tittan saidThere is this guy I have been chatting with. He is funny and really hot. We talked about dating and at that point he told me he is HIV+. And then I freaked... but should I? Probably I have dated other HIV+ guys without knowing and I did not worry because I always keep everything I do safe. Thus, should I appreciate this guy been honest with me and stop worrying? Do you guys think knowing about it would allow us playing safer than if I wouldn´t know? I think I need to clear my mind to take a decision... What do you guys think about this? What would you do? Do you think I am over reacting? (Actually I think I might be...)
I've been HIV+ for 27 years (undetectable for 14), and the conversation about HIV is always a "filter moment". To this day, it still hurts a little when guys reject me because of my HIV+ status, but it's much better for me to know sooner rather than later. Why? Because it's obvious that if another guy can't handle my HIV+ status, he's not going to be as good a choice as a sex partner, as a possible friend, as a possible bf, and as a possible life partner. Guys show me how much or how little they are enlightened by how they handle the HIV conversation.
In my view, you missed an opportunity to build trust with somebody who is funny, hot and real
. He trusted you and showed vulnerability by sharing an important truth about himself with you. You freaked out.
If you play safe anyway, then your risk of contracting HIV (or any other STD) is mitigated. And yes, you've probably already slept with HIV+ guys who just didn't have the balls to tell you.
If the guy who you were dating really liked you, and if you really do like him, then I suggest giving him a call and asking him out for a cup of coffee, tea, or such. Get real and tell him that you're sorry you freaked out and that you'd like to get to know him some more. Maybe he'll give you another chance. Don't be surprised if he doesn't pick up the phone, or if he tells you to fuck off. Don't forget. You rejected him. Think about how you feel when you are rejected for who and what you are.
If he gives you another chance, then open the dialog about HIV. Ask him how long he has known. Ask him if he is on treatment and if he is "undetectable". This will give you more of an idea of the risk of transmission you face, and it will also give you the opportunity show genuine interest in a funny, hot, and real guy.
If the conversation goes well, and you feel the warmth (or fire) between you, then make the move and kiss him on the lips. Go for tongue if you're really hot for him. This will prove with your actions that you really do accept him for who his is, and that you're willing to take risks in at least sharing spit with him. Keep rubbers with you at all times. Because, you never know when you two may just want to fuck. Be like an Eagle Scout and "Always Be Prepared!"
There are so many men in this world. And, from my experience there are so few who are worth my time. Tossing out the "keepers" just because they are HIV+ (or have herpes, or anal warts, or freckles, or whatever) is a sure way to a lonely, loveless life.
Ultimately, you'll decide which factors are deal breakers for any guy who you date. Just be careful not to have too many or you'll never find anybody who fits your criteria. You'll be all alone.