Taking a little break

  • gymnewby1983

    Posts: 36

    Nov 02, 2011 8:13 PM GMT
    I recently decide to take a break from the whole dating thing... i.e. I will not actively look for someone.
    So I basically disappeared from the various dating/hook up websites on November 1st.
    The idea is that I will have time for ME and build a stronger self before I attempt anything in that department. The "renovation" will be mental as well as physical: less time online = more time outdoors or being productive = more time at the gym.
    And who knows, the universe might provide a great encounter somewhere on the road.

    My ex thinks it's a bad idea. Then again... that's the guy who cannot keep it in his pants.

    Some friends think it will do me some good.

    I personally think it's brilliant!

    Thoughts are welcome icon_biggrin.gif I would love to know if some of you did that and if it worked out.
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    Nov 02, 2011 10:09 PM GMT
    "I aint need no man! I'mma do ME!"

    Sure. Go for it.
    Makes sense.
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    Nov 03, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    My New Years resolution was "no new people in the inner circle." It's been great. I don't worry about meeting new people or going on dates. I'm trying to focus on me and becoming more comfortable/happy not trying to make anyone else happy. It's been great. I think you're doing something that can be really good for you.

    Good luck!
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    Nov 03, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    It's not a bad idea. If you have a problem, fix it. If dating is part of the problem or if it's distracting you from fixing the problem, take a break. I don't know why people feel so much pressure to date. It makes dating seem like a job or a chore.

    ***** checks own profile *****

    Then again, what do I know?
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    Nov 03, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    I do this repeatedly, and it works.

    We often ignore ourselves, and forget we need work!

    It's a great idea.
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    Nov 03, 2011 5:36 AM GMT
    imasrxd saidMy New Years resolution was "no new people in the inner circle." It's been great. I don't worry about meeting new people or going on dates. I'm trying to focus on me and becoming more comfortable/happy not trying to make anyone else happy. It's been great. I think you're doing something that can be really good for you.

    Good luck!


    As much as I can relate to the fact that people can be unreliable, and at your age I don't blame you (my parents are the same way, they don't try to meet new people).However, I can't see any real benefits versus not attempting to meet new people and meeting new people. I'm personally not content enough with the lack of friend circle I have to stop trying to meet new people.

    In the same sense, I'm also not really playing around on dating sites either. Partly because the fact that despite the numerous dates I've gone on in the past few weeks, non has equaled up to the guy I'm currently seeing (and I even told him I wanted to keep my options open).

    I would suggest to OP: instead of trying to meet people, read books that deal with self-help. No amount of time outdoors and the gym is going to fix the issue. But from the sound of it, you've already been reading some books.

    Trollileo saidIs your inner circle your asshole?


    NO M'AM icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 03, 2011 5:43 AM GMT
    I'm not saying it's permanent. I'm just taking a break. It's been good to just relax and not worry about dating/meeting new people. I've made really bad choices in men so taking a little time to think about what's important to me has been good.
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    Nov 03, 2011 5:56 AM GMT
    imasrxd saidI'm not saying it's permanent. I'm just taking a break. It's been good to just relax and not worry about dating/meeting new people. I've made really bad choices in men so taking a little time to think about what's important to me has been good.


    And that's fine. taking the pressure off and focusing on other things besides dating is great.

    But, I just get concerned about some people getting into a 'commitment' about not meeting people, and then when someone compatible presents themselves; they flake out or seem disinterested because they "don't wanna meet new people." Well, you just missed an opportunity. That was the one that got away.

    I think single people should always be open to expanding horizons, meeting new people. Doesn't need to be from a dating site, but where there's a possibility. And you should be open to it because, it's when you're not looking that it may present itself. And if you saying no, how would you know?

    That's why I suggested to OP to read books. Just taking a break and then returning back to the playing field without studying won't produce different results.
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    Nov 03, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    I just cant be bothered anymore icon_razz.gif too much work and effort lol
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    Nov 03, 2011 10:25 AM GMT
    gymnewby1983 saidThoughts are welcome icon_biggrin.gif I would love to know if some of you did that and if it worked out.
    Since 2005, yes...living by myself is fucking awesome and I wouldn't change it for the world.

    Result: A few weeks ago I met a guy in the bar, sexed him in the parking lot after closing time (typical South Beach hookup), realized we have a lot more in common than just sex, and ended up dating.

    Best part: He lives in a 2-bedroom condo that he owns with his ex, who is also a great guy to be around. He's also comfortable with polygamy (I told him up front that I'm not a monogamous person).

    Moral of the story: Enjoy your singularity. You'll eventually run across someone who rocks your boat...even if it takes a few years. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 03, 2011 11:18 AM GMT
    I think actively looking for someone is overrated. You can be happy as a single gay man but for me, I just don't want it to be forever. Be content with yourself and when you're ready, try again. icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 03, 2011 1:30 PM GMT
    I've stopped actively looking a while ago. It's important to have ME time for a little while sometimes. Go for it.

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    Nov 03, 2011 1:34 PM GMT
    What I have seen personally is, I find more people are looking for me when I stop looking for them. Don't know why but it always happens. So you just might meet someone really fun too.
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    Nov 03, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    Yes this is a great idea. I remember a period of my 20s where I would weigh every social activity I was offered by how likely I was to "meet someone". I heard from friends that I looked angry or in pain when we were out at club... any shocker I was not approached? That's assuming they could see past the giant pink neon "LOOKING" sign I had around my neck.

    I ended up meeting the current BF of 8 years on a total fluke when I was least prepared for it. If you are out in the world, living your life and enjoying the moment for what it is, it paradoxically makes you a lot more attractive and approachable.
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    Nov 03, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    imasrxd saidMy New Years resolution was "no new people in the inner circle." It's been great. I don't worry about meeting new people or going on dates. I'm trying to focus on me and becoming more comfortable/happy not trying to make anyone else happy. It's been great. I think you're doing something that can be really good for you.

    Good luck!
    Is your inner circle your asshole?

    BA HA HA HA HA HAAHA
    Trol, somebody appreciates your humor.
    <


    PS: Gymnewby, don't chase guys. It's herding cats. Total time-toilet.
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    Nov 03, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    Waaay back in the Dark Ages, when I was young, I found that if I stopped looking and concentrated on my friends and my self I was suddenly ythe hottest thing around. Couldn/t walk into a club without getting hit on.
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    Nov 03, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
    gymnewby1983 saidThoughts are welcome icon_biggrin.gif I would love to know if some of you did that and if it worked out.

    A break can be beneficial. I don't know what kind of dating scene you had been in up to this moment.

    The only time I stopped dating was after my late partner died (and naturally I didn't date when we were together, only talking about times when I was "single"). But that was because I basically lost the will to live at all, with dating not even on my radar. It took a forceable intervention by my gay friends to snap me out of it, first time in my life that had ever happened to me.

    And afterwards I made a very deliberate effort to begin dating again, as part of my recuperation. I had to struggle against the sense that I was "betraying" my late partner, versus the need to normalize my life.

    Your motives appear to be different. Yet I do wonder what brings you to this point. Time heals all wounds. If this is a reaction to emotional injuries you've suffered then a break is wise. Just always plan to return.

    We humans are social creatures, most of us, anyway, whether we like to admit it or not. For us in the States we have this hang-up about "rugged individualism" that hopefully doesn't infect you in Canada. Take your break, recharge your batteries, return stronger than before. It's a plan I can endorse.
  • gymnewby1983

    Posts: 36

    Nov 03, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    My my ! 17 answers already !

    Thanks guys.

    Of course it won't be permanent. And if an opportunity shows up and I'm comfortable with it, I'll go for it. But I won't actively look for dates. There are things I need to get done and I'm confident that those goals will be met by the end of this year.

    I already had a period like that and it proved to be beneficial.

    It takes solid basis to build something strong.

    Renovation in progress.
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    Nov 03, 2011 9:45 PM GMT
    It's hard for me to ignore meeting people. Even after unsubsribing, meetup.com still sends me 5 or 6 meetups a day