When an attractive friend wants to hook up

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    But you are worried about that complicating the friendship, potential gay drama, etc.

    What do you do?
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    Nov 16, 2011 12:46 PM GMT
    say no? or explain why you think it isn't a good idea?

    if he is your friend he will actually listen
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    Nov 16, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    Ehm, I've done that.. I dont see the problem..

    Drama happens even if you don't hook up lol.. you may simply feel uncomfortable hooking up with him.. in which case you should say no.. but dont expect that will avoid any drama
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    Nov 16, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    I've never hooked up with a friend - but I can only see it bringing you closer icon_biggrin.gif


    If you're both mature and able to separate feelings from sex, then it shouldn't bring any significant problems. Possibly some jealousy if one of you starts dating someone... Get over it. icon_razz.gif

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    Nov 16, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Once is okay I think. More than that and you start getting into relationship questions since you are already friends.
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    Nov 16, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    If you're FrostedFlakes, you thank your lucky stars that you found someone hot who wants to fuck even if you refuse to cruise.icon_wink.gif

    Drama is only likely if one of you is significantly more into the other. You're the best judge of that.
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    Nov 16, 2011 3:22 PM GMT
    When it has happened to me it was not planned, and it just sorta felt comfortable. I don't recall it making things awkward after. If he is planning it he may have designs on more than just a hookup. IDK.
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    Nov 16, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidEhm, I've done that.. I dont see the problem..

    Drama happens even if you don't hook up lol.. you may simply feel uncomfortable hooking up with him.. in which case you should say no.. but dont expect that will avoid any drama


    Agreed, I have avoided hooking up with friends to avoid drama and it doesnt work.
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    Nov 16, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    I think the main question is....are you both seeing it as just sex and nothing more? If you aren't sure then I wouldn't do it as it isn't worth ruining the friendship. You're a cute guy...you can get laid anyday you want by anyone!
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    Nov 16, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    Agreed, be 100% sure you're on the same page.
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    Nov 16, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    I draw the line...we're either friends or something else. My friendships are much more important to me to potentially be ruined over sex.
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    Nov 16, 2011 4:26 PM GMT
    I can't say I'd want to hook up with people who are real, true friends. As in people I'd call to help bury the bodies.

    But more casual friends/social acquaintances, it might be less of a mine field.
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    Nov 16, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    Rules For Gay Men -

    Rule #3: Only become a FriendFucker if you wish to fuck up your friendship with him.
  • patmos9990

    Posts: 146

    Nov 16, 2011 4:55 PM GMT
    Go for it! Maybe the hook up will lead to something more.
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    Nov 16, 2011 4:59 PM GMT
    a hookup isn't worth messing up a friendship for.... Don't do it......
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    Nov 16, 2011 5:03 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI can't say I'd want to hook up with people who are real, true friends. As in people I'd call to help bury the bodies.

    But more casual friends/social acquaintances, it might be less of a mine field.


    This is better than my answer.
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    Nov 16, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI can't say I'd want to hook up with people who are real, true friends. As in people I'd call to help bury the bodies.

    But more casual friends/social acquaintances, it might be less of a mine field.



    THIS


    I used to have a closeted friend who wanted to hook up with me, badly. Always trying it. But because I really liked him at the time, I didn't want to jeopardise a friendship over an orgasm. He clearly didn't mind that risk to the friendship though, so in retrospect, not the greatest of friends.

    I don't talk to him now (long story), no strong feelings remain. I wouldn't care about the outcome from hooking up now (should I still find him attractive, and pliant to my will ;), as there isn't really a friendship left to lose any more.

    If your buddy is an acquaintance/casual friend, sure why not. If the friendship is a strongly cemented one, and he is somebody you really would be very sorry/affected to lose from your life, potentially, then i'd say tell him you're not interested, and leave no room for interpretation. Plenty more hot, if not hotter, fish in the sea who have no strings attached.

    The reason why is I can imagine it would become weird to go back to being just friends, one might want to keep on having sex, or become jealous, resentful, embarrassed or clingy or distant- seeing as though strong friendship feelings mixed with sex is pretty much the same emotion most people in the beginning stages of a relationship experience.

    Obviously this isn't always the case. I know a couple of friends who have done this before and who seem to have been fine with it/each other after. As fart as I'm aware that is. And maybe it would not be weird after for you two also, and neither would develop more feelings/resentment/weirdness towards the other (beyond friendship), but, it is always a risk imo.

    Up to you if you decide whether the risk is worth it or not.
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    Nov 16, 2011 6:02 PM GMT
    _SAGE_ said
    RunintheCity saidI can't say I'd want to hook up with people who are real, true friends. As in people I'd call to help bury the bodies.

    But more casual friends/social acquaintances, it might be less of a mine field.



    THIS


    I used to have a closeted friend who wanted to hook up with me, badly. Always trying it. But because I really liked him at the time, I didn't want to jeopardise a friendship over an orgasm. He clearly didn't mind that risk to the friendship though, so in retrospect, not the greatest of friends.

    I don't talk to him now (long story), no feelings remain. I wouldn't care about the outcome from hooking up now (should I still find him attractive and pliant to my will ;), as there isn't really a friendship left to lose any more.

    If your buddy is an acquaintance/casual friend, sure why not. If he's somebody you really would be sorry/affected to lose from your life, potentially, then i'd say tell him you're not interested, and leave no room for interpretation. Plenty more hot, if not hotter, fish in the sea who have no strings attached.

    The reason why is I can imagine it would become weird to go back to being just friends, one might want to keep on having sex, or become jealous, resentful, embarrassed or clingy- seeing as though strong friendship feelings mixed with sex is pretty much the same emotion most people in the beginning stages of a relationship experience.

    Obviously this isn't always the case. I know a couple of friends who have done this before and who seem to have been fine with it/each other after. And maybe fit would not be weird after for you two also, and neither would develop more feelings/resentment/weirdness towards the other (beyond friendship), but, it is always a risk imo. Up to you if you decide the risk is worth it or not.


    Does the kind of activity weigh into the answer at all? Would, say, a handsy make-out session have less lasting impact than all-out monkey sex (now with sound effects!)?
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    Nov 16, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    Is it even about the sexual activity?
    I think it's about a level of physical + emotional intimacy.
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    Nov 16, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    I view my close friends like brothers/sisters so no, incest is not a good look for me LOL

    The world is full of gorgeous people so why fuck with something like a friendship just for a shag ?

    Oh and my no 1 rule prevents this :

    I never make friends with people I find overly attractive !
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    Nov 16, 2011 6:08 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidIs it even about the sexual activity?
    I think it's about a level of physical + emotional intimacy.


    Exactly
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    Nov 16, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    Drama happens not because of sex, but of people. I suppose the sex does facilitate it a tiny bit, but I still think it's one's natural tendency towards drama that is more important.
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    Nov 16, 2011 6:11 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidI view my close friends like brothers/sisters so no, incest is not a good look for me LOL

    The world is full of gorgeous people so why fuck with something like a friendship just for a shag ?

    Oh and my no 1 rule prevents this :

    I never make friends with people I find overly attractive !


    Agreed with the first two sentences. Even if the guy is fucking hot I wouldn't think of it that way.
  • Montague

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    Nov 16, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    FrostedFlakes saidBut you are worried about that complicating the friendship, potential gay drama, etc.

    What do you do?


    You do it, and then take each day after in stride! icon_smile.gif

    Edit: But then again you already know my stance on this Frosty, from our talks hah.
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    Nov 16, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    Depends how your friendship is like.. I've done it with a two friends.. First one made us closer as friends and became best buddies and the second one got all complicated and we aren't friends anymore.. I'd say stay on the safe side and DON'T DO IT..