Give up?

  • Caguy10

    Posts: 50

    Nov 14, 2011 6:37 AM GMT
    At what point do you stop trying/give up/end "the chase"?
    I was seeing this guy since Sept. but he left two weeks ago, soon to return. I made the conscious decision to go outside my comfort zone to basically chase this guy - and hes aware of this...we're similar in the sense that neither one plays chaser. But something (someone) has got to give when its two of a kind right? So anyhow, I've put my feelings out, spoken my part, tried to massage words out of him and what it is now, or before he left, is mutual feelings of liking and affection. But my question of when do you give up comes from my feeling that I'm keeping this "relationship" on the road all alone. He doesnt call/text if i dont....and you've heard the rest before.

    When should I stop caring if I felt at some point that we could have a successful relationship? At the moment and for a couple days now, I'm very indifferent and don't care to talk to him when he returns. I'm confused, I guess...because I even asked him, should I just continue chasing after you? and he laughed, I, of course, said it in a jokingly way but was clear that there was some truth in the question. Weeks later, I said to him "I give up" to which he responded "don't".
    Oy.....
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    Nov 14, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    Sounds to me like he is staying comfortably distant.

    It seems likes he is using you to fill a void for the present, until he is ready to start a real relationship...
  • Caguy10

    Posts: 50

    Nov 14, 2011 7:06 AM GMT
    Yeah...not too far from wrong...
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    Nov 14, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    its gotta be mutual... from the sound of it... Run.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 14, 2011 1:28 PM GMT
    Give up, it sounds like this guy is just making you one of his options and your making him your only one.
  • Diceroll

    Posts: 224

    Nov 14, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    For me personally, I would never get involved in any kind of 'chasing'. I've pretty much learned how to tell if someone has lost interest so if I send him a text and he doesn't repsond, or if he says 'I'll call you' and doesn't, then it's goodbye.
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    Nov 14, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    "People always have time for what they want to do."

    Best advice I ever read on relationships.

    He's not into you enough to do what you need done.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 14, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    It can be fun at the beginning, but at some point both have to be willing
    to communicate and indicate they really want to get into the other.
    Sounds like a big game to him.... I suggest you leave the game playing to others and find somebody who is legit.
  • Caguy10

    Posts: 50

    Nov 14, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    Mixleanmachine saidGive up, it sounds like this guy is just making you one of his options and your making him your only one.


    Well, not sure this is entirely true. Given that we're not "official" I may have messed around with others and I didn't ever feel like "cheating".... maybe I really am over it then...??
  • Caguy10

    Posts: 50

    Nov 14, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidIt can be fun at the beginning, but at some point both have to be willing
    to communicate and indicate they really want to get into the other.
    Sounds like a big game to him.... I suggest you leave the game playing to others and find somebody who is legit.


    Absolutely right. And in the beginning we both agreed that we weren't in a place for anything serious. But now its at an undeniable point where we're equally (or perhaps, not so equally) into the other, but I'm just confused as to where he's at now. Does that make sense?
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    Nov 14, 2011 5:06 PM GMT
    You pursue him, he gets the attention and doesn't have to do anything. No wonder he tells you not to give up. He's got it made.

    Stop pursuing him. Leave the door open for him to pursue you. If he does, maybe you can both get down to business. If not, you have your answer and have saved some time.
  • Caguy10

    Posts: 50

    Nov 14, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    mdstudio saidYou pursue him, he gets the attention and doesn't have to do anything. No wonder he tells you not to give up. He's got it made.

    Stop pursuing him. Leave the door open for him to pursue you. If he does, maybe you can both get down to business. If not, you have your answer and have saved some time.


    I feel like that's where I've landed. But something keeps telling me that if you want something you should work for it....no? not in this case?
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    Nov 14, 2011 11:35 PM GMT
    A relationship takes two sides making a effort. I don't know what you have.
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    Nov 14, 2011 11:42 PM GMT
    Caguy10 saidI feel like that's where I've landed. But something keeps telling me that if you want something you should work for it....no? not in this case?


    No, not in this case. He'd pursue you more, even if he says he doesn't pursue.
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    Nov 14, 2011 11:45 PM GMT
    Yup. He's just not that into you. Start seeing other people (and not just tricks).
  • Caguy10

    Posts: 50

    Nov 15, 2011 9:09 AM GMT
    Thanks guys, ugh....you're all right. Saw him tonight for first time in two weeks and it was definitely a bit less than... I've also had a lot of time to really think about all this so my mindset was....different? Anyway. Thanks again.
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    Dec 04, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    Diceroll saidFor me personally, I would never get involved in any kind of 'chasing'. I've pretty much learned how to tell if someone has lost interest so if I send him a text and he doesn't repsond, or if he says 'I'll call you' and doesn't, then it's goodbye.


    Bingo.
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    Dec 04, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said"People always have time for what they want to do."

    Best advice I ever read on relationships.

    He's not into you enough to do what you need done.


    Of course.
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    Dec 04, 2011 7:50 PM GMT
    RedheadedRy saidYup. He's just not that into you. Start seeing other people (and not just tricks).


    LoL
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    Dec 04, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR said"People always have time for what they want to do."

    Best advice I ever read on relationships.

    He's not into you enough to do what you need done.


    This is so true it's not even funny, except it is.