Does this guy sound interested, or is he just playing with me?

  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Nov 18, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    So, I had been crushing on this guy for a few months. He acted gay, but I never had any confirming evidence. I am a straight-acting bisexual (as of right now), and I resemble a linebacker. I always tried to make eye contact and give other hints that I was interested, but I finally came to the conclusion that even if this wimpy guy was interested, he would never say anything for fear of having his ass kicked.

    Anyway, after hours of deliberation, I finally sent him a text (I know, NO BALLS) saying how much I enjoyed the chances we'd gotten to talk, and that I'd like to get to know him better. I asked to have lunch one day this week.

    After I spent the night kicking myself for actually sending that to a guy who may not actually be gay, he finally got back to me the next morning. He said "cool but I have class during lunch time but am free in the late afternoons, do you play tennis?" I couldn't believe it...either he blatantly misunderstood my advances and thought I was just some creeper looking for a friend, or he actually thought me worth his time. Anyway, we texted some and ended up making plans for him to teach me to play tennis next week.

    We texted a little bit more, eventually I got a dreaded one word response. I made one attempt to reinvigorate the convo, and got another short response, so I decided it would be smart to stop there, lest I appear needy.

    Its been 24 hours and he hasn't texted me, and I don't want to be the one to start a new text convo. I feel like it should be his turn. Is that reasonable? And if he doesn't text back, at what point is it okay for me to try to text again without seeming like I'm up his ass?

    I should add that this is the first time I've ever asked a guy out. I'm pretty much closeted. So I have zero experience. Be gentle if I sound ignorant, because I am.
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    Nov 18, 2011 5:33 AM GMT
    wait until the day before the planned "tennis teaching" and ask if you are still on for it.. if you get a yes, then it's a yes.

    If he makes an excuse and doesn't offer to reschedule then forget about it.
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    Nov 18, 2011 5:41 AM GMT
    they are so many little fishes in the sea waiting to be eatenicon_lol.gif
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    Nov 18, 2011 6:11 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidwait until the day before the planned "tennis teaching" and ask if you are still on for it.. if you get a yes, then it's a yes.

    If he makes an excuse and doesn't offer to reschedule then forget about it.


    Agreed.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 18, 2011 3:37 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidwait until the day before the planned "tennis teaching" and ask if you are still on for it.. if you get a yes, then it's a yes.

    If he makes an excuse and doesn't offer to reschedule then forget about it.
    . This is good advice, and it's what I would do.
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    Nov 18, 2011 3:42 PM GMT
    "Anyway, after hours of deliberation, I finally sent him a text (I know, NO BALLS) saying how much I enjoyed the chances we'd gotten to talk, and that I'd like to get to know him better. I asked to have lunch one day this week. "

    How is this even remotely insinuating you are romantically/sexually interested?

    curious,

    -Doug
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    Nov 18, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    Have fun hitting those balls icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 18, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    I wouldn't take it in any specific context about his being "gay" or not.
    He might be in denial.. hell, go and play tennis with him. Connect and get to know him. Don't assume anything at this point.
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    Nov 18, 2011 4:16 PM GMT
    I mean, think about it... if you're so "straight-acting and bisexual" how is he supposed to even assume you might be interested? If you have or ever had a gf that's all the more less likely for him to assume so... first, you guys need to spend a ton of quality "bro" time and slowly, you need to show some more obvious signs. Lunch and playing tennis seem innocent enough. You can't really expect him to propel this because yeah, he might be much more confused than you are.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 18, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    listen, i think you may have read too much into his text. he might be straight. i say do not text him back. did you two ever go to play tennis? if not, ask him about playing tennis
  • musclmover

    Posts: 8

    Nov 18, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    He also might be inexperienced or uncertain. Or he may not be ready for a relationship.
    I know I would have doubts if a "linebacker" texted me and said he wanted to "get to know me better."

    This brings up an interesting subject that I have had arguments with editors (I write gay fiction) over. How important is flirting in gay relationships and since so many of us encounter men outside of "gay" boundaries (bars, etc.) , where and how are you supposed to "flirt".

    Downtown Los Angeles or New York may have different rules on this than middle America, and our society is not so enlightened as to make it easy.

    I think there is a LOT of same-sex attraction that goes under the "gay radar" all the time. Most men are not talented in the art of seduction of or flirtation with other men.

    Life is not like fictional scenarios where the characters selflessly signal their interest and the walls of masculine fear and danger seamlessly dissipate in the heat of growing passion.

    Nice reading, but we all know the actual trepidation involved.
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    Nov 18, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidwait until the day before the planned "tennis teaching" and ask if you are still on for it.. if you get a yes, then it's a yes.

    If he makes an excuse and doesn't offer to reschedule then forget about it.


    This is the best solution. Lets us know how it goes! Gooood luck linebacker.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Nov 18, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    So you're a linebacker type but don't have the nuts to text this guy???....If you don't have game...take off duh pads and leave the field.....
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    Nov 18, 2011 7:28 PM GMT
    20 years old, created the profile same day as posting a huge ass message, no photos/verification... sounds sketchy.

    Either way, just do as above: Text him day before the Tennis lesson, if he gets back, then go practice your strokes on some balls ;)
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    Nov 18, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    You had me til "he acted gay"

    I'm trying to understand how someone who genuinely wanted to make friends is a "Creeper" but someone who is feigning an interest in tennis with the ultimate goal of getting a guy into bed isn't? This whole "Creeper" thing baffles me and is one of the reasons why I am reluctant to reach out to anybody unless a mutual friend introduces us. But I hate living in such a cynical, isolated world.
  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Nov 18, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    Jeandeau said20 years old, created the profile same day as posting a huge ass message, no photos/verification... sounds sketchy.

    Either way, just do as above: Text him day before the Tennis lesson, if he gets back, then go practice your strokes on some balls ;)


    Not meant to sound sketchy. I don't have any pictures because I'm not interested in any kind of online relationship...just wanted to ask my question is all.

    I'm gonna wait and text him day before tennis to see if he's still game then hopefully go practice my strokes on some balls icon_smile.gif

    Thanks to everyone with good responses! Again, everyone forgive me for being so ignorant, but the honest to God truth is am very ignorant about all things related to gay flirting/courting/dating/etc. I'm not even that good at straight flirting/courting/dating/etc so I may be a lost cause, but hopefully not.
  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Nov 18, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    njmeanwhile saidYou had me til "he acted gay"

    I'm trying to understand how someone who genuinely wanted to make friends is a "Creeper" but someone who is feigning an interest in tennis with the ultimate goal of getting a guy into bed isn't? This whole "Creeper" thing baffles me and is one of the reasons why I am reluctant to reach out to anybody unless a mutual friend introduces us. But I hate living in such a cynical, isolated world.


    That would be kind of an odd, creepy way to approach somebody you just want to be friends with, wouldn't it be? If I want to hang out with somebody as a friend I say something like "hey bro, me and some people are going do _______, you should come." Idk, maybe I'm wrong. I'm wrong about a lot.
  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Nov 18, 2011 8:36 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidwait until the day before the planned "tennis teaching" and ask if you are still on for it.. if you get a yes, then it's a yes.

    If he makes an excuse and doesn't offer to reschedule then forget about it.


    Thanks, this is what I'm going to do!
  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Nov 18, 2011 8:40 PM GMT
    meninlove said "Anyway, after hours of deliberation, I finally sent him a text (I know, NO BALLS) saying how much I enjoyed the chances we'd gotten to talk, and that I'd like to get to know him better. I asked to have lunch one day this week. "

    How is this even remotely insinuating you are romantically/sexually interested?

    curious,

    -Doug


    What do you say when you're romantically/sexually interested? I don't want to come on too strong to somebody and risk scaring them off. Plus I will have to see this person again in a group setting regardless of what happens. So I don't want to send anything that could be construed as harrassment, etc. specially since I don't know his sexual preference for certain.

    And personally I don't know if I'm romantically/sexually interested just yet. I've just been crushing on him and dying to get to know him better. I'm one of these prudes who can't sleep with somebody unless I love them.
  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Nov 18, 2011 8:44 PM GMT
    Also, I didn't mention this in my original post (as somebody else mentioned, it was already a long ass message). He suggested tennis first, then I told him I never played before but he could teach me. He then said he wasn't sure how good a teacher he'd be, but it was an idea. I then told him I'm game if he is, and also suggested biking or running (we both do both of those). But he said we should probably stick with tennis.

    My thinking is that when we meet up he wants to be in his comfort zone, but wants for me to be out of mine, so that he would feel more secure/in control? Does anyone agree with that analysis?
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    Nov 18, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    megaboo1991 said
    meninlove said "Anyway, after hours of deliberation, I finally sent him a text (I know, NO BALLS) saying how much I enjoyed the chances we'd gotten to talk, and that I'd like to get to know him better. I asked to have lunch one day this week. "

    How is this even remotely insinuating you are romantically/sexually interested?

    curious,

    -Doug


    What do you say when you're romantically/sexually interested? I don't want to come on too strong to somebody and risk scaring them off. Plus I will have to see this person again in a group setting regardless of what happens. So I don't want to send anything that could be construed as harrassment, etc. specially since I don't know his sexual preference for certain.

    And personally I don't know if I'm romantically/sexually interested just yet. I've just been crushing on him and dying to get to know him better. I'm one of these prudes who can't sleep with somebody unless I love them.


    Hmm...well, isn't crushing being interested? icon_wink.gif

    You asked , "What do you say when you're romantically/sexually interested?"

    Here's an example:


    I've enjoyed the chances we've gotten to talk, and I'd like to get to know you better as you're on my mind a lot. If you're free for a date, I'd like to take you out for lunch".




    warmly,

    -Doug
  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Nov 18, 2011 9:04 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    megaboo1991 said
    meninlove said "Anyway, after hours of deliberation, I finally sent him a text (I know, NO BALLS) saying how much I enjoyed the chances we'd gotten to talk, and that I'd like to get to know him better. I asked to have lunch one day this week. "

    How is this even remotely insinuating you are romantically/sexually interested?

    curious,

    -Doug


    What do you say when you're romantically/sexually interested? I don't want to come on too strong to somebody and risk scaring them off. Plus I will have to see this person again in a group setting regardless of what happens. So I don't want to send anything that could be construed as harrassment, etc. specially since I don't know his sexual preference for certain.

    And personally I don't know if I'm romantically/sexually interested just yet. I've just been crushing on him and dying to get to know him better. I'm one of these prudes who can't sleep with somebody unless I love them.


    Hmm...well, isn't crushing being interested? icon_wink.gif

    You asked , "What do you say when you're romantically/sexually interested?"

    Here's an example:


    I've enjoyed the chances we've gotten to talk, and I'd like to get to know you better as you're on my mind a lot. If you're free for a date, I'd like to take you out for lunch".




    warmly,

    -Doug


    Okay, I gotcha. I like that except for one part. The only thing I'm unsure about is using the word "date" to describe the first one-on-one encounter. It's true that I would be having fewer problems had I used it, but I guess I couldn't bring myself to use it for this first request. Truth is, I don't think I was expecting a date...just a chance to hang out together for a little while to see if I did want a "date." haha thanks though, I'll probably steal that statement if I ask to see him again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    lol, asking someone out is a date. Hanging out is what you do on a date, yes?

    " It's true that I would be having fewer problems had I used it.."


    No no no. I'm not suggesting you should have used it, I'm only showing you that what you DID text him is completely non-romantic without a hint of gay about it. icon_wink.gif

    I did that because you had said, "After I spent the night kicking myself for actually sending that to a guy who may not actually be gay, he finally got back to me the next morning."

    ...and I didn't want you to think that what you texted him was gay, because it wasn't.

    -Doug
  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Nov 27, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    megaboo1991 saidSo, I had been crushing on this guy for a few months. He acted gay, but I never had any confirming evidence. I am a straight-acting bisexual (as of right now), and I resemble a linebacker. I always tried to make eye contact and give other hints that I was interested, but I finally came to the conclusion that even if this wimpy guy was interested, he would never say anything for fear of having his ass kicked.

    Anyway, after hours of deliberation, I finally sent him a text (I know, NO BALLS) saying how much I enjoyed the chances we'd gotten to talk, and that I'd like to get to know him better. I asked to have lunch one day this week.

    After I spent the night kicking myself for actually sending that to a guy who may not actually be gay, he finally got back to me the next morning. He said "cool but I have class during lunch time but am free in the late afternoons, do you play tennis?" I couldn't believe it...either he blatantly misunderstood my advances and thought I was just some creeper looking for a friend, or he actually thought me worth his time. Anyway, we texted some and ended up making plans for him to teach me to play tennis next week.

    We texted a little bit more, eventually I got a dreaded one word response. I made one attempt to reinvigorate the convo, and got another short response, so I decided it would be smart to stop there, lest I appear needy.

    Its been 24 hours and he hasn't texted me, and I don't want to be the one to start a new text convo. I feel like it should be his turn. Is that reasonable? And if he doesn't text back, at what point is it okay for me to try to text again without seeming like I'm up his ass?

    I should add that this is the first time I've ever asked a guy out. I'm pretty much closeted. So I have zero experience. Be gentle if I sound ignorant, because I am.


    Okay, I'm posting an update. I texted him last weekend about it and he confirmed our plans for Tuesday. Unfortunately the weather didn't permit us to play. But, he was the first to say that we needed to reschedule for next week.