"I'm too busy to have a date"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    The backstory to this is as long and complicated as Lord of the Rings, so I'll post it at the bottom for those interested.

    The summery is: had a date with a guy a decade ago, he never returned my calls, messages, but every couple years he contacts me wanting a second date and then never follows through.

    Then three weeks ago we see each other at the gym. He messages me that evening. A conversation leads to scheduling a date, but our schedules don't mesh. He says to contact him in a week. I wait a week and contact him: he's going to be crazy busy with work for two weeks. I contact him after two weeks: he says he's just too busy to date.

    I call him out and say that he's probably just not interested and using me as validation every couple years. He says, no, he's just too busy and he "sucks at life."

    What the eff is going on here?

    Am I right in assuming he's just not that into me? Or is he just really, really flaky and really bad at scheduling?




    Backstory:
    -met a guy a decade ago, we had our first date, he wasn't out, he was freaked out by being on a date with a guy. Never returned my phone calls or messages.

    -the guy contacts me like five years later trying to be all "how have you been? wow, you look good!" blah blah blah. I don't respond. Partly vindictive, partly because he doesn't look as good as he used to.

    -he keeps messaging me over the course of a year and finally I relent and say "I'll admit I haven't responded because I was being childishly vindictive, but I guess that's stupid, so... what? You want to have a second date all these years later?" He says yes, we set up date. He flakes, and is unresponsive to my "WTF?" message.

    -a year later he messages me and indicates he wants another date, we set up date, he cancels before date due to schedule conflicts

    -Two years later brings us to the present.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 19, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    He's just playing with you. Guys usually make time for guys that they like, even if they're busy.
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    Nov 19, 2011 4:57 AM GMT
    I'm never too busy to have a date, as long as it's a 20 minute quickie. icon_razz.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 19, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    Don't try and analyze the situation... sounds like something I'd do... just
    "color" him a flake and move ahead. He has some issue, don't incorporate it into your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    Mixleanmachine saidHe's just playing with you. Guys usually make time for guys that they like, even if they're busy.


    ^this! His excuse is kind of lame. We're never too busy to make time for things we to WANT to do, like for him to go on a date with you for instance.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Nov 19, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    He is clearly a flake. I finally broke up with a flake last months after dealing with 6 months of his flakiness. As my neighbor said, "it's better to be single than to be in a bad relationship".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 5:20 AM GMT
    feh, the guy's got too many issues obviously. You've got two basic options.

    1) He's telling the truth and his job is taking up too much of his time (some careers are INCREDIBLY time-intensive when you're beginning)

    2) He's lying to cover up some other reason why he can't go out (take your pick)

    Either way, any recipe that includes "Drama" in the ingredients list is a recipe for just that...DRAMA
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    I read two stories. Are they both about the same guy or is it two different guys who have done this? Either way they both sound very insecure so why would you bother? If a guy doesn't know what he wants you don't want what he has.

    Unfortunately your story has been told by so many of us so many times over.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 5:51 AM GMT
    Find one who MAKES time for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 5:55 AM GMT
    Even if you give him the world's biggest benefit of the doubt, what makes you think he's going to change and start making time for you now? He's either a flake, or he's married to his career. Either way, there's no room for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 6:55 AM GMT
    No matter how busy you are, you find time for the things you find most important.

    So the guy might not be all that into you, or he's afraid of going out and getting hurt.
    He runs into you every so often and gets reminded that someone finds him attractive and gets his ego stroked.

    Move on. If he can't find time for you, don't look back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 6:57 AM GMT
    Um yeah, "busy," thats my excuse too. Thats why I dont have a date icon_redface.gif
  • Diceroll

    Posts: 224

    Nov 19, 2011 8:40 AM GMT
    If he was genuinley busy he wouldnt schedule these dates in the first place. He just sounds like a prick IMO
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 19, 2011 11:21 AM GMT
    9:00 meeting, 11:00 teleconference, I can fit you in for a 1:00 lunch and a quickie at the Holiday Inn... I'll be the one in the lime-green.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    lol, just file the guy under "too busy, so I have no time either" and keep it as a casual friendship if you like. icon_wink.gif
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Nov 19, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidTen years? Seriously? And you're asking us if this guy is for real?

    Are YOU?


    I agree. Ten years... Jeez man, that's a bloody age and a half to be concerned about one guy.

    Just forget about him. There are loads of fish in the pond who will make time for you for a date.

    Ten years. icon_confused.gif
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Nov 19, 2011 11:26 PM GMT
    Sorry, but when I read the forum header, I immediately thought of this:

  • FireChange_86

    Posts: 11

    Nov 20, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    Look at the Cues. Finding a prospective mate isn't supposed to be this hard. If it's easy and it flows, then that's what you want. If he was interested in you, really interested, he'd make time for you. It sounds like he's playing an ego-game with you. Next time he asks you out say you're not interested. Be polite but firm.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    i am really REALLY busy usually. anyone who remotely knows me knows that i work all the time or am involved in something. but if i really met someone i was interested in, i'd find a way to make time. if i was kind of interested, it would depend.

    so if he's not making time for you, he's not interested. at least not at the moment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    sbwlguy said
    jpBITCHva saidTen years? Seriously? And you're asking us if this guy is for real?

    Are YOU?


    I agree. Ten years... Jeez man, that's a bloody age and a half to be concerned about one guy.


    Oh, no it wasn't like that. I wasn't crushing on him hard those ten years. I had other relationships and stuff and pretty much forgot about him. But then we would bump into each other online or something and he'd want to meet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2011 9:37 PM GMT
    Being too busy is the biggest douch-bag response a guy can give. It's a clear indicator that you'll be chosen when his other opportunities for the moment are zero. I recently split with a guy who would only see me on Friday nights and never stay the night... I finally called him on his BS excuses and he called me immature....jeez...
  • buckled

    Posts: 165

    Nov 22, 2011 9:44 PM GMT
    I have to agree with the people who said that being too busy is a shitty excuse.

    I work full time, go to school full time, and spend 4 nights at week at the gym.. then head home to study (18 hrs every semester).

    Anyways.. I'm not looking for a sympathy card, but I am saying that if I'm interested in someone.. I make time to go out for dinner one night. It's not THAT hard. However, I would never be able to see someone more than a couple times a week due to my current schedule (3 more semesters!).. so I kind of understand both sides. Sounds like a flake to me though.
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    Nov 22, 2011 9:52 PM GMT
    I agree. He's either saying: (1) I'm not that into you, or (2) I just want to hookup if it's convenient for me, or (3) validate me.
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    Nov 22, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    I have and do use this as my reason for turning down dates, but it's actually true. I work 2 full time 40+ hour a week jobs, am taking 9 credits (3 classes) and try to get to the gym as often as possible. My time outside of that is spent studying or sleeping.

    While I agree it's a shitty excuse...in your case, after 10 years I'd be telling him to fuck off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2011 9:35 PM GMT
    to THENES (the OP):
    That sounds like either douche-bag answer, or maybe a real answer - doesnt matter here. He's clearly a flake and even tells u that "he sucks at life"....yea, obviously.
    Don't even respond, not even worth the energy of this thread...come on- snap out of it! Dude, you're a great looking, sexy guy (love the shorter hair and scruff on the face, btw). Move on.

    When you get to be as old as i am, you learn to smell the horse-shit even b4 it comes out of the mouth.