He flips the switch so fast...the case of the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde gay man.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    Well,
    I had begun dating this man beginning of October. I am not going to use real names just some pseudo ones. Before I begin this episode of Gay n Order I-LOVE-U, I will explain a little about me. 7 Years, no bf, longest date partner 6 weeks. Most of my relationships end in failure. The guy generally doesn't stay around, they always seem to find, greener pastures over the fence, but lately I thought maybe all that would change.

    I met Mark on Grindr. TERRIBLE place to meet someone right? Well Im in BFE (butt fuck egypt), so I don't really have much of a "choice" when it comes to meeting new people or even connecting with others. I go out, I dance, I go to dinner, coffee, hiking, working out etc etc. I LOVE to interact with others and really enjoy my life.

    So I met him, we hung out for about 4 weeks. It was right around the time my friend best friend was getting married. Turns out our photographer had the HUGEST crush on me. So whats the terrible most unbelievable thing we did next. WELL the photographer asked if I wanted to go hiking one day. I was nervous cuz I didn't know what to expect from him but I tried to stay open. We went hiking, it was fun, I enjoyed myself. It was a nice to get out and enjoy myself in the great outdoors with someone who shared a common interest. Well Mark.... he got SUPER JEALOUS because I was tagged not with him but another guy on our hike. Mark voiced to me that he really liked me and wanted to "lay claim" to me already. I was special to him, and he hasn't felt a connection like this with someone so soon in a long long time. He was jealous and upset and didn't know how to deal with it. He drove out to see me, a good 60 miles one way so he could talk to me about how it made him feel. I had told Mark, "I told you I was going to go hiking with that photographer remember, it wasn't a date we just went hiking, I don't know why your getting so bent out of shape". Mark has some baggage and issues but I was fine with waiting it out.
    Mark had just split from a LONG relationship of 4 years prior to him meeting me. He was on the defensive many times which I understood and allowed him to deal with his issues. They didn't bother me. Mark and I had our spiff, argued a bit and then made up. It was great. He said he was sorry, I said I it was ok and I understand. Things were back to normal and he couldn't wait to spend more time with me.

    3 weeks later I noticed Mark was doing this thing. He would come over then go into the restroom for like 30 minute intervals, and he ALWAYS took his phone every time he went in there. I caught on, something was going on. Since Mark lived so far from me, he always drove out to see me and stay with me. He would always be affectionate with me, his intentions for me were never questioned.... until I saw it. A message on his phone... "I miss my Mark tonight (hearts) - John. " it sparked questions for me. I brushed it off and continued enjoying my fun times with him. Over the next couple of days his affections grew, his words were perfect to me. He made me feel so good all the time. I lit up with laughter when I was with him. He took me out, complimented me, touched me, laughed with me, hugged and kissed me. It was everything I could ask for. I also complimented him, touched him and kissed him regularly... I had forgotten about the message I had seen on his phone earlier that week.

    2 nights ago I was browsing on Facebook when I was on there. I hadn't heard from Mark over the weekend at all, so I sent a couple messages and nothing.
    I assumed he was busy or working a marketing event as he is in marketing.
    I noticed I had a notification, it then said Mark was tagged at Applebees with ... lets call him Jonathan..... which Applebees you say? The Applebees in my own town 60 miles from Marks home. Things started racing through my head. Not only did Jonathan tag Mark at that location, he then tagged him at his home as well.... Where does this Jonathan you say live? 125ft from my front door. Across the street and down a little to the left. I started adding up all the info in my head logically rationalizing the behaviors and trying to place them into a puzzle to create a picture that Mark has hung out with Jonathan, and now I was all of a sudden OLD NEWS. Completely enraged at this moment I did what you SHOULDN'T DO: Don't try this at home kids. I stormed over there and found out they were not there. I went home jumped on Facebook and BLEW up his message box, I also texted him a plethora of insults, and questions about his intentions of constantly leading me on in this relationship then jumping ship for the power bottom down the street. I put the puzzle pieces together. All this time we had spent together, I was replaying the last 2 months of our interactions in my head. There he was just says before sitting there with me.... cuddling, "fucking",laughing, tickling, hugging, kissing, gazing, touching, spooning, forking, all the while he was going into the bathroom.... and grindring this boy who was 125ft from my home. I was so enraged and mad, I left a note on his car. "The hypocrisy you stand for baffles me beyond recognition, you're a fucking asshole Mark, how could you"

    He replied the next morning trying to play stupid, then he said he didn't hear from me for 24 hours so he assumed we were over. Is that really what this gay community has come too. You don't hear from someone for 24 hours and instantly your over? I say he was using a cop out to get out...... but why, why would he want out after everything he was doing to be with me. Driving 60 miles every weekend practically. He was always trying to be with me, I couldn't understand it. I just sat there in a haze wondering all these thoughts, sad ones..... and wondering why?

    What happened to the man who sat there unable to keep his hands off me. The one who took me out to eat and wanted to go for walks with me in the local park. The one that cuddled me close when I was cold. Always telling me "God you're so cute, how am I so lucky" I would tell him, "you're you and I am me, and we are here together". Where did that man go....? I would of never thought this would of happened. Finally after being confronted with the situation, he confessed to meeting up with Jonathan at Applebees and just hanging out. He then proceeded to tell me that he and Jonathan really hit it off.... and I had NO idea why he was telling me this..... Was he retaliating because I caught him being extremely shady? That was the very reason his BF and him broke up. It was because his BF did him dirty.... he was shady......he cheated on him and they broke up..... Now here was the very same guy, who told me he would never be like that with me.... he wouldn't do hurtful things like that to me.... doing the very SAME things to me that his BF did to him......

    Currently I had to write this to someone or something.... his car is parked 4 houses down from mine at this "power bottoms" house..... Where did Mr. Hyde go....... Who is this pack of lies and player moves that stands in front of me with another boy.... a ugly one at that..... was I really not enough? I know I did nothing wrong, I was just myself and thought I was building something really great with someone...... but I was wrong... he won't even acknowledge me now... won't apologize and is deferring everything that happened between us........ I am very sad.... Does anyone have a remedy as this is my LONGEST dating episode ever.

    Sincerely,
    Jeffreyicon_redface.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2011 4:22 AM GMT
    wow,.. well after a long read- which i'm surprised i did, i must say 'Mark' is a jerk, and although he may have told you all these amazing things.. you're better than he is.

    My favorite quote.. "ppl may forgot what you did, ppl may forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel". obviously he's made you feel like crap now.. so i would say to get over it yourself and continue on doing your own thing and ignore him.
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    Nov 17, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    Thanks stud, you made me feel better.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 17, 2011 7:20 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear what happened, the guy sounds like an asshole. You must've of really liked the guy because the things you did made you sound quite crazy. Just forget about him, it's gonna take some time.
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    Nov 17, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    I did, I really liked him
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Nov 17, 2011 8:18 AM GMT
    Aren't you glad to found out now; rather than, later . . . . . . .
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    Nov 17, 2011 8:28 AM GMT
    Wow he really did not deserve you in the first place.

    Plus its easier to say take the hard road and move one....But for what its worth,find a way to get back at them.....icon_mad.gificon_mad.gif
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    Nov 17, 2011 8:31 AM GMT
    Yeah it's for the best man, good on you for not brushing things under the carpet, being smart and kicking his ass to the curb.

    What a loser...............will probably happen to him someday, then he can see how it feels eh ? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 17, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    That's why you should never trust gay guys! I learned not to trust them as they usually come with so much baggage!
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    Nov 17, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    Possessiveness is quite often a sign the other person is cheating or thinking about it. I'm guessing Jonathan didn't know about you, either, or else he's incredibly stupid to advertise online that he's got someone else's guy in his house.

    So about this photographer....

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 17, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
    Wow, that's sick. Just accept the fact that the guy you THINK is Mark is not really who he is. If anyone could be that two-faced, then proceed to lie about it, it's pretty obvious he is sick and disturbed. Of course you are better off without him.

    Personally, I would be horrified to find out someone I've spent time with could turn out to be so revolting. I would take a very long shower, throw away anything the freak gave to me, and be done with it.
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    Nov 17, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
    He is an ass for letting you go away. What is he is doing to you, probably he did to his boyfriend as well and not what he told you. He will end doing the same to the other guy as well.
    I hope you find someone much much better because you deserve that.
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    Nov 17, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
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  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 17, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    Ok first mark is a douche. i think we can all agree to that. however, I think you were out of line as well. I understand you were hurt but texting and sending hundreds of emails were not going to change anything.
    the right thing for you to do would have been to just forget about him. i guess on the other hand you got some closer out of the deal.
    personally, i would not have cared what he had to say and would have moved on. i hope this will not make bitter and jaded like a lot of people. anyhow, i am sorry you got hurt. hopefully, you will continue to be the nice guy that you seemingly are
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    Nov 17, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidWhat are you all, like 11 or something?


    Apparently, but the long-windedness of it all makes it worse. Here's how it should have gone:

    "I met this guy on grindr and he really hit it off, even though we live 60 miles apart. He has been jealous of me spending time with other guys and has asked to "lay claim" to me, whatever that means. But I now find out that he has been hanging out with another guy who lives in my town. He's been texting and calling him when he's visiting me, and just came to town to visit that guy and didn't bother to see me at all. What should I do?"

    People really need to learn how to write.
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    Nov 18, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    Well forgive me as I was typing it out I was kind of upset. It was a quick thing that I had to get out of my system, and I wanted someone to talk to. Thanks for taking the time though to read it.

    Well I would love to just be able to forget about him. The problem is, this boy lives 57ft from my home. He is literally 4 houses down and across the street.
    I can't help it when I go to leave and I see them outside talking. It really really hurts me.

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    Nov 18, 2011 7:05 AM GMT
    I would think that for the many times you wrote "man" in your vent, that you would know that gay men are still MEN.

    They will tell you what you want to hear and make you feel what you want to feel, just to get what they want.

    It really sucks that that happened to you especially when it all seems to have been going so good. But that’s why they say, “it‘s too good to be true.”

    Be willing to trust people, but also be willing to accept that they are human and thus you should be skeptic enough to not let them get that far and get away with it.

    There really is nothing left to do, but take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to forget it and move on. Just take it in and learn from your mistakes, learn from this and what you went through so that it hopefully doesn‘t happen to you again. icon_smile.gif

    And don’t worry about it, he’ll come back. They ALWAYS come back. They’re like criminals, always return to the scene of the crime. But usually when they do you’re the one who doesn’t care anymore.

    Hope you feel better. icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 18, 2011 7:25 AM GMT
    Seriously, man, I don't feel sorry for you at all. Yes, Mark sounds like an arse, based on your side of the story. But all the clues you spelt out yourself in your explanation of the events. After clues 1-5, you should have bolted the door to your place and never spoken to the guy. I mean in a few short weeks of dating him, he said he wants to claim you, goes off on a jealous rage, you have a number of arguments. THEN you see that text and then just forget about the message? Again, I say, Seriously????

    You're sad because you allowed yourself to get to this place. Mark stepped all over you because you let him. Is that cruel? Yes. But it's reality.
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    Nov 18, 2011 7:34 AM GMT
    ohhh bitch please...with the way you look.You'll find someone new & better in a few weeks.

    nooow eyes fucking hurt from reading for that long ,sooo good night RJ!

    & Good luck Jcaliguy
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    Nov 21, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    Thanks everyone for your input, it really helped me get through those times when I thought maybe I was the one being to crazy. icon_smile.gif I understand guys are guys and know my explosive emotions when it comes to jealousy and anger sometimes get the best of me. Thanks for everyones input and I have taken a couple lessons from each and every one of your posts. Thanks again.

    icon_biggrin.gif