It's time for me to leave

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 5:59 AM GMT
    permanently from RJ. This is not an apology thread... it is a thread that will hopefully make you guys understand me more as a person that wants to be heard.

    I don't think I can accept myself being gay, and accepting the fate I don't want hurts... it hurts me a lot. It's like you're preparing yourself for something in the future, yet, how much you prepare for it, you know you will never actually reach your goal. I want to meet a man that I can share my life with from a young age (19 would be great) and experience life's turmoil together... love one another together and together only... enjoy our lives as one piece... but that seems more possible in a heterosexual relationship... not saying that it always works... saying that I have a higher chance if I followed that lifestyle. So, if I found a woman, I would most likely be able to achieve that goal.

    I always rejected who I was since I was 12 years old, because I knew, at that age, that the gay life is surrounded around who's ass is nicer, who's dick is bigger, who's chest muscles are more prominent, who's got the better face, who dressed the best, who has the most money, who can detach love from sex... Now, I know we all have some of those traits somehow, but wouldn't you guys want to value personality too?

    It seems as though gay men think only of the now, and not of the future that we will all have to face one day... Don't you want to live your lives with a man and feel as though you guys are progressing through your relationship and growing together, living together, facing the same problems together, loving each other... ? Am I honestly the only one who thinks this deep into life?
    Why do you guys seem content with just moving on? That's a depressing word... moving on... as though you guys want to forget about your past and keep creating a future that never is satisfying....

    I knew all that, and I hated the idea that I had to deal with it... as I am currently.
    I honestly think for the sake of me (you guys talked about making myself happy first... right?... well... here I am trying to make myself happy)....for the sake of myself, I think that I would definitely enjoy living my life with a female... even if that includes me having to jack off to gay videos and popping viagra... I will do that... or even if it means no sex at all... I am up for that.

    I value emotional bonding over sex anyday... and while some of you or most of you may not understand that quite yet... or ever understand that... I truly mean it from my heart... that emotions can feel like heaven... if directed to you in the proper way. I hope you guys are all touched by this one day and realize what I am talking about.

    Yes, I got kicked out of my house for being gay, but you know what... what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and I think I will go back home.... and I think I would make a good husband for that lady that I will go after.

    I am protective and loyal... I am honest about my feelings and I deserve someone who can keep those feelings locked in their heart.

    --------------

    I will definitely miss a lot of you... yourname2000, theguynextdoor, meninlove, lostboy, cash, and all of you other wonderful men that I haven't mentioned... if I chatted with you before then you would know. I don't mean harm, I honestly don't... I rejoined RJ because I thought maybe people changed... and have become more respectful of monogamy-oriented men. However, I still see that other men seem to call me a woman because of my views on monogamy. It hurts, not that women are bad... but that I am classified as something I am not, because I choose to be different than the majority of gay men... it's unfortunate that as a gay man, I have to also endure the hate of fellow gay men. So, you may ask where all this internal and external hate from me comes from... it comes from all the hate found within gay men towards me.

    --------------

    As for my view on men who engage in bareback porn... who get hiv... I think they need to understand that with everything in life, there is a risk.... and the consequence may be harsh... yes... living with hiv is unfortunate, but that's why you should be extra careful.
    So I still hold by my stance in that thread claiming that they asked for it.
    They decided to put trust in someone who they should not trust in the first place and decided to be reckless... Yes, it hurts some of you to hear this... but I think the gay society as a whole needs to think more carefully about how it acts..

    ---------------

    Anyways, I wish the best for RJ, but I will definitely not be returning this time... and this isn't an apology... it's my "last stance" for what I believe in... in a community that rejects it.

    I am going for hormone therapy...I have talked to my parents again... because I want them to change me... I want to live the life of a straight muslim boy... not a gay western boy.


  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Nov 03, 2011 6:01 AM GMT
    Mohamed,

    I strongly urge you to reconsider. Please give those of us who care about you at least a couple of days to talk to you before you leave RJ and before you attempt to do what you are considering.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 6:04 AM GMT
    creature saidMohamed,

    I strongly urge you to reconsider. Please give those of us who care about you at least a couple of days to talk to you before you leave RJ and before you attempt to do what you are considering.


    Thanks creature, but I honestly will live a much happier life this way. I don't want to get caught up in the gay society and then have no choice but to continue because I am too old.

    I understand why a lot of depression is found among gay men... it's like people want to carve us into the same type of people as they are so they don't feel bad for themselves...

    like gay society... is so disgusting.... I hate it with a passion.

  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Nov 03, 2011 6:13 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    creature saidMohamed,

    I strongly urge you to reconsider. Please give those of us who care about you at least a couple of days to talk to you before you leave RJ and before you attempt to do what you are considering.


    Thanks creature, but I honestly will live a much happier life this way. I don't want to get caught up in the gay society and then have no choice but to continue because I am too old.

    I understand why a lot of depression is found among gay men... it's like people want to carve us into the same type of people as they are so they don't feel bad for themselves...


    But Mohamed,

    You're not alone in the views and moral opinions that you hold. Just because you catch some flak from some guys here for expressing them doesn't mean there aren't thousands out there who agree with what you say.

    You'll live a much better life by being true to yourself. If you are genuinely attracted to men and not women, then date men. If you have certain standards when it comes to choosing a date, hold on to your principles and don't give up on them.

    There are a lot of type of gays, just as there are a lot of type of people. You can't pigeonhole what a gay man is, except to say that they are attracted to men. Don't let the bumps on the road deter you from reaching your destination.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 6:14 AM GMT
    You need to realize that it is not "The gay society" you are against.

    You are against people on the internet trying to tell you that your reasoning skills are not very clear... that you make hasty decisions, and you over-dramatize things.

    You are against logical arguments and true debate....



    You need a mentor in your life, someone who is a living example of personally viewed success as a gay man... without those qualities and labels you place on to the community at large.
    You've placed those labels because of how you choose to perceive opposition in any form as a character flaw in the opposer (And their "Group").

    I hope this is just a phase... I really do. I couldn't stand to see someone suffer their whole life this way. Hopefully this comes across sincere, because I mean every word.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    You seem like a sweet guy, mohamed.

    I completely respect your views and beliefs about what you want as a gay guy. Because, honestly, I want the same icon_biggrin.gif

    But bitching about it constantly isn't going to get you what you want. (I've seen all your threads lol)
    You're definitely not alone in your thinking, and I kinda wish you had more patience, because I'm 100% you'd eventually find someone who thinks like you and me. Just because that might not happen in the next couple months doesn't mean you should resort to desperation and try to be "straight".

    Either way, I wish you the best.
    I secretly hope you come to your senses though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 7:52 AM GMT
    We shall meet again.

    I am sure of it. Take care of yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 9:11 AM GMT
    Respect for you = reduced to 0. Reading that pathetic pity party makes me so angry.

    You haven't found what you're looking for in 5 minutes so you're going to try to change who you are? That's pathetic. You have the emotional maturity of a toddler. Work on yourself a bit more and become someone that another guy would want to build a partnership with - I can tell you now you're far from that - stop assuming that just because you haven't found what you're looking for yet it doesn't exist. That is YOUR problem that you need to deal with, grow up and get over yourself. No one else is going to fix you.

    What you want is out there, but I don't think you'll ever find it with the bad attitude you have. So yes, you do need to change but that doesn't mean you need to try not being gay and live a lie.

    This has made me so angry icon_mad.gificon_mad.gificon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 9:32 AM GMT
    ^^^ This

    What a complete narcissist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    First of all let's respect HIS decision to leave and change. He has come to this conclusion on his own and as much as most of you hate it, you gotta respect it.

    Second; Mohammed, I wish you nothing but the best in your new journey and if you are still able to read this and need someone to talk, please don't hesitate to contact me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    JakeGHK saidThere are many emotional bonds however on some level you are cheating a poor young woman out of a quality husband.

    How is gay society in your country?



    Good grief, what?!?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 1:44 PM GMT
    creature said, "But Mohamed,

    You're not alone in the views and moral opinions that you hold. Just because you catch some flak from some guys here for expressing them doesn't mean there aren't thousands out there who agree with what you say.

    You'll live a much better life by being true to yourself. If you are genuinely attracted to men and not women, then date men. If you have certain standards when it comes to choosing a date, hold on to your principles and don't give up on them.

    There are a lot of type of gays, just as there are a lot of type of people. You can't pigeonhole what a gay man is, except to say that they are attracted to men. Don't let the bumps on the road deter you from reaching your destination."



    Ditto!


    PS I think perhaps the flak you got was not as much over your views and moral opinions but rather how you expressed them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    FastlaneKid saidFirst of all let's respect HIS decision to leave and change. He has come to this conclusion on his own and as much as most of you hate it, you gotta respect it.

    Second; Mohammed, I wish you nothing but the best in your new journey and if you are still able to read this and need someone to talk, please don't hesitate to contact me.


    It is his decision to leave, and his coming out journey is his alone. He has had a very difficult one. However, he is an adult (albeit a young one) and is still responsible for his actions. I am happy to cut him slack - I like him. But he's basically throwing a childish hissy fit, and leaving a lot of hurt feelings in his wake. It is the Internet, but I suspect he's doing the same thing in his real life.

    Mo, if you're still looking at this at all, some of us love you, but please get some counseling. And I don't mean some quack "reparative" counseling, or the "hormone treatments" you referenced. I have no idea what that is, but whatever it is it's not going to make you straight. Just a more screwed up young gay man.

    I hope your journey ends well for you and that you find what you're looking for.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    FastlaneKid saidFirst of all let's respect HIS decision to leave and change. He has come to this conclusion on his own and as much as most of you hate it, you gotta respect it.

    Second; Mohammed, I wish you nothing but the best in your new journey and if you are still able to read this and need someone to talk, please don't hesitate to contact me.

    Concur. Though I'd still like to see him stay (if he's still here to read this). Online sites, whether RJ or others, can be a learning experience. Brutal at times, but these are the experiences that shape us and make us better prepared to face the rest of the world, which is often also unkind and unforgiving. Never run away -- confront and conquer. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    Maybe he can find a time machine and go back to the Victorian age and be a women there. There goes the most judgmental person on Rj, again. It's sad to think that he thinks changing his sexual orientation will make him happy, he needs to find happiness within.

    That being said, who wants to put money down that my ass is nicer than his?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 3:23 PM GMT
    JakeGHK said
    yourname2000 said
    JakeGHK saidThere are many emotional bonds however on some level you are cheating a poor young woman out of a quality husband.

    How is gay society in your country?

    In Canada? --it's pretty good...full equality, including marriage. It's definitely better in larger centres than small towns...there are still bullies and suicides and the occasional bashings, but all in all, it's not too bad.

    How 'bout for you in Vatican City?


    icon_question.gif?icon_question.gif?icon_question.gif?icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    I was talking about Mohammed.


    Mohammed lives in Canada too...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    I don't know that there are women out there who'd be happy in a relationship with a guy who'd rather be with other guys, but I suppose it's possible. I've met some females who really love gay men. There are all kinds of relationships out there, though it sounds like you're looking for monogamy more than you're looking for a healthy, loving relationship.

    If anything, I think you should find a therapist to talk to for at least a short period of time. From the tone of your posts here, it sounds like you're having some trouble processing your frustration at what life has dealt you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 3:55 PM GMT
    Chainers saidMaybe he can find a time machine and go back to the Victorian age and be a women there. There goes the most judgmental person on Rj, again. It's sad to think that he thinks changing his sexual orientation will make him happy, he needs to find happiness within.

    That being said, who wants to put money down that my ass is nicer than his?


    I've seen it (clothed), Chainers. And, hands down you've got an ass that just begs to be banged like a screen door in a hurricane.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidI don't know that there are women out there who'd be happy in a relationship with a guy who'd rather be with other guys, but I suppose it's possible. I've met some females who really love gay men. There are all kinds of relationships out there, though it sounds like you're looking for monogamy more than you're looking for a healthy, loving relationship.

    If anything, I think you should find a therapist to talk to for at least a short period of time. From the tone of your posts here, it sounds like you're having some trouble processing your frustration at what life has dealt you.


    There are cultures where men marry women and have children, while the wife knows that the man is fucking guys on the side. This is usually a culture where there is pressure to produce heirs for whatever reason. The man has the wife and kids out of duty.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    Not every community is for everyone. Just know that RJ will be here if and when you decide to return.

    So many folks say their dramatic good byes. Many return. The ones that don't? I wish them happiness wherever they find it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    BYE YOU TROLL! Don't worry, things will be better without you hear you damn hypocrite.

    Enjoy your divorce in the future!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 4:05 PM GMT
    AlexanderB saidBYE YOU TROLL! Don't worry, things will be better without you hear you damn hypocrite.

    Enjoy your divorce in the future!


    GO shit in your mouth.

    Mo....

    leaving RJ is one thing, but honestly, as someone who tried it, DO NOT try and squash your sexuality for religious or cultural reasons. It can only harm you and it could badly hurt others too.

    really don´t do it. Really.

    Email me and we can talk

    icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    Lostboy said
    AlexanderB saidBYE YOU TROLL! Don't worry, things will be better without you hear you damn hypocrite.

    Enjoy your divorce in the future!


    GO shit in your mouth.

    Mo....

    leaving RJ is one thing, but honestly, as someone who tried it, DO NOT try and squash your sexuality for religious or cultural reasons. It can only harm you and it could badly hurt others too.

    really don´t do it. Really.

    Email me and we can talk

    icon_cool.gif


    He said he wants to be straight and that way he wont get cheated on, so I told him to have fun fucking pussies from now on. I then told him that this site is not for straight guys so I guess that's why he deleted his profile.

    He needs to grow up and quit whining.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 4:32 PM GMT
    waikiki saidHe said he wants to be straight and that way he wont get cheated on, so I told him to have fun fucking pussies from now on. I then told him that this site is not for straight guys so I guess that's why he deleted his profile.

    He needs to grow up and quit whining.


    Agreed, but this from the guy who tried to involve the entire site in a personal disagreement?

    He needs love - tough love, but love nonetheless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    Lostboy said
    AlexanderB saidBYE YOU TROLL! Don't worry, things will be better without you hear you damn hypocrite.

    Enjoy your divorce in the future!


    GO shit in your mouth.

    Mo....

    leaving RJ is one thing, but honestly, as someone who tried it, DO NOT try and squash your sexuality for religious or cultural reasons. It can only harm you and it could badly hurt others too.

    really don´t do it. Really.

    Email me and we can talk

    icon_cool.gif


    As much as I like Mo, Lostboy, you cant really blame the newer members for disliking him. He really does it to himself at this point in his life. I mean, he lashes out, calls people names, makes harsh judgments to a bunch of people he doesnt know, then gets upset when people do the same thing to him. Its a little strange...

    @GAMrican, thank you for your kind words about my ass. It must be why every top follows me around my gym like a puppy dog.