Would you invite your boyfriend to a "guys night" with friends?

  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Nov 18, 2011 10:27 AM GMT
    So, let me start off by saying this isn't really a "serious" issue, but just something I've thought about lately.

    So some of my friends and I occasionally have "guys night" where we get together and just hang out, watch a movie, have some beers, sometimes play ball and maybe BBQ if the weather calls for it. One of the nice things about it is that is it just us guys and no girlfriends/wives are invited along. But I have a boyfriend now and am wondering what to think if he were to be free for one of our guys nights. He's a guy after all, but inviting the boyfriend seems like a violation of the "no girlfriends/wives" rule.

    I've never told him he wasn't invited and so far with both of our busy schedules it's never worked out for him to join us...but should the opportunity come up it seems like a problem that is unique for gay relationships. It isn't a very exclusive event, casual and laid back, but one of the things that makes it fun is that it is meant to be an evening free from dealing with dating and relationships. Even though my boyfriend is a man's man and everything with the group dynamic it seems unfair to the rest who leave their girlfriends behind to have my boyfriend join LOL
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    Nov 18, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    That's tricky. You could ask what your friends think?

    I think if he joins you guys sometimes, it probably won't be a big deal.
  • Grubberboy

    Posts: 70

    Nov 18, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    I guess it really boils down to whether it's a no girlfriend/wife rule or a no woman rule. If it's the former I would say it wouldn't be cool to invite your bf. If it's the latter, go for it.
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    Nov 18, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    I think it's healthy to have some somewhat separate friends, just like it is to have some separate interests. "Guys nights" are great not just for maintaining a friendship but also becomes a safe place for guys to talk about what ails them--or to frankly share their feelings (not necessarily in a psycho-analytical, touchy feely way). The "no girlfriends/wives" rule probably exists because 1) it interferes with the "safety" of the circle and 2) sometimes, a guy needs a place to talk ABOUT his girlfriend/wife.

    It sounds like you all get together with spouses outside "guys night", so I don't think it's wrong to exclude your boyfriend, but I guess you have to judge whether your "guys night" is just a casual hang-out, or whether it does function as a safe zone. Who knows, if it is, you might need a venting circle in the future that you won't have if you bring your boyfriend in.
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Nov 18, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    from your description, its pretty clear - no spouses of any kind are allowed. This is your time with your buddies, and having your boyfriend come along completely violates the 'deal.' I just don't see any 'win' for you in this situation by bringing him along.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 18, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    Very easy... you talk to him about it with an open mind and attitude.
    If he wants to come along.. have him do it. If he thinks its really about your friends... and declines, no biggie.

    I think to not discuss and assume or not to invite him.... invites trouble.
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    Nov 18, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    If you are going back and forth between the sexes.. you must play by the rules.
    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 18, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    This could be telling about how your friends see your relationship, as in do they equate your BF as a "wife" just by nature of your relationship, even though he is similar to them in interests, etc.

    My two main straight friends (who are also friends with each other) ask me individually to do stuff with just them, but say "you guys" when the wives will be around. One of the two of them has done stuff with both of us (including a weekend trip) but the other one I can't see ever doing that. It may be more about the dynamic between each of them and my BF and less of an agreed-upon thing.
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    Nov 18, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    Thank G-d I don't have a boyfriend.

    Thank G-d I have SEVERAL boyfriends.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 18, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    yes. my boyfriend is welcome anywhere i am or i'm not welcome in turn.
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    Nov 18, 2011 3:07 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidVery easy... you talk to him about it with an open mind and attitude.
    If he wants to come along.. have him do it. If he thinks its really about your friends... and declines, no biggie.

    I think to not discuss and assume or not to invite him.... invites trouble.


    +1 this is correct. Just make sure that guys night is pre arranged way in advanced. If your schedules get hectic and you/bf havent had any quality time together, may be a problem if you opt to spend time with the guys instead of your bf. That may be the time u bring bf along or cancel guys night for a week.
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    Nov 18, 2011 3:23 PM GMT
    i always have more fun hanging around a group of guys who are physically away from their partners
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    Nov 18, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidi always have more fun hanging around a group of guys who are physically away from their partners


    so true icon_cool.gif
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Nov 18, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    Consider it a beneficial perk of the non-hetero world. Your only rule is no chicks . . . He'd probably not appreciate being considered one. So, don't introduce him as your Wife . . .
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    Nov 18, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    wellwell saidConsider it a beneficial perk of the non-hetero world. Your only rule is no chicks . . . He'd probably not appreciate being considered one. So, don't introduce him as your Wife . . .


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    wellwell saidConsider it a beneficial perk of the non-hetero world. Your only rule is no chicks


    If only that was enforced in gay (male) bars.
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    Nov 18, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    wellwell saidConsider it a beneficial perk of the non-hetero world. Your only rule is no chicks . . . He'd probably not appreciate being considered one. So, don't introduce him as your Wife . . .




    ROFL I love that show. Did you see the one where they bet him he couldn't pick up a woman?
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 18, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    jackthejock saidSo, let me start off by saying this isn't really a "serious" issue, but just something I've thought about lately.

    So some of my friends and I occasionally have "guys night" where we get together and just hang out, watch a movie, have some beers, sometimes play ball and maybe BBQ if the weather calls for it. One of the nice things about it is that is it just us guys and no girlfriends/wives are invited along. But I have a boyfriend now and am wondering what to think if he were to be free for one of our guys nights. He's a guy after all, but inviting the boyfriend seems like a violation of the "no girlfriends/wives" rule.

    I've never told him he wasn't invited and so far with both of our busy schedules it's never worked out for him to join us...but should the opportunity come up it seems like a problem that is unique for gay relationships. It isn't a very exclusive event, casual and laid back, but one of the things that makes it fun is that it is meant to be an evening free from dealing with dating and relationships. Even though my boyfriend is a man's man and everything with the group dynamic it seems unfair to the rest who leave their girlfriends behind to have my boyfriend join LOL
    wow, that is a good question and up until now. i just realized that it would not be fair. I remember reading someone else post on here a while back and this guy said that he and his buddies use to go camping to get away from the wives. however, he said he brought his bf with him and brag about how they got to hang out with each other. although, male on male relationships are different. i think the rules should still apply. it is a weekend away from the other half and i think you should abide by those rules.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 18, 2011 5:06 PM GMT
    wellwell saidConsider it a beneficial perk of the non-hetero world. Your only rule is no chicks . . . He'd probably not appreciate being considered one. So, don't introduce him as your Wife . . .
    i disagree with this concept. the whole concept of guys night or get away is for guys to get away from there spouses. if you are bringing your bf than what's the point.
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    Nov 18, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    I would not.

    The concept is no significant others - as people tend to act differently around their "person"
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    Nov 18, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    I would think the point of a guys night is to get away from ones significant other, which in most cases is women. However, i would think it still applies to your boyfriend because you too have the relationship/emotional aspect, and the point of the a guys night is to get away from the relationship and just kick it with friends that don't have the relationship/emotional aspect of it.
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    Nov 18, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    Tag him alone, I don't see the problem. He isn't just your boyfriend, he's your friend too.

    "You're my love, my best friend" isn't that what people say before they die?
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 18, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    benz72 saidTag him alone, I don't see the problem. He isn't just your boyfriend, he's your friend too.

    "You're my love, my best friend" isn't that what people say before they die?
    if that was the case than the guys would have invited there wives who are supposed to be there best friend too. the weekend is about getting away from your other half. i think you are missing the point of the get away or get together
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    Nov 18, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    yeah leave the boyfriend at home.
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    Nov 18, 2011 6:17 PM GMT
    Question for the OP, do these same friends ever invite both of you to do stuff with them and dates/spouses/partners?