Best friend hanging out with ex!

  • AaronEcstasy

    Posts: 33

    Nov 10, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    Sorry if this is in the wrong forum! I figured it wasn't technically a dating issue so I wasn't really sure. But some Moderator can move it if they want? lolz.

    Anyway! My first impulse was probably that this didn't really need a topic because soo many people would quickly dismiss it as a bitchy and not very loyal. But I figured it was a little more complicated than that, I dunno. I don't know what to think about it.

    I've been apart from my ex for about eight months. We go to the same college so it can be pretty hard to separate myself from him. I went through a phase of basically 'hating' his guts but eventually realized I pretty much couldn't, so we're friends now. (He has a new boyfriend)

    My friend and I have been through a lot, a lot of ups and downs, but we have a really intimate relationship. (Not sexually! lol). For the most part we trust each-other and have become very close and vulnerable, and overall just have a lot of fun together. She's always been there for me and I for her. We have had fights before but we pretty much always get over it pretty quickly.

    Although we aren't actually fighting now, I feel a strange discomfort with her progressively building friendship with my ex. They hang out nearly as much as she and I do now, and I have a strange paranoia about it because it never includes me. She almost keeps it from me, in a way. Maybe that's because she knows it'll upset me? I'm not sure.

    I have anxiety that something he may say could tarnish my friendship with her (and it already has started to), or change her overall perspective of me if she finds out what went on with my relationship. Am I just being selfish or oversensitive? I know I have no right to tell either of them who to hang around, but I can't seem get it out of my head.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 10, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    Hanging out with my ex?

    I'm almost done with this sandwich, want these leftovers too?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 10, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
    I'm going to give you an opinion, some wisdom, and then some advice.
    Opinion: Sounds like you're a little possessive of her I can relate.

    Wisdom: You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friends nose. You have to let them pick it themselves.

    Advice: Try to accept it cause you can't control everything in your life or someone else's life. People need to make their own choices and you should try to be okay with the choice. Who knows what will happen, maybe good maybe bad. But she is your friend so you have to realize she's stuck by you for a while now so there's a good chance she'll stick by you despite what you did. icon_razz.gif
  • Lunastar

    Posts: 328

    Nov 10, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    If you and your ex are on good terms like you say you are, then you shouldn't worry about too much.

    Otherwise, you're in a sticky situation. Seems like you should talk to your friend about it, she's the one who's in the middle of it.
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    Nov 10, 2011 5:55 AM GMT
    The same thing totally happened to me and I am pissed off about it. The friend in question is not my best friend, but its still wrong. It all started when my ex and my friend went out to dinner without telling me. They are actually best friends right now, and things will never be the same between me and my ex, or me and my friend. I've decided to move forward and not stress about it. They both can kick rocks; I deserve better people in my life!
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    Nov 10, 2011 6:04 AM GMT
    I'm confused. What's a moderator???







    Also, you two run in the same circles so it's bound to happen. Unless your ex did something awful like cheat on you or steal from you, then don't make a big deal about it. You don't want to be that guy, the one who runs around making his friends have to choose between him and anyone he's not getting along with at the moment.
    Maybe you can build some sort of friendship with your ex. Then you won't have to make your friend have to choose between the two of you, and all three of you can hang out together.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Nov 10, 2011 6:08 AM GMT
    who cares if they r as long as it is just as friends, now if it goes sexual then it is on.
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    Nov 10, 2011 8:57 AM GMT
    The blatant racism in these forums never ceases to amazing. Pretty funny though (that pic)

    I say you just need to let it happen... hopefully she is a true friend and will stick by you no matter what. Otherwise she wasn't that good of a friend to begin with.
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    Nov 10, 2011 9:58 AM GMT
    You know, in one sentence you talk about how close you have gotten to her but then don't actually mention asking her about this?

    Just because your relationship didn't workout doesn't mean he isn't capable of having friends.. It sounds like you are more worried that this guy is going go divulge your secrets, which usually isn't the case. You've both moved past that "hate" stage, and probably harbor some degree of caring/love for each other still and that will keep him from saying bad things about you.

    Honestly, if he's even talking to her about you beyond something superficial.. then he hasn't moved on.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Nov 10, 2011 10:39 AM GMT
    randy_ruut saidgirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, she tryna steel yo man! homegirl thinks she's a spatula... mmm-hmmmm...

    Mmhmm.png




    I think I might love you
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Nov 10, 2011 10:40 AM GMT
    And it happened to me and now I don't talk to my ex-friend not just for that reason he was actually a really bad friend all together and I cut that shit out of my life faster than a coke whore can make a cum for a fix
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    Nov 10, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidAnd it happened to me and now I don't talk to my ex-friend not just for that reason he was actually a really bad friend all together and I cut that shit out of my life faster than a coke whore can make a cum for a fix

    How vivid... Actually I tend to agree, however. Women seem to have a lower "loyalty quotient" than men, forming & breaking personal friendships more opportunistically than men do (not that both genders won't). I'm excluding business relationships, where men can be total weasels, especially where competition is involved.

    Therefore her behavior doesn't surprise me, but neither would it please me, were I the OP. No need for an argument over it, she's just doing what many women do (though I recognize not all). I'd let the relationship fade away on its own, and think no more of it.

    As for the ex sharing confidences with her about the OP, well, if he does that with her, he likely would have done that with others, too, and perhaps already has. Almost all exes tell some stories "out of school" about each other, often while they're still together. I wouldn't hold her to blame on that one, unless she's a trained police interrogator and has been giving the ex the third degree. LOL!

    My only anger might be directed against the ex, should I find out he deliberately approached the friend. That could be a bit of the male competitiveness combined with some revenge, and perhaps a little intelligence gathering, while she's the innocent dupe, enticed by flattery & attention. That's for the OP to decide whether his ex could be that devious, but I've encountered gay men with almost Machiavellian minds.
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    Nov 10, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    There is a female in my wider circle whom I have known since undergrad. She was famous for this, befriending all of our exes. A large number of years later she is still in touch with all of them. Some of the guys distanced themselves from her because of this, others weren't so bothered by it.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 10, 2011 7:05 PM GMT
    I say let her hang out with him. If she eventually want to be his friend more than you then let her go.
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    Nov 10, 2011 9:36 PM GMT
    A good friend introduced my now EX bf and I and well our friend has been known to do some pretty shady shit. I don't know what to tell you. My advice is screw 'em both and walk away. I'm kind of in that situation and mindset now.
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    Nov 10, 2011 9:38 PM GMT
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    Nov 10, 2011 9:50 PM GMT
    GrowAPair saidtumblr_lugobpjyrX1qh82y3.gif
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    lmao.icon_biggrin.gif