Suicide? What would you do?

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 12, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    This thread was create just for feedback about someone I know who is very down on his luck.

    what if you knew someone who wanted to die. what would you do? what if he gave himself until the end of the year to live and was going to end his life if nothing positive had happened in his life. what if everything in his life had not turned out right. what if he felt like every time he took three steps in life. he always got kicked 5 or 6 steps back. what if he felt like life was against him and he felt like it was battle do deal with alone. how would you console him? what if even his friends thought he had really bad luck as well. what words of wisdom would you off him? what if this guy felt like there was nothing worth living for anymore. what if he had lost the will to continue and thought his life had served it purpose and it was time to put it to rest. what if you had tried to talk to him out of it and nothing you said mattered. what would you do?
    realjock family what you do if this person was someone you knew. what if it was you. what would you do?
    i have two month left. what can or should i do?
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 12, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    I need help with this one guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2011 12:01 PM GMT
    Have your friends considered an intervention and seeing if you can convince your friend to get counseling? I think this situation requires professionals and those with training in dealing with an individual with suicidal ideation. I hope your friend gets some help.
  • hereatlast

    Posts: 1

    Nov 12, 2011 3:12 PM GMT
    Hello my friend,

    Sadly I have been here myself on numerous occasions but alas I am now dealing with my life better.
    I have over many years struggled with my sexuality especially living a dual lifestyle but I have resigned myself to the fact that I am bi-sexual.

    I have had wonderful support from family and friends but truly the overall end result lies with the individual him/herslef they have to want to LIVE by whatever means whether that be getting help as one previous submitter stated "professional help-counselling" or listening to the GENUINE friends around them who truly feel the pain of knowing how you are suffering.

    I doubt that this info will be of help ...but I do hope that you friend does seek help as it is there for him.

    Life is precious, HE IS PRECIOUS, he is also loved and he needs to realise that so many people are going through similar pain and should he result in commitiing suicide I ask???? will he truly find peace.. None of us actually know if this is the case.

    As for yourself my friend just be there for him as you obvioulsy are, be that lsitening ear, but also remember there is only so much that you can do for him.

    If a person is resigned to taking their own life, they will do so and you must not give yourself heart ache after the event. YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BEST and no more could be done.

    My thoughst and prayers go out to you and your freind I do so hope he finds the inner strength to be strong and face his trials and tribulations and come out the other end a stronger happy contented person, take care. xx
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Nov 12, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    I know this sounds overly simplistic, but trust me it can work. Take your friend on a hike, somewhere beautiful where you can breathe the clean air, get in touch with nature, and look out at the view from perhaps a hillside, along a sandy beach, or across a beautiful lake. Make it an adventure of sorts -- a quick getaway from the hustle-bustle and drama of life, even if it's for an afternoon. If it is a place your friend has never been, or would not normally go, even better. Remind them of how precious "life" is and what an adventure it is along the way. The very worst thing that can happen is that you die and miss out on the adventure.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 12, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidI know this sounds overly simplistic, but trust me it can work. Take your friend on a hike, somewhere beautiful where you can breathe the clean air, get in touch with nature, and look out at the view from perhaps a hillside, along a sandy beach, or across a beautiful lake. Make it an adventure of sorts -- a quick getaway from the hustle-bustle and drama of life, even if it's for an afternoon. If it is a place your friend has never been, or would not normally go, even better. Remind them of how precious "life" is and what an adventure it is along the way. The very worst thing that can happen is that you die and miss out on the adventure.

    thank you curious jock. i have often thought about doing that but something always happens and i can not usually get away. when i have the chance he always busy with work. however, i think i need to make this happen. i appreciate the advice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    Every time I feel like that, I make a list of something I have wanted to do all my life but just couldn't. Then I pick up up thing and do it, like dance classes. That always makes me happier knowing my life is so much more than what I thought it was.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 12, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    sashaman saidHave your friends considered an intervention and seeing if you can convince your friend to get counseling? I think this situation requires professionals and those with training in dealing with an individual with suicidal ideation. I hope your friend gets some help.

    he is a bit too smart for his therapist. seriously, he realizes that things might get better, he realizes that people who loves him will want to help him but his answer is and has always been. he wants to do it for himself. i have known him since high school. he is very smart and intelligent. i would say too smart for his own good. he knows he will hurt people by doing this but he believes he is too old to have to ask people to help him out. he and i both lost a good friend who was always there for him in time of need. whenever he needed money his friend would offer him jobs to earn money. if he wanted to get away. his friend use to travel alot during the holiday so he could stay at his place while was gone. now he does not have that anymore and things are getting bad again and he says he simply can not continue like this.

    honestly, i can understand how he feels. i know life is precious. i also know that sometimes people do not understand that at the end of the day. it is up to the individual and i think it is sort of selfish for me or anyone else to want to continue to be unhappy. i would not say that to him because i am selfish and want him to live. i my heart would break if he did that. which is why this is so difficult for me to know and watch. i feel helpless
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    You can't save anyone.... unless they want to be saved. And if he's waiting around for something positive to happen it surely will not. Thats not really how it works.

    Maybe highlight what the fall out of him committing suicide would do to you and how it would make you feel like an intervention or something.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 12, 2011 4:24 PM GMT
    Terminal patients, with a physical, life ending disease that is painful, debilitating, etc. We should offer euthanasia for.

    Mental/emotional potential suicides need help - professional help. Most will, eventually, get beyond the death wish and will see happier times. IF they don't do something like kill themselves or maim themselves.

    Depression is a serious health issue and needs to be dealt with by a doctor. There are pills for it, yes, however there is a need for therapy, which many people in the USA do not get to go with those pills.

    I have had suicidal buddies in the past. So I already have a list of numbers for my local area to call and set up health care for people who have no money, through my county.

    I went to the local County Hospital (Government hospital) and talked to the mental health people who set me up with all of the paper work to get financial aid for the guys.

    Different regions have different programs. If you have no idea where to start, call the Suicide Hotline, and explain to them that you have a guy who has set a 'date' and you need help in finding what programs are in you area to get him mental health help.

    Since he is depressed, he most likely will be unable to jump through hoops, fill out endless paperwork and actually go to appointments. There is a difference between unable and unwilling.

    Truthfully there are no pearls of wisdom to hand a depressed person and make it all better. You CAN be supportive - to a point. That point depends on you and the obligations of your life.

    Do try to prepare yourself for failure.

    We are not always successful, not matter what we do, to prevent a determined person from opting out of life. You can do all of the right things on paper, get him to doctors on time, see to it he is taking his pills, and still end up going to his funeral.

    I would say 'prepare for the worst', but the truth is there is no way to really prepare for it.


    Suicide Hotline: In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255

  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Nov 12, 2011 5:01 PM GMT

    I feel for you...it is painful to watch someone who care about self-destruct and the sense of helplessness is excruciating.

    Just a couple of questions...you say that he is 'down on his luck' and 'got kicked 5 or 6 steps back' but say in another thread that he is always working. I am assuming he is employed and possibly in some type of professional field or position involving responsibility. What kind of setbacks has he suffered? Illness? Loss of loved ones? Romantic issues? Knowing the back-story would help frame the type of depression he is suffering.

    Second, you say that he is too smart for his therapist. I am sure you are glad he is seeing one...but if he is not getting what he needs from the sessions...encourage him to get another one. There are good and bad therapists out there....and it is positive that he is discussing this with a professional. However, going through the motions of change and wanting to change are very different things. The role of the therapist is to offer a second party perspective to situations. Many high functioning people can fall into a trap of trying to use their intellect of 'think' their way out of these mental rabbit holes. Their failure to accomplish that leads to frustration which feeds the depression...and well, you see where it sets up a negative feed loop.

    I understand that work makes it difficult to spend quality time..encourage him to use a sick day if necessary. Listen to him and encourage him when you can. Let him know you care deeply and his his loss would impact you personally.

    Best to you. Please remember take care of yourself in the process. There are some great resources online like suicide,org and a ton of organizations in the D.C. area.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 12, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    BiItalianBro said
    I feel for you...it is painful to watch someone who care about self-destruct and the sense of helplessness is excruciating.

    Just a couple of questions...you say that he is 'down on his luck' and 'got kicked 5 or 6 steps back' but say in another thread that he is always working. I am assuming he is employed and possibly in some type of professional field or position involving responsibility. What kind of setbacks has he suffered? Illness? Loss of loved ones? Romantic issues? Knowing the back-story would help frame the type of depression he is suffering.

    Second, you say that he is too smart for his therapist. I am sure you are glad he is seeing one...but if he is not getting what he needs from the sessions...encourage him to get another one. There are good and bad therapists out there....and it is positive that he is discussing this with a professional. However, going through the motions of change and wanting to change are very different things. The role of the therapist is to offer a second party perspective to situations. Many high functioning people can fall into a trap of trying to use their intellect of 'think' their way out of these mental rabbit holes. Their failure to accomplish that leads to frustration which feeds the depression...and well, you see where it sets up a negative feed loop.

    I understand that work makes it difficult to spend quality time..encourage him to use a sick day if necessary. Listen to him and encourage him when you can. Let him know you care deeply and his his loss would impact you personally.

    Best to you. Please remember take care of yourself in the process. There are some great resources online like suicide,org and a ton of organizations in the D.C. area.
    he has a job but it is in sales and if he does not sale he does not make money. his job closed one of there locations and only gave them a little less than a months notice. he found out that he has stage 1 skin cancer. he has a lot financial issues now that he has lost his job. i am definitely feeling the pressure on this one. i really appreciate your words of wisdom. i will definitely be spending more time with him. sometimes he does not feel like being around people so i give him his space. i think everyone needs that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    Tuffguy,

    If your friend is really that far gone, that he is setting time tables over the holidays no less, you really need to get him to seek professional help. It might be worth your while to call a suicide hot line yourself to get some insights in dealing with him. Would he consider going on a mid medication that would take the edge off, and clear his head a bit? He could probably get something prescibed through his GP. It might be a good thing to do before he gets further into the holidays.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 12, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    TriAthInCA saidTuffguy,

    If your friend is really that far gone, that he is setting time tables over the holidays no less, you really need to get him to seek professional help. It might be worth your while to call a suicide hot line yourself to get some insights in dealing with him. Would he consider going on a mid medication that would take the edge off, and clear his head a bit? He could probably get something prescibed through his GP. It might be a good thing to do before he gets further into the holidays.
    i will try and see what i can do. i have already been warned that if i did try and tell someone that he would deny it and relocate.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 15, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    york908 saidYou can't save anyone.... unless they want to be saved. And if he's waiting around for something positive to happen it surely will not. Thats not really how it works.

    Maybe highlight what the fall out of him committing suicide would do to you and how it would make you feel like an intervention or something.
    I agree that someone that needs has to ask for it. however, he does not feel he needs help. He thinks he is fine. I hope my hard is just going through another patch in his life and it will get better. I mean when he lost his grandmother years ago he thought about killing himself than. He always said the only reason he was still alive was because of his grandmother. He always said if committed suicide she would be devastated. He never wanted her to go through that. He was her favorite grand child. Now that she is dead there is really only a few people who would be hurt and I am one of them.
    I am afraid to tell anyone else because he has already said he would move and no one will ever hear from him again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 15, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    if you can keep them cheered enough they'll forget about it...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 15, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    (I haven't read the entire thread.)

    Is your friend seeing a therapist or other medical professional? It's important to rule out physical causes. Depression and suicidal thoughts aren't always just a mental problem. Sometimes, there are underlying physical problems that play havoc with someone's mind. It's critical to investigate those areas. It can be as simple as a hormone imbalance, and the cure can be as simple as a pill.
  • matt13226

    Posts: 829

    Nov 15, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    tell him that you are one of his good friends that you dont want him to do that u have to at least try to stop him
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 15, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    The_Dollarwine saidif you can keep them cheered enough they'll forget about it...
    Ha ha ha That is funny because that is what I have been trying to do
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 15, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidIf he is genuinely a threat to himself, I would look into what is required for an involuntary commitment. And I'm quite serious.
    But if he leaves? What do I do then? He has money saved. He has a passport and can easily leave and never be heard from again? That is my dilemma
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 15, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said(I haven't read the entire thread.)

    Is your friend seeing a therapist or other medical professional? It's important to rule out physical causes. Depression and suicidal thoughts aren't always just a mental problem. Sometimes, there are underlying physical problems that play havoc with someone's mind. It's critical to investigate those areas. It can be as simple as a hormone imbalance, and the cure can be as simple as a pill.
    He will not go to a therapist. He does not think that there is anything wrong with wanting to commit suicide. He feels its his right to choose whether he lives or die
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 15, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    This may sound harsh, but perhaps you need to just slap the shit out of him and have a big impassioned argument about it where cry your face off in an effort to demonstrate that suicide is NEVER just about the person who dies. If he's so gone that such bald pain doesn't influence him....

    I threatened this to someone once. It seemed an idea. Other things caused "the end" to not happen, but I was ready to go there for her sake.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 15, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    matt13226 saidtell him that you are one of his good friends that you dont want him to do that u have to at least try to stop him


    Good idea... personally, I believe suicide is selfish and is for cowards (less those who are terminally ill and in pain). Maybe he needs some tough love? If his life hasn't turned out how he wants, help him figure out why, and then help him fix it. It doesn't sound like telling him he's loved is going to do anything, because that's not why he feels the way he does.

    Seriously, get him to man up. Tough love works... things only get better if you MAKE them better. This will save his life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 15, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    tell your friend how important they are to you...that their life means a lot to you...and that it would crush you if you lost them...if you need to, call 911 tell them your friend is considering suicide.he may hate you for doing that.but in time he will see that you were saving his life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 15, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    If he has enough money to keep a roof over his head, is disease free, and has at least one friend(you), then he is better off than a very good portion of the world, and has no reason good enough for killing himself.
    Believe me, I would know.. I have spent a large part of my life with out a home, and barely anything to eat.. and I survived.. I have 0 friends, I eat lunch alone at school, because no one wants to talk to me.. but I wouldn't think to kill myself..

    My father killed himself, and that was the worst decision he ever made. He hurt the ones who loved him and needed him more than he was ever hurt before he died..

    Just tell your friend that there are a lot of people with problems much worse than his, and instead of focusing on nothing to live for, he needs to be thankful for what he does have..





    P.S
    I'm not fishing for "sorry"s, and I'm not fishing for arguments..
    I just think that suicide is a very big deal, and I want this guy to understand that he shouldn't take the life he has for granted.