FORUMS > Gay News & Events Forum Rules

Please do not skim through this post, as I am writing this as I think about it, and therefore I would like you to understand how I may be feeling while I'm writing this.

I feel bad about how many people here on RJ are looking up to me as a straight guy unlike any other, who doesn't give a shit about whether his friends are straight or gay, and not at all ashamed of being a part of this LGTB online community. I've been quite scared to start this thread, I was originally going to post it as my 500th post, but I chickened out. I was then going to wait until I have to post my 1000th post, but I know I must post this now, otherwise I'll be living a lie for too long, and I'll only feel more miserable about possibly making everyone change their opinion on me. The truth is... I'm not 100% straight... and never have been.

Yes, that is my truth. I guess some of you are surprised, and some of you feel betrayed, and the latter is the reason why I've been scared to post this.

What I mean by "not 100% straight" is that I'm a bisexual... I guess. I haven't really made up my mind on either sex, and don't know if I'll ever reach a desicion (but I think I'm leaning more to gay), so for now I'm playing it safe as a newbie to this new phase of my life... I've only recently appected my new orientation (about two weeks ago).

I basically knew something was up (no pun intended) at about the age of 12, the year I introduced myself to porn. At first it was all straight like everyone else, but it wasn't long that I wondered what gay porn is like, and from that moment on, I almost never went back. Honestly, I kept thinking it may just have been a phase and that I was just a straight who had fantasies with other guys, but hell I've been wrong for 6 years denying the possibility of being a LGTB! I must also admit that I've been slightly homophobic in front of friends and family through most of the process, sch as not allowing other to pretend to be gay with me and stuff like that.

The whole process therefore ended up being based upon sexual fantasies really. That is why I never considered being a LGTB. The only thing that was going to help me break through that barrier was if I could actually fall for a guy and imagine myself in a romantic relationship with him, and that is what has happened! I was like, "Oh my God! I think I really AM gay!" His name is Nick!

Now some of you may be wondering what is there to be afraid of, it's just a simple coming out. The bad thing about it is that I haven't told any of you that I am at least curious, but instead labeled myself as being completely straight, and never mentioned anything to anyone, even as my 'gayness' grew stronger. So now I'm afraid that my friends here who liked me because I had the balls to be a straight in a gay community will now turn their backs on me and view me with disgust.

I guess now I'm gonna have to re-write my 'About Me', and 'Guys I'd Like To Meet' sections, and may possibly have to delete half of my testimonials, or at least mention that I got them as a former straight. At least I can hotlist now! Another reason for not having mentioned anything is also due to being scared of having someone find my profile and read about me being LGTB. Well, now I figured I can use my profile as a way of coming out to them, kind of having let them find out about me, and letting them deal with it in their own time, and then they can tell me later that they know and if they are cool with it.

It feels good to have gotten this off my chest to you, but now I'm pressured by your reactions. I hope you can all forgive me for never having disclosed this to anyone, and if you can't I'll understand, and I'll be out of here before you can say "muttskins".

Shit I think I'm gonna cry.

Please also note that I'm gonna stop using those smilies at the end of each post, as some sort of symbol for my coming out I guess, and because they're creepy and don't allow this post to portray its seriousness.

Well Muttskins I am glad you are starting to be totally honest with yourself and those on RJ. The old cliche "honesty is the best policy" is very true, unfortunately it is sometimes a very painful policy as well.

To be honest I had forgotten that you were calling yourself straight, so I personally do not feel betrayed. Hopefully others on RJ will not react negatively.

Best of luck in moving forward in the phase of your personal life I am sure you will find it exciting, tumultous, nerve racking, fun, and at times upsetting.

muttskins -

Coming out can be really scary, and is an intensely personal process. I don't think anyone here can begrudge you your fear. Becoming comfortable with yourself and with other gay men is the most important step in coming to terms with your sexuality. If we collectively have helped you make that little transition, we should be a bit honored that you've accepted your orientation. It would be a sad day if meeting us sent your screaming back into the closet instead.

I hope you have found RJ a safe place while you are sorting out your feelings. And that the guys here have made a good impression for being gay. It sounds like at least one has.

Oh, and I dont feel betrayed. Ya had to do what ya had to do...and it didnt hurt anybody.

I did think it was kinda odd for straight guy to hang on a strictly gay site, but maybe you were getting something out of it. Like, we have straight members on the gay online prostate cancer support group. They say they join cuz gays talk more openly about the problems than straight guys do.

Oh, and welcome to the dark side...Bwhahahahahahahaha

oh i crack me up ...

I think someone needs a hug.

The change from "it's just a phase" to "I think I'm gay" is one of the most significant changes you can do for yourself. Congratulations

It's tumultuous and can be frightening (especially if you've been thinking how your life was "supposed" to go a la normative straightdom). You've got a good community here though and you should be fine (those who might possibly be upset by your lack of straightdom will be upset that you're breaking the(ir) perception of you...if they've got a problem with you coming to terms with yourself, screw them...metaphorically).

Once again, congratulations!

*hugs*

Did you hear that, mutt? What are you waiting for?! Screw me.
My backdoor is open for you, regardless. You can even call me the name of the object of your affection as you do!!! I don't mind.

i'm a bit of a wallflower so it feels strange to comment on this because my posts are few and, therefore, likely less recognised. still, the subject merits something other than silence (did i hear someone mention party?)

"in wise love each divines the high secret self of the other, and, refusing to believe in the more daily self, creates a mirror where the lover or the beloved sees an image to copy in daily life." --yeats

brava to he (the anonymous) who instilled this newfound courage in you, and to you, who had the heart to accept it.

Kudos. It's never an easy road to follow. Piss on anyone who is angry that you "lied". Considering how emotionally damaging coming out can be, I'm sure most everyone understands. Now you can have some fun.

Hmmmmmm.....I always thought you were gay. I guess acting straight wasn't really fooling me.

I'm sorry this is a milestone for you I shouldn't be making jokes. Congrats about your self realization. It's always a step in the right direction.

I think you need to give your RJ friends more credit. They can be understanding..................sometimes.

Mutt -

First, bravo. Its odd that coming out is a hard thing to do on a gay site, but really its the same pressures as anywhere. I know it was hard for you, but know you have our support.

Second, personally, I am not surprised. I never felt the need to label you, but you do have to have some questions about a guy who is curious enough to join a site like this. Aside from being open minded of course.

Third, we are not betrayed. You should only think of whats right for you when you divulge parts of yourself. I think you did what you needed to do.

Fourth, don't be ashamed or feel you have to change the way you represent yourself or yout testimonials. Life is a journey with no set path and our direction changes. If you look back at where you have been with shame or regret you will never fully apprciate where you have traveled to get where you are today.

So take pride in your journey and be true to yourself and protect yourself the way you need to. The universe will do the rest.

Congrat's. If anybody can sympathize with what your going through its the guys on this site. You have come to terms with yourself and that within itself is a wonderful thing. Your going to be alright.

zimster said[quote][cite]gymguy1 said[/cite]Your going to be alright.

Hmmm.... not unless he gets a passing grade in Math.[/quote]

Zim, don't you have a party to organise, or something

You'll have even more friends, not less! The truer you are to yourself the more attractive you become to others, both romantically and platonically.

Way to get some balls and do the hard work. Keep moving forward man. You've got another supporter in the ATX now.

(insert smiley here)

MikePhil saidZim, don't you have a party to organise, or something

Bitch, why do you have to either repeat what I say or make me repeat myself?!
I got hold of his college. His Math professor ain't impressed with his grades as of late, neither do I.
So no party unless he passes Math with pride colors!!!

I hope you have a sense of relief having gotten that off your chest. Welcome to the fold. You should be getting your copy of "The Gay Agenda" in 4 to 6 weeks.

zimster said[quote][cite]MikePhil said[/cite]Bitch, why do you have to either repeat what I say or make me repeat myself?!
I got hold of his college. His Math professor ain't impressed with his grades as of late, neither do I.
So no party unless he passes Math with pride colors!!!

I just like it when you call me bitch

muttskins saidI guess some of you are surprised, and some of you feel betrayed

For most of us, it's probably neither. You might be the one who's surprised... surprised at how few of us are really surprised.

You're 18 and most of us have been where you are now. I probably speak for many when I say we've been patiently waiting for this announcement, notwithstanding (or probably because of) the repeated, insistent, and persistent proclamations that you're straight. There's that little saying "thou doth protest too much".

I would say it was almost becoming a running joke, but the conflict a person feels about coming out and accepting their sexuality is not a humorous matter.

I don't think you need to make any apologies or feel concerned about what anyone here thinks of you now... guess what... we're gay too! So, it's alright.

But rest assured we're going to mercilessly razz you about this phase where you insisted you were straight.

I guess I never got from your previous 599 posts that you were straight to begin with. Sorry, my bad. I thought you looked gay (Just kidding.).

But I hope you're finding you stressed out for nothing. I hope we're an accepting crowd. Coming out is a process. I know there were a couple of years before I had sex that I described myself as bi. But, where you end up on the Kinsey scale is up to you. Only you can make you happy. So, don't let yourself be judged by straights for being gay or bi. And don't let yourself be judged by gays for being straight or bi.

Hey mutt i also want to add that u shouldnt worry about a thing. Most of the people on here have gone through what you have and i have to relate because what you wrote is almost exactly what i went through a few months ago. Dont worry about it. Everything will be great, u are even more brave for showing your face and everything and dont worry about the gays, they dont freak out when they find out someone straight is gay, on the contrary, the welcome him with open arms and legs and butts! Once again congrats for coming out

Additionally, your innate good taste just doubled in precision.

Yo, Mudflaps.

1. I doubt anyone is surprised.

2. I'd be truly shocked if anyone would be angry. Instead, I imagine the general feeling is, "Good for you" for admitting how you feel, and "welcome".

3. I think you're cool whether you're straight, gay, bisexual, or like dogs.

Whatever you are, life will be easier when you're honest with yourself. Dry those tears. You're brave.

Hugs to you, MustardPlaster.

MikePhil saidI just like it when you call me bitch

Is that so, mate? I apologize, mate.

jprichva said...3. I think you're cool whether you're straight, gay, bisexual, or like dogs.

Timberoo will be overjoyed to hear that!

zimster said[quote][cite]MikePhil said[/cite]I just like it when you call me bitch

Is that so, mate? I apologize, mate.[/quote]

No more bitch Come on call me bitch..........please

MikePhil said No more bitch Come on call me bitch..........please

Not falling for that one, pork chop!

first of all, you should never apologize when coming out.

I proud you decided to come out, but I always thought you were gay. You're too cute to be straight

Remember, better late than never.

Congratulations

zimster said[quote][cite]MikePhil said[/cite] No more bitch Come on call me bitch..........please

Not falling for that one, pork chop![/quote]

You see, I knew I would stop you calling me bitch

metropolitan saidRemember, better late than never.

Geeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz he is only 18. I wouldn't call that late

I was 32 Now that's late

MikePhil saidGeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz he is only 18. I wouldn't call that late
I was 32 Now that's late

You've got a point there, bitch.

Dear Muttskins....why would any of us be upset with you for admitting a new truth to yourself and then doing us the honor and trusting us with that admission? At your age, I admire your personal awareness....for I didn't have it at your age. Hell, I was 36 when I finally came out!....I can appreciate your uncertainty and concern about how others will react. We are the easiest group you will ever tell....we are all like you! LOL! The truth will set you free.....guess what? you are gaining your freedom! Welcome to the club!
Have you had any experiences yet to compare of confirm your new admission to?
Take care and enjoy the new options you have opened yourself up to.
Sporty_G

XRuggerATX saidYou'll have even more friends, not less! The truer you are to yourself the more attractive you become to others, both romantically and platonically.

Way to get some balls and do the hard work. Keep moving forward man. You've got another supporter in the ATX now.

(insert smiley here)

Best response yet. I am with Rugs

Isnt he just as cute as a button!

Muttskins - Kudos to you and your comming-out - it takes a lot of guts to do that. Not only did you have to come to terms with yourself, you were honest and open with the RJer's - which makes you quite a person in my eyes.

Let us know if there is anything that we can do to help - we all are here for you!

Congratulations to you on finding your way, and welcome. Coming out is usually not an easy process. It takes courage to be honest with yourself and then to tell the world who you are. Hugs to you.

first off, hugs to ya!

accepting ourselves is tough, and i think everyone on here knows exactly what that was like for themselves, so, we certainly understand.

we appreciate that you have shared this with us

now smile!

congrats... I had a similar process, and needed the relationship to come out. He did too. Your post was very familiar.

Edit: No one has said this yet, but you are probably aware. This was the easy group. Not to discourage you, but you must understand... you KNEW we were all gay, and were accepting.

Coming out is not a one time experience. You will come out for the rest of your life. Every time you meet someone new. When you and your partner buy a house. With that said, it gets easier. Much, much easier.

So you've come out. It's a new day for you, muttskins. Enjoy it.

Atlazeia saidSo you've come out. It's a new day for you, muttskins. Enjoy it.

He's still not gonna dig your music. Don't count on it! LOL

Caslon4000 saidIsnt he just as cute as a button!

Oh he just is isn't he!!

Muttskins,

Congratulations! You had to do this in your own time and in your own way. Best of everything to you from here on!

Hmmm...you sound surprisingly like me when I was your age. Thank you for taking me back there.

Or, ARE you me? Maybe I've just made contact with my former self through a Czarodziej-Einstein-Rosen bridge.

In which case I have to tell you: don't date John, Sven, Matt or Chris. Spend more time with Pete, but only use him, don't date him.

Although Ralph will piss you off two years from now, he'll be your best friend in the end, and don't make fun of Brad.

Hope the process continues in whatever way works for you. Don't let time go by without getting laid someplace, somehow, on a regular basis! Life is to short.

muttskins
Why would any of us think that it would be easy for anyone to come out. So many of us went through the same or similar issues and delt with it the same way. You are no different and your as welcome here now as you were before.
You are still the same guy, with the same wit, and the same attitude that we have enjoyed. The only change is in your realization that you can be open about it.

Welcome(again)

MittScoops, first of all most of us have been there. It's that barrier, the one where you have to admit to your SELF what you really are. I started fantasizing about men much much earlier but I didn't really accept myself as a gay man until my late teens. And I only really started feeling happy about it when I hit my twenties.

Admitting to yourself you're gay (or bi) is like opening that door that holds you back from the rest of your life. And you can never go back again.

Congratulations for finally getting there. Coming out to yourself is the most difficult step.

And I always knew my Subliminal Homosexual Converting Machine would work! MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Congratualtions. and welcome!

zimster said
How dare you take credit for my work!!! Don't make me cast my voodoo on you to turn you to a Roomba2000!!!

*me turns on Heterosexual Converting Machine and points it at zim*

Turn him into a Woomba (sorry, this vid is sideways at youtube - copyright crap I guess).

Oh please lord. Not the vagina!

THANKS ALOT FOR ALL THE REPLIES!

I'm glad none of you feel bad that I had kept this from you all this time, and I'm glad I can now feel comfortable about myself.

So thanks for all the support and the advice!

(Look, I'm not putting those freaking smilies anymore! Lol!)

Note that the mystery crush has been revealed!

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!! lol that's all i can say!

germanguy, you're hawt! *swoons*

muttskins saidNote that the mystery crush has been revealed!

Revealed Where Who How come I heard nothing I have a good idea who it is, but I cant be sure.

Bitch will you stop echoing everything I do and I post!?!?

Oooooooooooooooooooh Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzimy, I looooooooooooooooooooove when you call me bitch

Hi muttskins,
None of us could be mad with you. Coming out is one of the hardest things we do. You will always have good friends here. The guys on this site are awesome. If things get hard for you let us know. We are here. It is always such a relief to accept who you are and to live your life free open and free. Congratulations buddy!

MikePhil said[quote][citeRevealed Where Who How come I heard nothing I have a good idea who it is, but I cant be sure.

Er... please re-read the topic!

muttskins said[quote][cite]MikePhil said[/cite][quote][citeRevealed Where Who How come I heard nothing I have a good idea who it is, but I cant be sure.

Er... please re-read the topic! [/quote]

Sorry for being a tad thick but.... WHO IS IT???!!!

Dying to know...

Uhhhhh -- SHOCKER -- Not!

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I meant MUTTGINA!!!

Again I say...

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Nick is a cutie!!!!

These two are going to have such beautiful babies! ...

Caslon4000 saidOh, Nick is a cutie!!!!
These two are going to have such beautiful babies! ...

I already reserved one with spots!!! ...on the ears, especially.

Muttskins... congratulations! Remember dude, you are the one who has live with yourself, and if you can't live peacefully with the truth about yourself, you live with a feeling of being unworthy and dishonest... which is worse than any crap anyone can give you for "not being 100% out" or even for being LGBT.

And Caslon is right.... you did what you had to do, and you didn't hurt anyone (except maybe yourself).

Keep yer chin up and keep on keepin' on!

--Adam

Caslon4000 saidOh, Nick is a cutie!!!!

These two are going to have such beautiful babies! ...

Lol! Only when we break the distnace barrier!

And Zim, I take it you noticed my spot on my right ear lobe! Lol! Get it mistaken for a former piercing!

Congratulations! The hard part is done. Now you just have to start telling people in real life!

Super EASY!!!!!

Is it me, or am I getting the impression that I told everyone that I came out to all my family and friends?

Naaaaaah!

Coming out to us was the easy part. Family and Friends will most likely be harder...

Mut, congratulations! You are who you are and you've found who you are. You're young, it took some of us many years to figure that out. You have way too many friends on here not to be fully supported.

eb925guy saidYou have way too many friends on here not to be fully supported.

Correction: e-friends for the muttgina.

zimster said[quote][cite]eb925guy said[/cite]You have way too many friends on here not to be fully supported.

Correction: e-friends for themuttgina.[/quote]
I stand corrected by the Master Zin!

germanguy888 saidI'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!! lol that's all i can say!

I'm proud of both of you! Now you have to keep everyone informed with how it's going... do I see another thread here?

eb925guy saidI stand corrected by the Master Zin!

It's Zim

muttskins said[quote][cite]Caslon4000 said[/cite]Oh, Nick is a cutie!!!!

These two are going to have such beautiful babies! ...

Lol! Only when we break the distnace barrier![/quote]

Mutt, if you think that only the distance barrier stands between you and the Nickster having babies, I am going to have to stand in for your father and have "THE TALK" with you about how this all works.

Muttskins -

CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you're better with yourself now, because once you are then every one else around will be! Now go pick up your Gay Handbook ( I never picked mine up!). And you will have MANY MANY MORE friends!!!

You'll be getting you starters kit in a couple of weeks.

BTW, nice catching Nick

muttskins said[quote][cite]MikePhil said[/cite][quote][citeRevealed Where Who How come I heard nothing I have a good idea who it is, but I cant be sure.

Er... please re-read the topic! [/quote]


Sorry Mutts, I'm a little slow

And there he is. He even posted Hi Nick

aww

thats purty cool.

have fun with your brand new life then

a1972guy saidNow go pick up your Gay Handbook ( I never picked mine up!). And you will have MANY MANY MORE friends!!!

Hmmm, I wonder if they are on sale at the gay pride party this Saturday!

For those who didn't read between the lines, YES, I'm gonna go to a gay pride party! WOOHOO!

muttskins saidFor those who didn't read between the lines, YES, I'm gonna go to a gay pride party! WOOHOO!

Lol, I didn't go, coz my friend wasn't feeling up to it after the night before, so instead we went to the night clubs, and I went to my first ever gay club!