11-year-old child molester?

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    Nov 11, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    I recently heard a story that really disturbed me, and I would like to hear what you guys think about it.

    My friend's church called her to say that one of the kids in her son's Sunday School will no longer be attending--in fact, the family has been asked to no longer be a part of the congregation--because it was discovered that the boy, 11 years old, molested a number of boys ranging in age from 6 to 11.

    The "molestation" was discovered when one of the boys told his parents--in passing--about the game he had played with the 11 year old. The pastor would not tell my friend many details, but said it was "beyond anything that might be considered normal child's play." In other words, it wasn't just "show me yours and I'll show you mine." And I guess the presumption is that the 11 year old was getting off on it.

    He didn't force himself on any of the other kids, that has been made clear. It was all--for lack of a better term, given that they're children--consensual. The other boys have been told that they won't see him anymore, and they don't understand why. They just want to know where their friend has gone.

    Child services is involved now, and it came to light that the couple had marital problems last year because the husband had been watching porn and the wife was upset about it. They are now saying that maybe the kid somehow saw the dad's porn and that drove him to this. The kid is not allowed to be alone with any other children, or go unsupervised to any kind of activity center for kids.

    The kid is apparently very gentle, friendly, and has never had a reputation for being a problem child. What is your take on this? Is this kind of "experimentation" normal at that age? Could it be that the kid is really a budding child molester? Or is everyone just overreacting?
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    Nov 11, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    I believe it. A friend of a friend worked in education. For a while she was teaching special needs kids. I forgot what age, but it was grade school level. These kids came from broken homes and most had mental issues. But one thing that she noticed is that quite a few of them displayed some mature/sexual behavior. I mean, stuff like dry humping each other, fondling oneself, and so on. I would say that this kind of behavior is learned, and not naturally developed. Particularly at that age. Being curious about one's body is one thing, but explicit sexual acts/emulation is a potential sign of abuse.
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    Nov 11, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    Difficult to judge if a valid reaction to a genuinely disturbed child, or an overreaction by zealous adults. Where was this? If in the Bible Belt I could believe the latter.
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    Nov 11, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidHard to say without knowing exactly what sort of 'exploration' the child was doing.

    But frankly, I think society in general is too freaked out about anything relating to children. And that's bad because when something really shocking and awful happens----Penn State----we're already desensitized.

    I agree.

    As far as the particulars of the case, there was definitely no anal penetration, and there was certainly touching of each others' penises. My friend was not sure whether there was any kind of oral sex taking place.

    The reason why this kid is the one in trouble is because he was the "instigator," but the other kids played along voluntarily.

    What do you think about the impact this could have on this kid in the future--being isolated like that, being told that there is something terribly wrong with him--isn't this more harmful and dangerous in the long run?
  • natiluv

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    Nov 11, 2011 7:31 AM GMT
    Sexual curiosity and/or experimentation among pubescent and prepubescent kids is supposedly " normal " according to sexologists but with so much exposure to sexuality everywhere in contemporary american culture there does seem to be more display of sex consciousness among young kids. If I were a parent in the same situation I might react the same way. You'd want the best for your child, to retain some innocence for as long as possible in a freaky oversexed world.
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    Nov 11, 2011 11:46 AM GMT
    Well, children as young as three can experience sexual arousal -- they just can't produce semen until puberty.

    It's not that surprising in our sexualized culture that an 11 year old could conceive of doing things like this.

    I'm more upset that the church has chosen to isolate them. I thought the damn purpose of the church was supposed to be to provide support during these times?

    There really isn't such a thing as "normal" behavior. Society has deemed the behavior of this kid wrong, but speaking in terms of other cultures it is not completely uncommon.
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    Nov 11, 2011 12:13 PM GMT
    19c79 saidI recently heard a story that really disturbed me, and I would like to hear what you guys think about it.

    My friend's church called her to say that one of the kids in her son's Sunday School will no longer be attending--in fact, the family has been asked to no longer be a part of the congregation--because it was discovered that the boy, 11 years old, molested a number of boys ranging in age from 6 to 11.

    The "molestation" was discovered when one of the boys told his parents--in passing--about the game he had played with the 11 year old. The pastor would not tell my friend many details, but said it was "beyond anything that might be considered normal child's play." In other words, it wasn't just "show me yours and I'll show you mine." And I guess the presumption is that the 11 year old was getting off on it.

    He didn't force himself on any of the other kids, that has been made clear. It was all--for lack of a better term, given that they're children--consensual. The other boys have been told that they won't see him anymore, and they don't understand why. They just want to know where their friend has gone.

    Child services is involved now, and it came to light that the couple had marital problems last year because the husband had been watching porn and the wife was upset about it. They are now saying that maybe the kid somehow saw the dad's porn and that drove him to this. The kid is not allowed to be alone with any other children, or go unsupervised to any kind of activity center for kids.

    The kid is apparently very gentle, friendly, and has never had a reputation for being a problem child. What is your take on this? Is this kind of "experimentation" normal at that age? Could it be that the kid is really a budding child molester? Or is everyone just overreacting?


    The boy should be told that his feelings are perfectly normal but that his behavior can get him into trouble so he shouldn't do it anymore, and especially not with boys not his age. He should be warned about the Child Services police state that may very well lock him up and/or force medication down his throat because it considers any sexuality beyond its control to be abhorrent. By all means, he should be helped so that he won't fall into the hands of those whack jobs who routinely fuck up families and children's lives by hysteria or by false accusation or by ignoring real abuse because they are so wrapped up in the bullshit cases they create. In the 90s they were starting to give children like the one described above medication called Clonodine, which was not meant for the purpose for which it was used, according to its own manufacturer. I don't know what they're giving now, but rest assured that many parents themselves have had their own children locked up in private mental institutions for no other reason than that they are gay.
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    Nov 11, 2011 12:47 PM GMT
    Why are they calling it molestation if it was consensual? And of course kids experiment. Just because adults want their kids to remain their nonsexual playthings through high school doesn't mean they aren't ready and thinking about sex once they hit puberty at around 12 or 13.
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    Nov 11, 2011 12:47 PM GMT
    sub4manly said
    The boy should be told that his feelings are perfectly normal but that his behavior can get him into trouble so he shouldn't do it anymore, and especially not with
    boys not his age. He should be warned about the Child Services police state that may very well lock him up and/or force medication down his throat because it considers any sexuality beyond its control to be abhorrent. By all means, he should be helped so that he won't fall into the hands of those whack jobs who routinely fuck up families and children's lives by hysteria or by false accusation or by ignoring real abuse because they are so wrapped up in the bullshit cases they create. In the 90s they were starting to give children like the one described above medication called Clonodine, which was not meant for the purpose for which it was used, according to its own manufacturer. I don't know what they're giving now, but rest assured that many parents themselves have had their own children locked up in private mental institutions for no other reason than that they are gay.

    Yeah, I think this would be the appropriate response.

    What do you guys think about the dad's porn? He never showed it to the kid, but he could have accidentally found it--there is no proof if this either. Should the dad blame himself?
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    Nov 11, 2011 1:12 PM GMT
    19c79 said
    sub4manly said
    The boy should be told that his feelings are perfectly normal but that his behavior can get him into trouble so he shouldn't do it anymore, and especially not with
    boys not his age. He should be warned about the Child Services police state that may very well lock him up and/or force medication down his throat because it considers any sexuality beyond its control to be abhorrent. By all means, he should be helped so that he won't fall into the hands of those whack jobs who routinely fuck up families and children's lives by hysteria or by false accusation or by ignoring real abuse because they are so wrapped up in the bullshit cases they create. In the 90s they were starting to give children like the one described above medication called Clonodine, which was not meant for the purpose for which it was used, according to its own manufacturer. I don't know what they're giving now, but rest assured that many parents themselves have had their own children locked up in private mental institutions for no other reason than that they are gay.

    Yeah, I think this would be the appropriate response.

    What do you guys think about the dad's porn? He never showed it to the kid, but he could have accidentally found it--there is no proof if this either. Should the dad blame himself?


    Are you daft or something? The kid doesn't have to ever have seen porn to be curious about sexuality. He may not know theirs a name for it but, as a kid, all he is realizing is that it feels good to do certain things. Given the complete lack of guidance, it's natural that he'd approach his peers who are also likely experiencing the same things.
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    Nov 11, 2011 1:23 PM GMT
    it is overreacting..at that age kids are curious about gender differences..also at this age..i bet hes wondering if others are going or feeling the same things as him...however branding him a child molester i think does more harm than good. How about getting a therapist to sit down with him..to determine if hes a threat or simply to redirect him on the proper outlets of social behavior and way to go to those so call Christians at your church..( you cant comeback to our clubhouse)--so mature..i swear..religion does more harm than good. Now this kid will forever have that brand on his personality.
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    Nov 11, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    Animus said
    Are you daft or something?

    icon_rolleyes.gif Conversation skills FAIL.

    I actually largely agree with you.
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    Nov 11, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    when i was 11 or 12..me and some boys in my neighborhood{they were all my age}used to take our clothes off in my garage,and we'd check each other out..things like that...my dad walked in on us once..i could have died from embarrassment..but,oddly,he just laughed and walked out.....i guess he knew that since it was my buddies -i hung around with the same three guys all thru school-it wasn,t a problem.so,i'd say that as long as a kid is experimenting with someone close to his/her own age..no need to panic-but if he/she seems to be choosing smaller kids,then it's time to worry....
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    Nov 11, 2011 5:20 PM GMT
    if he's cute in a few years...
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    Nov 11, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    19c79 said
    Animus said
    Are you daft or something?

    icon_rolleyes.gif Conversation skills FAIL.

    I actually largely agree with you.


    That's my mistake then. But you have to admit the title of the thread is a bit misleading.
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    Nov 11, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    This poor kid may have been exposed to some porn and been mimicking it...

    He may need light therapy, but this isolation will lead to serious issues...

    Sad story icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 11, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    Animus said
    19c79 said
    Animus said
    Are you daft or something?

    icon_rolleyes.gif Conversation skills FAIL.

    I actually largely agree with you.


    That's my mistake then. But you have to admit the title of the thread is a bit misleading.

    What's misleading about it? It asks a question. It doesn't make a statement.
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    Nov 11, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    In the first place, molestation isn't about sex or orgasm. Like rape, it is about control and power.

    If there is a sufficient age gap between this kid and others, it may fit the pattern of sexual abuse. The fact that there are 6-year-olds involved worries me somewhat. If it's the case that abuse occurred, the "example" he had wasn't his dad's porn, it was most likely being the victim of sexual abuse himself.

    I tend to think this is being blown out of proportion, coming from the over-churched background I come from. It is a characteristic reaction of many evangelicals to demonize sex and ANY form of sexual expression that occurs outside of missionary position between a married man and woman. I'm frankly pissed to hear that this church representative TOLD other parents in the class about the private life of the parents of the potential molester, but it is the mentality of most church-goers to attempt to trace an evil to its "source," so to speak. They vastly overestimate the influence of any sort of sexual exposure at all, and latched on to the porn.

  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Nov 11, 2011 5:36 PM GMT
    This is so sad. More likely than not, this is a case of some over-zealous parents freaking out over what may have been nothing more than innocent 11 year old curiosity. Now the kids going to have all sorts of guilt issues associated with sex that could be with him well into adulthood. Very sad.
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    Nov 11, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    MindAndMatter saidif he's cute in a few years...


    Not funny.
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    Nov 11, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidThis poor kid may have been exposed to some porn and been mimicking it...

    He may need light therapy, but this isolation will lead to serious issues...

    Sad story icon_sad.gif


    Agree.
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Nov 11, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    RedheadedRy saidIn the first place, molestation isn't about sex or orgasm. Like rape, it is about control and power.

    If there is a sufficient age gap between this kid and others, it may fit the pattern of sexual abuse. The fact that there are 6-year-olds involved worries me somewhat. If it's the case that abuse occurred, the "example" he had wasn't his dad's porn, it was most likely being the victim of sexual abuse himself.

    I agree with this. Isolating the child is not the best solution here. Now he's going to be guilty and think there's something wrong with him. The child needs to be taught about sexuality. He also needs to be taught about socially appropriate behavior and social skills.

    Constant supervision would have been a better solution, so that he can understand how not to play with others.

    I also find it difficult to understand why this became so public, this is something to be discussed amongst the families affected.
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    Nov 11, 2011 10:31 PM GMT
    commoncoll said
    RedheadedRy saidIn the first place, molestation isn't about sex or orgasm. Like rape, it is about control and power.

    If there is a sufficient age gap between this kid and others, it may fit the pattern of sexual abuse. The fact that there are 6-year-olds involved worries me somewhat. If it's the case that abuse occurred, the "example" he had wasn't his dad's porn, it was most likely being the victim of sexual abuse himself.

    I agree with this. Isolating the child is not the best solution here. Now he's going to be guilty and think there's something wrong with him. The child needs to be taught about sexuality. He also needs to be taught about socially appropriate behavior and social skills.

    Constant supervision would have been a better solution, so that he can understand how not to play with others.

    I also find it difficult to understand why this became so public, this is something to be discussed amongst the families affected.

    You're both right. My friend and her husband are actually considering leaving that church. They are upset about this, and have reached out to the boy's parents. Turns out the mom of one of the other boys has said that if this kid ever joins a sports team or any other kind of group activity for children, she will make sure to contact the other parents. Some people are just vicious. This sickens me.
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    Nov 12, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    RedheadedRy saidIn the first place, molestation isn't about sex or orgasm. Like rape, it is about control and power.

    That statement, taken as an absolute, has no basis in rational or scientific thought. It's great dogma, but it's potentially seriously damaging and can be a form of child abuse in its own right. Speaking in absolutes doesn't help to understand or deal with this serious issue or to prevent problems associated with it.

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    Nov 12, 2011 4:39 PM GMT
    RedheadedRy saidIn the first place, molestation isn't about sex or orgasm. Like rape, it is about control and power.

    If there is a sufficient age gap between this kid and others, it may fit the pattern of sexual abuse. The fact that there are 6-year-olds involved worries me somewhat....


    That post nailed it. The only silly thing I'd tweak (this is still the internet, afterall) is that a kid going after younger kids might not be an early sign of molestation nor even future pedophilia but just the foreshadow of yet another guy who won't enjoy guys his own age when he's older. By some of the profiles I've read, I believe there are probably a number of RJ guys who "molested" 6 year olds when they were 11 too.

    Not me though, I was that perverted kid in fifth grade with my desk too close to one of my friends so we could feel each other up during class. The worst that happened was one day our teacher asked us to separate our desks. The separation lasted a day, then she gave up on us so nobody require too much therapy later in life.