How do you feel about your b/f being on gay.com?

  • JohnDallas

    Posts: 87

    May 29, 2008 12:36 AM GMT
    Just curious how you guys feel about your partner or boyfriend being on gay.com. Does it bother you? Do you think it's ok? --- I must admit after being cheated on it really bothered me with my ex. So whats your view on the topic?
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    May 29, 2008 12:46 AM GMT
    I've met a couple of couples who are on there and they are okay since both couples have their own individual account but are linked to each other as "my partner". I think that makes a huge difference.
    They mostly do it for laughs and comparing notes!
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    May 29, 2008 3:14 AM GMT

    We unanimously made the decision not to have any profiles online that involve hookups. I don't regard this site as a hookup site, and certainly don't use it as one.

    The way I look at it is this. If you are in a relationship you shouldn't have gaydar, manhunt, gay.com, or any of those kinds of sites. And yes, some couples do list on there but I still think it's not worthwhile because it's impossible not to get hit up by people, and getting hit up may make you/your partner feel good, but ultimately... can't you spend your time together instead of wasting time on these stupid sites? You've found the one. End of story.

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    May 29, 2008 3:59 AM GMT
    In the past, I didn't care at all. But like JohnDallas, after I was cheated on, it now would bother me if my boyfriend logged onto gay.com. So, personally, I would prefer if my partner did not log onto gay.com.

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    May 29, 2008 4:05 AM GMT
    Well it's shouldn't be a problem as long as your bf isn't doing anything that you would find inappropriate like say having online sex.

    He could have some friends on gay.com and that's perfectly fine. He probably had it before he met you in the first place. As long as it doesn't interfere with the relationship that you and him have then I really don't see the problem. Besides, cheating don't jusy happen so so it really doens't mater what site youare on. If you don't want things to happen youhave more then enough control over yourself (one would hope) to not cheat or put yourself in a position to cheat. Where's the trust?

    Please just do become one of those ubberly paranoid bf's that feels someone is just waiting to cheat on you. You are too cute to look and be paranoid about this. If it bothers you that much (considering your past incident) you could always just talk to your bf and let him know how you feel about it and hopefully he'll see things your way and he'll delete the account just to set your mind at ease as a courtesy and simply because he cares.

    Communication is the key to opening doors but you gotta be willing to step through it willingly.
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    May 29, 2008 4:15 AM GMT
    It's all about intention and actions. Is he checking email or is he crusing profiles? I see no problem with checking email or chatting with a friend, but if he's chatting at random and crusing profiles he's either shopping or filling unmet needs elsewhere and neither of those lead to good things. It's all about communicating up front about mutual expectations when the relationship first starts. For instance if I am going to date someone I will tell them that I will get rid of x, y and z accounts, but for instance I am going to keep my RJ account because I am active in the forums on a wide variety of fitness topics, and answering these questions is excellent practice for doing personal training. This way the person knows up front exactly what sites I intend to visit and why, and which ones I've cancelled/suspended/or chosen not to use anymore. I think that is a talk all guys should have when they first start dating, lets face it online activities are pretty prevalent among gay guys so why not cover that along with other health issues right up front.
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    May 29, 2008 4:21 AM GMT
    Make sure to clarify dating because you can date more then one person at a time since it is just dating and until somthign serious is said to where a relationship is begun then seriously it's technically ok to still have those accounts since it's just dating and nothing serious.

    When you are in a relationship then that talk should become something issue and a topic to discuss.

    VanWidler said it best. "Dates are intervirews." or something along those lines.

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    May 29, 2008 4:48 AM GMT
    I would be having a long talk with my boyfriend if he was on any site like gay.com when we were dating.

    It's the same as cheating its way more sneaky doing it out of public view.

    I have an account there but when I'm with a guy I like and its getting serious and you reach that point your kinda seeing each other I don't go on.

    I think its gross.. Half the guys either start off a conversation asking about penis size or "dude U looking?" icon_rolleyes.gif

    Classy
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    May 29, 2008 4:53 AM GMT
    I must be one of the few people that doesn't use gay.com for sex.

    I've got friends I made on there, and it's just easier to keep in touch with all of them through it.

    So yeah. He can be on there. Chances are if I'm at home and he's not around I'd be on there as well. Granted, first slip up on there his ass would be greeting the curb faster then he could hit the close box.
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    May 29, 2008 4:54 AM GMT
    My ex always thought me being on gay.com was worse that him being on manhunt. By what leap of logic he came to that conclusion, I still have yet to figure out. Gay.com has never been a hook-up site for me. I've met and dated a few people from there, but I usually tell the pervs to go fuck themselves and then I cut and paste their tacky come-ons into the main chat room to humiliate them. Thats way more fun that getting laid.
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    May 29, 2008 5:35 AM GMT
    JohnDallas saidJust curious how you guys feel about your partner or boyfriend being on gay.com. Does it bother you? Do you think it's ok? --- I must admit after being cheated on it really bothered me with my ex. So whats your view on the topic?


    my partner and i are on numerous profile sites and we have no qualms or trust worries in either direction. some of the sites are very sexually oriented.
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    May 29, 2008 9:28 AM GMT
    RBY71 saidI usually tell the pervs to go fuck themselves and then I cut and paste their tacky come-ons into the main chat room to humiliate them. Thats way more fun that getting laid.


    I agree 100%...this is incredibly fun! =) My partner gets on gay.com and chats at the desk right next to me. Sometimes I'll even pop in the room and chat as well. I've never used it as a hook-up site. The regulars in the local room know that. The newbies and pervs don't...which can make for some fun if they're "overly persistent."

    Manhunt would be a different issue. That isn't the type of site where you'd go to chat about your day with friends.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    May 29, 2008 10:30 AM GMT
    I am not sure if jacking off on cam is cheating. Seems like just another way to explore and enjoy sex.
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    May 29, 2008 12:48 PM GMT
    I dont have a profile on gay dot com but my BF does. Trust levels are different for everyone. You (JohnDallas) have to decide for you and your partner what your trust level is. If your trust level is low, then those type profiles are always going to be an issue/concern within your relationship.

    Personally, my BF has 100% of my trust until he destroys it. Once/If it is destroyed then the entire relationship will take a complete different turn. I consider trust one of the higher priorities in a relationship. "Without trust, we dont have anything."
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    May 29, 2008 1:36 PM GMT
    At this point, i am neutral.
    I met my ex-partner via gay.com.
    During the 2 1/2 years we were together - we both occassionally chatted with friends we had made on the site - or so i thought. Like many others here, i was naive and trusted my life with my ex partner. In the end, i found out he would arrange hook-ups via gay.com.
    I also met my current BF via gay.com. He chooses not to enter the chat rooms. I still do, about once every other week to check up on old friends. For me, gay.com is a very dangerous game to play - i trust myself not to use it as a hook-up site - i know what it feels like to be cheated on. If he were to chat on gay.com - i would raise an eyebrow, only because it would be out of character for him but i would not tell him anything - i trust him - after a year - he has given me no reason not to.
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    May 29, 2008 1:44 PM GMT
    How else is he going to find hot muscular college dudes who bottom to bring home to poppa?
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    May 29, 2008 4:54 PM GMT
    My husband has a profile on gay.com and bear411.com and I have no problem with it as long as he stays open. If he has a problem having me in the room at the time he is chatting or messaging then there are problems. Those sites are just social sites for him and he has told the pervs to get lost.

    I have a rule regarding websites and that is if you are doing something or viewing something that you feel you have to hide it from your partner then you are doing something wrong.

    Sites like MH daddyhunt gaydar I have a problem with. If someone is on those sites its because they are looking for something outside the relationship they are in. (Though there are rare cases in which a person is on there just to look at profiles and has no real intention to hookup).
  • in773guy

    Posts: 89

    May 29, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    Hate it! Only cus he has hooked up on it.... at least he's off Manhunt...well, as himself.
  • NorthFl

    Posts: 98

    May 29, 2008 5:01 PM GMT
    no problem at all, if there isn't trust, time to move on. Think of it more as a gay myspace page.
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    May 29, 2008 5:09 PM GMT
    ScottCLE said[quote]Manhunt would be a different issue. That isn't the type of site where you'd go to chat about your day with friends.


    their slogan may be 'get on. get off.' but i chat about the day with my friends on there. i've been doing that for the last ~8 years =]

    edit:

    my partner and i are entirely transparent with each other and on our profiles we are clear that we have each other and what the rules of engagement are. between us, we talk about other guys we've met on a site and often point out hotties to admire. i have no concerns about him talking in any manner with someone online whether i'm involved or not. we are happily attached to each other and 3rd parties are only extra/different flavor for the meal.
  • JohnDallas

    Posts: 87

    May 29, 2008 5:11 PM GMT
    Thanks for all your guys input. My ex always thought I was going overboard about it. But he had cheated on me many times and would claim the new guys were just friends etc. and that he was not looking for sex. AS for me if I'm in a relationship, I don't see the need for gay.com. I'm single now but not sure how I feel about guys in the future being on if we are more than just dating.
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    May 29, 2008 5:25 PM GMT
    Dallas,

    honestly i rarely go on gay.com, it's about 1% content and 99% blatant in your face adverts. and if it's not that, then it's the perverts. it's hard to enjoy spending time chatting with friends on there.

    and if we are looking for a friend to get fancy with, it's not a "hi, wanna fuck?" - i've never appreciated that come-on. i know it's cool for a lot of people to just blatantly do that, but we like to get to know someone and start off as friends.

    the gay.com chat channels are usually awful. i haven't been there in a while so my judgement may be historic. but back then, they were filled with about 80% spam bots, 15% perverts, and 2% idlers. leaving a 2% of the remaining to be either drama queens or guys afraid to say something lest the perverts zero in on him.

    gay.com are horrible about dealing with spam and spammers. i used to report them all the time and got a response once in a great while long after the fact and usually to the effect of "we don't see anything wrong"

    i would never pay for an account there either. their interface is not very easy to navigate and requires popups for a lot of things. even if you ignore them, every page has that lame warning banner at the top telling you that gay.com requires popups.

    but i digress far too much.