Gym actually making me depressed :(...

  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    Nov 09, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    I'm going to be honest. I joined the gym for two reasons. 1. To stay in shape and be physically fit, and 2. To meet new people/friends. Ive been a member at my gym for 7 months now and I've only accomplished #1.

    Im military so i have friends come and go because of my job, so i want to meet locals who go to my gym. I go at a certain time, and see virtually the same crowd. I know the gym isn't necessarily a place for socializing, but the majority of the guys seem buddy buddy with each other. I feel like an outcast.

    Today i was benching, thought about it, got kinda depressed and consequently lost my strength/will and just packed up and went home icon_sad.gif.

    Any suggestions guys? With my military buds always gone/leaving/deploying, I'm becoming very lonely lately. Im shy initially, but very outgoing and rambunctious once I'm approached.
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    Nov 09, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    The gym is one of the harder places to meet people unless you join a group/club. Try going to the activities table and see what classes they offer. I can say that when I go to the gym, I normally am focussed on my workout and mellowing out from the day. Once I put my earphones in, I'm locked in on my workout or I'll start thinking about situations at work. Eitherway, I'm pretty antisocial there. I have met some guys in the locker room, mainly if they see my college shirt and know someone who went to school there. Other times, if I'm by the tv watching one of the games, we'll strike up a brief conversation.
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    Nov 09, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    Find your favorite guy, tie him to the weight bench, and have your way with him. icon_twisted.gif
  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    Nov 09, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    You don't know how much I'm tempted to lol
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Nov 09, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    There is only one reason one should care about going to the gym and that is for the purpose intended - to get in shape. If you want to socialize, go to a bar.
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:25 AM GMT
    waccamatt saidThere is only one reason one should care about going to the gym and that is for the purpose intended - to get in shape. If you want to socialize, go to a bar.


    I dont know why everyone is against socializing at the gym, I mean you have things in common and so forth. Has cruising gotten such a negative effect on the psyche of gay men that we refuse to even say hi?
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:29 AM GMT
    The absolute last thing I want to do at the gym is socialize with anyone and I don't. I've been going long enough to ascertain that those who do socialize make little noticeable progress if any and the "lone wolves" regardless of age often make the most gains. Those little tete a tetes between friends take up valuable time, lots of time really and they don't realize it so when the time comes for them to leave they really haven't accomplished very much, though they might think they have.
    That's not to say that if some guy comes over and asks me to spot I won't, but that's about it other than a cursory nod/greeting
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:34 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidThe absolute last thing I want to do at the gym is socialize with anyone and I don't. I've been going long enough to ascertain that those who do socialize make little noticeable progress if any and the "lone wolves" regardless of age often make the most gains. Those little tete a tetes between friends take up valuable time, lots of time really and they don't realize it so when the time comes for them to leave they really haven't accomplished very much, though they might think they have.
    That's not to say that if some guy comes over and asks me to spot I won't, but that's about it other than a cursory nod/greeting


    May I ask why? I mean if you talk to someone for 30 minutes cant you just stay at the gym for 30 minutes more?

    Also, I dont know about some of you, but I notice the same people go to my gym at the same time I do (just about) after seeing them for some time its only natural to start saying hi.

    This happened when I went to a straight gym as well, guys would talk to me on the way in/out, say hi, talk between sets, etc.

    No one is saying "dont work out and talk to someone for an hour" but as you build up a relationship, share pointers with each other and so forth you will make a friend.
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidThe absolute last thing I want to do at the gym is socialize with anyone and I don't. I've been going long enough to ascertain that those who do socialize make little noticeable progress if any and the "lone wolves" regardless of age often make the most gains. Those little tete a tetes between friends take up valuable time, lots of time really and they don't realize it so when the time comes for them to leave they really haven't accomplished very much, though they might think they have.
    That's not to say that if some guy comes over and asks me to spot I won't, but that's about it other than a cursory nod/greeting


    Yikes! It's just a gym - not a battlefield. He already has enough regimented structure in the military I am sure. I can't imagine a little socializing is going to limit him in any way.

    He hardly appears to be wasting any time at the gym.
  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    Nov 09, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    Yes, exactly. Im not there to have tea and biscuits, I'm there to get my exercise on. But noone seems to want to say hi. I think I know why but i don't want to say on here. Lets just say i live in the nicest part of my city, and the only one with a deep tan at my gym. And i mean THE ONLY ONE. I don't think people are being mean, Maybe they're scared of me? my skinny ass?
  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    Nov 09, 2011 1:43 AM GMT
    And before anyone says it I'm not trying to make this a racial thread, i just think people are nervous for some odd reason.
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    you could try complimenting them? maybe asking about their workout if you like something?

    Stay away from people with headphones icon_razz.gif

  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    Nov 09, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    I always wear my headphones - i think ill try a social experiment tomorrow and workout with them off icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    Pepsic0la saidAnd before anyone says it I'm not trying to make this a racial thread, i just think people are nervous for some odd reason.


    Well some people are asshats like some RJ members who thinks talking at the gym is like trying to start up the third rieche.

    As for socializing, just try to introduce yourself to people you see everywhere. Many people do it. At least at my gym everyone talks to everyone else. Its fun, and makes going to the gym a lot more fun too.
  • newral

    Posts: 137

    Nov 09, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    Pepsic0la said

    Any suggestions guys? With my military buds always gone/leaving/deploying, I'm becoming very lonely lately. Im shy initially, but very outgoing and rambunctious once I'm approached.



    Perhaps the part about waiting to be approached is what limits you from making new friends. I think you have to take a chance and risk making a fool of yourself at times. Maybe some people won't talk to you, but plenty others will. If you think you have a lot to offer, you have to let people see that. I know many people who go to the gym and have a constant frown on their faces without even noticing they do, or they just seem to want to shut themselves off from he world.

    Once you take a chance and try to make new friends, it's up to the other person to reciprocate. If they do, you just made a new friend. If they don't, then they are the ones missing out on getting to know someone special who could be a great friend (assuming its true that you are special and have potential to be a good friend). If you make yourself available to others, you can't say you didn't try if they don't ever speak to you again. Also, keep in mind that if a good friend is what you're looking for, then you should not only want to be approached by those you find attractive. Different people have different motives for wanting to reach out to others, but remember that anyone can make a great friend icon_razz.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 09, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    Don`t give up on working out. It will make you hunky and happy. The gym is the problem, not you.
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    Nov 09, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    Pepsic0la saidI'm going to be honest. I joined the gym for two reasons. 1. To stay in shape and be physically fit, and 2. To meet new people/friends. Ive been a member at my gym for 7 months now and I've only accomplished #1.

    Im military so i have friends come and go because of my job, so i want to meet locals who go to my gym. I go at a certain time, and see virtually the same crowd. I know the gym isn't necessarily a place for socializing, but the majority of the guys seem buddy buddy with each other. I feel like an outcast.

    Today i was benching, thought about it, got kinda depressed and consequently lost my strength/will and just packed up and went home icon_sad.gif.

    Any suggestions guys? With my military buds always gone/leaving/deploying, I'm becoming very lonely lately. Im shy initially, but very outgoing and rambunctious once I'm approached.


    Can relate. I had a good connection with one guy at my gym for a long time, but he's now married with a kid and terrible about communication. Still have a good workout when I catch him but it's pretty rare, and everybody else seems way into their existing duos/cliques.
  • chrisjb626

    Posts: 95

    Nov 09, 2011 2:16 AM GMT
    I get frustrated that everyone can lift so much more than me, its a little intimidating and embarrassing at times but I than I just remember, everyone has to start somewhere, and comparing yourself to others will set you up for failure every time.
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    Nov 09, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    Cash said
    beneful1 saidThe absolute last thing I want to do at the gym is socialize with anyone and I don't. I've been going long enough to ascertain that those who do socialize make little noticeable progress if any and the "lone wolves" regardless of age often make the most gains. Those little tete a tetes between friends take up valuable time, lots of time really and they don't realize it so when the time comes for them to leave they really haven't accomplished very much, though they might think they have.
    That's not to say that if some guy comes over and asks me to spot I won't, but that's about it other than a cursory nod/greeting


    Yikes! It's just a gym - not a battlefield. He already has enough regimented structure in the military I am sure. I can't imagine a little socializing is going to limit him in any way.

    He hardly appears to be wasting any time at the gym.


    And that's precisely because he isn't socializing, yet LOL

    lighten up guys

  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    Nov 09, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    Very true - I think the same when i see the very in shape guys.
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    A lot of people are very reticent to socialize at the gym. It's just how it is. I'm one of them. I go there with my cap and headphones on. Don't fucking talk to me, look at me or get in my way ^_~ <3
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidA lot of people are very reticent to socialize at the gym. It's just how it is. I'm one of them. I go there with my cap and headphones on. Don't fucking talk to me, look at me or get in my way ^_~ <3


    So true, if someone comes up to me at the gym my initial thought is 'the fuck does this ass hole want?'
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    I'm terrible at this too. I've been going to my gym for a year, and I don't know anyone other than my trainer. I see a lot of the same people. I just don't talk to them. I'm usually lost in my own world with my earphones on. Some of the guys are just intimidating too.

    I think if you want to meet people, you just have to put yourself out there. Try to join a conversation already in progress. Sometimes people will talk about what they're eating or how their training. If you have something to ask or have some advice, speak up.
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    7Famark said
    Ariodante saidA lot of people are very reticent to socialize at the gym. It's just how it is. I'm one of them. I go there with my cap and headphones on. Don't fucking talk to me, look at me or get in my way ^_~ <3


    So true, if someone comes up to me at the gym my initial thought is 'the fuck does this ass hole want?'


    3x Super Agree Combo. Oh wait, I don't go to the gym anymore. Sigh. So poor.
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    Nov 09, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    7Famark said
    Ariodante saidA lot of people are very reticent to socialize at the gym. It's just how it is. I'm one of them. I go there with my cap and headphones on. Don't fucking talk to me, look at me or get in my way ^_~ <3


    So true, if someone comes up to me at the gym my initial thought is 'the fuck does this ass hole want?'


    I go to the gay gym here in SF, if someone comes up to me my initial thought is "this ass wants to fuck my hole"