My Boyfriend Totally Forgot My Birthday

  • chrisohwow

    Posts: 8

    Nov 08, 2011 11:28 PM GMT
    I've been dating a guy for 3 months now. We are officially boyfriends and dating exclusively. Earlier this week, he totally forgot my birthday--no text, no card, no nothing. Worst Birthday ever.

    Late last night I ask why he hadn't said anything about my birthday. He apologized and explained that birthdays were not a big deal in his family. I explained that they were important to me.

    The next evening, he invites me out to dinner... with one of his friends from work! Wouldn't this have been the perfect opportunity for a "make-up" birthday dinner? I said, "no thank you."

    My question to you all is... Is this a warning sign that this guy is not boyfriend material? What would you do if your boyfriend forgot your birthday and then didn't do anything about it?


  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Nov 08, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    chrisohwow said...He apologized and explained that birthdays were not a big deal in his family...


    same here.

    my bf's birthday is in mid november, mine is in early december. b'days are just not that big of a deal for us as we passed the legal age of consent a looongggggg time ago.

    we save it all for Christmas.


    icon_cool.gif
  • chrisohwow

    Posts: 8

    Nov 08, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    rnch said
    chrisohwow said...He apologized and explained that birthdays were not a big deal in his family...


    same here.

    my bf's birthday is in mid november, mine is in early december. b'days are just not that big of a deal for us as we passed the legal age of consent a looongggggg time ago.

    we save it all for Christmas.


    icon_cool.gif



    Thanks mch. I guess people value holidays/birthdays differently. He also told me though that he doesn't do much for any holidays--including Christmas. Holidays are pretty important to me. Not sure this is going to work out. I'm sad, cause I do love the guy.
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    Nov 08, 2011 11:51 PM GMT
    chrisohwow saidHe also told me though that he doesn't do much for any holidays--including Christmas. Holidays are pretty important to me. Not sure this is going to work out. I'm sad, cause I do love the guy.

    He's not the guy for you, maybe someone else would like him. Move on. You're 40 -- not a lot of room for wasting time with dead ends.
  • smudgedude

    Posts: 260

    Nov 08, 2011 11:58 PM GMT
    next time you two spend the night, tell him he better bite the pillow because you're going in dry.
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    Nov 09, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    lolface.png
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    Nov 09, 2011 12:05 AM GMT
    Every good boyfriend knows to constantly drop hints when your birthday is coming up as well as your shirt, jacket, pants and ring sizes icon_wink.gif
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Nov 09, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    This is not really a warning sign for much of anything other than he may be a scatter-brain. He didn't do it to hurt you and offered to make it up which you refused.

    These celebrations are minor things. If you like holidays and big celebrations, go for it. Even if he doesn't, it doesn't mean that he stops you from throwing them. Simply tell him it's important and work something out between the two of you.

    You can be mad at him if you want, but it would be a bit childish. I don't even know when my wife's birthday is, much less be able to forget it.
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    Nov 09, 2011 12:12 AM GMT
    commoncoll saidThis is not really a warning sign for much of anything other than he may be a scatter-brain. He didn't do it to hurt you and offered to make it up which you refused.

    You can be mad at him if you want, but it would be a bit childish. I don't even know when my wife's birthday is, much less be able to forget it.
    fail.jpg
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Nov 09, 2011 12:19 AM GMT
    Pay attention to the road signs, especially the one that says, "BUMPY ROAD AHEAD."

    Go out and find a guy deserves you !
  • chrisohwow

    Posts: 8

    Nov 09, 2011 12:30 AM GMT
    smudgedude saidnext time you two spend the night, tell him he better bite the pillow because you're going in dry.


    LMAO. Love it. But why warn him? Why not just drive it in? LOL
  • chrisohwow

    Posts: 8

    Nov 09, 2011 12:31 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidEvery good boyfriend knows to constantly drop hints when your birthday is coming up as well as your shirt, jacket, pants and ring sizes icon_wink.gif


    Heh heh. Well I thought I did tell him my birthday, but next time I guess I will post it on fridge and leave little sticky notes everywhere! icon_smile.gif
  • chrisohwow

    Posts: 8

    Nov 09, 2011 12:33 AM GMT
    commoncoll saidThis is not really a warning sign for much of anything other than he may be a scatter-brain. He didn't do it to hurt you and offered to make it up which you refused.

    These celebrations are minor things. If you like holidays and big celebrations, go for it. Even if he doesn't, it doesn't mean that he stops you from throwing them. Simply tell him it's important and work something out between the two of you.

    You can be mad at him if you want, but it would be a bit childish. I don't even know when my wife's birthday is, much less be able to forget it.


    Thanks for your input on this. Just to clarify though, he has not offer to "make it up." I would gladly except a "make-up" but he hasn't offered any.
  • chrisohwow

    Posts: 8

    Nov 09, 2011 12:34 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    chrisohwow saidHe also told me though that he doesn't do much for any holidays--including Christmas. Holidays are pretty important to me. Not sure this is going to work out. I'm sad, cause I do love the guy.

    He's not the guy for you, maybe someone else would like him. Move on. You're 40 -- not a lot of room for wasting time with dead ends.


    Yeah, I am thinking this is a compatibility test and we are not matching up.
  • chrisohwow

    Posts: 8

    Nov 09, 2011 12:35 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidPay attention to the road signs, especially the one that says, "BUMPY ROAD AHEAD."

    Go out and find a guy deserves you !


    Thanks for that. I thought and hoped that he was the one. I really hate dating.
  • matt13226

    Posts: 829

    Nov 09, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    i would just talk to him and tell you how you feel let him know that birthdays and holidays are important to you and try to work something out hope everything works out -Matt
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Nov 09, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    chrisohwow said
    Webster666 saidPay attention to the road signs, especially the one that says, "BUMPY ROAD AHEAD."

    Go out and find a guy deserves you !


    Thanks for that. I thought and hoped that he was the one. I really hate dating.

    Pfffft....whatever. icon_rolleyes.gif

    You're 40. Grow up already. Fuck, you're gonna dump a guy 'cos he doesn't bake Santa fresh cookies on Xmas Eve, like you mammie did? Yeah, find another guy....for this guy's sake. Who knows what other bullshit imaginary hurdles you'll be waiting for him to crash into. You're a man. Solve your own damn problems.

    And Webster, when the hell did you get so effin' delicate? Christ, I forgotten MY OWN birthday....my 30th no less....had staff coming up and wishing me happy b-day and was "oh yeah, that's today."

    Birthdays (and Christmas) are for kids. The only important holidays to me: Thanksgiving for family and NY for the party. If we're dating and some other bullshit arbitrary day on the calendar is important to you, you better tell me. Because I'm sure as hell not gonna be thinking a fuckin' 40 yo is home sitting in the window on his birthday waiting to see the size of the gift I pull out of the car.

    Dating for 3 months.....RUN!!!! If you have any feelings for this guy at all, extricate yourself from his life before you cause permanent emotional damage to him.


    Remind me to never go out with you. Is your middle name, "Jaded"?
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    For what its worth, I forgot my own birthday this year. Seriously.
    It's just horrible taking your loved ones for granted. Just horrible.
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:18 AM GMT
    thats pretty sad but he is a guy and its only been 3 months. and yes im making excuses for him
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    Oxus saidFor what its worth, I forgot my own birthday this year. Seriously.
    It's just horrible taking your loved ones for granted. Just horrible.


    happy b lated b-day
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    The real issue here is you want to be acknowledged/noticed. Speaking as somebody who came from a family that wasn't big on holidays either, you always call somebody on their birthday.

    The second day he should have said something, apologized, etc., and tried to make it up. The fact that you communicated why you were unhappy was good, but it sounds like you're expecting him to "get it", and he probably doesn't.

    Look at the bigger picture: if he's normally responsive to your needs and is willing to communicate and adjust, and if you're reciprocating that, then I'd let it go. Otherwise talk a little more about it.
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:25 AM GMT

    My partner forgot about my last birthday, which is fair considering how often I forget about his. icon_lol.gif

    Is this really a big deal? Isn't every day you're alive worthy of a celebration?

    Birthday celebrations are designed to fail. Very few seem to be happy with them; most end with disappointment for one reason or another, so why bother? If you want to crawl into your mother's womb once a year and pop back out ... well, okay, that's probably an event worthy of a cake and ice cream. Otherwise, get over it.

    Don't sweat the small stuff, which is what I think you're doing. However, if it truly is a big deal to you and you simply can't get past it, then I recommend you break it off now.

  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Nov 09, 2011 1:27 AM GMT
    I have come to realize that there are two types of people...those who like birthdays and want them to be special days to celebrate and those who could care less. If you're a b'day guy, prepare to be disappointed by this guy, given his actions to date.

    From my experience, guys who are NOT b'day guys often are not romantic or as empathetic or emotionally compassionate. Pay attention to the signs. He may be trainable but my guess is this will not be the last time you're disappointed.
  • bkjhebert

    Posts: 40

    Nov 09, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    I agree that he is probably not the one for you. However, you must be careful with expectations. Be sure to explain your birthday expectations to people who are close to you. They won't necessarily know what you are expecting. It may seem like it will take away some of the enjoyment of the day, but I assure you that it is the only way to avoid the disappointment that you felt.

    Happy Belated Birthday!
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:35 AM GMT
    Happy birthday!

    You just met this guy. Isn't it a lot to place all your wishes for a perfect birthday celebration on his shoulders? Especially if you expected him to read your mind and know what you wanted. My wish for you is that in ten years this is the worst thing he's done to disappoint you.

    I don't know your history, but at 40 years old I assume you have been dating a while. If I were you I would have a sit-down with myself about what I consider "deal-breakers". Mine are a lot different than they were when I was 20. I would take a guy who forgets birthdays over a guy who cheats, steals, lies, is needy or clingy, wastes money, is rude to my friends, makes hardcore porn movies behind my back, need I go on?

    Now he knows holidays matter more to you than they do to him. As you get to know each other, you may discover there is an underlying reason why he "forgets about'" them (anybody who lived with an addict or abuser can probably relate). Maybe give him another chance, and this time be up-front about what you are hoping the celebration will be like. Maybe you can come to a middle ground about it.

    On the amusing side, my BF is a terrible shopper. I have to drag him to buy family gifts and feed him ideas. A clue to the reason is above, and I know this about him and don't pick on him about it... much.

    One year it was very evident that all my birthday presents came from a quick trip to Stop-n-Shop (our supermarket). Practical, yes, but not especially romantic. I told him I was going to top him and do my shopping for his birthday at 7-11. "Prepaid Farmville card and a year's supply of Slim Jim's, coming right up!"