Could the inability to break away from one's family and filial ties be the reason so many are single or unhappy ?

  • masculumpedes

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    Nov 17, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
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    Nov 17, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    When I say I'm single, I meant I'm my-nearest-relative-is-1400-miles-away single.
    However, I do have a couple or so boyfriends whom I see somewhat regularly.
  • masculumpedes

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    Nov 17, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    However, I do have a couple or so boyfriends whom I see somewhat regularly.


    One in every port....icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 17, 2011 4:16 AM GMT
    lol, I doubt that.. when I wasnt with my family I was also single and unhappy hehe... famiily has always been one of the only things that actually made me truly happy... in fact, it still is...men have only made me profoundly unhappy in my life to be honest... no exception whatsoever... the worst were the ones who expected me to break my family ties.. they put me through serious hell...

    the rule is.. girlfriends/boyfriends come and go.. fill in the rest
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    Nov 17, 2011 4:32 AM GMT
    The first legal thing I did when I turned 18, was to divorce my family. They miss out on my husband of 20 years, and the wonderful life we live. I miss nothing.
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    Nov 17, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    pattison saidThe first legal thing I did when I turned 18, was to divorce my family. They miss out on my husband of 20 years, and the wonderful life we live. I miss nothing.


    lol, inrteresting name you have there.. I would need to see more examples though.. most ppl I know who left their families were not happy people
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    Nov 17, 2011 8:18 AM GMT
    GreenHopper said
    pattison saidThe first legal thing I did when I turned 18, was to divorce my family. They miss out on my husband of 20 years, and the wonderful life we live. I miss nothing.


    lol, inrteresting name you have there.. I would need to see more examples though.. most ppl I know who left their families were not happy people


    Oh they truly made me unhappy, from a very young age. But I left at a young age too, and to make my statement The first thing I did at 18 was to divorce them. You should of seen the dent they put in my ex pa's pride, to his old family name of the district; took dirt out from under the carpet.

    But I am happy. Life is good, and I go without little. I am in a LTR, and they miss out on that, and the fact I have thrived and am happy, is what truly makes them unhappy. No I had the balls to walk away from my family at a young age, I was having lots of fun until the gay plauge devastated the gay community in the 1980s. But this gave me the balls too walk away from that, and out and live out in the real world, as a poofter. At the end of the day, I am better stronger, for it all. The best revenge is to be happy.icon_wink.gif

    But I feel sad for people who are too weak to live without their family and would rather live a miserable lie of a life.

    Oh Pattison, thats my first name.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 17, 2011 8:42 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    malefeet said
    paulflexes said
    However, I do have a couple or so boyfriends whom I see somewhat regularly.
    One in every port....icon_wink.gif
    Define port.



    um...Air-port....la la...lalala.....icon_wink.gif
  • gbc59

    Posts: 90

    Nov 17, 2011 8:48 AM GMT
    I came from a family of 11 siblings growing the oldest brothers werenot close (15 year gap) b4 coming out most of my family were homophobic and very racist...... my family are my mates , i finally caught up with the family after 5 years.... we share nothing in common... my brothers now hold a bigger when 2 of the theirs came out.
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    Nov 17, 2011 8:48 AM GMT
    no and what an absurd assertion (do you notice how the word assertion has the word ass in it)

    If you have a family that can not long beyond your sexuality then sure you might need to distance yourself, but no, I"m happier with my family then without but my family love and accept me for who I am without any hesitation.
  • gbc59

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    Nov 17, 2011 8:49 AM GMT
    # bigger grudge.
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    Nov 17, 2011 8:51 AM GMT
    GreenHopper saidlol, I doubt that.. when I wasnt with my family I was also single and unhappy hehe... famiily has always been one of the only things that actually made me truly happy... in fact, it still is...men have only made me profoundly unhappy in my life to be honest... no exception whatsoever... the worst were the ones who expected me to break my family ties.. they put me through serious hell...

    the rule is.. girlfriends/boyfriends come and go.. fill in the rest


    Does it only work like that for gays?

    Straight people seem to move away and start families....and stay away forever and live happily ever after with their own families.

    Seems gays are miserable.. maybe because they very rarely start families? And only have their original family to cling onto?
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 17, 2011 8:52 AM GMT
    balmain said
    GreenHopper saidlol, I doubt that.. when I wasnt with my family I was also single and unhappy hehe... famiily has always been one of the only things that actually made me truly happy... in fact, it still is...men have only made me profoundly unhappy in my life to be honest... no exception whatsoever... the worst were the ones who expected me to break my family ties.. they put me through serious hell...

    the rule is.. girlfriends/boyfriends come and go.. fill in the rest


    Does it only work like that for gays?

    Straight people seem to move away and start families....and stay forever and live happily ever after.

    Seems gays are miserable..


    Yeah, I think gays are more miserable than most straights.....but then I think they also do it to themselves. icon_confused.gif
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    Nov 17, 2011 9:40 AM GMT
    I'm kind of in the situation now where I wish I had just done what I had planned to do and ran from my families problems and lived for myself. I hate being a True Color Blue... I think it's really fucked me and why I'm in the mess I am in now. This time around... This next year... it's about me. Im getting a job, a new place, a new bike, and starting over... living for me and going after the goals and dreams I have in my heart. Fuck the bullshit... I'm not going to keep steping up to be the "man of the house" because my father is a fucking loser and my mom (whom is a lot stronger than she thinks she is) keeps staying by his side. He said because of his legal problems he lost everything 10yrs ago but forgets that I am to school to try and learn how to help his situation and my mom stayed by his side supporting him to her own detrement... what did we get... he cheats on my mom, we catch him red handed and he denies it... becames physically abuse to my mom (again) and then I warn him that if he hits her I will send his ass to prison and have his probation revoked. He proceeds to tell me how I am nothing more than a "mistake; the abortion that should have been but because my mom is to damn christian, she couldn't do it." I'm nothing more than the product of a fuck... well done sperm donor... you both have said and confirmed it once before when I was growing up which I have always wanted to leave so you could have my brother and be happy with him because no matter what I do... its never good enough. Needless to say he hit my mom, I called the cops, my mom didn't press charges but Texas did and his ass is in county for 90 days. Justice comes when it needs to I guess. I'm done being the man of their house... I want to be the man of my house.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 17, 2011 10:06 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidno and what an absurd assertion (do you notice how the word assertion has the word ass in it)

    If you have a family that can not long beyond your sexuality then sure you might need to distance yourself, but no, I"m happier with my family then without but my family love and accept me for who I am without any hesitation.


    I would say that not everyone has a family as wonderful as yours. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 17, 2011 11:14 AM GMT
    I would argue that it's because of one's family that so many of us cannot live in a committed relationship.

    If you're miserable and lonely, you need look no further than how you were raised.

    It's sad when you look at how many of us view our familial relationships. There is more physical and emotional abuse in our households than most care to admit. The numbers are staggering, actually, yet we're bound to family as if it's all that we have. Abused children bound to home and family are no better than abused dogs. You can beat a dog senseless, yet the animal will continue to love you unconditionally. How sad...for the dog.

    If you truly have a caring and loving family (and only you know the real truth), then good for you. However, don't assume that the rest of the world operates under the same conditions. More importantly, there's a flipside to having a "perfect" family. If you seek a partner who loves your family as much as you do, and you refuse to commit to anybody who doesn't hold your philosophy - running to your dear mom's side when she breaks a nail - then you'll die a bitter and lonely old man, too.

    IMO, mommy and daddy don't come first. You come first, your partner comes second, all else follows.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Nov 17, 2011 11:27 AM GMT
    GreenHopper saidlol, I doubt that.. when I wasnt with my family I was also single and unhappy hehe... famiily has always been one of the only things that actually made me truly happy... in fact, it still is...men have only made me profoundly unhappy in my life to be honest... no exception whatsoever... the worst were the ones who expected me to break my family ties.. they put me through serious hell...

    the rule is.. girlfriends/boyfriends come and go.. fill in the rest


    Please allow me quote you from a forum you started yesterday, " i wanna divorce my family.."

    You're a nut.
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    Nov 17, 2011 11:46 AM GMT
    credo saidIMO, mommy and daddy don't come first. You come first, your partner comes second, all else follows.

    And here you have the tried-and-true recipe for a happy, successful marriage--whether you are gay or straight, and regardless of how nice or how awful your parents and siblings may be.
  • vintovka

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    Nov 17, 2011 11:52 AM GMT
    I don't think it makes a nit of difference. I think gay men are single for a number of other reasons (see all the previous threads about being single). Straight relationships are also increasingly strained, which is clearly not because of strengthening ties to extended families--quite the opposite if anything.
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    Nov 17, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    monet said
    GreenHopper saidlol, I doubt that.. when I wasnt with my family I was also single and unhappy hehe... famiily has always been one of the only things that actually made me truly happy... in fact, it still is...men have only made me profoundly unhappy in my life to be honest... no exception whatsoever... the worst were the ones who expected me to break my family ties.. they put me through serious hell...

    the rule is.. girlfriends/boyfriends come and go.. fill in the rest


    Please allow me quote you from a forum you started yesterday, " i wanna divorce my family.."

    You're a nut.


    Yup I am :/ I'm torn in two here
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    Nov 17, 2011 9:12 PM GMT
    monet said
    GreenHopper saidlol, I doubt that.. when I wasnt with my family I was also single and unhappy hehe... famiily has always been one of the only things that actually made me truly happy... in fact, it still is...men have only made me profoundly unhappy in my life to be honest... no exception whatsoever... the worst were the ones who expected me to break my family ties.. they put me through serious hell...

    the rule is.. girlfriends/boyfriends come and go.. fill in the rest


    Please allow me quote you from a forum you started yesterday, " i wanna divorce my family.."

    You're a nut.


    O btw, this whole forum was based on my post ;)
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    Nov 17, 2011 9:14 PM GMT
    vintovka saidI don't think it makes a nit of difference. I think gay men are single for a number of other reasons (see all the previous threads about being single). Straight relationships are also increasingly strained, which is clearly not because of strengthening ties to extended families--quite the opposite if anything.


    Good point.. I think in collectivist cultures.. marriages tend to outlast the ones in individualist cultures... its because of the strong loyalist tendencies.... the same is true for my friendships.. the ones from individualist cultures that ive tried making did not last... we ust do not share the same ideas of basic human relationship rules

    So basically, I think the OP is wrong really.. it's the other way around
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    Nov 17, 2011 9:15 PM GMT
    credo saidI
    IMO, mommy and daddy don't come first. You come first, your partner comes second, all else follows.


    Hmmm, I think I come last... and Im honestly not to be convinced otherwise... I know that sounds bad to alot of people, but its true.. when Ive tried to make friends who thought otherwise... we invariably wind up not being friends in the end.. its just too basic a difference

    the order is: god or the gods first, then children .. then direct family, then extended family, then neighbours, then everybody else, and we come last...
  • masculumpedes

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    Nov 17, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    GreenHopper said So basically, I think the OP is wrong really..


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    Nov 17, 2011 9:21 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    GreenHopper said So basically, I think the OP is wrong really..


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    Lol why are you crying hahahaha! Just because I disagree???