I just CANNOT keep doing adam4adam. Or is it any better in your area?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    My interest for that site continues to wane. Today I thought I'd go on to meet someone for a Saturday. Nothing serious, no major agenda...but just to meet someone for a good time.

    I had 2 guys hit me up that I liked. The 1st one acted like he wanted to meet up, then I texted him my approximate address. 2 hours goes by and he says, "I took a nap, I'm gonna shower and head over." Then he brings up partying, but then later says he's on anti-depressants and doesn't like to drink. I say no problem, you don't have to. Few more texts go by, then he flakes.

    2nd guy, says he can travel or host no problem. Then he says he doesn't have a car. Then I offer to go visit him. Then he says he might have a ride. Then he flakes.

    Dealing with people like that makes me want to change my 'dating' status to 'monogamous' and forget these clowns and just stick with what I'm already working with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 2:46 PM GMT
    So funny......

    try to avoid those guys

    change your dating status.
    make your profile at new top rated sites.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 13, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    I would assume it's the same in any area. My suggestion is that you know the guy in advance before you invite him over or go to his place. Your percentage may increase. In the end, an "adam" site or many others are probably full of flakes. If you are going to be there, I assume you'll encounter it.
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    Nov 13, 2011 3:32 PM GMT
    mochamuscle saidDealing with people like that makes me want to change my 'dating' status to 'monogamous' and forget these clowns and just stick with what I'm already working with.

    The gay community is very flaky, nothing to do with you. It seems to be as embedded in our genes as the decorator gene. Location has nothing to do with it.

    Some of us aren't that way. My partner & I would rather surrender a limb than be late, or flake-out on a commitment. Perhaps generational, or just being older & more mature, I dunno.

    Our circle of friends is older, and they likewise would rather die than flake, and bust a commitment. But then that's how we choose our friends; flakes need not apply. And all the guys we've met here on RJ in person, some 20 now I think, were as punctual as Big Ben.

    So that my experience tells me it's not area, but gays themselves, and particularly young ones. And if it were a younger me again, I'd rather surrender *2* limbs that miss an opportunity to meet a guy like you. What's wrong with these guys?
  • waltex

    Posts: 140

    Nov 13, 2011 3:49 PM GMT
    adam is sketcy . .

    try Grindr
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 4:05 PM GMT
    When will you guys finally realize that these sites are the not the gay version of eHarmony???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    Those guy's must be nuts to pass up a handsome guy like you. Keep trying, you'll find a good one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
    The site is totally useless in LA, I have nothing to show for three weeks of investment beyond a frustration at the California public school system apparently only teaching their students text mmessaging conventions and nothing else. I wish there was some quality control, like a mini-SAT administered while registering the account and a certain score is required before allowing you to send or receive messages.

    In other cities the flakiness (not the good kind like on a delicious croissant) is even worse on Grindr.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:14 PM GMT
    waltex saidadam is sketcy . .

    try Grindr


    lol and Grindr has less flakes?? icon_razz.gif
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Nov 13, 2011 5:34 PM GMT
    what better newer sites are there? that you dont have to pay for?
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    The flakiness has to do with the type of exchange going on, not the specific website... It happens everywhere.

    Meeting for a simple "NSA" hangout, or what have you, you're bound to find guys who aren't very invested in the get-together. Why should they be? To most - their actions are inconsequential until they have a reason to care about how they affect you. Sad, but true. It's how so many operate in this internet-based world.

    Until they've actually met you, you're just another picture to them. Don't sweat it... It goes with the territory.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 5:57 PM GMT

    I feel like you can't expect much from sites where people will sometimes use their flaccid penis as representation of oneself.

    I've always felt sites like that were a little shady to begin with.....how do you know who your actually talking to??

    I'm thankful to have a soft touch and a great imaginationicon_wink.gif
    It saves me from the headache.

  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Nov 13, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidThe site is totally useless in LA, I have nothing to show for three weeks of investment beyond a frustration at the California public school system apparently only teaching their students text mmessaging conventions and nothing else. I wish there was some quality control, like a mini-SAT administered while registering the account and a certain score is required before allowing you to send or receive messages.

    In other cities the flakiness (not the good kind like on a delicious croissant) is even worse on Grindr.


    I absolutely AGREE! I have honestly gotten to the point to where the first message they send me having only to say "hi", or "whats up" or anything as minimal and devoid of any actual thought don't even get a reply.

    But thats all fine and dandy because i have deleted my account. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Nov 13, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    well what are you looking for? I always think of Adam4Adam as a hook-up site personally, and if that's what you are looking for to "hang out" then you're going to deal with a lot of flakes...or guys who aren't even flakes they just never have any intention of meeting and just get off on the idea of it, they say they're going to meet, get excited, whack off and then change their mind.

    I met my boyfriend on okcupid, which I think is a much better site if you're looking to date. Also, I've not tried it but a few of my friends really like www.howaboutwe.com where you propose a date (like, "who wants to meet for drinks and watch the game?") and if people want to do that they message you...my best friend likes it because it's casual and easy.

    The other thing is maybe re-read your profile with a critical eye, maybe some of the things in there could be reworked. Be honest, but be positive. I hate flaky guys too, but if anybody's profile says "I hate flakes" or "why are all gay guys so flakey" I find it to be a really big turn off because it makes you sound bitter and will scare away quality guys. Try rephrasing to something like, "following through on your plans is important to me" or "I value my time and respect yours" to put a better spin on the same basic principle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    i thought you had a bf?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    swimmer8671 said
    spaghettimonster saidThe site is totally useless in LA, I have nothing to show for three weeks of investment beyond a frustration at the California public school system apparently only teaching their students text mmessaging conventions and nothing else. I wish there was some quality control, like a mini-SAT administered while registering the account and a certain score is required before allowing you to send or receive messages.

    In other cities the flakiness (not the good kind like on a delicious croissant) is even worse on Grindr.


    I absolutely AGREE! I have honestly gotten to the point to where the first message they send me having only to say "hi", or "whats up" or anything as minimal and devoid of any actual thought don't even get a reply.

    But thats all fine and dandy because i have deleted my account. icon_rolleyes.gif


    Register a new account there so I can finally have a Harry Potter themed debate on the gay internet nadir that is Adam4Adam icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    I don't think it matters where you are or what app/site you use. In my experience, most guys online are just shopping, always looking for something better, so they never follow through with actually meeting. I've tried meeting guys online over the years and it almost never works out. Meeting online is a very poor substitute for connecting in the REAL world. There's no chemistry, no body language, and you pretty much reduce yourself and the other person to a grocery list of attributes and features you believe you want - or believe you have to sell.

    I've also met quite a few guys out there who don't use any such sites or apps. Those are the guys you WANT to meet! But it's not going to happen sitting behind a computer. Sure, all this technology has connected us in amazing ways. But it has also changed the way we interact, how we approach and view social interactions, and how we prioritize people in our lives. In the age of a 1,000 friends on Facebook, is it any wonder that connections are becoming less meaningful and more superficial?

    I sign on to adam4adam every now and then, with long breaks in between (sometimes years). And guess what? It's still the same guys, looking for the same things, and no one is connecting. They're just another year older and still looking! They're perpetually shopping, always looking for something better, and that's why they're flakey and alone. I feel some of these sites are actually very addictive. They facilitate this ridiculous search for "the one", that perfect guy that is going to satisfy ever item on the checklist. But of course that guy doesn't exist. I think most guys who use such sites and apps don't actually want to meet. It's more about voyeurism than an actual human connection, more about finding the fantasy needle in a haystack than meeting a real person.
  • GAYBIGMACHODU...

    Posts: 1357

    Nov 13, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    I have met flakes on gay websites in the past myself.How do you know if
    other gay men are flakers or honest good men when you meet them online
    on online gay websites?
  • Houston111

    Posts: 9

    Nov 13, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
    I found these kind of sites to be a complete eye opener. Assuming that these sites are a reasonable sample of what is out there, then I had no idea that so many people are liars and flakes. Together with the Republican presidential candidates, it is all very sad.
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    Nov 13, 2011 7:02 PM GMT
    Houston111 saidI found these kind of sites to be a complete eye opener. Assuming that these sites are a reasonable sample of what is out there, then I had no idea that so many people are liars and flakes. Together with the Republican presidential candidates, it is all very sad.


    Ha , Ha but A4A shows the Dems are equal liars nowadays
  • Moishendlishu...

    Posts: 435

    Nov 13, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    I have jokes specifically about that site and Grindr. It's not even a gay thing, it's a purpose thing. If the whole purpose is just to "hang out" or have sex then there is literally no need to invest any personal time in someone. The internet has taught us that we can be anyone we want on it, including complete flaky assholes.

    There is another side to the coin though. I've been that flake before, mainly because I kept looking at the picture and realized something didn't seem right, or that I was actually very tired and didn't want to stay awake to "hang out" or I actually did have something come up I hadn't planned on.

    Bottom line, it's the internet. Don't take it seriously. Common courtesy is almost all but gone in the digital age and you'll drive yourself nuts thinking about it. Grab a book, or some lube, or a live animal and do whatever you need to do to feel good with yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    Internet_Cut_Off_Switch.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 7:28 PM GMT
    Oh here we fucking go again, this same old tired BS with you mocha.icon_rolleyes.gifrollicon_rolleyes.gif

    When will you learn to stop putting all your hopes/expectations into guys that you haven't even met yet, let alone know on a personal/cemented friendship level. Social/dating sites are non-committal, like window-shopping, so don't sallow yourself to get so frustrated if somebody decides not to buy just yet, if at all. You do not know them, and vice versa.

    Maybe they picked up on a desperate/demanding vibe you were sending out? Maybe they weren't ready to meet you yet? Maybe they weren't as into you as you were them? Why should it effect you so much if you have so little invested in them at this point?

    Expect that most guys on these sits will likely flake at some point or other in the pursuit, so that when you meet the few that don't, you'll be pleasantly surprised, as opposed to constantly disappointed.

    Seriously, this recurring thread of yours is starting to rival AC(numbers)'s prolific 'will love come when I least expect it, or should I look for it' perpetual spam....

    Get a grip bro. I say that with no malice, just exasperation.

    If you continue to troll us with this perpetual repeat thread, don't be surprised if you get trolled back next time.

    Dueces
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 13, 2011 7:28 PM GMT
    Just expect about 15% success rate and that might change your perspective. I've used it for hookups only because that's all it's really worth. I deleted my account back in August and don't really miss it. It comes in handy around the holidays though.
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    Nov 14, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    waltex saidadam is sketcy . .

    try Grindr


    OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    LOL, I'm laughing because you SO look like Mike the situation and what he'd look like at your age icon_lol.gif

    mike_situation20sw_comp20a.jpg?w=350&h=5