Approaching Guys at Gay Bars

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2011 5:46 PM GMT
    Been in Phoenix three months and haven't met anyone in my classes and have tried the online thing but it generally seems that most guys want hookups from the guys they are talking to which as this point I don't want to be doing until I really get to know a guy.

    I'm a very social person but have always been afraid to just go to the gay bars by myself as the few experiences that I have had it seems as though most guys just stick to their group of friends and it all seems very clicky.

    So I'm hoping you guys can help with some advice on good ways to approach a group of guys or things that people have tried with you in the past that you either did or didn't like. I'm not necessarily looking for pick-up lines because right now I'd just like to be making friends that I can go out with rather than going out alone.
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    Nov 12, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1945800

    This topic was just done...
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    Nov 12, 2011 5:57 PM GMT
    That whole forum is about whether you approach guys or get approached and maybe one person has given advice.... I'm looking for advice on how to approach not whether I should or if I should wait to be approached.

    If you are out with a group of friends and someone has approached you, what things have they said that you started including them in your conversation or what they have done to have you say get lost.
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    Nov 12, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    Just go up and talk to them, introduce yourself, be honest. If you have a hard time meeting people, say so. If you are just looking to meet new people say so.

    I had one guy come up to me and my friends, nervous as all hell, and flat out tell me he was trying to meet some new people because he was new in town and didn't have any friends etc...he didn't talk about hooking up, hot guys, blah blah blah he genuinely wanted to get to know us by asking how long we lived here, what other places were good places to hang out or meet people. What places were good places to eat etc...

    It was a breath of fresh air to actually have someone want to talk about something else other than cheesy one liners, hook ups and dating horror stories.

    Long story short, this guy is one of my best friends (he ended up moving but we still keep in touch).
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    Nov 12, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    hookem525 saidThat whole forum is about whether you approach guys or get approached and maybe one person has given advice.... I'm looking for advice on how to approach not whether I should or if I should wait to be approached.

    If you are out with a group of friends and someone has approached you, what things have they said that you started including them in your conversation or what they have done to have you say get lost.


    It's weird bc I would think some things like this would come naturally to people, but I guess not....icon_confused.gif

    Analways, if you like the guy, just look for general things to talk about like where they are from, talk about where you are from or anything that might keep the conversation going until you get to know them better.

    Even if I'm not looking to hook up, if there is a guy who looks cool you will find things to talk about. If you can't find anything to talk about it's a good sign that you won't have much else in common either.

    If you yourself are approaching another guy, be upfront and tell 'em you are new to the city and don't know much people. Ask about places to go, eat, etc.... More often then not they will help you out. If you feel they are ignoring you (they turn their back, keep saying "I don't know") then just move along. Maybe the guy is having a bad day or just not in the mood to entertain someone. We can all get like that sometimes.

    Just don't take everything to heart, you win some, you lose some....icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 12, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    Yeah that all makes sense, I always feel like I am bothering a group of guys if they are huddled in a circle trying to talk. I think that is just something I need to get over and if they do ignore me to not take it personally as they may just be in a bad mood.
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    Nov 12, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    hookem525 saidThat whole forum is about whether you approach guys or get approached and maybe one person has given advice.... I'm looking for advice on how to approach not whether I should or if I should wait to be approached.

    If you are out with a group of friends and someone has approached you, what things have they said that you started including them in your conversation or what they have done to have you say get lost.


    Confidence is sexy. Sometimes just walking up to a guy, look into his eyes, give a little smile and and saying "hi" is all it takes.

    If a guy approaches me and says, "That's a really cool looking watch." or boots or shirt or whatever, I know his intentions. If he's looks halfway interesting AND I'm available, then I'm responsive. You can also try the "I need a little help" strategy....like "Are there good places to get a bite to eat around here? I just moved to Phoenix and am a bit lost."

    It all boils down to...all you need is an ice breaker to grab his attention from his group. Also...a single and looking guy in a group occasionally checks out his surroundings, so just stand within eyesight and observe him. But don't stare, just occasional glances. If he makes eye contact with you more than once, you know what to do.
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    Nov 12, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    Also, a sad but true thing you should keep in mind is looks. If you are looking for a hook up/boyfriend/lover you need to know your league.

    I'm not saying an average or fat looking guy can't nab a good looking guy, but more often than not it doesn't happen that way. Even if he is just looking for friendship.

    If a Ricky Martin look alike were to be approached by a Chaz Bono look alike at a club, Ricky would probably ignore him...(her?)

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    Nov 12, 2011 7:31 PM GMT
    Don't think and don't worry. icon_biggrin.gif

    Just have fun with it. I know what you mean, even now, I still am uncomfortable in those environments, I can talk, but for the most part I'm to shy to talk to people, and the friends I make unfortunately all want a relationship with me, and because I can't give back even though I clearly say friends or relationship... sometimes they disappear.

    But the ones who can handle a friendship, we hang out. Or I go on nights where there is something I enjoy doing and will help strike a conversation, like I enjoy karaoke nights, so when I got sing a song, people sometimes will ask, or start talking. You have to go to an environment that is somewhat receptive. Relaxed, chill. Not easy of course, just say something funny to the bartender, or start talking to people, make people notice you. icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 13, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    I've never been to a gay bar... maybe I should go to one just so I can be touched icon_redface.gif
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    Nov 13, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    I have some experience going to bars by myself. First of all it helps if you like the bar, the music and the drinks. It also helps if the bar has a dance floor where they play something you can dance.

    So you think you can dance? icon_lol.gif

    The dance floor can be the perfect spot for you to approach other guys. If the dance floor is not too packed, or too dark, or too smoky, you can show other guys your moves, that you're not shy and that you are approachable. With everyone so close and in the mood for dancing, it's very easy to come dance close to the guy who sparked your interest and see if he looks sympathetic to you. I always smile sincerely for a second looking at him, and if he looks elsewhere, I know I better find someone else. If the smile is returned, you can start a conversation about pretty much anything, the more whateverish the better. icon_cool.gif
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Nov 13, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    What is this "gay bar,"?
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    Nov 13, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    Studinprogress saidWhat is this "gay bar,"?


    It's this exam you have to pass before becoming a gay lawyer
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    Nov 13, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    redox87 said
    Studinprogress saidWhat is this "gay bar,"?


    It's this exam you have to pass before becoming a gay lawyer


    I fuckin <3 this fuckin comment!
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    Nov 13, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    go in with the direct approach and communicate well. if you can't make eye contact, people will pick on your nervousness. be confident and be yourself.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 13, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    CHIdude saidI've never been to a gay bar... maybe I should go to one just so I can be touched icon_redface.gif


    Did you mean " touched"....or "torched" ? icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 13, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    related to this topic icon_biggrin.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 13, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    hookem525 saidBeen in Phoenix three months and haven't met anyone in my classes and have tried the online thing but it generally seems that most guys want hookups from the guys they are talking to which as this point I don't want to be doing until I really get to know a guy.

    I'm a very social person but have always been afraid to just go to the gay bars by myself as the few experiences that I have had it seems as though most guys just stick to their group of friends and it all seems very clicky.

    So I'm hoping you guys can help with some advice on good ways to approach a group of guys or things that people have tried with you in the past that you either did or didn't like. I'm not necessarily looking for pick-up lines because right now I'd just like to be making friends that I can go out with rather than going out alone.
    dude, if you want to go to a bar then go by yourself. there is nothing with that. why don't you go to a bar where there isn't any dancing or a sports bar. the easiest way to approach someone is to walk over and introduce yourself. i would go and sit and the bar and talk to the bartender. that is how you get the low down
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 13, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    There are basically 3 rules to approaching guys at gay bars. E-mail me for a complete listing. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    hookem525 saidBeen in Phoenix three months and haven't met anyone in my classes and have tried the online thing but it generally seems that most guys want hookups from the guys they are talking to which as this point I don't want to be doing until I really get to know a guy.

    I'm a very social person but have always been afraid to just go to the gay bars by myself as the few experiences that I have had it seems as though most guys just stick to their group of friends and it all seems very clicky.

    So I'm hoping you guys can help with some advice on good ways to approach a group of guys or things that people have tried with you in the past that you either did or didn't like. I'm not necessarily looking for pick-up lines because right now I'd just like to be making friends that I can go out with rather than going out alone.


    Ok. You don't sound like a social person if you are afraid to go out and be among your fellow gays in a gay setting like a gay bar. That's sounds very contradicting.

    Just be confident, honest and approachable as well as willing to approach people and chat it up.
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    Nov 13, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    Are there any gay social groups in your area, or on campus? You're more likely to meet quality people there than at bars.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 13, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    The pick-up line I hated the most was "If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it again me?"

    When I went to bars by myself I usually ordered a drink then went on over to the pinball machine and started playing. Why?

    1. It gave me something to do other than just stand there staring at all of the drunks, er I mean men.

    2. It usually attracted the attention of others who would engage me, then we could play together. That simple similar like of a thing lead to nice conversation more often than not.

    3. It sends a clear message that you are not there to pick up a guy for a one night stand, you are there to have fun.

    Pool was the second game I would play, again it would draw guys with a similar interest and give us a friendly game to play while conversing, a common, innocent frame of reference to start a conversation from.

    The most interesting pick-up line I ever had (and one that actually worked) started off with a guy simply walking up to me and saying 'you are so beautiful, it hurts' then he walked out of the bar before I could answer.

    A couple three nights later I was at the same bar, he was there, pretty much ignoring me, then about 2 hours later he walked up to me and repeated the phrase, then left the bar again.

    Another 3 nights passed and once again he was there, I walked up to him and asked 'Why does it hurt?' that lead to a very interesting conversation and about 4 years of relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    Smile when you talk to people, ingage a little & the rest will fall in to place.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Nov 13, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    Drink heavily