An "ugh" realization

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 10:50 AM GMT
    The guy I want probably doesn't exist in my age bracket. This isn't a fishing for compliments/wanting pity thread, just realizing the qualities I like don't usually naturally occur together.

    For example:
    -I like guys who are in shape, but I'm not that into sports. Most in shape guys are active in or at least enjoy watching some sort of athletic entertainment.

    -I like guys who are "geeks" or into Pokemon, Japanese animation(manga, anime), sci-fi, supernatural/fantasy, video game culture, but are outgoing, fun, random and spontaneous. The majority of these guys would probably not be outgoing and if they were, wouldn't wear their geek card on their sleeve and wouldn't bust out in the Pokemon theme song with me for fun.

    -I like guys who can sing and would sing to me. I'm into R&B, pop and rock with deep lyrics and most guys are into the bubblegum stuff on the radio, if they're even into those genres at all. And I like guys who can actually hold a note, and aren't 100% tone-deaf thinking they sound good haha

    -I'm loyal/trustworthy to a fault and I'm sort of a pushover because I'm naive. I'd like a guy who was as loyal/dependable, but had worldly experience...

    -I like guys who can dance, but for some reason most find it not "masculine" or are embarassed to "feel the music" freely and uninhibited in front of others

    Now to some things that will probably leave me a virgin:

    -I'm germaphobic, as in when I touch a faucet in a public bathroom, I use a tissue, because there are germs on it and it defeats the purpose of cleaning my hands. I'd never sit on a public toilet. I use a tissue to touch the bathroom doorknob. I won't eat food put on a surface like a table, unless it's on a napkin or plate. I don't like to eat food touched by unwashed hands. Ridiculous to most.

    -I'm not that into porn. They hardly ever touch each other and it's not passionate.

    -I'm not that into anal. I don't want microscopic tears or prostate damage. I actually had to condition my nether regions to get turned on by it, because what I wanted to see in porn...doesn't happen.

    -The idea of semen in my mouth doesn't appeal to me

    -I actually got bored from jerking off because mentally I want a human to have sex with and now it's like a necessary chore, like going to the bathroom at the good part in a movie, so you don't crap/piss yourself. I do it to release the pent up juices after weeks at a time.

    So now I'm just contemplating if I'll casually hookup with guys so I don't die a virgin vainly hoping for "Mr Right" when the chances of meeting him are astronomically low.

    But I know that will turn me off as I want a more than physical connection.

    Gahhh...have you realized your ideal guy doesn't naturally occur?

    I can't fathom a guy who'd fit into my weird quirks, so I guess I'm the problem haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 12:23 PM GMT
    It sounds like dating you is running the gauntlet. There are so many ways a guy can bother you.

    There is picky, and then there's anal. It sounds like you need to work on some of the changeable obstacles (the ones that won't do you any harm but you are afraid of them anyway). No one is without likes and dislikes, or problems, but if you want someone to like you, you need to try to become your best self. Remember, it's just as important that you meet their requirements as they meet yours. To maximize your chances, you would best let go of some of your must-haves.

    If you met someone you really liked, you would naturally say "ah it's okay that he can't sing".

    Also, as I tell everyone who is into anime: you've got to get off that stuff, it's not good for a person socially.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Nov 06, 2011 12:38 PM GMT
    quoting the old Rolling Stones song lyrics: "you can't always get what you waaaaaanntttt.........but if you try real hard, you'll get what you NEEEEEDDD!"


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  • guyindc78

    Posts: 24

    Nov 06, 2011 12:55 PM GMT
    Hey Wait What,

    I go through the same thing. What you're describing is the perfect human being. But I don't think a perfect human being exists.

    It has taken quite some years of therapy to change the way I think. Mostly, it's about what you want and what are you willing to sacrifice for it.

    There are guys that are gym buffs out here who also appreciate the finer things in life. I don't know where to find them, but when you do, let me know.

    And try not to put everything on your shoulders. A relationship is a 2 way thing. What about what HE wants? Can you provide him with his needs? Maybe you need to ask yourself that question.

    So he's buff, and into sports. Spend an hour listening to him talk about it (compromise), and you like to sing and dance, if he's a good fellow, he'll go with you and watch you sing with pride.

    i know it can all be well said in theory, but in real life, it's totally different. But think about it, if someone who thinks like you is out there, and someone that thinks like me is out there, there might just be possibility of finding a few more like yourself.

    Sorry, my morning ramblings. Hope it makes sense to you.

    Good luck!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 2:04 PM GMT
    Impossible standards: keeping people apart since white met bread.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 2:04 PM GMT
    I think Dan Savage said it really well. If your list of dealbreakers is greater than 5, than forget about ever being in a relationship longer than 2 months.

    /end
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Nov 06, 2011 2:14 PM GMT
    SFYogi saidI think Dan Savage said it really well. If your list of dealbreakers is greater than 5, than forget about ever being in a relationship longer than 2 months. /end

    What an interesting, but valid, quote.

    As for the OP, I do not know where to start...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    WaitWhat saidThe guy I want probably doesn't exist in my age bracket. ...This isn't a fishing for compliments/wanting pity thread, just realizing the qualities I like don't usually naturally occur together. ...

    ...So now I'm just contemplating if I'll casually hookup with guys so I don't die a virgin vainly hoping for "Mr Right" when the chances of meeting him are astronomically low.

    But I know that will turn me off as I want a more than physical connection.

    Gahhh...have you realized your ideal guy doesn't naturally occur?

    I can't fathom a guy who'd fit into my weird quirks, so I guess I'm the problem haha


    Set "Hold onto your chair" = on

    Go to a therapist to work through your quirks. Because, everything you gave examples of were self-centered and "all about you and what you want" and nothing about what you have to offer another man. It's all about you. From your own profile: "Just do what you can. Forget about your plans. Serenade me and I'll drop my pants."

    Sorry. Mr. Right is looking for more than to sing you a song so that you can drop your pants.

    And, looking for a Mr. Right that will forget about their own plans? That will turn Mr. Right "right off" even before he gets turned on.

    Set "Hold onto your chair" = off

    Good news! You've realized that you are the problem! That's a first step, and there is hope for you.

    Good luck.
    Alan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidThere is picky, and then there's anal.

    Bitch, he said no anal.
    icon_razz.gif
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Nov 06, 2011 2:51 PM GMT
    A lot of those things were just superficial bs.
    You seem to realize, but not accept, that the problem in mostly you.
    Whether your unwillingness to accept someone who can't sing or likes playing sports or your irrational fears regarding "prostate damage" and germs.

    High standards are great. But restrict them to things that matter. You're 22. You can be a prisoner of your quirks or you can overcome the silly ones take life by the horns and engage with the world in a fulfilling manner.

    My 12 cents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    SFYogi saidI think Dan Savage said it really well. If your list of dealbreakers is greater than 5, than forget about ever being in a relationship longer than 2 months.

    /end


    And another guy said it too: Please watch this video, very interesting. I watch this show every Sunday

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    Nov 06, 2011 3:30 PM GMT
    Beaux said
    SkinnyBitch saidThere is picky, and then there's anal.

    Bitch, he said no anal.
    icon_razz.gif


    haha! well played.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 06, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    and in other news that is just as important...

    tumblr_lkb2i7hVIo1qa5z1ro1_500.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    You seem like a handful...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    WaitWhatI guess I'm the problem


    Truer words never spoken.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 4:55 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    You forgot the part with the race requirement icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 06, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
    Beaux said
    SkinnyBitch saidThere is picky, and then there's anal.

    Bitch, he said no anal.
    icon_razz.gif


    Not even a little anal picking?


    WaitWhat, you've gotten an overwhelming response here, but I would like to buffer the holier-than-thou direction this topic has taken. Keep the advice and toss the equal part of put-down.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 06, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    You are 22, you are young, vibrant, hopefully healthy and do not have all the experiences (yet) to actually know what parts of the 'deal' are negotiable. But, you are at a stage where you are getting the notion that there are contradictions in your 'desires' for your potential mate, now you are preparing yourself mentally and emotionally to be able to pick and choose what is negotiable and not.

    While it is good to have a list, try to pare it down. Really think about what is most important to you.

    BTW you are perfectly human. What you are feeling, what you are thinking is well within nominal parameters of human experience.

    Even your long list is typical.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    yeah. that´s not going to work.
  • wpc56

    Posts: 45

    Nov 07, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    There's a difference between knowing what you want and been picky.

    In any case, all the picky people I know end up being old and wrinkled and realized they can't afford to be so picky anymore or risking living and dying alone... then all of sudden they are into all sorta things/people they said they weren't into earlier.

    ... but then there might be someone out there just for you... there is 7 billion people on the world after all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    SFYogi saidI think Dan Savage said it really well. If your list of dealbreakers is greater than 5, than forget about ever being in a relationship longer than 2 months.

    /end


    Dan Savage is a latent pedophilic hero!
  • HorrorHound

    Posts: 1435

    Nov 07, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    If a guy sings OR serenades me ... I'm running for the hills! icon_eek.gif
  • HorrorHound

    Posts: 1435

    Nov 07, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    Beaux said
    SkinnyBitch saidThere is picky, and then there's anal.

    Bitch, he said no anal.
    icon_razz.gif


    BA-HAHAHAHAHA! icon_lol.gif That was funny Beaux!


    I'll say this to correct something: NOT every guy on RJ who weightlifts/bodybuilds is into watching athletic events. For instance...Me! haha
    I know by definition I'm a geek, & I know there are plenty of other muscular geeks on this site.

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    Nov 07, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    AKA_B1GK saidIf a guy sings OR serenades me ... I'm running for the hills! icon_eek.gif
    icon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gif

    yourname2000 said
    AKA_B1GK saidIf a guy sings OR serenades me ... I'm running for the hills! icon_eek.gif

    QFT....though I might deck 'im first.
    icon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gif


    I agree. icon_redface.gif

    C'est le romantique.