Coming out to my twin brother.

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    Nov 05, 2011 2:40 AM GMT
    My twin brother arrived tonight from Afghanistan tonight on leave from the Army for 4 weeks.... He is pretty homophobic generally, and was always the first one to somewhat bully the gay in high school. Add to this his new religious kick since joining the military.

    I plan on coming out to him very soon...

    I do worry a bit about how he will react.

    I'll post more family background and stuff later... There a bunch of things I've never shared here as to why most of my family doesn't know yet...


    For now, just give me strength, men!
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    Nov 05, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    **********Grr, can't edit topic! Some typos are evident.


    Off to dinner. Kthnxbai.
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    Nov 05, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    Fraternal twin or identical twin?
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    Nov 05, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    I am sure the easy answer is to tell him and if he rejects then you should abandon him but I can see that often emotions are involved and I am sure you don't want to go down that road. I think you are doing a good job by coming out to him and his initial response may be negative and you don't have to please him to accept you. He will eventually come in terms with you. If he does not you will have the option to either maintain your self esteem or compromise it for the love of your brother.


    On a positive note, some people are homophobic just because they never had any exposure to gay people. Just like some people can be xenophobic in small towns because they were never exposed to racial and cultural diversity and I am sure there can never be a more positive example than a family member.
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    Nov 05, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    Carry a switchblade on you just in case.
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    Nov 05, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Good luck man. I really hope it goes well for you. I know coming out, especially to family, isn't the easiest thing to do. I wish you the best.
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    Nov 05, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    good luck! it will be interesting to hear what happened.
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    Nov 05, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    Good luck! But since he's your twin brother, perhaps he'll be better able to understand you. I've read that twins are particularly close siblings, so perhaps this won't come as a complete surprise to him.
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    Nov 05, 2011 4:21 AM GMT
    If your bond is as close with yours, as it is with my twin, he already knows. I cant hide anything from mine, and he cant from me. I wont go so far as to say we read each other's minds but somehow, someway we always know what the other is feeling and thinking.
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    Nov 05, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    Best of luck and fingers crossed.
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    Nov 05, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    There is a 50% chance that your twin is gay as well and all homophobia of his just a denial. Good luck and be all you can be with him.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Nov 05, 2011 1:18 PM GMT
    I can totally picture how ur bro is....some religious military guy, omg, i feeel for u..

    good luck
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Nov 05, 2011 1:18 PM GMT
    all the best, man!
  • hdtod

    Posts: 3

    Nov 05, 2011 1:19 PM GMT
    Twin also. I'm not out to anyone It's hard guys some families have 0 tolerance for gays. Mines one of them They would disown me in a heartbeat if they knew
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Nov 05, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    Good luck man. My brother was a Marine and something of a scrapper in High School, but he turned out to be gay also. (That may not apply in your case, but I have a few gay friends who were the first to either throw down and/or bully gay people because of internalized....(I think we can all finish this sentence.) It may seem like a tired old argument, but in some cases it turns out to be true. Of course that doesn't necessarily help either. I also totally identify with the typos thing.
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    Nov 05, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidThere is a 50% chance that your twin is gay as well and all homophobia of his just a denial. Good luck and be all you can be with him.

    This

    and
    Not the same, but I have a fraternal twin sister. She wasn't upset about me being gay, more that I didn't feel I could tell her sooner. She had known there had always been something.
    I hope you can stay strong...it may make a big difference in the life of a gay service member he works with.
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    Nov 05, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    Good luck man ... i hope u can be able to come back here :C .. d/w ima call the police if u didn't replay in 2 hours !
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 05, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
    I'd think carefully and review all scenarios in your mind. Ultimately, you'd like his acceptance and support... what levels are you going to go to to get it... or are you ready to stand your ground regardless of how he reacts?

    From what I've seen on here, you are a talented guy with a great future.
    My suggestion is that you convey that, yes you are gay, but still the guy he grew up with.. am happy with who you are and are looking forward to your future ahead. If he doesn't buy in, its really is his problem. You'd like him
    to be a part of it, certainly... but you're moving ahead!

    Congrats and regardless of how he takes it, make it a good experience.
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    Nov 05, 2011 3:48 PM GMT
    Good luck!
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    Nov 05, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    His (your brother) real test is coming...
    People who really 'believe' have huge issues internally when all the sudden its family or a loved one.

    It's his issue, not yours! Be strong, be you.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 05, 2011 5:57 PM GMT
    you don't have to tell him... he already knows because of the twin-mind-reading-power your share
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    Nov 05, 2011 6:01 PM GMT
    don't worry, you're not the only one with a homophobic twin icon_wink.gif
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Nov 05, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidThere is a 50% chance that your twin is gay as well and all homophobia of his just a denial. Good luck and be all you can be with him.


    That's exactly what I was thinking.
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    Nov 05, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    TropicalMark saidHis (your brother) real test is coming...
    People who really 'believe' have huge issues internally when all the sudden its family or a loved one.

    It's his issue, not yours! Be strong, be you.


    I completely agree. This is a test for your brother, not for you. Don't think of it as "admitting something", think of it as strengthening your relationship with your brother by talking about something that is important in your life. If he fails (by acting like a douche), then be the bigger man and remember that it can take time for people to overcome their ignorances.

    When I first told my father at 18, I remember feeling like I was kind of apologizing. Even though he still has some trouble dealing with it (he's a little slow on this stuff) I can look him in the eye and let him know that I'm a strong, confident man.
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    Nov 05, 2011 6:58 PM GMT
    Good luck! Am sending all good vibes your way.