What to do with your sex/love life while you're still years away from your best possible shape?

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    Nov 12, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    Your standards will not go any lower, let alone the standards of the ones you want. You've had dates with all types of guys and at this stage of the game you know what you want. You are no newbie and you know the rules: be at the level of those you desire. You want to give others the same you want from them. You work out, you learn about nutrition and training. You live the lifestyle perfectly. A few years pass and now you know how much you can progress. A disappointing realization takes over: you are still several years away from your goal, years during which there's a life to be lived.

    What is there to do with your sex/love life during this very long time?
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    Nov 12, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    bachian saidWhat to do with your sex/love life while you're still years away from your best possible shape?
    Stop worrying about what you look like and be glad others like the way you look already. No matter how hot you are (or how much pity fucking you want), very few people wanna sex someone who thinks he's fugly.

    After all...if you wouldn't do you, why should anyone else?
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    Nov 12, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidSoooo.....fake profile then???

    LOL, who are you talking about, bachian, 'cos it better not be the person in your profile pics...'cos that would be ridiculous. If I had written what you had, that would be one thing...but it's a lot different (and uglier) losing weight than gaining muscle, which I can only assume is what someone as defined as you already are could possibly mean with this thread.

    Two points: the first around this line: "Your standards will not go any lower, let alone the standards of the ones you want". You don't know what people want...and you haven't surveyed enough to be able to make that generalization. I would actually think that a lot of guys (gay guys) in that lifestyle would just appreciate having someone to share that lifestyle with, the common goals, diet --these aren't easy things to match up! And as for being a year or two away from your goals, one (girl)friend of mine couldn't find the man she was looking for (metalhead god) in our small town, so she found a metalhead who's personal goal was "growth", and she was happy as a clam...used to brag with glee that she "couldn't find a mighty oak in this town, but she found a great acorn and was growing her own mighty oak." You may find a guy that "you want" who would be honoured to be your mentor as well as your lover; such a man may enjoy sharing his knowledge and even the competitiveness of you nipping at his heels.

    My second point is, you become the perfect man in a couple of years, you're lucky enough to meet another perfect guy, you fall in love.....what then? It's not like this is going to be your last goal in your life...who ever you partner up with, you're going to ALWAYS be watching him grow, and he watching you grow. It doesn't stop. And even if it did "even if you're on the right path, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

    So find a guy you can take THIS journey with....and the next journey....and the one after that. You're lonely? He's lonely too. This rule of yours may be keeping two people lonely. Finetune your radar to weed out these guys who "you want" but are only looking for a mirror copy of themselves. Find the guy who wants to be partnered with a driven goal-oriented mate and show him your commitment. You're judging this future partner as much as he gets to judge you: this isn't a oneway street. The guys who have been rejecting you are just "not the guy". It's a numbers game: keep meeting and screening more guys while you work on your goal.



    you are my online heroicon_smile.gif
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    Nov 12, 2011 10:13 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidTwo points: the first around this line: "Your standards will not go any lower, let alone the standards of the ones you want". You don't know what people want...and you haven't surveyed enough to be able to make that generalization.


    Anyone but the most newbie here knows that what you offer determines what you can ask for. "You never know" and "everything is possible" are the most worn out arguments used by those who like to feed false hopes, after all, just because you can win the lottery doesn't mean you will. On a moral level, this asymmetry of expectations -- with one being picky while hoping the other will lower his standards -- is a sign of immaturity.

    yourname2000 saidI would actually think that a lot of guys (gay guys) in that lifestyle would just appreciate having someone to share that lifestyle with, the common goals, diet --these aren't easy things to match up! And as for being a year or two away from your goals, one (girl)friend of mine couldn't find the man she was looking for (metalhead god) in our small town, so she found a metalhead who's personal goal was "growth", and she was happy as a clam...used to brag with glee that she "couldn't find a mighty oak in this town, but she found a great acorn and was growing her own mighty oak." You may find a guy that "you want" who would be honoured to be your mentor as well as your lover; such a man may enjoy sharing his knowledge and even the competitiveness of you nipping at his heels.


    The fact that she's a woman explains it all! icon_lol.gif

    On our side of the fence physical attraction is fundamental. If you found a very obese guy around your age, but committed to a healthy lifestyle, would you have any relationship with him other than friendship? Is his industrious character enough to compensate for the looks you don't like? It will take years for him to become palatable to you, what would you do with him in the meanwhile?

    yourname2000 saidMy second point is, you become the perfect man in a couple of years, you're lucky enough to meet another perfect guy, you fall in love.....what then? It's not like this is going to be your last goal in your life...who ever you partner up with, you're going to ALWAYS be watching him grow, and he watching you grow. It doesn't stop. And even if it did "even if you're on the right path, you'll get run over if you just sit there."


    I agree! To evolve is a must and whoever is with us must evolve together. I too agree that life is way more than sex, dates and love life, but since these things depend a lot on how good looking you are to those who look good to you, and since the progress to this state may take several years, I was expecting pragmatic suggestions on what to do in this long meanwhile.
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    Nov 12, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidStop worrying about what you look like and be glad others like the way you look already. No matter how hot you are (or how much pity fucking you want), very few people wanna sex someone who thinks he's fugly.

    After all...if you wouldn't do you, why should anyone else?


    Exactly! But what is left to do while you're not fuckable to yourself?
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    Nov 12, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
    The solution is investing in some therapy to address your issues of inadequacy. If you think happiness is at the end of some interminable set of stairs you need to talk to someone.
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    Nov 12, 2011 10:39 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidThe solution is investing in some therapy to address your issues of inadequacy. If you think happiness is at the end of some interminable set of stairs you need to talk to someone.


    This is assuming inadequacy is just in the mind of the inadequate person. Everyone is inadequate to someone, it just becomes a problem when some part of your life becomes dependent on how adequate you are to those who are adequate to you. Depending on someone's approval to be happy absolutely sucks, I couldn't agree more. The question is what to do in particular with your sexuality (which inherently depends on this approval) while this approval is still unlikely to be obtained.
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    Nov 12, 2011 10:49 PM GMT
    bachian said
    Ariodante saidThe solution is investing in some therapy to address your issues of inadequacy. If you think happiness is at the end of some interminable set of stairs you need to talk to someone.


    This is assuming inadequacy is just in the mind of the inadequate person. Everyone is inadequate to someone, it just becomes a problem when some part of your life becomes dependent on how adequate you are to those who are adequate to you. Depending on someone's approval to be happy absolutely sucks, I couldn't agree more. The question is what to do in particular with your sexuality (which inherently depends on this approval) while this approval is still unlikely to be obtained.


    icon_rolleyes.gif

    You completely circumvented the issue. You have unrealistic standards both for yourself and for others. If you don't change this mindset you will never be happy. Doesn't matter how big, how muscular, how ripped you get. You only think you're not good enough, but whether you realize it or not no one else will ever be good enough either in your mindset. Who are you expecting to "obtain" once you achieve this fictitious physique anyway? Some meta-human porn star like muscle sex god? That's your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
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    Nov 12, 2011 11:02 PM GMT
    bachian saidYour standards will not go any lower, let alone the standards of the ones you want. You've had dates with all types of guys and at this stage of the game you know what you want. You are no newbie and you know the rules: be at the level of those you desire. You want to give others the same you want from them. You work out, you learn about nutrition and training. You live the lifestyle perfectly. A few years pass and now you how much you can progress. A disappointing realization takes over: you are still several years away from your goal, years during which there's a life to be lived.

    What is there to do with your sex/love life during this very long time?

    Your logic only works by assuming that your perfect guy only wants to fuck his own clone (i.e. he's only interested in you if you look like him). Gay guys might have this complex more than straights, but it's not a given. The more muscular guy that you think is perfect might adore a younger leaner guy or an older bear.
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    Nov 12, 2011 11:05 PM GMT
    bachian said
    paulflexes saidStop worrying about what you look like and be glad others like the way you look already. No matter how hot you are (or how much pity fucking you want), very few people wanna sex someone who thinks he's fugly.

    After all...if you wouldn't do you, why should anyone else?


    Exactly! But what is left to do while you're not fuckable to yourself?
    Play solitaire.
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    Nov 12, 2011 11:18 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    bachian said
    paulflexes saidStop worrying about what you look like and be glad others like the way you look already. No matter how hot you are (or how much pity fucking you want), very few people wanna sex someone who thinks he's fugly.

    After all...if you wouldn't do you, why should anyone else?


    Exactly! But what is left to do while you're not fuckable to yourself?
    Play solitaire.


    ROFL!!! Best double entendre of the year! icon_razz.gif
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 12, 2011 11:27 PM GMT
    Well if you are going to be that picky, I say get one of those flesh-lights or a dildo or both.

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    Nov 12, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    archon said
    yourname2000 saidSoooo.....fake profile then???

    LOL, who are you talking about, bachian, 'cos it better not be the person in your profile pics...'cos that would be ridiculous. If I had written what you had, that would be one thing...but it's a lot different (and uglier) losing weight than gaining muscle, which I can only assume is what someone as defined as you already are could possibly mean with this thread.

    Two points: the first around this line: "Your standards will not go any lower, let alone the standards of the ones you want". You don't know what people want...and you haven't surveyed enough to be able to make that generalization. I would actually think that a lot of guys (gay guys) in that lifestyle would just appreciate having someone to share that lifestyle with, the common goals, diet --these aren't easy things to match up! And as for being a year or two away from your goals, one (girl)friend of mine couldn't find the man she was looking for (metalhead god) in our small town, so she found a metalhead who's personal goal was "growth", and she was happy as a clam...used to brag with glee that she "couldn't find a mighty oak in this town, but she found a great acorn and was growing her own mighty oak." You may find a guy that "you want" who would be honoured to be your mentor as well as your lover; such a man may enjoy sharing his knowledge and even the competitiveness of you nipping at his heels.

    My second point is, you become the perfect man in a couple of years, you're lucky enough to meet another perfect guy, you fall in love.....what then? It's not like this is going to be your last goal in your life...who ever you partner up with, you're going to ALWAYS be watching him grow, and he watching you grow. It doesn't stop. And even if it did "even if you're on the right path, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

    So find a guy you can take THIS journey with....and the next journey....and the one after that. You're lonely? He's lonely too. This rule of yours may be keeping two people lonely. Finetune your radar to weed out these guys who "you want" but are only looking for a mirror copy of themselves. Find the guy who wants to be partnered with a driven goal-oriented mate and show him your commitment. You're judging this future partner as much as he gets to judge you: this isn't a oneway street. The guys who have been rejecting you are just "not the guy". It's a numbers game: keep meeting and screening more guys while you work on your goal.



    you are my online heroicon_smile.gif


    +1
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    Nov 12, 2011 11:41 PM GMT
    bachian said
    yourname2000 saidTwo points: the first around this line: "Your standards will not go any lower, let alone the standards of the ones you want". You don't know what people want...and you haven't surveyed enough to be able to make that generalization.


    Anyone but the most newbie here knows that what you offer determines what you can ask for. "You never know" and "everything is possible" are the most worn out arguments used by those who like to feed false hopes, after all, just because you can win the lottery doesn't mean you will. On a moral level, this asymmetry of expectations -- with one being picky while hoping the other will lower his standards -- is a sign of immaturity.

    yourname2000 saidI would actually think that a lot of guys (gay guys) in that lifestyle would just appreciate having someone to share that lifestyle with, the common goals, diet --these aren't easy things to match up! And as for being a year or two away from your goals, one (girl)friend of mine couldn't find the man she was looking for (metalhead god) in our small town, so she found a metalhead who's personal goal was "growth", and she was happy as a clam...used to brag with glee that she "couldn't find a mighty oak in this town, but she found a great acorn and was growing her own mighty oak." You may find a guy that "you want" who would be honoured to be your mentor as well as your lover; such a man may enjoy sharing his knowledge and even the competitiveness of you nipping at his heels.


    The fact that she's a woman explains it all! icon_lol.gif

    On our side of the fence physical attraction is fundamental. If you found a very obese guy around your age, but committed to a healthy lifestyle, would you have any relationship with him other than friendship? Is his industrious character enough to compensate for the looks you don't like? It will take years for him to become palatable to you, what would you do with him in the meanwhile?

    yourname2000 saidMy second point is, you become the perfect man in a couple of years, you're lucky enough to meet another perfect guy, you fall in love.....what then? It's not like this is going to be your last goal in your life...who ever you partner up with, you're going to ALWAYS be watching him grow, and he watching you grow. It doesn't stop. And even if it did "even if you're on the right path, you'll get run over if you just sit there."


    I agree! To evolve is a must and whoever is with us must evolve together. I too agree that life is way more than sex, dates and love life, but since these things depend a lot on how good looking you are to those who look good to you, and since the progress to this state may take several years, I was expecting pragmatic suggestions on what to do in this long meanwhile.




    Your logic is a bit misguided. For you lowering a standard might be something different to someone else. Some people are attracted to heavier people, some to skinner people, and others to every combination in between. - Although my profile looks brand new, it isn't. I had some problems with my account and set it back up. - I am saying that because you said above that only "the most newbie knows that what you offer determines what you can ask for..." Well, I've been going through a transformation of my own. I am nowhere near where I hope to be and to some I don't even belong here. However, I recently started using the chat rooms and to my surprise, I have had people that I would say are way hotter than me proposition me. The truth of the matter is everyone is attracted to something different. How could the most attractive in the room be attracted to ugly me? Who knows? What you need to do is work on your own self-esteem issues. When you are comfortable with yourself, all of you questions will become irrelevant.

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    Nov 12, 2011 11:49 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidYou completely circumvented the issue. You have unrealistic standards both for yourself and for others. If you don't change this mindset you will never be happy. Doesn't matter how big, how muscular, how ripped you get. You only think you're not good enough, but whether you realize it or not no one else will ever be good enough either in your mindset. Who are you expecting to "obtain" once you achieve this fictitious physique anyway? Some meta-human porn star like muscle sex god? That's your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?


    Now that you ask... I like mesomorphic looking guys, with or without muscles, around my age. No need for definition, but must have well distributed fat. The guy I drool for has a bf of 16% and he's no big deal. What makes it so hard then? (1) this middle range is rare, with most guys being too skinny or too fat; when they're not, they are at least 15 years older, which is why I have almost no experience with guys around my age (2) these guys are very sought after, if not the most sought after type of all (since they're so average), which gives them lots of picking power (and a tall order for me to be able to compete)
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    Nov 13, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    onaquest870 said The truth of the matter is everyone is attracted to something different.


    So say the competitors who like exactly what we like. icon_lol.gif Just because you can't beat the competition doesn't mean you don't love your company (I had to use this capitalist analogy...)
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    Nov 13, 2011 12:12 AM GMT
    bachian said
    onaquest870 said The truth of the matter is everyone is attracted to something different.


    So say the competitors who like exactly what we like. icon_lol.gif Just because you can't beat the competition doesn't mean you don't love your company (I had to use this capitalist analogy...)


    Well, fortunately, I am a college business instructor, so I can argue about this all day, which I won't. Because at this point I don't think there is really a purpose to your post - because apparently, what you are looking for is someone to tell you to stay inside and lock your doors and be lonely. If that is what you decide to do, then that is what you decide to do. There's another business term I will throw in just for free - risk aversion. You decide how much of a risk you are willing to take.
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    Nov 13, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    Turn your sexual frustration into a shorter waiting period! Pretend you're a Catholic priest and sublimate! Every time you feel horny go to the gym until you're just too tired. If you're as randy as I am, you'll look like Adonis in np time.