The problems with gym and having a boyfriend

  • SmileBeKind

    Posts: 20

    Jun 01, 2008 4:06 PM GMT
    So I'm having a problem... I recently started dating a wonderful young man about two monthes ago. He's great and I love spending time with him. But the problem is, I work two jobs and had very little time to go to the gym to begin with and now it's down to no time. He likes to work out, but not really into heavy lifting so we cant really work out together. Plus I've found I don't have the same kind of motivation to go when I do have the time. Is this the beginning of me becoming a fat old fairy or do other people have this problem too?
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jun 01, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    I found this too when my partner and I first started living together. He wasn't as into the gym as me, so it wasn't something we could do together. Sometimes it felt like it ate into our time together. Sometimes he told me it ate into our time together. Sometimes he didn't understand why it was so important to me. Sometimes I didn't want to go, because it was easier to stay home and watch TV together. I can definitely relate to what you're talking about.

    Since my partner started seeing a trainer, it's been a lot easier for me to workout. And after 4 years together too, I think we both know that we will make time for each other, even while doing lots of other things.

    I suggest just taking it as it goes. Don't worry about it too much. Your profile says something about being rail thin in your past, so I doubt your going to balloon out. If you're worried about that, then just watch what you eat a bit more. You could also try replacing gym time with something else physical with your guy. That way you still burn calories. And something else to try is to make your workouts more efficient. See if you can do the same amount of weights/reps in a shorter time (faster, less breaks, etc). Or try switching to say full body workouts that don't require more than 3 times a week.

    Hopefully one of my above suggestions helps. Good luck icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 01, 2008 9:26 PM GMT
    I make time. The gym is scheduled into my day. I make time. I cant become comfortable just because i am in a relationship. I kind of felt that happening some months ago...I corrected that and im hitting the gym and running more. I want my old body back.
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    Jun 01, 2008 9:30 PM GMT
    Try super sets, if you're pressed for time. Great workout in under 20 minutes and you WILL feel the burn, with the little rest that's required. icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 01, 2008 9:34 PM GMT
    Yeah - if gym isn't his thing, you might try bike riding/running/hiking/etc. so that you get in some kind of physical activity AND you're spending time together. I occasionally manage to drag mine out on the trail - course I'm in better shape than he is so that opens a whole new host of issues but that's a different thread!
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    Jun 01, 2008 10:08 PM GMT

    You'd better make the time, honey. Or have you forgotten exactly what's in gyms these days?!! Seriously, I'm not being a bitch, but find the time, please, or this will end badly! He's gonna bring his sexy ass home from the gym and find you passed out on the bathroom floor, like thisPhotobucket
    You know, maybe he didn't even do anything with any of those studs, but your mind started playing tricks on you so you went straight for the comfort food. Please, don't become a statistic.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 01, 2008 10:56 PM GMT
    Wow.. this is a blast from the past

    I had almost exactly the same problem with both of my Ex's
    Guys that I dated for just a little while don't fall into this category but BF's you're with for a while you need to balance some significant time with
    so I'd have to rush to the gym from work rush home get ready to either meet or come home to said BF
    it got so hectic for a while that I started going to the gym at 5 am icon_eek.gif
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Jun 01, 2008 11:43 PM GMT
    The only way for a relationship to survive is for both people to give up any interests they don't have in common. And also dress alike.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2008 11:56 PM GMT
    Photobucket
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2008 11:57 PM GMT

    britney and justin
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2008 12:23 AM GMT
    I had the exact same problem - never really found a resolution though. I ultimately stopped going to the gym as often as I did. I had very little free time also, and wanted to spend it with him!

    I guess like anything else it's a balance thing... sucks.
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    Jun 02, 2008 12:31 AM GMT
    That's a huge problem of mine too. I need the gym. It's more than just a muscle building, bulking up thing.. it's the one thing in my life I feel I can have me time and unwined. If a guy came between me and that there might be a ounce of resentment.
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    Jun 02, 2008 2:27 AM GMT
    This is an issue I am currently dealing with as well. We have basically struck an unspoken compromise and we tend to gravitate towards activities/exercise we both enjoy, like football or swimming. Even though he doesnt enjoy lifting and doesn't partake, I can still make time for the gym if I'm not too lazy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2008 2:43 AM GMT
    I say don't fret. You're probably those hot fit guys that, when you get fat, YOU'RE STILL HOT!!
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    Jun 02, 2008 11:57 AM GMT
    The two years after graduating college at 21, I went to the gym about 5-6 times a week and for at least 2 hours each time. I was a total gym rat back then, but I was miserable. I was still very much in the closet, didn't have any close friends since, and was never in a relationship.

    12 years later, I'm 10lbs heavier, get to the gym 3 days a week, but have never been happier with my partner of over 6 years.

    Don't look at your situation as a "problem." It's a part of growing up and asking what you want from your life.

    I don't have the body I had 10 years ago, but I'll take the happiness that I have now any day!



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2008 4:36 AM GMT
    I had a problem like yours, except at first my man was jealous of me meeting guys at the gym, which I assured him never happened. I went to the gym to workout, not to make friends.
    I still go, and I do my routine, and since I've been going longer than he has and I find it important, when he does come with me, I tell him "you either do what I'm doing with me, or you do your own thing."
    It's hard at first, because the gym is usually your own private time to work on yourself, to feel good about yourself, etc. They have to understand that and if they want to make it a part of their life, they are welcome to. If not, it's fine.
    You'll never become an overweight fairy. As long as you're healthy and still stick to the gym, you'd be fine. And he will eventually learn to accomodate your gym time. A nice compromise will ensue. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2008 5:21 AM GMT
    DO NOT STOP GOING TO GYM !

    Working-out is a powerful way to show yourself self-respect and self-nurturance. No one else benefits but you. It's a good way to elevate self-esteem.

    You will regret stopping working-out, when your relationship ends (sorry, most end.) I think lots of guys go to the gym to optimize their attractiveness and when they get involved in a relationship, that motivational factor weakens - so it's very easy to stop. Your focus will change. You'll become less active, start eating things you normally wouldn't and at times you normally wouldn't. You'll hate the way you look.

    In a relationship, it's easy to forfeit your individuality. When the relationship is over, you'll totally regret it.

    Don't stop working out - you'll kick yourself later.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2008 6:19 AM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidSquarejaw said: "The only way for a relationship to survive is for both people to give up any interests they don't have in common. And also dress alike."

    I'm still getting used to this guy's sarcasm. I almost thought he was serious for a moment.

    Amateur. You'll come to the dark side before long.
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Jun 06, 2008 5:19 PM GMT
    That's a tough problem. Is there any possibility of setting up a 'home gym' - even just the basics? There are machines out there for this sort of thing, i.e. don't cost too much and don't take up too much room.