Long Term Couples' Secrets To Success

  • metta

    Posts: 39118

    Nov 15, 2011 9:44 AM GMT
    Long Term Couples' Secrets To Success

    http://www.gay.net/dating-101/2011/11/10/longterm-couples-secrets-success


    I have never heard of SAGE...good to know.... icon_smile.gif

    http://www.sageusa.org

    http://www.facebook.com/SAGEUSA



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    Nov 15, 2011 9:55 AM GMT
    Artist living with non-artist = Disaster due to misunderstanding of each other.
    Artist living with artist = Disaster due to competing with each other.
    Artist living with art lover = Win.

    <-- Current boyfriend is an art lover. But we don't live together. And we're both polygamous. icon_biggrin.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 15, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidArtist living with non-artist = Disaster due to misunderstanding of each other.
    Artist living with artist = Disaster due to competing with each other.
    Artist living with art lover = Win.

    <-- Current boyfriend is an art lover. But we don't live together. And we're both polygamous. icon_biggrin.gif


    eww... i only wear real fabrics... none of that synthetic crap for me.
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    Nov 15, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidArtist living with non-artist = Disaster due to misunderstanding of each other.
    Artist living with artist = Disaster due to competing with each other.
    Artist living with art lover = Win.

    <-- Current boyfriend is an art lover. But we don't live together. And we're both polygamous. icon_biggrin.gif


    Does artist living with art lover really work? Surely, only if they loved 'your' art, otherwise it can be terrible. I'm a composer and my ex, a music lover, didn't like my music much, that didn't work out so well haha

    I've been recently interested in the whole artist with non-artist relationship in terms of a way of escaping the art world. I get sick of other opera singers and esoteric art crap sometimes and it's nice to come home to someone who doesn't live in that world. Maybe this is folly...
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    Nov 15, 2011 9:41 PM GMT
    I mean those are cutesy things but Its extremely broad to be like well you should be with someone who has your own values, likes to have sex with you and btw always apologize when you're wrong. Aren't those things we have all been learning since age 5? icon_razz.gif

    For me the defining criteria of even saying you are in an LTR is surviving some bad times, and getting through them without wanting to leave. Most people never make it passed that stage.
  • OscarMike

    Posts: 100

    Nov 15, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    3-ways icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 15, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    adam228 saidFor me the defining criteria of even saying you are in an LTR is surviving some bad times, and getting through them without wanting to leave.


    I wouldn't say you even have to get through them without wanting to leave. The key is NOT to leave. Just don't, even if it seems like a good idea at the time. Take it off the table as an option in your mind. For me, that really has helped to get through the tough times that EVERY relationship goes through.
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Nov 15, 2011 9:56 PM GMT
    Wanting to leave is pretty normal but that doesn't mean you also don't want to stay.
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    Nov 15, 2011 9:59 PM GMT
    In 19 years, we've had many ups and downs.

    I think the biggest problem in relationships is the communication and lack of perseverance.

    It's too easy to just pack up and leave when the rough times hit. I've had 5 eye surgeries (from 1998 to 2007) and require at least one more. I was also in a propane explosion and had to be airlifted in 2002. My partner was in a car wreck that he never fully recovered from in 2001 requiring many many months of recovery and rehab. We've also been through a battle with cancer. Now his heart is getting weaker by the week and to the point that his kidneys are shutting down. He's only in his late 50's. I'm 50.

    We've stayed by one another because our love is stronger than anything life can throw at us and because we can communicate (most of the time).

    So.. in my opinion relationships last if there is communication, perseverance, dedication and loyalty to one another.

    "For richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; until death us do part."

    Only when you are dedicated to that promise can it be long term and be good.
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    Nov 15, 2011 10:06 PM GMT
    showme said
    adam228 saidFor me the defining criteria of even saying you are in an LTR is surviving some bad times, and getting through them without wanting to leave.


    I wouldn't say you even have to get through them without wanting to leave. The key is NOT to leave. Just don't, even if it seems like a good idea at the time. Take it off the table as an option in your mind. For me, that really has helped to get through the tough times that EVERY relationship goes through.


    Yeah, I agree that's a good amendment.
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    Nov 15, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    Comunicate, don't be judgemental, don't take everything so personally.
  • aldss

    Posts: 70

    Nov 15, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    I know its not very long but I've been with my other half 3 years now and believe me when I say we have had our hard times. Mostly to do with family and the difficulties of having our own space.

    What I believe to be the key to us lasting is the willingness to want to build a life together, not simply being there for each other at convenience. It may not seem very long but I'm proud, Ive seen and heard of to many gay relationships ending just after months.

    Not only do you want to live a life together but you have to just be easy, don't complicate matters just be easy going. Bring yourself back a few decades and find the morals and vales that people used to live by embed them into your relationship and believe me a little old school will go along way. I believe people are to selfish and unwilling to work for their relationships. Relationships are about working together and finding a way of doing things that make you both happy, even if that means one of you sometimes have to sacrifice something.

    I don't expect my partner to be beside me 24/7 but I don't expect him to live a life I don't no about. We do things together with our friends all the time, and with each other and then sometimes with out each other.

    Anyway I hope it helps. Our rule is to build together, with openness and honestly always on the table. Oh and we never talk about leaving each other or ending it when the cracks start to show.
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    Nov 15, 2011 11:48 PM GMT
    "We always have sex before going out. That way we’re relaxed, the pressure to finish our night and get home is lifted, and if one of us is too tired to hook up later there’s no bad feelings."

    awesome advice, def would have saved me a few arguments in my last relationship lol
  • grnranger99

    Posts: 225

    Nov 16, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! Take each other as they are and DON'T try to change them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    Screw this. I hate these attempts to describe gay relationships as analogous with straight ones.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    JackNWNJ saidScrew this. I hate these attempts to describe gay relationships as analogous with straight ones.


    Not sure that's how this is.
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    Nov 30, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    loved the article
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Nov 30, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    Let the other person be themselves....





    And just pretend they are someone different.
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    Nov 30, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    metta8 saidI have never heard of SAGE...good to know.... icon_smile.gif

    http://www.sageusa.org

    http://www.facebook.com/SAGEUSA

    Actually the acronym SAGE is used by several US gay groups. Here in Florida it stands for: Senior Action in a Gay Environment. They operate one of our pit stops during our annual SMART Ride, among many other community activities.

    http://sagewebsite.org/