Stranger Danger in the Gay Bar. Be Honest...

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    Nov 04, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    ...could you have been the victim in this situation? Often wonder who is the real person behind the handsome, sexy exterior of the guy you are hooking up with? Guess you never really know. Saw this story on the local news and in the newspaper the other day and this guy is kind of a hottie. Being honest with myself, I have to say 'yes', years ago when I was single and still going to bars and clubs regularly, I probably would not have said 'no' to this guy if approached at a bar.

    http://dailytribune.com/articles/2011/11/03/news/doc4eb2e3d79f10b721627625.txt


    http://www.myfoxdetroit.com/dpp/news/local/parolee-just-out-of-prison-accused-of-assault-and-robbery-20111102-ms

    6-P-FERNDALE-BEATING-ROBBER_201111021839
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    Nov 04, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    He looks like a total douche. Unless he was completely head-over-heels charming I wouldn't be talking to him anyways.
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    Nov 04, 2011 6:26 PM GMT
    Once woke up to find my car gone.
    think it was over two years before anyone stayed over again.
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    Nov 04, 2011 6:30 PM GMT
    He looks dirty and douchey for sure.

    But clean handsome people can do the same... They don't even have to try, they're easily trusted.
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    Nov 04, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    Ahh to be lured by candy and then getting poisoned because of it...
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    Nov 04, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    That is why I would never bring a stranger back to my place from a bar icon_smile.gif unless we have common friends.
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Nov 04, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    I may have when I was younger but I probably wouldn't now. I judge people more now about how they FEEL to me more than how they LOOK. I would probably pick up on his sinister intentions/harmful intent. Most likely feel intense fear/dread around him, I'd have to get away. I'm pretty sensitive to other people's emotional states. 2 years of consistent meditation really has it's benefits icon_smile.gif It's also one of the reasons why I don't go to bars anymore. Everyone is putting up a front, trying to present an image/ideal and trying too damn hard, I can feel it, it's false. It's like someone laughing really hard and being joyous while all feel from them is sadness and desperation. It's difficult to find someone being genuine and not trying to act like something or someone.
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    Nov 04, 2011 7:33 PM GMT
    xKorix saidI may have when I was younger but I probably wouldn't now. I judge people more now about how they FEEL to me more than how they LOOK. I would probably pick up on his sinister intentions/harmful intent. Most likely feel intense fear/dread around him, I'd have to get away. I'm pretty sensitive to other people's emotional states. 2 years of consistent meditation really has it's benefits icon_smile.gif It's also one of the reasons why I don't go to bars anymore. Everyone is putting up a front, trying to present an image/ideal and trying too damn hard, I can feel it, it's false. It's like someone laughing really hard and being joyous while all feel from them is sadness and desperation. It's difficult to find someone being genuine and not trying to act like something or someone.


    I FEEL like you're gonna be wrong one day. While social cues and "empathy" can be a very strong tool, and I FEEL like I have an amazing sense of these as well, they aren't 100%.

    Some people will project (and maybe even believe) one thing, and quickly change... True crazies are literally unpredictable, even to themselves.
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    Nov 04, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidBeen there .... in my early 20's I hooked up with a real hot buff guy ... we dated for a little while, I even let him barrow my brand new car while I was at work ... then my "best friend" and him hooked up and he didn't come around no more, a few days later my car was stolen from where I worked ..... later I found out from my X "best friend" that he had been on parole for car theft and had gotten busted again in L.A with a car he stole from Cheyenne (where btw they found my car abandoned on the side of the highway) .
    beldray-trojan-wheelbarrow.jpg
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    Nov 04, 2011 7:40 PM GMT
    Er, yeah. According to the story, the robbery happened on the THIRD date.
    I guess the background check, blood test and credit history should be done between the first and second dates. If you actually got his real name, that is icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 04, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    He looks like a dirtbag. Definite 'no.'
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Nov 04, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    xKorix saidI may have when I was younger but I probably wouldn't now. I judge people more now about how they FEEL to me more than how they LOOK. I would probably pick up on his sinister intentions/harmful intent. Most likely feel intense fear/dread around him, I'd have to get away. I'm pretty sensitive to other people's emotional states. 2 years of consistent meditation really has it's benefits icon_smile.gif It's also one of the reasons why I don't go to bars anymore. Everyone is putting up a front, trying to present an image/ideal and trying too damn hard, I can feel it, it's false. It's like someone laughing really hard and being joyous while all feel from them is sadness and desperation. It's difficult to find someone being genuine and not trying to act like something or someone.


    I FEEL like you're gonna be wrong one day. While social cues and "empathy" can be a very strong tool, and I FEEL like I have an amazing sense of these as well, they aren't 100%.

    Some people will project (and maybe even believe) one thing, and quickly change... True crazies are literally unpredictable, even to themselves.


    Well that's nice, you're not me so you can't speak for my experience. If what you say applies to you COOL! That's you're experience, not mine. I don't see anything wrong with believing that you have the insight and sensitivity to detect and protect yourself from people who want to deceive or harm you.
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    Nov 04, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    Nope.
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    Nov 04, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    Yes, he's hot, I like guys who look like cocky douchebags, maybe it's the bad boy image, I don't know. Whenever I hooked up with a stranger (past tense since I seldom hook up these days) whenever we went to the guy I was hookin up with's place, I just assumed he was gonna murder me so I was a little surprised when I found out that he just wanted to fuck me icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 04, 2011 8:22 PM GMT
    No.

    Can't see his body, but from his face and neck I'm going with "skinny-fat" which puts me into "polite but no" zone.
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    Nov 04, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidNo.

    Can't see his body, but from his face and neck I'm going with "skinny-fat" which puts me into "polite but no" zone.



    Who says superficiality is a bad thing? It could save your life! icon_lol.gif
  • havingfunmtl9...

    Posts: 258

    Nov 04, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    uhhh no - lol. Being a classy gay means that doesn't happen too often. Although, my friend had his watch and gold bracelet stolen by a dude who held it hostage until my friend agreed to go on a second date with him ... to say the least once the watch and bracelet were returned that other dude had to get some work done on his face. OHHH people..
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    Nov 04, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    Anduru saidHe looks like a total douche. Unless he was completely head-over-heels charming I wouldn't be talking to him anyways.


    +1
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    Nov 04, 2011 8:48 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidEr, yeah. According to the story, the robbery happened on the THIRD date.
    I guess the background check, blood test and credit history should be done between the first and second dates. If you actually got his real name, that is icon_rolleyes.gif



    Sometimes it is very difficult to get information on people unless you are willing to put out some money to pay for more extensive people searches.



    But then again, sometimes it is not so difficult:

    http://mdocweb.state.mi.us/otis2/otis2profile.aspx?mdocNumber=260381
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    Nov 04, 2011 8:50 PM GMT
    I know I'll get all kinds of shit for saying this but...this guy doesn't look gay. And yes, there is a look, there are mannerisms; there is a feeling you get when you look at someone (particularly when you make eye contact) that he, too, is gay (whether you are interested or not, it's an unspoken acknowledgement). I have seen many, many, many gay men and women since I came out at 15, and can tell pretty fast. This guy isn't.

    What I experienced very early (came out at 15, started sneaking into clubs at 17) is rare: I listened with interest to older gay men. I knew at the time that older gay men knew what they were talking about, and I took their advice. (this was 1990-something; I was told I would likely die of either AIDS or suicide...I believed this and desperately wanted to learn as much as possible to not end up like that). I knew that a lot of not-gay guys would hang out at the bars because gay men are very easy targets for robbery, they tend to overdo it when dressing up to go out; the same way that a woman can 'advertise' her body and give men the wrong idea, gay men do this and imply they're rich when they really aren't - they just want you to think they're wearing $600 jeans. Unfortunately, criminals who can and will strong-arm us don't know that - they are either so messed up from heroin or meth or coke that they'll do anything to get money for their next fix. A lot of them know that if they hit the gay clubs on busy nights, typically nights when the cops are having an equally busy night dealing with fights, fires, accidents, etc., these guys know that if you call 911 nobody's coming for at least 45 minutes. The criminal can be halfway to another state by that time. I've seen this happen twice to a friend in Minneapolis, he is latino and there's this stereotype among a lot of these black kids downtown that 'the latins don't speak English; they're here illegally and they won't go to the cops' - he's been robbed twice because of this, despite my pleading with him to call a cab or please don't walk home alone.

    The thing in the gay world is that about 85% of us have no interest or attraction when it comes to other gay men; we desperately want to get our hands on what we can't have (the straight college athlete with a rugby player's body). Thing is, most of those guys, not only aren't gay, but if they are, they don't go to these clubs. Most are pretty repressed and hang out in online chats. Pretty much the crowd you see at the gay clubs in one city is the same as any other city, just with different accents and slightly friendly/less friendly attitudes.
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    Nov 04, 2011 8:59 PM GMT
    asnextdoor saidThat is why I would never bring a stranger back to my place from a bar icon_smile.gif unless we have common friends.


    Yep, I learned this from friends that were always inviting guys from adam4adam to their house.

    And then they would wonder why they kept getting robbed?icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 04, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    WindsorOntarioCanada saidI know I'll get all kinds of shit for saying this but...this guy doesn't look gay. And yes, there is a look, there are mannerisms; there is a feeling you get when you look at someone (particularly when you make eye contact) that he, too, is gay (whether you are interested or not, it's an unspoken acknowledgement). I have seen many, many, many gay men and women since I came out at 15, and can tell pretty fast. This guy isn't.

    The thing in the gay world is that about 85% of us have no interest or attraction when it comes to other gay men


    Sounds like you have a lot to learn about the world, sir. Did you know that over 91% of gay men don't make up statistics based on their preferences and try to apply them to other gay men? Fuck, I just lumped myself with you in the 9% by saying that... icon_cry.gif

    P.S. I have seen a lot of people over the age of 35 (I knew and lived with one as a child of less than 15, my own family member), and you are DEFINITELY 15-18 judging by your pictures.
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    Nov 04, 2011 9:05 PM GMT
    WindsorOntarioCanada saidI know I'll get all kinds of shit for saying this but...this guy doesn't look gay. And yes, there is a look, there are mannerisms; there is a feeling you get when you look at someone (particularly when you make eye contact) that he, too, is gay (whether you are interested or not, it's an unspoken acknowledgement). I have seen many, many, many gay men and women since I came out at 15, and can tell pretty fast. This guy isn't.

    What I experienced very early (came out at 15, started sneaking into clubs at 17) is rare: I listened with interest to older gay men. I knew at the time that older gay men knew what they were talking about, and I took their advice. (this was 1990-something; I was told I would likely die of either AIDS or suicide...I believed this and desperately wanted to learn as much as possible to not end up like that). I knew that a lot of not-gay guys would hang out at the bars because gay men are very easy targets for robbery, they tend to overdo it when dressing up to go out; the same way that a woman can 'advertise' her body and give men the wrong idea, gay men do this and imply they're rich when they really aren't - they just want you to think they're wearing $600 jeans. Unfortunately, criminals who can and will strong-arm us don't know that - they are either so messed up from heroin or meth or coke that they'll do anything to get money for their next fix. A lot of them know that if they hit the gay clubs on busy nights, typically nights when the cops are having an equally busy night dealing with fights, fires, accidents, etc., these guys know that if you call 911 nobody's coming for at least 45 minutes. The criminal can be halfway to another state by that time. I've seen this happen twice to a friend in Minneapolis, he is latino and there's this stereotype among a lot of these black kids downtown that 'the latins don't speak English; they're here illegally and they won't go to the cops' - he's been robbed twice because of this, despite my pleading with him to call a cab or please don't walk home alone.

    The thing in the gay world is that about 85% of us have no interest or attraction when it comes to other gay men; we desperately want to get our hands on what we can't have (the straight college athlete with a rugby player's body). Thing is, most of those guys, not only aren't gay, but if they are, they don't go to these clubs. Most are pretty repressed and hang out in online chats. Pretty much the crowd you see at the gay clubs in one city is the same as any other city, just with different accents and slightly friendly/less friendly attitudes.


    There are so many things wrong with this post that it would shut down RJ's servers trying to correct it.

    Just take a deep breath and sit quietly.
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    Nov 04, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    Iceblink said
    mindgarden saidEr, yeah. According to the story, the robbery happened on the THIRD date.
    I guess the background check, blood test and credit history should be done between the first and second dates. If you actually got his real name, that is icon_rolleyes.gif



    Sometimes it is very difficult to get information on people unless you are willing to put out some money to pay for more extensive people searches.



    But then again, sometimes it is not so difficult:

    http://mdocweb.state.mi.us/otis2/otis2profile.aspx?mdocNumber=260381


    Yeah, I think I'll whip up a business plan for a storefront Instant Date Investigator shop. It'll go in line for financing right behind my two other Gay Ghetto enterprises: The Quickie-Douche-Lube & Wax Salon and the Restraining-Order Vending Machine franchise.
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    Nov 04, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    thing is...one out of every 10 people is a psychopath...they know just what to say and how to be cool and suave...and they ALWAYS find at least one victim.but ya know what??-we can't let things like this destroy our faith in the basic goodness of man.be careful,but not so careful that you miss out on something potentially wonderful.