Livning in the past

  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Jul 18, 2007 1:02 PM GMT
    I was just curious, how many of you guys find yourself always thinking about the past. How the music was better when you where younger, past BF's etc. I think it's natural to have fond memories of things past, but getting caught up in them is another story. If strolls down memory lane interfere with your present day life and relationships, I think that could be a problem. What do you guys think?
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    Jul 18, 2007 4:36 PM GMT
    Seems like when I was younger, I could stay out late, drink, sleep for three hours, then get up and start a new day totally fresh. Not anymore! LOL! How I miss the resilence my body had when I was younger (and would that I knew then what I do now about taking care of myself).

    "All the thinking in the world about the past won't change it. It's okay to reflect on things from the past if they help you become a better person today...but don't let the past steal your time in the present." -Dyer
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jul 18, 2007 4:43 PM GMT
    Of course I do. Not only the good time , but also the bad time. I make a lot of mistake in the past. From dating a wrong guys, financial irresponsibility, abusing my body with fatty food , a brokeback marriage and my sexual indulgence. Sometime I wish I can relive my younger years so I dont do those mistake.

    But of course , I have a lot of fond memory of my younger day. My fondest memory is during my college days in United States. Dancing in gay club with the tune of Madonna, Michael Jackson and Bruce Springsteen. Two years of living with an American fellow. 7 years of another affair with a man who is living with another man. Coming out days, and going back to the closet upon returning back.

    But this thing is in the past now. They dont interfere with my life . I am having a really good time now and just looking for the future . Learn from my mistake and move on.
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    Jul 18, 2007 5:00 PM GMT
    2 thoughts come to mind - and I'm sure that will max me out for the day - LOL!

    (1) That adage something about, "If you don't remember the past, you're doomed to repeat it."

    (2) Yet another DOLLY-ISM (love love her)
    "No amount of money, could buy from me, the memories that I have of then...but NO amount of money, could pay me, to go back, and live them through again."

    I personally constantly recall, remember, recollect but then I have happy memories so I'm glad to remember.

    NICK
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    Jul 18, 2007 5:36 PM GMT
    Here are two books that may be of help to people who are dysfunctionally stuck in the past:

    The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle

    Loving What Is by Byron Katie.
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    Jul 18, 2007 7:18 PM GMT
    When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in anyway, but, now, I've fallen and I can't get up.
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    Jul 18, 2007 7:38 PM GMT
    Mcgay ! well, clap your hands then and think happy thoughts

    My thoughts on this - In refelection comes protection. But live in the NOW.
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    Jul 18, 2007 8:01 PM GMT
    I still think Dolly said it best. :)
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    Jul 18, 2007 8:15 PM GMT
    NRG ! LOL ... What prey tell did ms. Parton say ?
    Sorry for the sp. error above ... that is REFLECTION... man-o-man ! Where is Perry White when you need him ?
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    Jul 18, 2007 8:18 PM GMT
    Actually, I believe she sang it - not sure anyway - ready for some profound, Appalachian, home-spun wit...

    "No amount of money, could buy from me, the memories that I have of then...but NO amount of money, could pay me, to go back, and live them through again."
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Jul 18, 2007 8:27 PM GMT
    Jackal69... I'm with you on that one... 19 and early twenties... Army... PT early in the morning.
    I would stay up past midnight with Early A.M. breaksfast hanging with other friends/soldiers at Jerrys in Radcliff, KY right outside of Ft. Knox. Then up at 4:45 for PT. My God, those were the days..... LOL

    NOT ANY MORE.... now to finish up the question on allowing the past to hender you... I was in love with my best friend. I was young, in the Army and didn't take the chance. Not saying I didn't have my share of soldiers in the sac. I just didn't get the one I loved. I will always love him and never forget him, but you learn to move on.....

    LANCE
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    Jul 18, 2007 10:52 PM GMT
    I absolutely loved the 80's. Well, just about 90% of the 80's. My 20's were good. My dad says the same thing about the 50's.

    I quit however playing the 'what might have been' game and haven't longed to go back.



  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Jul 19, 2007 12:25 AM GMT
    ...huh...this is one of my favorite quotes which sorta sums up my view:

    To look backward for awhile is to refresh the eye, To restore it, And to render it more fit
    For its prime function of looking forward.
    -- Margaret Fairless Barber

    - David
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    Jul 19, 2007 1:44 AM GMT
    Sometimes I think back to what it was like when I was in the closet and the knowledge of my sexual orientation belonged only to me. Things were definitely different. It wasn't all bad. Sometimes I wonder how things might've been different if I'd waited to tell people. What relationships I would've had, etc. Sometimes, I wonder what I might've missed...
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    Jul 19, 2007 1:59 AM GMT
    Its always nice when something in ur present

    everyday life reminds you something in your

    past. Always seems to put a smile on my face.

    Weather its something I smell in the air or

    just a rainy day.

    I dont like to dwell in the past, although its

    nice to reminisce on occasion with a close

    friend from your past over a glass of wine

    maybe.

    Good Times....

    santiXO
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Jul 19, 2007 4:28 AM GMT
    The 1980's will pull me back every time. The music, the clothes, the birth of MTV, Miami vice, my flat top fades lol, I could go on and on. But my very best memories of the 80's are graduating from high school, going away to college and loosing my virginity there. On the flip side, AIDS loomed over us like a hammer in those days, but you still had to live your life. I would do the 80's all over again, no regrets.
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    Jul 19, 2007 4:53 AM GMT
    Nostalgia is dangerous.
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    Jul 19, 2007 5:51 AM GMT
    Do explain more OW.
    There are at times things I would might like to recapture from the past, but more along the lines of feelings, emotions and an overall sense of being I think I had at times -- but admittedly some of that may be my present interpretation of what it was and not really what it was.
    That said I wouldn't want to live in the past, and I don't think the past was better, different, but not better.
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    Jul 19, 2007 11:44 AM GMT
    I was being glib, WRE. Someone used to call it "nostalgia neuralgia." It's not just a habit of the individual but of the entire culture to idealize the past at times.

    The significant thing is that memory is not a literal re-creation of the past. It is fantasy with a particular point of view.

    There has been some interesting research lately that seems to prove that the brain has a "natural affinity for narrative construction": The research compared people with mood disorders to those who do not. They found that it's not so much what happened to a person as how he remembers it that shapes identity. The people with mood disorders might have had childhoods that were quite positive by most objective standards, but they dwelled on the negative occurrences. Others, with terrible childhoods, tended to focus on positive occurrences.

    The NY Times piece on the research is here:

    http://tinyurl.com/2qemfb

    This interests me for several reasons. One of my discouragements with psychotherapy -- the reason I decided to do a mainly theory-oriented PhD, rather than a strictly clinical one -- was the observation that therapy really is ineffective with many people. (This was after doing a clinical Master's and 3 years of intense training and 2 years of practice.)

    Many seem to get caught in a loop of ruminating about everything bad that happened/happens to them. The therapist holds their hand, the client has catharsis, feels a bit better -- and returns the next week for more of the same. In other words, therapy can reinforce the negative memory narrative. The ultimate example of this is primal therapy. They literally even arrange vacations at resorts where everyone can scream for two weeks -- for years.

    On the other hand, the movement toward cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't seem to satisfy a lot of people, either, though it is quite useful in treating phobias and the like. People who are more naturally analytical tend to find it ineffective.

    In my own work, I started using enactment almost from the beginnning. By treating people's history as a script that can be told from different points of view, I found that clients often were stunned to realize they had a choice about the way they narrativize their lives. Identity is not fixed; it is very fluid. (Yes, this is post-structural thought.)

    The research also shows that if you tell your story from the third person, you are more likely to see its positive aspects because you can be more objective. This, too, is completely counter to the usual first-person rumination of the talking cure.

    This is why I say that my work has more in common with aesthetics than traditional psychotherapy. It is through creative work that people can discover different ways of viewing their past and present. I have, in fact, done a good bit of work together with a very avant garde theater director from Paris who turned out to be training actors in the same way I work with clients.

    Of course, all of this applies to people whose interests are mainly personal growth -- not to people with severe mental health disorders.









  • imaxim

    Posts: 94

    Jul 19, 2007 1:23 PM GMT
    When I first saw the title of this thread, I thought it was just about people posting outdated photos of themselves on their profiles.

    I'm an 80s buff, too. In some cases it's due to things I enjoyed about TV, music, etc. in particular, but I also think we often remember these things fondly just because they remind us of a time when more possibilities were open to us, or our lives seemed more exciting.
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    Jul 19, 2007 6:54 PM GMT
    Sorry, but since we're on the 80's let me just say that I'm NOT into the plaid short style making a comeback these days! It was stupid then and it's stupid now! LOL, sorry if anyone here's enjoying rocking that style. :P
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    Jul 20, 2007 12:19 AM GMT
    I thought those shorts came back LAST YEAR.
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    Jul 20, 2007 9:58 PM GMT
    I am very nostalgic, but I think everyone is to an extent.
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    Jul 20, 2007 9:59 PM GMT
    I'm sentimental - is that the same?
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    Jul 20, 2007 10:09 PM GMT
    No.