Roomate issue...what to do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 9:35 PM GMT
    I have my house and rent out the extra master bedroom. I've had one room mate for a long time that is also a really good friend. No issues, everything perfect. We respect space and clean up after ourselves.

    6 months ago he asked if his boyfriend could move in. I increased the rent a little but essentially they pay $300 each for rent and utilities. There is plenty of space and his boyfriend is a nice guy.

    Over the time he has moved in it is apparent he was mommied a little too much growing up, never having to do chores or clean up after himself. Plus he has no common sense of things.

    For example (this is a short list of many things):
    - keeps using metals utensils on my nice tephlon pots and pans
    - leaves every light on in the house even when not home
    - piles up dirty dishes on disposal side of sink and rinses food off in the non-disposal side clogging the sink
    - leaves clothes, book bags, dirty dishes, etc all over common living areas (even though he and his boyfriend have their own bedroom and study)
    - leaves front door cracked open when its freezing and snowing
    - leaves windows shades open in the heat of the day making the upstairs (my room) boiling hot.
    - never does the dishes, never takes out trash, etc
    - the few time he HAS done the dishes he put my nice pans, cast iron, and knives into the dishwasher and ruined them.
    - gets in the shower when I am already taking one

    Energy bills are double and when I need a protein shaker or dish they are always dirty. When I try to him about things he says he is too busy with school to do anything but study, but he spends most of the afternoons watching TV on the couch. (I work from home so its obvious what he is really doing all day). When I try to explain how to be responsible about energy and using my nice things he says that he doesn't see the big issue. I tried talking to the BF but he isn't really doing anything to enforce him doing his part. All he does is try to clean up after him the best he can, but he is in grad school and has a full time job. He even does all the laundry for both of them.

    So do I kick them both out and risk losing my one of my best friends long time room mates or just keep playing mom?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    After living with roommates for most of my life, I decided to live alone for a few years. Two days ago, I got the best roommate a guy can have: A mild-mannered dog. icon_biggrin.gif
    (pics eventually...too lazy to get the camera out of the trunk)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    I guess I'm lucky this is the first time in my life to have an annoying room mate, I don't want to say a bad room mate, because I am pretty sure things could be A LOT worse!
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    Give the creep an ultimatum; shape up or get his shit and get the fuck out.

    I would punch him if he used metal on my non stick pans and as for living like a pig, I'd put the dishes on his bed.

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    Nov 09, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    Time for a house meeting, maybe?icon_confused.gif
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Nov 09, 2011 10:16 PM GMT
    Take all the nice stuff away. Put it in your room and let the common area become a mess. It's a little Real World but it might serve the point.
    2nd step is do a surcharge for the cleaning you have to do
    3rd step is take their dirty dishes and drop them off in their room.
    I wouldn't bring up the kicking them out, then you are out 600.00 a month see if you can work it out another way.
    The Metal on the good non-stick....big deal breaker. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:19 PM GMT
    I tried taking away all of the metal utensils and just having teflon-safe stuff. Didn't work. Certain people insist on scraping them with a fork icon_mad.gif
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    Yea the "I'm too busy" thing is not a valid excuse. This same scenario happened to a friend of mine and she eventually had to get rid of both guys because the original roommate kept defending his BF.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    Grow some balls and get in his face about it. If he can't do his part then he needs to go.
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:41 PM GMT
    running11 saidGrow some balls and get in his face about it. If he can't do his part then he needs to go.


    Trust me I have confronted him many times about it, which i recieved the I'm too busy or it's not that important response.

    That is why I was asking the question should I kick out (and lose the good roomie too) or live with it?
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    running11 saidGrow some balls and get in his face about it. If he can't do his part then he needs to go.


    I kind of agree.

    What you are describing is just plain disrespect for your home and possessions. These aren't teenagers they are adults. Lay down the ground rules firmly but respectfully with a clear understanding of the repercussions for failing to follow said rules.

    ...or double the rent and clean up after him (that should cover the cost of ruined dishes and higher energy bills and maybe even a once a week cleaning service)
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    Nov 09, 2011 10:46 PM GMT
    I am guessing you don't have a written agreement with them? If so I guess you've learned that even if it is your best friend's BF you need a written contract that will cover something like this from ever happening again.
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Nov 09, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    Trail_Runner said- gets in the shower when I am already taking one


    Who wouldn't with you? icon_redface.gif

    icon_biggrin.gif

    Well, you can always start padlocking the kitchen... I did that to my roommates because they used 99.7% of my stuff and left it to rot in the sink. So, I got a few chains and a couple locks and locked the cupboards up. They had to resort to using paper/Styrofoam plates and aluminum pans for quite a while.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Nov 09, 2011 11:46 PM GMT
    Since you've talked to both guys about this I would raise the rent and hire a housekeeper twice a month. Pay the housekeeper (or proper English butler) out of part of the rent increase.
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    Nov 10, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    Tough call man. It sounds like you've done about everything there is to be done short of increasing the rent to compensate for the energy squandering, wear on household items, and lost time.

    I was lucky in that my first real roommate was very responsible and neat. He really rubbed off on me, and I've carried those lessons with me.

    You at least sound like a perfect roommate to me! It's a shame they don't appreciate what they have.
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    Nov 10, 2011 12:11 AM GMT
    roomates suck, truth. NEVER doing that again, EVER
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    Nov 10, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    man, house meeting URGENTLY! had quite of the same situation time ago and it didn´t work out nicely.
    you need to talk them both and explain them how you feel about it so you all can have an agreement and stop this roommate´s bf ruining your stuff.
    we all deserve a good place to live in.
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    Nov 10, 2011 12:22 AM GMT
    I'm afraid he won't change, unless you spank him every time he break home rules, but it's not your job to do that.
    You should kick him out, and let your best friend decide what he want to do.

    You did everything reasonable, the boyfriend doesn't seems to care much, so you should let him assume the consequences of his own actions.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 11, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    My house is pretty relaxed and always has been. Its never been a big deal for me or my roommates to leave things laying around. A reasonable mess doesn't really bother me, especially if the house is big enough.

    I guess maybe one thing to remember is that not everyone has the same values and one set of values isn't more right than the other... it just doesn't work for you.

    I would probably hate living in a house where I had to clean up everything the minute after I used it. I don't let the place get past the point-of-no-return, but there's usually a pile of clothes, a bag of trash that needs to go out, something that is a few days past the day it needs to be clean. I'll catch up on it eventually. In the meantime, there's people to see, work to do, and life to live.

    Its unfortunate to hear about your good cookware, and I'm sorry to hear that. When I had roommates, anything that was extremely personally important or valuable, I found a good spot in my room for - a 5-shelf tall wardrobe type cabinet can be perfect for those kinds of things of all types and sizes.

    You can always raise the rent to cover your costs if this is really costing you money, and that would be fair.

    Last thing is though -- if you really like or have a deep friendship with the guy/guys you live with, the little things don't matter so much. One year I lived with a guy, total jock, three-sport athlete, who was a total mess as far as keeping the apartment looking good. But he made up for it by being a great friend, someone who taught me a lot and that I looked up to. So if I spent an extra hour a week sweeping the floor from chips and hauling a trash bag out, I really didn't care. I loved the dude.

    Good luck making it all work.

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    Nov 11, 2011 2:28 AM GMT
    Meh make a pact with them. If you put it down on pen and paper it will make it easier to enforce. As for the friendship... It's pretty much screwed already. I hate to say it but it is what it is. Maybe it's time for them to get their own place. I'd ask your friend the grad student, is he really ready to be a housewife? Is that the kind of guy he wants to be picking up after? I've cleaned after my boyfriends and done laundry too but it's always been a 50/50 sort of deal. This just sounds a mess.
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    Nov 14, 2011 6:17 AM GMT
    running11 saidGrow some balls and get in his face about it. If he can't do his part then he needs to go.



    HERE! HERE!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2011 6:28 AM GMT
    this dude sounds EXACTLY like my str8 roommate. If it weren't a 2br/2ba i would've strangled him by now. You need to be really forceful with this guy. Mine kinda likes to roughhouse (not in a good way) so i'm just waiting it out until the end of the lease (February). Somehow my good aluminum teflon pan has sprouted holes in the lining and something apparently blew up in the microwave two weeks ago and nobody ever bothered to clean it (i don't really use it). His girlfriend likes to complain that i never clean anything but neither does he...EVER. I've even tied up the garbage and put it outside the door and he won't even take it to the dumpster WHICH IS ON THE WAY TO THE PARKING LOT!! And if i DON'T tie it up, they'll keep forcing stuff into the bin until the bag drops in and has to be...ugh...DUG OUT. His idea to have a little cup for his ciggy butts on the porch worked great...until he filled it up. Now they just end up on the floor.
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    Nov 14, 2011 6:37 AM GMT
    Well it's obvious the bf of your best friend is way past due for learning how to live by himself and is not about to change. Tell you best friend, ( your good roommate) that you can't go on with this guy living there. He is welcome, his bf is not. Let your friend decide to move out with his bf or dump him. Simple.
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    Nov 14, 2011 6:54 AM GMT
    Fresh out of college, I filled a luxury apt. with a lot of things I'd bought and rented a room & bath to a H20-polo teammate. I found out that what makes a great friend / teammate does not necessarily make a good roommate. Like your situation, this guy was a Momma's boy. She had done everything for her boy all his life. He didn't know how to clean up after himself and like your situation, he didn't care to learn. My hints and 'come to Jesus meeting' didn't work. He disrespected my furniture, stereo, tapes, records, etc. Finally - I'd had it. We actually had a fight about it, and he left.

    My advice: Have a 'come to Jesus meeting' but be prepared financially for the two guys to move out. If they won't come on board and start respecting your place and your belongings, they might abandon ship and I just hope that doesn't leave you in the lurch financially.

    What I learned was to sit down with prospective roommates and directly - firmly - explain that I am extremely clean and organized and they must be too - or we would not be a 'good fit' at all. My next roommates were much better then that first guy - handsome and hunky as he was - he was still a lazy slob.

    Good luck screening future roommates.

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  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Nov 14, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    I PROMISE you it could be worse, my roommate is so bad I set up a twitter account just to vent @myawfulroommate


    But, I'm super broke and barely scraping by...you own the house so you're in a much different position. If I were you I would sit down and talk with your good friend about the situation, let him know that if things don't change they will have to find a new place. Tell him you've already tried and failed with getting through to his slobby boyfriend and that if things continue as they have been they are no longer welcome.

    Then post a nice ad online and find a good new roommate