_You_Make_My_Heart_Melt.JPG


    Aw, haha. icon_smile.gif

    I don't love easily... but I love truly.
  • Scorpio1113

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    Oct 31, 2011 9:06 PM GMT
    Jealousy is a natural feeling, and there is nothing wrong with in my book. Just like any emotion, it is what you do with that counts more - not how you feel. The same goes for your question. If my boyfriend desired another, of course I'd be jealous, but I don't think I'd end it - unless he had tangible goals to be with this person (physically or emotionally). I understand that guys find other guys attractive, whether they are single or not. As long as my boyfriend respects the boundaries in our relationship, I couldn't be too upset.....
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    Oct 31, 2011 9:07 PM GMT




    Yes this is relevant. Listen to the lyrics.
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    Oct 31, 2011 11:52 PM GMT
    YOu decide you want somebody that actually loves you back.. and you get the hell out of there
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    Oct 31, 2011 11:54 PM GMT
    I would cut my losses and move on. I don't waste my time on guys who don't love me back if that were the case.