Unsure about what my emotional reaction should be.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 7:08 AM GMT
    ***UPDATE 1:04 PM the next day***

    Got some texts this morning.

    "Anything going on today?"
    "Just looking for more local jobs to apply to."
    "Good luck with that. Sorry if I was weird last night. I don't really... do that very often. I started to feel a little weird."
    "It's ok [name redacted], It's not like I don't know you're a decent guy."
    "Haha. Well, thanks. Maybe we can get to that point. It just caught me off guard. Don't get the idea I didn't think you looked good. Haha. Anyway, what kind of..."

    Given this, I have no concerns anymore. I was probably being oversensitive, and he at least appears remorseful. For what, I'm not sure, but our interaction has been short enough that I don't care.


    ***END UPDATE***

    Been chatting on IM with a guy I very recently met here. Added on FB so I don't think he's fake.

    He's intelligent, attractive, seems pretty emotionally competent. He's not really out, never been in a relationship (usually a red flag for me), but...he's also pretty young. I was crazy in ways when I was his age, so I don't think that much about it.

    Anyway, chatting is going nicely over a couple days, talking about our pasts and families and coming out, etc.

    Tonight, the chat turns a little sexy. That's ok by me. I'm not a prude, and don't pretend to be one. But cyber just isn't something I really get into. I'll spare details. It wasn't cyber sex, but just a discussion of what we like in bed. Well, a little more than a clinical discussion. It was prurient. I sent about 8 pictures of me nude.

    He cums.

    We chat a bit about how we wouldn't put up with bed death the way straight men do.

    Here's the rest of the convo. I'm green, he's blue

    it is
    well, for gay men
    apparently it's NORMAL in straight relationships
    (fuck that shit lol)

    hahahahaa
    for real
    that just ain't gonna fly
    hey man, i'm really tired. it's been a long day.
    i think i'm gonna crash

    no reciprocation =(
    ugh i know, i'm sorry
    i'm so tired
    and in bed
    i appreciated it
    we'll do it again

    I didn't send you pictures with the expectation of receiving any (honestly, I don't get off on pictures).
    But... it's telling that you have offered absolutely nothing.

    lol
    telling, huh?

    Just feels... asymmetrical, you know?
    Just putting that out there because I believe in being forthright about things.
    i appreciate that
    But I know you're tired, too.
    and so do i, which is why i'll say that i don't really send pictures like that
    you're not getting pictures of me naked

    Then please delete the pictures I sent to you.
    Of course, I can only take your word for it

    haha
    i mean, it's not like i save them
    they just go away when i close this box

    Mk. Well, when we chat tomorrow, we have no need to talk about pictures, then =)
    haha
    i approve of that
    have a good rest of your night

    night
    let's talk soon
    night!



    Anyone else feel it was kind of... well, not right... to allow me to send pictures and not inform me he had no intention of reciprocating? As I told him, I don't get off on pictures. I don't need them to jack off (or even like them to jack off to). It's not like we're ever going to date, given that I'm moving out of the country... but is it any kind of overreaction to even mentally and emotionally put him out of the gates? Like, honestly, after this, I don't mind continuing to chat with him as friends (he's still likable) but this incident has completely destroyed even the potential seedbed of romantic attraction.

    He made me feel cheap and used.

    Sigh. I'm probably just a crazy bitch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    RedheadedRy saidBeen chatting on IM with a guy I very recently met here. Added on FB so I don't think he's fake.

    He's intelligent, attractive, seems pretty emotionally competent. He's not really out, never been in a relationship (usually a red flag for me), but...he's also pretty young. I was crazy in ways when I was his age, so I don't think that much about it.

    Anyway, chatting is going nicely over a couple days, talking about our pasts and families and coming out, etc.

    Tonight, the chat turns a little sexy. That's ok by me. I'm not a prude, and don't pretend to be one. But cyber just isn't something I really get into. I'll spare details. It wasn't cyber sex, but just a discussion of what we like in bed. Well, a little more than a clinical discussion. It was prurient. I sent about 8 pictures of me nude.

    He cums.

    We chat a bit about how we wouldn't put up with bed death the way straight men do.

    Here's the rest of the convo. I'm green, he's blue

    it is
    well, for gay men
    apparently it's NORMAL in straight relationships
    (fuck that shit lol)

    hahahahaa
    for real
    that just ain't gonna fly
    hey man, i'm really tired. it's been a long day.
    i think i'm gonna crash

    no reciprocation =(
    ugh i know, i'm sorry
    i'm so tired
    and in bed
    i appreciated it
    we'll do it again

    I didn't send you pictures with the expectation of receiving any (honestly, I don't get off on pictures).
    But... it's telling that you have offered absolutely nothing.

    lol
    telling, huh?

    Just feels... asymmetrical, you know?
    Just putting that out there because I believe in being forthright about things.
    i appreciate that
    But I know you're tired, too.
    and so do i, which is why i'll say that i don't really send pictures like that
    you're not getting pictures of me naked

    Then please delete the pictures I sent to you.
    Of course, I can only take your word for it

    haha
    i mean, it's not like i save them
    they just go away when i close this box

    Mk. Well, when we chat tomorrow, we have no need to talk about pictures, then =)
    haha
    i approve of that
    have a good rest of your night

    night
    let's talk soon
    night!



    Anyone else feel it was kind of... well, not right... to allow me to send pictures and not inform me he had no intention of reciprocating? As I told him, I don't get off on pictures. I don't need them to jack off (or even like them to jack off to). It's not like we're ever going to date, given that I'm moving out of the country... but is it any kind of overreaction to even mentally and emotionally put him out of the gates? Like, honestly, after this, I don't mind continuing to chat with him as friends (he's still likable) but this incident has completely destroyed even the potential seedbed of romantic attraction.

    He made me feel cheap and used.

    Sigh. I'm probably just a crazy bitch.
    That was your call to send them.. He didnt ask for them..

    It happens all the time..


    But you can send all 8 of them to me! (and I'm asking! hint hint)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 7:44 AM GMT
    I forgot to mention, he has insinuated previously that he wanted to see me naked.

    But of course, that could have been "teasing."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 7:48 AM GMT
    I think it's a little naive to think/assume he would reciprocate. The gesture would have been nice. But based on the chat you posted, it seems like he indicated previously that he doesn't send nudes. So I don't think you should feel cheap and used. You just had a lapse in judgement. Take it as a learning experience.

    Also, we'll all let you know when we see your pics show up on Tumblr. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    No, he did NOT indicate previously that he doesn't send nudes. I'm more reasonable than that ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 7:57 AM GMT
    Oh, and my pics are already on Tumblr. I would send you the link, but I'm a good girl, I am!
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    Nov 09, 2011 8:21 AM GMT
    LOL. In that case, I'll be sure to look for them.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Nov 09, 2011 10:25 AM GMT
    personally I've never even taken any nudes, and so obviously I don't send them.
    In the future I'd suggest maybe a one for one deal, or maybe just send one good nude you wouldn't mind horribly if it got out as a freebie to an interested guy. Sending 8 is a lot!

    But the reality is he is probably right and is just going to delete them. Besides unless you're a politician, teacher, movie star or some other public figure really what's the worst that would happen? The internet is FILLED with porn, I know it is scary to think you maybe sent compromising pictures to somebody who isn't trustworthy, but honestly finding it wouldn't even being like finding a needle in a haystack...it would be like finding a specific piece of hay in a haystack icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:35 AM GMT
    Oh, I really don't care about who sees me naked. There will come a time, in the not-too-distant future, where nudie pics on the web will be the equivalent of "I did not inhale." Only one nude in circulation shows my face and it was taken almost 4 years ago (I was new to the online gay scene when I first came out...).

    I guess I'm just being a bitch.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 09, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    i don't remember sending you naked pictures in return for yours...
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    Nov 09, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    I have a feeling that's how mine ended up on Tumblr. I hate that crap.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    How does one know if their pics have ended up on tumblr? Now I'm concerned. . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    7Famark saidHow does one know if their pics have ended up on tumblr? Now I'm concerned. . .


    A friend mine saw one and alerted me.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 09, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    well i hate to say this but its your own fault. i never send out pics unless i know i am going to get one in return. i do not do nude pics at all. anyhow, better luck next time
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Nov 09, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    That's why I never show my face (or any large portion of my fat ass in the pics). Plausible deniability. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    You're not crazy. He doesn't sound serious to me. While you chose to send the pics, I'd feel jerked around too. It seems like he wants your online connection to be pretty much on his terms, his comfort level, etc. Personally, I'd stay away from the "not really out" guys. They're working through their issues. Do you really want to be part of that process?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    The first reaction is usually the best reaction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    Cyber sex has it's own rules. Don't expect anything real cus it isn't. You should know this by now. It sounds like he is your typical fake cyber guy.
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    That is why I never send pics to someone unless I get a commitment to trade, and sometimes if I'm feeling a little squizzy even waiting for the other guy to go first. Sometimes they still flake out, but it cuts down on the feeling of being used.
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    showme saidThat is why I never send pics to someone unless I get a commitment to trade, and sometimes if I'm feeling a little squizzy even waiting for the other guy to go first. Sometimes they still flake out, but it cuts down on the feeling of being used.


    Ok you show me and I'll show you ;) icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    Creating fake RealJock and Facebook profiles seems like a lot of effort to see your naked pics... but I'm willing!
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    Fivealive said
    showme saidThat is why I never send pics to someone unless I get a commitment to trade, and sometimes if I'm feeling a little squizzy even waiting for the other guy to go first. Sometimes they still flake out, but it cuts down on the feeling of being used.


    Ok you show me and I'll show you ;) icon_twisted.gif


    Well, I will have to emai you when I get off work, won't I. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:39 PM GMT
    showme saidThat is why I never send pics to someone unless I get a commitment to trade, and sometimes if I'm feeling a little squizzy even waiting for the other guy to go first. Sometimes they still flake out, but it cuts down on the feeling of being used.


    But I thought it was that feeling of being used that you were going for.

    Flew right over my head!

    Funny world...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 6:49 PM GMT
    Here I go trying to be a little serious and shit and you flame me. Bad boy. Bad bad boy. You deserve a spanking. icon_razz.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 09, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    Sounds like he got what he wanted and he didn't give you any "real" consideration. It was a little telling, but if you really want to get to know him, take it under the right context.. who he is, his age, his experience and his personality (which you just know a little bit).

    If it was about cyber sex, move on... but I think it was more than that for you wasn't it? You like him and you'd really kind of appreciate it if he likes you in the same way. If so, be warned that he might not and be prepared to move on. Take a little more time to see whats up and make decisions accordingly.