I need advice on how to deal with this. Horribly long. Boyfriend advice.

  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 08, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    I met a guy almost two months ago at a bus stop downtown. He started talking to me and we exchanged numbers. We became pretty good friends very quickly. We would talk every day and would hang out once or twice per week. Now, I've realized that we have the same interests here and there, but we're also pretty different in the way we live our lives. He's extremely social, I'm not. He's always busy, I'm not. He's got a pretty busy schedule, mine... not so much.

    As we hung out more, we got closer. I've never gotten so close so fast with a friend before. We got to the point where we would be telling each other things we wouldn't tell others. His specifically, would be his sex life. I don't know why, but I liked hearing about his sexcapades. I found them pretty damn funny. I was the only person he really tells these things to. He has a big issue with people judging others. He hates when people wear cross's because right then and there, they'll be judged whether they like it or not. He hates labels. So he prefers to not tell his other friends because he doesn't want them to judge him nor put any labels on him.

    It got to the point where I foolishly fell for him. It was pretty upsetting, because I knew there was no way in hell anything would happen but I liked him so much. I ended up telling him because we told each other everything and I really wanted to be honest with him. He told me it was okay and he didn't think differently about me. He said that feelings happen and it's nothing I should be ashamed about. He also asked if I wanted to hang out less so I could get on top of the feelings. I told him no, and that I fell for him because of who he is, not because we hang out a lot. He's actually a great person, I hadn't ever met anyone like him before. As hard as I tried, I couldn't find any flaws with him. He was the perfect person I'd want to date, but he's straight so I was out of luck.

    Fast forward a few weeks. It got to the point where I had to ask him not to tell me about anymore sex stories. Why? Because it emotionally hurt me thinking about him with a woman. The thing is, I've never been jealous before in that sense. In my past relationships, I was always fine with my boyfriend's past sexual partners. But with him, it was different. It got to the point where I broke down emotionally. I couldn't handle anything anymore. All the emotions I was feeling, I hadn't felt them before and I didn't know how to deal with them. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I actually was pretty low at that point. He knew something was wrong in the way I was texting him. I told him that I didn't respect myself anymore. I hated myself for having let these feelings form. Apparently, the way I was talking to him really upset him.

    He called me and asked me where I was. I wouldn't tell him. He wouldn't stop asking so finally I told him I was sitting at the river outside my house. (There's a huge park with a river 2 minutes from me) He ended up cabbing it to where I was. He was crying, I was crying. I was SO surprised he came, I had no idea why. He dropped everything in his lab and came to me. We had a long emotional talk about everything until he finally said, "I love you." I stopped talking and stared at him. I said, "No, no you don't. Shut the fuck up, don't say that kind of shit to me when I'm already an emotional wreck." He kept repeating it. He explained that he's been feeling different but he didn't know what it was. He says that he finally understands what it is now. Seeing me like that brought out so many emotions and he was certain that's what it was. He didn't want to say anything he said, but he's sure it's love.

    We ended up talking a long time after that, and ended up spending the rest of the day together. He didn't even go back to his lab, he just spent the day with me. (He's working on his master's, so he works in a hospital lab) I told him that I don't want to do anything. Not until he was 100% sure and I told him he won't be 100% sure for a while. He agreed..

    To shorten my already long post, we ended up being in a relationship without the title. He told me he wanted monogamy, he wanted to be 100% for each other. A couple weeks later brings me to now. We've had MANY talks. He told me he's come to terms with his sexuality. He's told me that he went through a time where he thought he was gay but he repressed those feelings. We've been having big talks about everything. I told him I wasn't going to put all my feelings into the relationship until he was sure. I'd rather wait until he's sure rather than putting everything in it only to find out he doesn't feel that way anymore. After more talks we've established that he wants this. There is just one thing he needs to decide, and that's whether or not he can stand being with a guy for the rest of his life. He's been searching forums on the issue and I've been trying to tell him all the things that comes with it. But he told me that he's ready for this to be a real relationship and now refers to me as his boyfriend.

    So that's the background story, but my issue lies with this. I mentioned before that he's a lot more social than I am. He has plans with friends pretty much every night. Mind you, they're the same group of friends, but that's not the issue. For me, I tend to not go out too much. So for example, tomorrow we're going to be hanging out from around 12 till 8ish. Although Tuesday's are our days, he made plans with a friend since they fell through last week to see a movie. I'm fine with it, and I really don't want to get in the way of him and his friends. The only thing I'm not fine with is dealing with him doing it a lot. In my past relationships, I've never dated someone who went out so much. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty sensitive. So when he goes out, I wonder maybe he just doesn't want to hang out with me which is totally wrong and I know that. I just can't help feeling those feelings. The thing I need help with is getting used to him going out a lot. We see each other a LOT. And I don't want to always be with him but at the same time I do... I just wouldn't let it happen. That's how my other relationships ended. We ended up being with each other TOO MUCH to the point where I needed space and they didn't want to give me any space. I don't want to get in that position.

    How can I get used to these things? How can I change my way of thinking to be okay with him always going out? Usually if he's out somewhere, I'm always thinking about him and I can't really concentrate on anything else and it feels like AGES. He told me that he's been trying to fill up his time because when he's not doing anything, all he's doing is texting me. (Which is true) Neither of us want that. The problem is, I don't have too many friends in this city. I have friends, but most of my friends are back in my other city. So I can't always go out when he goes out. He's introduced me to his friends as his other friend. He actually invites me out all the time, I just decline a lot because I want him to have his own friends without me always being there. I just want to know how other people would deal with this.




    TL;DR

    I'm not used to a boyfriend who goes out a lot. How can I get used to him doing it without feeling a little upset that he's not with me? I don't want him to stop going out as much as he normally does. I told him I'd rather he not break plans for me.

    tumblr_lu4bsl2f731qfu4tho1_500.png
  • patmos9990

    Posts: 146

    Nov 08, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    Two things. First is that you know that he's social so now that you are dating him, you seem to want to change him from being social. Not a good idea. Second this is you said you don't have alot of friends in your city and he asks you to go along. Become more social and go with him. Who knows, his best friends might become your best friends too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    i-care-this-much.jpg?1320717472

    Also, stop meeting guys at bus stops.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 08, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    There is no reason why his social tendencies should 'crash' to hard with your introvert tendencies.

    The trick is you are going to have to trust him to 'do right' by you and let him go out and do 'his thing' while you stay at home.

    And he is going to have to give up SOME - not all, of his social activities.

    And you are going to have to go with him SOME of the times.

    Its called compromise. Both of you are going to have to give a little to spend some time in each others world, and both of you are going to have to trust each other to 'do the right thing' when they are on their own.

    Yeah sure you can have strong feelings about being left at home when he is out, however you have to give him time and space to be who he is, just as much as he has to give you time and space to be who you are.

    If either one of you are unable or unwilling to give the other space and be who they are, then the relationship will go over like a lead balloon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2011 8:36 PM GMT
    stop trying to control him before it inevitably ends
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 08, 2011 8:42 PM GMT

    It got to the point where I foolishly fell for him. It was pretty upsetting, because I knew there was no way in hell anything would happen but I liked him so much. I ended up telling him because we told each other everything and I really wanted to be honest with him. He told me it was okay and he didn't think differently about me. He said that feelings happen and it's nothing I should be ashamed about. He also asked if I wanted to hang out less so I could get on top of the feelings. I told him no, and that I fell for him because of who he is, not because we hang out a lot. He's actually a great person, I hadn't ever met anyone like him before. As hard as I tried, I couldn't find any flaws with him. He was the perfect person I'd want to date, but he's straight so I was out of luck.

    Fast forward a few weeks. It got to the point where I had to ask him not to tell me about anymore sex stories. Why? Because it emotionally hurt me thinking about him with a woman. The thing is, I've never been jealous before in that sense. In my past relationships, I was always fine with my boyfriend's past sexual partners. But with him, it was different. It got to the point where I broke down emotionally. I couldn't handle anything anymore. All the emotions I was feeling, I hadn't felt them before and I didn't know how to deal with them. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I actually was pretty low at that point. He knew something was wrong in the way I was texting him. I told him that I didn't respect myself anymore. I hated myself for having let these feelings form. Apparently, the way I was talking to him really upset him.

    He called me and asked me where I was. I wouldn't tell him. He wouldn't stop asking so finally I told him I was sitting at the river outside my house. (There's a huge park with a river 2 minutes from me) He ended up cabbing it to where I was. He was crying, I was crying. I was SO surprised he came, I had no idea why. He dropped everything in his lab and came to me. We had a long emotional talk about everything until he finally said, "I love you." I stopped talking and stared at him. I said, "No, no you don't. Shut the fuck up, don't say that kind of shit to me when I'm already an emotional wreck." He kept repeating it. He explained that he's been feeling different but he didn't know what it was. He says that he finally understands what it is now. Seeing me like that brought out so many emotions and he was certain that's what it was. He didn't want to say anything he said, but he's sure it's love.

    We ended up talking a long time after that, and ended up spending the rest of the day together. He didn't even go back to his lab, he just spent the day with me. (He's working on his master's, so he works in a hospital lab) I told him that I don't want to do anything. Not until he was 100% sure and I told him he won't be 100% sure for a while. He agreed..

    To shorten my already long post, we ended up being in a relationship without the title. He told me he wanted monogamy, he wanted to be 100% for each other. A couple weeks later brings me to now. We've had MANY talks. He told me he's come to terms with his sexuality. He's told me that he went through a time where he thought he was gay but he repressed those feelings. We've been having big talks about everything. I told him I wasn't going to put all my feelings into the relationship until he was sure. I'd rather wait until he's sure rather than putting everything in it only to find out he doesn't feel that way anymore. After more talks we've established that he wants this. There is just one thing he needs to decide, and that's whether or not he can stand being with a guy for the rest of his life. He's been searching forums on the issue and I've been trying to tell him all the things that comes with it. But he told me that he's ready for this to be a real relationship and now refers to me as his boyfriend.

    So that's the background story, but my issue lies with this. I mentioned before that he's a lot more social than I am. He has plans with friends pretty much every night. Mind you, they're the same group of friends, but that's not the issue. For me, I tend to not go out too much. So for example, tomorrow we're going to be hanging out from around 12 till 8ish. Although Tuesday's are our days, he made plans with a friend since they fell through last week to see a movie. I'm fine with it, and I really don't want to get in the way of him and his friends. The only thing I'm not fine with is dealing with him doing it a lot. In my past relationships, I've never dated someone who went out so much. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty sensitive. So when he goes out, I wonder maybe he just doesn't want to hang out with me which is totally wrong and I know that. I just can't help feeling those feelings. The thing I need help with is getting used to him going out a lot. We see each other a LOT. And I don't want to always be with him but at the same time I do... I just wouldn't let it happen. That's how my other relationships ended. We ended up being with each other TOO MUCH to the point where I needed space and they didn't want to give me any space. I don't want to get in that position.

    How can I get used to these things? How can I change my way of thinking to be okay with him always going out? Usually if he's out somewhere, I'm always thinking about him and I can't really concentrate on anything else and it feels like AGES. He told me that he's been trying to fill up his time because when he's not doing anything, all he's doing is texting me. (Which is true) Neither of us want that. The problem is, I don't have too many friends in this city. I have friends, but most of my friends are back in my other city. So I can't always go out when he goes out. He's introduced me to his friends as his other friend. He actually invites me out all the time, I just decline a lot because I want him to have his own friends without me always being there. I just want to know how other people would deal with this.




    TL;DR

    I'm not used to a boyfriend who goes out a lot. How can I get used to him doing it without feeling a little upset that he's not with me? I don't want him to stop going out as much as he normally does. I told him I'd rather he not break plans for me.

    tumblr_lu4bsl2f731qfu4tho1_500.png [/quote]This is going to sound mean but get a life. dude, you finally got the guy of your dreams and i hope it works for you. but if you keep up this crap you will be single and you will have no one to blame but yourself. why don't you go out with him sometimes. why don't you get friends who like doing the same thing you like doing. hell have movie nights with them or cooking and wine tasting. but you seriously need to get a life. you can not expect him to want to be with all the time. that is not healthy and its not healthy for you to want that either
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    patmos9990 saidTwo things. First is that you know that he's social so now that you are dating him, you seem to want to change him from being social. Not a good idea. Second this is you said you don't have alot of friends in your city and he asks you to go along. Become more social and go with him. Who knows, his best friends might become your best friends too.


    No, the fact that I'm making this thread is for advice on things I can do to become more used to it. I don't want to change him at all, I want him to be who he wants to be. The only reason I declined was so he could have his friends and I could have mine. icon_razz.gif
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    Bowyn_Aerrow saidThere is no reason why his social tendencies should 'crash' to hard with your introvert tendencies.

    The trick is you are going to have to trust him to 'do right' by you and let him go out and do 'his thing' while you stay at home.

    And he is going to have to give up SOME - not all, of his social activities.

    And you are going to have to go with him SOME of the times.

    Its called compromise. Both of you are going to have to give a little to spend some time in each others world, and both of you are going to have to trust each other to 'do the right thing' when they are on their own.

    Yeah sure you can have strong feelings about being left at home when he is out, however you have to give him time and space to be who he is, just as much as he has to give you time and space to be who you are.

    If either one of you are unable or unwilling to give the other space and be who they are, then the relationship will go over like a lead balloon.


    We're both able to compromise. That's a big thing we've spoken about. I told him that I would never tell him to change who he is. I never let him break plans for me. I know that this can lead to the end of our relationship, but that's why we've been talking a lot about it.

    It's really not a matter of trust, because I trust him with everything I've got. It's just me not being used to a boyfriend going out all the time that I'm not used to.
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said



    I do go out with him and his friends. I don't want to always be with him and his friends. I want us to have our own friends circle. I do have my own friends who like to do what I do, the problem is they're in the city of H while I'm living in the city of L. I play a lot of online games, so I've got those friends as well.

    I think you misread my post. I don't want him to be with me all the time. Nor do I want to be with him all the time. We spent the weekend together and I specifically told him I'd see him Tuesday instead of Wed.

    This "crap" is me trying to change my way of thinking. I don't know how any of this points to me needing a life, it's just what I've been used to in other relationships and me trying to be different in this relationship. I already told him that I'm used to having my boyfriend there whenever and all the time and I told him that I don't want that for us.

    But yeah, you misread my whole post.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Nov 09, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    Meet him halfway. He sounds like a keeper from your opening post so do a few more social things with him than you normally would and also make some plans with your friends and invite him along. You will tell a lot about where HE is by his willingness to hang out with you and your friends and then he will hopefully invite you when he does things with his friends. I dated someone who never wanted to do things with my friends and it was a huge red flag that finally caused me to end the relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    a bf after 2 months. geeeszus! do you know the person by then>
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 12:50 AM GMT
    waccamatt saidMeet him halfway. He sounds like a keeper from your opening post so do a few more social things with him than you normally would and also make some plans with your friends and invite him along. You will tell a lot about where HE is by his willingness to hang out with you and your friends and then he will hopefully invite you when he does things with his friends. I dated someone who never wanted to do things with my friends and it was a huge red flag that finally caused me to end the relationship.


    Thanks for the reply. I do go out with he and his friends now and then. Pretty sure we're even going to a sushi place on Thursday. I just don't want to intrude on he and his friends. I know he wants me to go all the time, but I want him to have his life without me.

    Thank you!
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    jrunner25 saida bf after 2 months. geeeszus! do you know the person by then>


    You'd be surprised.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 09, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    TheKrisPandemic said

    We're both able to compromise. That's a big thing we've spoken about. I told him that I would never tell him to change who he is. I never let him break plans for me. I know that this can lead to the end of our relationship, but that's why we've been talking a lot about it.

    It's really not a matter of trust, because I trust him with everything I've got. It's just me not being used to a boyfriend going out all the time that I'm not used to.


    When I started learning the violin (Yeah, what the hell does violin have to do with this, bear me out) I had to learn how to hold a bow, and I had to learn how to use my fingers on the strings.

    I would get a terrible cramp in my bow thumb, because you see the proper way to hold a bow requires having your thumb making a 'J' type shape. The fingers of my string hand ended up blistered and even bleeding as hour after hour or practice lead my unfamiliar fingers to become injured doing things they never did before.

    Several months down the road my thumb ceased to cramp. I got used to holding my thumb in that 'J' way to where it became natural to me. My string fingers toughened up, grew callous from all of the string action. In time with lots of practice and experience, my hands adjusted to the instrument and playing.

    You are just picking up your violin (this relationship) its all new and you are required to move out of your comfort zone, you are exposing parts of yourself that you never exposed before. You are going to cramp, blister and even bled, until you have practiced this relationship long enough to where you are comfortable with the position and you have the callouses you need.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Nov 09, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    TheKrisPandemic said
    waccamatt saidMeet him halfway. He sounds like a keeper from your opening post so do a few more social things with him than you normally would and also make some plans with your friends and invite him along. You will tell a lot about where HE is by his willingness to hang out with you and your friends and then he will hopefully invite you when he does things with his friends. I dated someone who never wanted to do things with my friends and it was a huge red flag that finally caused me to end the relationship.


    Thanks for the reply. I do go out with he and his friends now and then. Pretty sure we're even going to a sushi place on Thursday. I just don't want to intrude on he and his friends. I know he wants me to go all the time, but I want him to have his life without me.

    Thank you!


    If he invites you then go - maybe not all the time, but most of the time, unless you really don't enjoy it. Honestly, he sounds like a keeper and if you rarely go out with he and his friends then he's going to think it's because you don't like them/him/want to hang out with him. Trust me.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Nov 09, 2011 9:32 AM GMT
    honestly my advice is for you to maybe start taking some valerian root and maybe take up meditation to help with your social anxiety. If that doesn't work maybe go get into counseling for it, because honestly it sounds like that is your problem. I'm not saying everybody who is an introvert has social anxiety, but the way you describe your problems, the detail and length of the issues you talk about suggest that it is something that is already impacting your relationship and could do it real damage.
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 1:35 PM GMT
    jackthejock saidhonestly my advice is for you to maybe start taking some valerian root and maybe take up meditation to help with your social anxiety. If that doesn't work maybe go get into counseling for it, because honestly it sounds like that is your problem. I'm not saying everybody who is an introvert has social anxiety, but the way you describe your problems, the detail and length of the issues you talk about suggest that it is something that is already impacting your relationship and could do it real damage.


    Social anxiety? What?

    Who said anything about me having anxiety when it comes to being social? I don't know how to reply to this quite well because I feel you didn't read my whole post. I have NO worries hanging with his friends. I just don't want to always be hanging with them. Because then he and I would ALWAYS be together. It's not impacting my relationship. We haven't had any fights regarding it one bit. It's just something I'm trying to do differently.

    I'm not completely always to myself. When I say that's he's social and I'm not, it means he goes out every night. I'm good with once or twice a week. At least until school is over.
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 1:38 PM GMT
    waccamatt said
    TheKrisPandemic said
    waccamatt saidMeet him halfway. He sounds like a keeper from your opening post so do a few more social things with him than you normally would and also make some plans with your friends and invite him along. You will tell a lot about where HE is by his willingness to hang out with you and your friends and then he will hopefully invite you when he does things with his friends. I dated someone who never wanted to do things with my friends and it was a huge red flag that finally caused me to end the relationship.


    Thanks for the reply. I do go out with he and his friends now and then. Pretty sure we're even going to a sushi place on Thursday. I just don't want to intrude on he and his friends. I know he wants me to go all the time, but I want him to have his life without me.

    Thank you!


    If he invites you then go - maybe not all the time, but most of the time, unless you really don't enjoy it. Honestly, he sounds like a keeper and if you rarely go out with he and his friends then he's going to think it's because you don't like them/him/want to hang out with him. Trust me.


    Alright, this sounds good. I'll definitely do this. I really do enjoy hanging with them, I just didn't want to keep intruding into what they already have. Thank you!
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 1:40 PM GMT
    Bowyn_Aerrow said
    TheKrisPandemic said

    We're both able to compromise. That's a big thing we've spoken about. I told him that I would never tell him to change who he is. I never let him break plans for me. I know that this can lead to the end of our relationship, but that's why we've been talking a lot about it.

    It's really not a matter of trust, because I trust him with everything I've got. It's just me not being used to a boyfriend going out all the time that I'm not used to.


    When I started learning the violin (Yeah, what the hell does violin have to do with this, bear me out) I had to learn how to hold a bow, and I had to learn how to use my fingers on the strings.

    I would get a terrible cramp in my bow thumb, because you see the proper way to hold a bow requires having your thumb making a 'J' type shape. The fingers of my string hand ended up blistered and even bleeding as hour after hour or practice lead my unfamiliar fingers to become injured doing things they never did before.

    Several months down the road my thumb ceased to cramp. I got used to holding my thumb in that 'J' way to where it became natural to me. My string fingers toughened up, grew callous from all of the string action. In time with lots of practice and experience, my hands adjusted to the instrument and playing.

    You are just picking up your violin (this relationship) its all new and you are required to move out of your comfort zone, you are exposing parts of yourself that you never exposed before. You are going to cramp, blister and even bled, until you have practiced this relationship long enough to where you are comfortable with the position and you have the callouses you need.


    You know.. This seems like the most obvious answer but one I overlooked. I really appreciate it. Thanks so much. You were actually spot on. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 3:03 PM GMT

    I think a wonderful door has opened and you both stepped through.

    If you don't hang out with him and his friends, (and you are WANTED and invited, which is another wonderful thing) you miss experiencing parts of his life, and he doesn't get to experience the social side of you. icon_wink.gif

    You can be out with him and his friends and you can each circulate among them without being glued together, lol!


    Question for you Kris, do they know he's got a BF?


    -Doug

  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    I think a wonderful door has opened and you both stepped through.

    If you don't hang out with him and his friends, (and you are WANTED and invited, which is another wonderful thing) you miss experiencing parts of his life, and he doesn't get to experience the social side of you. icon_wink.gif

    You can be out with him and his friends and you can each circulate among them without being glued together, lol!


    Question for you Kris, do they know he's got a BF?


    -Doug



    Thanks, Doug!

    To answer your question, no they don't. He hasn't ever introduced any girlfriends to his friends. He's not one to do that, nor do they know that he's bisexual. As far as they know, we're only friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 4:37 PM GMT

    "To answer your question, no they don't. He hasn't ever introduced any girlfriends to his friends. He's not one to do that, nor do they know that he's bisexual. As far as they know, we're only friends."


    Well there you go. I can see why you may enjoy going out with them the odd time, but personally wouldn't enjoy one of the biggest things in my life being kept a secret.

    It did bother me a little that you said, " .... because I want him to have his own friends without me always being there."

    That, my young friend, you should leave up to him. He has needs like you do, and perhaps he needs you to be there. So give in, go out, but only as far as you're comfortable and having fun.



    lol, and remember to be patient with the guy. After all, he's not only come out to himself and you, you are his Big First. (and that's not a portent that it will end, because there are men on RJ that are with their First and likely always will be. Just ask HndsmKansan, for example!)

    cheers!

    -Doug
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Nov 09, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "To answer your question, no they don't. He hasn't ever introduced any girlfriends to his friends. He's not one to do that, nor do they know that he's bisexual. As far as they know, we're only friends."


    Well there you go. I can see why you may enjoy going out with them the odd time, but personally wouldn't enjoy one of the biggest things in my life being kept a secret.

    It did bother me a little that you said, " .... because I want him to have his own friends without me always being there."

    That, my young friend, you should leave up to him. He has needs like you do, and perhaps he needs you to be there. So give in, go out, but only as far as you're comfortable and having fun.



    lol, and remember to be patient with the guy. After all, he's not only come out to himself and you, you are his Big First. (and that's not a portent that it will end, because there are men on RJ that are with their First and likely always will be. Just ask HndsmKansan, for example!)

    cheers!

    -Doug


    I never really thought of it that way. I think I was just forcing myself out of some parts of his life so I wouldn't mess anything up. I know to be patient with him, that's why I'm trying to be pretty cautious as well. As far as his friends not knowing, I think I actually prefer them not! I'm not even out to all my friends so I think that may be why it doesn't bother me. icon_smile.gif