Personal Consumption

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2008 9:38 AM GMT
    If you're in a relationship, do you check your significant others' messages, call logs etc, in his mobile phone?

    I personally don't check on a regular basis. Once in a while i do sneak and check it out, especially if i feel something strange.

    What are your thoughts icon_rolleyes.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 30, 2008 10:36 AM GMT
    Yup... I agree
    That is an invasion of privacy
    You might think that given that you're in a relationship you CAN do things like that but even though he's your BF he deserves the same respect and TRUST that you'd give any individual on the street
    and what are you trying to find out anyway?
    that he's cheating on you?
    if you need to find out through phone logs that doesn't say much about your relationship
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    May 30, 2008 12:44 PM GMT
    My partner does not have a cell phone, but if he did I would not check them. He and I have a lot of trust in our partnership that has been built up over 10+ years.
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    May 30, 2008 2:49 PM GMT
    Ill admit I checked my husbands cell logs a couple of time. Usually its when the phone is out in the open after after his behavior was suspicious.

    I do check website and computer logs as well, almost daily, but the reason for that goes beyond the desire to snoop but rather keeping viruses off the computers and blocking known black listed sites. I work from home and security of the data is of the utmost concern and supersedes his right to privacy.
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    May 30, 2008 2:51 PM GMT
    Control freak, to me
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    May 30, 2008 2:57 PM GMT
    soulfood_27 saidIf you're in a relationship, do you check your significant others' messages, call logs etc, in his mobile phone?

    I personally don't check on a regular basis. Once in a while i do sneak and check it out, especially if i feel something strange.

    What are your thoughts icon_rolleyes.gif




    Well, I guess I will be putting YOU on my list of "Guys I Would Never Date". That's just so wrong. Speaks volumes about your own insecurities. I have found that those that don't trust are more often than not the ones who cannot be trusted.
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    May 30, 2008 3:08 PM GMT
    The second i felt the need to do play Sydney Bristow on any guy i dated would be the second i left that relationship. Where there is smoke... there is fire!

    The second i found out HE was playing James Bond on me would be the second i left that relationship. Where there is smoke... there is fire!

    If i cant trust, then who am i to ask for someone else's trust?
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    May 30, 2008 3:10 PM GMT
    absolutely not. I would ditch a guy who felt they needed to pry.
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    May 30, 2008 3:15 PM GMT
    If you feel awkward about something enough where you have to pry into their messages, etc., I would consider ending the relationship, or speak to your insecurities. Something is probably going wrong that your senses are telling you, and it is best to avoid invading their junk. It can end up being a horrible, nasty mess if you don't use a different methodology.
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    May 30, 2008 3:35 PM GMT
    I have never pawed around snooping on a bf. Really never. Amazingly sad - thinking someone would feel the need to do that.

    I mean, I am ME, afterall. Who could cheat on fabulous ME?! LOL!
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    May 30, 2008 4:18 PM GMT
    Everyone deserves a personal life and I would never intentionally go through my boyfriend's e-mail, text messages, phone logs, or computer trails. I try not to use my boyfriend's computer at all unless I absolutely have to. I did see an unusual chat message that popped up when I was turning down the sound on his computer the other night. Normally I wouldn't have said anything but it bugged me a little so I talked to him. I said, "I was not prying but this was up and the message said, ______________." I told him I didn't mean to look but the message concerned me. I also told him it was no big deal and I jokingly told him I just wanted to know who my competition was so I could go kick the guy's ass. We talked about the whole thing and it was no big deal.

    I've had boyfriends go through my stuff in the past and I've done the same. I'd rather not have that kind of relationship again.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    Bad juju.
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    May 30, 2008 6:11 PM GMT
    My ex of 14 years, kept a personal diary. I never once opened it. Even after the breakup, it's the whole issue of respecting someones personal space.

    I'd been with two men who believed that their own privacy was sacrosanct and yet justified violating others on the most circumstantial or even fabricated events.

    Everyone has a personal dark side. It's normal. Those that think they don't are the truly dangerous ones.

    There is a world of difference between fantasy and acting on fantasy. You may get so mad at someone that you may want to cause them harm - most do, but they also have the governance to control it, think it through or realize that it's just a fantasy. When they actually cause harm, they cross that line.
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    May 30, 2008 6:21 PM GMT
    My partner and I have been together for 20 years. I would be pissed if he did that. I trust and respect him completely and expect the same from him.
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    May 30, 2008 6:25 PM GMT
    I should qualify my statement with a little background note.

    Years ago, I was a system administrator on a closed computer system at work. The job required occasional monitoring of communications traffic. Most of this was personal, and after a very short period of time in finding out way more than I wanted to know about people (none of which was actually detrimental to their jobs) it forced me to write a recommendation that there was no need to do this sort of thing so that I could stop and so that no one else who may take advantage of the situation could.
    I learned horrendous things about people that were spoken [typed] in private, and I've never told anyone about them. I never let on that I knew any of this information. It was a horrible burden but I learned that event the nicest people have demons that we know nothing about and shouldn't know. It took a long time to deal with that. Though it profoundly changed the way that I thought about people, it actually allowed me to give people the benefit of the doubt when being mean, inconsiderate, rude or uncommunicative, since its surprising how unforgiving people can be of themselves for simply thinking bad things.
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    May 31, 2008 5:20 AM GMT
    I agree with everyone else that checking these things is a no-no. If you really feel that strongly that something is going on why not talk to your bf directly?

    If there's no trust or communication in a relationship you might as well call it quits.
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    May 31, 2008 12:14 PM GMT
    I hate snoopy people. hate hate hate hate. because my mom WAS one, and one of my sisters. grrrr icon_mad.gif
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    May 31, 2008 12:27 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidI have found that those that don't trust are more often than not the ones who cannot be trusted.


    Amen, Brother!
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    Jun 08, 2008 11:30 AM GMT
    NEVER. I dont check his phone, I dont have or want his passwords to his email/facebook. Of course sometimes im curious to look but that is a clear violation of privacy and trust.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2008 11:35 AM GMT
    My BF needs to read this thread icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2008 11:41 AM GMT
    While he slept, I implanted a GPS device in my partner's left buttock. Also, I sneaked a small sample of his blood to the FBI so DNA sampling will never be a hindrance in determining his every move.
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    Jun 08, 2008 8:06 PM GMT
    Sedative saidI hate snoopy people. hate hate hate hate. because my mom WAS one, and one of my sisters. grrrr icon_mad.gif

    What's your password, bitch? Is it ************?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2008 10:22 PM GMT
    I agree with the rest -- no checking of someone else's messages, or e-mails, or looking at daily logs or diaries. . .

    Doing that reflects an ENORMOUS insecurity. It certainly has nothing to do with love or friendship.

    And as a side issue, here's part of what BG CAT 57 in an earlier post:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Years ago, I was a system administrator on a closed computer system at work. . . . . . . .

    It was a horrible burden but I learned that even the nicest people have demons that we know nothing about and shouldn't know. It took a long time to deal with that. Though it profoundly changed the way that I thought about people, it actually allowed me to give people the benefit of the doubt when being mean, inconsiderate, rude or uncommunicative, since its surprising how unforgiving people can be of themselves for simply thinking bad things.[/quote]
    ------------

    Boy, that is SO true. I've never had your job, BG, but just through everyday living -- it is always ASTOUNDING what one learns about people. The things that all of us think sometimes. . .
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Jun 08, 2008 10:47 PM GMT
    soulfood_27 saidIf you're in a relationship, do you check your significant others' messages, call logs etc, in his mobile phone?

    I personally don't check on a regular basis. Once in a while i do sneak and check it out, especially if i feel something strange.

    What are your thoughts icon_rolleyes.gif


    If you did that to me I would break up with you. If you don't trust me, you have no business dating me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2008 10:48 PM GMT
    soulfood_27 saidIf you're in a relationship, do you check your significant others' messages, call logs etc, in his mobile phone?

    I personally don't check on a regular basis. Once in a while i do sneak and check it out, especially if i feel something strange.

    What are your thoughts icon_rolleyes.gif


    no...I don't...I have no reason to be suspicious