Non-date Disaster

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2011 8:43 AM GMT
    I agreed to a spontaneous coffee date this evening set for 8pm (right after my workout).

    I was running late at the gym, so I opened the app we were chatting on and mentioned I'd be fifteen mins late.

    I arrived at the cafe at 8:14, but there was some gigantic poetry slam with over a hundred people packed in (who knew so many people were into poetry?) and I spent a good ten minutes shoving my way through there trying to find him.

    Finally I opened the app and saw that he had messaged me during my workout to say that he was over at his friend's which was only two minutes away.

    Hmph.

    So I messaged him saying I was at the cafe.

    He called me about five minutes later to say that he was still at his friend's because he wasn't sure if I was coming (?! what? that makes no sense) so they went to a food cart and his friend bought him dinner. And he locked his keys in his car. So could I come wait with him while he called the people to come unlock his car.

    I agreed over the phone but... several things:
    1) He sounded pretty effeminate over the phone and my profile on that app makes it clear I'm pretty much only interested in masculine guys.
    2) He was stereo-typically bitchy-funny, which I'm very much NOT attracted to.
    3) He was not at the agreed-upon meeting place at the agreed-upon time and wanted me to go find him somewhere else so I could wait around while he ate and I was hungry? I specifically chose that cafe because I knew it had enough food options for my picky/health-minded diet. It was unlikely the food cart had anything I would/could want.
    4) I just wasn't feeling it.

    So I texted him back after some agonizing and said that I was just going to stay at the cafe and that he could join me there when he could get back into his car.

    He freaked the fuck out. About how I was a terrible person because I wouldn't wait with him in the cold at his car in a sketchy part of town and how I was terrible at communicating because I didn't get back to him sooner to tell him to meet me at the cafe.

    I tried to explain that I had no reason to communicate with him to have him meet me at the cafe because the last we communicated we were meeting there at 815 and I had no reason to think that had changed and I didn't understand why he went all the way out to his friend's place and got food, thereby making it impossible for him to be at the cafe on time.

    He completely freaked out and reiterated his non-reasonable issues with me not "being good at communicating."

    I said I was willing to wait there the half hour he estimated until they unlocked his car and we could have our coffee date as planned in the planned place, but he refused and said he was just going to go back home.

    Truth be told: I didn't really mind one bit since I could tell from his voice and his freak outs that we were not going to be a good match.

    But I'm still irked that he thinks I was in the wrong. Was I?

    tl;dr version: I arrived on time to a date but the date was else where and insists I should have read a message noticing that he was a friends and that I should go find him there and then freaked out when I suggested we have our date at the agreed-upon place. Was I wrong?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2011 8:57 AM GMT
    Oh no definitely not wrong. Sounds like a whole chunk of crazy there
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2011 9:22 AM GMT
    A queen? Making drama? LOLWUT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2011 9:31 AM GMT
    Only place you went wrong was dwelling on it after the fact.
    I would left after he wasn't at Starbucks, got online, and found another hookup.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    So what's the big deal why are you stuck on this move on...it's clear that it's not a good match. It's was just a first date not s proposal.
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Nov 07, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    if they're cray cray, run away!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 07, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    You both share some blame. I would have done my best to laugh it off and
    I wouldn't have had any issues with waiting with him while he got his car unlocked (albeit, I wouldn't have been thrilled, It would be interesting to see him in a moment of stress). Being of help shouldn't be dependent on
    whether the guy was masculine or effeminate or whether you communicated well or not. The end result may have been your lack of desire to date him, which is fair enough, but at least you would gone the extra "mile" so to speak to help out.

    Had I been him, I would responded in a grounded and reasonable way, apologized and asked if we could postpone the date to another time since
    it was a challenged moment.

    In the end, it sounds like a lot of drama. Unfortunate.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2011 2:09 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only guy that attracts the weirdos. Be happy that you never had to be in the same room with this dude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    thenes saidI agreed to a spontaneous coffee date this evening set for 8pm (right after my workout).

    I was running late at the gym, so I opened the app we were chatting on and mentioned I'd be fifteen mins late.

    I arrived at the cafe at 8:14, but there was some gigantic poetry slam with over a hundred people packed in (who knew so many people were into poetry?) and I spent a good ten minutes shoving my way through there trying to find him.

    Finally I opened the app and saw that he had messaged me during my workout to say that he was over at his friend's which was only two minutes away.

    Hmph.

    So I messaged him saying I was at the cafe.

    He called me about five minutes later to say that he was still at his friend's because he wasn't sure if I was coming (?! what? that makes no sense) so they went to a food cart and his friend bought him dinner. And he locked his keys in his car. So could I come wait with him while he called the people to come unlock his car.

    I agreed over the phone but... several things:
    1) He sounded pretty effeminate over the phone and my profile on that app makes it clear I'm pretty much only interested in masculine guys.
    2) He was stereo-typically bitchy-funny, which I'm very much NOT attracted to.
    3) He was not at the agreed-upon meeting place at the agreed-upon time and wanted me to go find him somewhere else so I could wait around while he ate and I was hungry? I specifically chose that cafe because I knew it had enough food options for my picky/health-minded diet. It was unlikely the food cart had anything I would/could want.
    4) I just wasn't feeling it.

    So I texted him back after some agonizing and said that I was just going to stay at the cafe and that he could join me there when he could get back into his car.

    He freaked the fuck out. About how I was a terrible person because I wouldn't wait with him in the cold at his car in a sketchy part of town and how I was terrible at communicating because I didn't get back to him sooner to tell him to meet me at the cafe.

    I tried to explain that I had no reason to communicate with him to have him meet me at the cafe because the last we communicated we were meeting there at 815 and I had no reason to think that had changed and I didn't understand why he went all the way out to his friend's place and got food, thereby making it impossible for him to be at the cafe on time.

    He completely freaked out and reiterated his non-reasonable issues with me not "being good at communicating."

    I said I was willing to wait there the half hour he estimated until they unlocked his car and we could have our coffee date as planned in the planned place, but he refused and said he was just going to go back home.

    Truth be told: I didn't really mind one bit since I could tell from his voice and his freak outs that we were not going to be a good match.

    But I'm still irked that he thinks I was in the wrong. Was I?

    tl;dr version: I arrived on time to a date but the date was else where and insists I should have read a message noticing that he was a friends and that I should go find him there and then freaked out when I suggested we have our date at the agreed-upon place. Was I wrong?


    was this the first time you spoke on the phone? weren't you aware that he sounded stereotypically bitchy before?
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    Nov 07, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    Do people ever talk on the freaking phone anymore...good lord. Texting should never replace verbal communication.
  • whatatrouble

    Posts: 12

    Nov 08, 2011 10:27 AM GMT
    Ducky47 saidDo people ever talk on the freaking phone anymore...good lord. Texting should never replace verbal communication.


    icon_lol.gif
    I believe it too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2011 10:43 AM GMT
    Here's how my mental breakdown of the situation would've gone:

    "Shit got fucked up, MEH"
    "Our date then got fucked up because of it, AWWW."
    "That guy was sorta fucked up, LOL"
    "I think I'm gonna get some coffee and head home and finish my laundry, YAY!"

    It's not worth dwelling.

    Seriously, so many posts like this - how do you people make it through life?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    you told him you'd be late.
    he didn't tell you he wasn't go to be where he'd said he'd be.
    he freaked out.

    sounds like you dodged a bullet. the end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 4:24 AM GMT
    I was just worried that maybe I was a jerk for not going all the way out to where he was locked out of his car. I'd hate to think I was rude. But it looks like the consensus is I wasn't out of order for staying at the cafe and expecting him to join me there, so that makes me glad. icon_biggrin.gif

    But to answer a question that came up: no, I had never heard him speak before, because sadly in this modern age a phone is pretty much good for everything else (video games, voice recorder, calculator, web surfer, gay app provider, facebook interface, and texting machine) but actually talking. icon_razz.gif Besides, he hadn't given me his phone number until he called me to suggest I meet him at his car.

    I guess one of the things that irks me is that my profile on that app clearly and concisely states I'm only interested in masculine guys, and he was pretty fem... I don't understand why he was pursuing a date with me to begin with. But that's a topic for another thread I guess.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 09, 2011 4:33 AM GMT
    wow, sounds like your date was a disaster from the start. ha ha ha well at least it saved you the stress of having to go on a date you did not want to go on in the first place
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 09, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidSorry pal, I think it was you who screwed up.

    1. Text or no text, you were late.
    2. Your venue was so crowded that you couldn't have talked to him anyway.
    3. You decided in five seconds on the phone that he was too girly for you.
    4. You agreed at first to hang with him until they arrived to help with his car. then you bailed because you "weren't feeling it."

    I'd say you were a douche. A big douche.
    lol i am taking you must have had that happen to you. ha ha ha that is why you are not reading this correctly. if some text you hours before you are schedule to meet to say that they are going to be late. i think that is fine. second the venue was crowded but they could have went some where nearby. third, if someone says they only like masculine guys and the guy doesn't sound masculine than that is a strike on the person he is supposed to be going on the date with. finally, he agreed to meet the guy at his friend's place while on the phone. the guy's friend lived 30 minutes away. i would not want to travel to someone's else place and wait in the cold while they wait on someone else. i think he was well in his right to cancel on the guy. especially since he was acting a ass over the phone. i think the guy was bitch about the entire thing. oh and it was no reason for you to call him a douche for not wanting to go out of his way to meet someone.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 09, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    ALEXXXANDRO saidout of curiosity, what was the reason that you didn't want to walk on over if he was nearby to keep him company while he waited? just wondering.
    it wasn't a walk over it was a 30 minute drive over to wait in the cold with him
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    ALEXXXANDRO saidout of curiosity, what was the reason that you didn't want to walk on over if he was nearby to keep him company while he waited? just wondering.


    There were several reasons.

    1) It wasn't nearby. His estimate of "two minutes away" was way off. And I had no idea how to get there. I probably could have figured it out just fine, but I didn't feel feel like it.
    2) I could tell it wasn't going to be a good match, so I didn't feel like going out of my way to accommodate his strangely sudden change of plans.
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    LOL, nightmare indeed. guess thats what one gets for being on a phone app and expecting anything other than a lay from that. ha!
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    Regardless of what degree of flakiness your would-be date was displaying you sound like one of those judgmental hetero-normative "st8 actin' obsessed gay guys who end up saying things like "I'm just like a regular straight dude 'cept I'm into guys!"
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:48 AM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidSorry pal, I think it was you who screwed up.

    1. Text or no text, you were late.
    2. Your venue was so crowded that you couldn't have talked to him anyway.
    3. You decided in five seconds on the phone that he was too girly for you.
    4. You agreed at first to hang with him until they arrived to help with his car. then you bailed because you "weren't feeling it."

    I'd say you were a douche. A big douche.


    1. Agreed, but I warned him an hour ahead of time that I was going to be a measly 15 minutes late. One "gem" I didn't bother quoting from him was that he said he "refused to wait any length of time for anyone ever". icon_razz.gif
    2. Yes, but what I had suggested to him when I found out he was at his friends was that since it was crowded, he should meet me outside there, but that we should go get dinner elsewhere. Only then did he reveal he was waiting on food at that moment that his friend had bought for him.
    3. Yup. It only takes a few sentences to realize that he either didn't read my profile stating I was only interested in masculine guys, or he was willfully ignoring it. Because he was pretty damn fem.
    4. It's true, and that's why I do feel slightly guilty in the situation. When we were talking on the phone and I heard him... I REALLY didn't want to agree to go hang with him at his car while he ate and waited on the insurance. As soon as I hung up and realized I didn't even really know where he was (and so even finding him would have been a hassle).

    But yeah, I do feel a little guilty about not following through with meeting him at his car. But I also feel like I dodged a bullet.
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:51 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidRegardless of what degree of flakiness your would-be date was displaying you sound like one of those judgmental hetero-normative "st8 actin' obsessed gay guys who end up saying things like "I'm just like a regular straight dude 'cept I'm into guys!"


    You're assuming too much. I abhor the term "straight acting" due to it's various silly implications (that there's some sort of "act" going on, that only straight guys behave a certain way and gays all behave a completely different way, etc). But, yes, I am masculine. And I am only attracted to other masculine guys. It's true. There's nothing whatsoever wrong with that.

    And, yeah, to be honest, pretty much the only thing stereotypically gay about me is that I'm into guys. Specifically guys for whom the only stereotypically gay thing about them is that they are into guys. What's so wrong with that?
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 09, 2011 5:59 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidRegardless of what degree of flakiness your would-be date was displaying you sound like one of those judgmental hetero-normative "st8 actin' obsessed gay guys who end up saying things like "I'm just like a regular straight dude 'cept I'm into guys!"
    wow, sort of like you are coming across as one of those judgmental gay guys who are effeminate and can't get a guy like him so get mad at him for having a preference for someone masculine. aahhh poor baby.stop being a bitch
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:01 AM GMT

    He freaked the fuck out. About how I was a terrible person because I wouldn't wait with him in the cold at his car in a sketchy part of town and how I was terrible at communicating because I didn't get back to him sooner to tell him to meet me at the cafe.

    I tried to explain that I had no reason to communicate with him to have him meet me at the cafe because the last we communicated we were meeting there at 815 and I had no reason to think that had changed and I didn't understand why he went all the way out to his friend's place and got food, thereby making it impossible for him to be at the cafe on time.

    He completely freaked out and reiterated his non-reasonable issues with me not "being good at communicating."



    But I'm still irked that he thinks I was in the wrong. Was I?


    Sure you were wrong because his behavior was stereotypical gay and you were not playing according to those rules. I call guys like you Homos because you are a guy and are into other guys. You probably also know the size of your car's engine.

    It's a women's prerogative to change her mind every 10 minutes and that explains the behavior of girls trapped inside male bodies.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:12 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidwow, sort of like you are coming across as one of those judgmental gay guys who are effeminate and can't get a guy like him so get mad at him for having a preference for someone masculine. aahhh poor baby.stop being a bitch


    Bitch please I get more play than you ever will. So step.