how do you come out to people?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    lets say you get a new job and you start meeting new people.

    how do you tell them that your gay?

    do you just come out with it upfront?

    or do you wait until the proper conversation is brought up to bring it out?


    99% of people I meet can't tell i'm gay (very rarely I will find one person who figures it out...I dont know whether to be impressed or feel like they study me too much lol)


    sometimes my friends will out me in front of other people just to let them know which is OK I guess unless their trying to do it to make themselves look better.

    there have been times when its been many months before they find out simply because I feel it unnecessary to put it out there for no reason.

    thoughts/comments?
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    Nov 12, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    +this may have been posted before but I didn't feel like searching so sorry in advanced icon_wink.gif
  • 1232121d

    Posts: 50

    Nov 13, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    huh. In fact, I have never really thought of this. However, if I am about to tell someone my status, as long as this person is not some kind of a jerk, I would tell him or her. icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    Put Madonna on the CD player.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 13, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    i say you wait until the topic comes up. if you are as masculine as you say are then the questions of who you are dating will come up very soon. tell them when if you are asked. if they do not ask then you do not have to tell them.
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:08 AM GMT
    I only tell if i really trust the person, i personally don;t feel it's anybody's business but my own
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    First of all, you should be your true self in every moment of your life. As long as your Being (not being) is honest and authentic, you shouldn't worry, as long as its is not causing you emotionally stressful thoughts, or promoting stress in your life.... I hope that makes sense. That being said, My question to you is, would you rather people know that your are "gay" in your work place without having to "let them know" by telling them or whatever?
    Question 2) Are you having a feeling of being an "outsider" or "fake" because they cannot know for certain that you are gay, from a superficial point of view?

    I like your question, and it is important for a forum discussion bc I feel it could help several people...as most of these posts do. so please keep this going icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    i usually wait until they start talking about sexuality...then i surprise 'em.i did this at work...the guys were talking about someone they knew who is gay...then i blurted out "i'm gay,what's it to you?"...you could have heard a pin drop.......then you hear...."Oh,well i've got a lot of gay friends"..........sure they do. LOL!
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:23 AM GMT
    eddie13 saidi usually wait until they start talking about sexuality...then i surprise 'em.i did this at work...the guys were talking about someone they knew who is gay...then i blurted out "i'm gay,what's it to you?"...you could have heard a pin drop.......then you hear...."Oh,well i've got a lot of gay friends"..........sure they do. LOL!


    i'd shut up too you probably look like you were ready to kick some ass... lol
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    sometimes i look intimidating...........lol............but yeah i like to fist fight
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:41 AM GMT
    Let it come out in conversation, but don't just say it like "I'm gay."

    What I do is wait for conversation about family or spouses or something like that to come out and I'll say something like "Oh yeah my boyfriend blahblahblah" or "I dated a guy once who blahblahblah".
    Then it's very obvious that you're gay but you didn't make an awkward comment about it. Some heterosexuals might find it kind of like a conversation stopper or something like that.
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    eddie13 saidi usually wait until they start talking about sexuality...then i surprise 'em.i did this at work...the guys were talking about someone they knew who is gay...then i blurted out "i'm gay,what's it to you?"...you could have heard a pin drop.......then you hear...."Oh,well i've got a lot of gay friends"..........sure they do. LOL!

    eddie13 saidsometimes i look intimidating...........lol............but yeah i like to fist fight

    Well you seem very confrontational about it, which doesn't really help anybody.
    First, it makes people afraid of you, which is in actuality not what you want. Fear and respect are not the same thing.

    The fact that you pointed out that you like to fist fight is worrysome. It sounds like you enjoy fighting, rather than just being able to defend yourself when attacked. This is also not helpful because again, fear is not respect.
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    Nov 13, 2011 7:28 AM GMT
    I talk as normally to new people as I do to people who know me. Just like I don't tell the people who know me every day that I'm gay, I don't tell new people either. It's hard for me to imagine because I know who I am but it seems most don't get that I'm gay on first meeting me. But many seem to think that I'm Italian and of those, many, I suspect, are just shy about asking if I'm Jewish so ask about what they consider the next closest thing. Should I correct them? "No, I'm not Italian, I'm gay."

    When I have a moment of sadness about or of just remembering one of my past partners (buried two), I might mention them in.passing or during a conversation in relating to any specific topic we're discussing. I don't hide my relationships, I'm just matter of fact about them. Yet recently I was surprised that a neighbor didn't know I'm gay as after a year he finally figured out that my deceased partners weren't business partners but those I loved. All that did was make him a bit contrite for the day, that he hadn't previously expressed condolence for my losses. It was quite touching.

    You can have a little fun with this if you enjoy playing. One of my favorite thing to do when someone acts surprised to "discover" that I'm gay is to act surprised that they're not gay, because I pretty much assume everyone's gay until they out themselves as a str8 person.

    "You thought I was str8? That's so funny because i always thought you were gay. How can you not be a lesbian, those shoes look so comfortable."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    Usually there are conversations where one co-worker is talking about the significant other...such as what they did in the weekend etc. Then, they usually ask you what you did, so when you mention the word "my partner", they would know.
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    Nov 13, 2011 11:02 AM GMT
    I tell them upfront. No sense in hiding the truth
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    Nov 13, 2011 11:17 AM GMT
    Pretty much like Anduru does it. Inevitably your relationship-life will come up either explicity, "So, do you have a girlfriend?" or "Are you married?" or implicitly in some form of, "That girl is hot."

    You can use, "No, I don't have a girlfriend, but that's probably 'cause I'm looking for a boyfriend," or ,"She's alright, but I'm more into guys." Depending on how comfortable you feel, "She's okay, but I'm more into dick." works too icon_smile.gif

    I've also said, "No, I think what you mean is 'that's stupid'. I'm gay."

    There are lots of ways to "come out" to people. I don't even think of it that way. To me, it's just about staying true to myself and not allowing the mistaken presumption to pass by.
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Nov 13, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    I have discovered that if people are left to figure it out, they WILL NOT GET IT. However, I also refuse to tell them in a way that invites any comment from them (i.e. You say "I have something to tell you, I'm gay." They look awkwardly at you for a second and say "that's cool, I don't care". It's fine, but I'm not asking for approval or permission.)

    So, I basically go with

    Them:
    "oh you like zombie movies?"
    Me:
    "Yeh, I never really did , but then I was dating a guy who was really into them, so I kind of got converted."

    Done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    Down here it's very seldom an issue anyway, so mentioning a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend in regular conversation usually does the trick.
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    Nov 13, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    IDK...I've been all over the place on this.
    I work with much older people and for some reason it always one of the first questions: "Are you married, is she your wife, you have a girlfriend?"
    At first I got a kick out of telling them, I have a boyfriend and watching while there dementia riddled brain tried to understand, but learned quickly just to keep it to myself and say something like it's inappropriate or just change the subject.
    As for coworkers, most know and I share as they do. When a new person comes along I like to hold out now, knowing they will find out soon enough. When they do; I always get them coming up and asking, "are you really gay?".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    Wear this

    rainbow.jpg

    Probably get the message across.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    by saying "my boyfriend (insert something)..."
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    Nov 13, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    running11 saidby saying "my boyfriend (insert something)..."


    +1

    These days it's "ex-boyfriend" but, you know, same formula.

    The less of a big deal you make about it, the less of a big deal it'll be to the people you're talking to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    I just say "yesterday I took dick up my ass because I like it and I like guys."

    Its classy, try it out.
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    Nov 13, 2011 11:35 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said
    running11 saidby saying "my boyfriend (insert something)..."


    +1

    These days it's "ex-boyfriend" but, you know, same formula.

    The less of a big deal you make about it, the less of a big deal it'll be to the people you're talking to.


    Throwing it in the mix of the convo helps it go smoothly I've found
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2011 12:17 AM GMT
    Minion saidlets say you get a new job and you start meeting new people.

    how do you tell them that your gay?

    do you just come out with it upfront?

    or do you wait until the proper conversation is brought up to bring it out?


    99% of people I meet can't tell i'm gay (very rarely I will find one person who figures it out...I dont know whether to be impressed or feel like they study me too much lol)


    sometimes my friends will out me in front of other people just to let them know which is OK I guess unless their trying to do it to make themselves look better.

    there have been times when its been many months before they find out simply because I feel it unnecessary to put it out there for no reason.

    thoughts/comments?


    I've been in this exact situation ever since I came out. It's kind of funny. I figured I was obvious because when I came out to my close friends they were all like... "yeah we knew already bro" but I guess some people have different prospectives of me, lol. I just waited till a situation came up where It felt natural to answer with the truth... Example:

    Co-Worker: "Yeah that Cynthia chick has been checking ya bro. You gonna hit it? I wish I could have her."

    Me: "You know what, have at it bro! I'm good."

    Co-Worker: "WHAT?! DUDE SHE'S HOT! You gay or something?"

    Me: (smile, laugh, and puase) "Actually, yeah. I am."

    I find it funny because since I go to a private catholic university which has a rather healthy population of gay guys on campus. Either the guys are closet/curious cases looking for "Twinks" to follow around with but since I'm the token openly gay guy they become my friend and are like "Oh, you're cool but never my type." Then later in the semester they realize no one is going to meet their needs so they want to get me drunk so we can screw around. It's been hard as hell to reject situations like this because I want something legit before I go to that area again... I had my slut phase. My circle of friends know I'm gay and I'm open about it but I don't toss it out there everywhere I go... maybe if I wear my ServiceMembers United shirt or something like that but most people assume I'm straight. Kind of sucks... Found out a guy I kind of liked that I thought was straight had a thing for me after he graduated. I wish I had just gone for it. Good luck... I know this is kind of tough.