I opened a can of worms...

  • kildrin

    Posts: 9

    Nov 19, 2011 10:15 PM GMT
    My best friend, who is also my roommate and co-worker, has been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks, maybe a month. Yesterday this guy emailed me on facebook and asked if we could hang out, he had something he needed to talk to me about. So we went out for coffee, and he tells me that he doesn't feel he has chemistry with my friend, but he feels chemistry with me. I won't lie i was excited to know that he was interested in me, but at the same time i knew i could never break my friend's heart by pursuing this guy. So we decided that we would sit down with my friend and talk about it. This morning i woke up feeling so much guilt that i threw up. So i told my friend what was going on, and he said "I knew something was off yesterday, I could feel it." I told him how sorry I am and that i love him more than anything in the world, and that i'd rather be single for the rest of my life and be hist friend rather than losing him over a guy. And then he left and went to work without me. I got ready, went to work, and barely made it through the first hour of work before I ran to the bathroom to throw up again.
    I feel so guilty in this situation, I know that my friend and this guy have a lot in common; but what is opposite about them is what i have in common with this guy, and whats opposite about me and my friend is what they have in common. Its turned into a whole clusterfuck of emotions and broken hearts, and i just don't know what the next step is. help!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 19, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    kildrin saidMy best friend, who is also my roommate and co-worker, has been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks, maybe a month. Yesterday this guy emailed me on facebook and asked if we could hang out, he had something he needed to talk to me about. So we went out for coffee, and he tells me that he doesn't feel he has chemistry with my friend, but he feels chemistry with me. I won't lie i was excited to know that he was interested in me, but at the same time i knew i could never break my friend's heart by pursuing this guy. So we decided that we would sit down with my friend and talk about it. This morning i woke up feeling so much guilt that i threw up. So i told my friend what was going on, and he said "I knew something was off yesterday, I could feel it." I told him how sorry I am and that i love him more than anything in the world, and that i'd rather be single for the rest of my life and be hist friend rather than losing him over a guy. And then he left and went to work without me. I got ready, went to work, and barely made it through the first hour of work before I ran to the bathroom to throw up again.
    I feel so guilty in this situation, I know that my friend and this guy have a lot in common; but what is opposite about them is what i have in common with this guy, and whats opposite about me and my friend is what they have in common. Its turned into a whole clusterfuck of emotions and broken hearts, and i just don't know what the next step is. help!


    What exactly have you done wrong at this point? All you've done is have coffee with the guy. icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 19, 2011 10:48 PM GMT
    You feel guilty for someone else having feelings for you, you don't return them, or would not break the trust of your best friend.

    You'll be okay and this will pass. You've done nothing wrong... unless you maybe like him too. Which, those are feelings sometimes you can't control. As long as you act on nothing, you'll be okay. icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:01 PM GMT
    You didn't open a can of worms. But you could have opened a hot 3-way if you'd handled it differently.

    Live and learn. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:13 PM GMT

    Hmmm...it seems to me the only unclassy behaviour here is by your roomie's BF. I think your roomie should let him go and so should you.

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    Nov 19, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    I don't get what you'e guilty of... or what can of worms you opened...

    Are you leaving something out? Did you have sex with him or something?

    P.S. Three weeks is nothing.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:21 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI don't get what you'e guilty of... or what can of worms you opened...

    Are you leaving something out? Did you have sex with him or something?

    P.S. Three weeks is nothing.


    For you maybe not but for some people it is a lot.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI don't get what you'e guilty of... or what can of worms you opened...

    Are you leaving something out? Did you have sex with him or something?

    P.S. Three weeks is nothing.


    For you maybe not but for some people it is a lot.


    Gay men can be desperate. I've heard some even carry on "relationships" for 3 weeks when they aren't even interested in eachother, and then they latch on to the next closest thing with a cock and balls.

    But this could be rumors..
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:23 PM GMT
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI don't get what you'e guilty of... or what can of worms you opened...

    Are you leaving something out? Did you have sex with him or something?

    P.S. Three weeks is nothing.


    For you maybe not but for some people it is a lot.



    lol, Bill and I exchanged rings and informal vows at three weeks, then married legally 20 years later. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:23 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI don't get what you'e guilty of... or what can of worms you opened...

    Are you leaving something out? Did you have sex with him or something?

    P.S. Three weeks is nothing.


    For you maybe not but for some people it is a lot.


    Gay men can be desperate


    Again there you go talking shit. People can click and get close in matter of weeks and you dont need to be gay or straight for that shit.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI don't get what you'e guilty of... or what can of worms you opened...

    Are you leaving something out? Did you have sex with him or something?

    P.S. Three weeks is nothing.


    For you maybe not but for some people it is a lot.


    Gay men can be desperate


    Again there you go talking shit. People can click and get close in matter of weeks and you dont need to be gay or straight for that shit.


    He said they aren't close... Le sigh.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:26 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI don't get what you'e guilty of... or what can of worms you opened...

    Are you leaving something out? Did you have sex with him or something?

    P.S. Three weeks is nothing.


    For you maybe not but for some people it is a lot.


    Gay men can be desperate


    Again there you go talking shit. People can click and get close in matter of weeks and you dont need to be gay or straight for that shit.


    He said they aren't close... Le sigh.


    Son you need to schooled cuz I was responding to YOU saying three weeks nothing, which has nothing do with OP's case.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:27 PM GMT
    I can imagine knowing that you click with someone in 3 weeks, BUT, there are no irrepairable scars left from a 3 week fling if one person decides it isn't working and moves on to a new guy (IE, this thread...)

    Context, my friend.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI can imagine knowing that you click with someone in 3 weeks, BUT, there are no irrepairable scars left from a 3 week fling if one person decides it isn't working and moves on to a new guy (IE, this thread...)

    Context, my friend.


    Oh hell you think you how this world runs again maybe for zombies like you it dun mean shit but we just have an example of a proposal after three weeks. Now if the fiance left him I can bet your skinny ass that there would be some emotional damage done.

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    Nov 19, 2011 11:30 PM GMT
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI can imagine knowing that you click with someone in 3 weeks, BUT, there are no irrepairable scars left from a 3 week fling if one person decides it isn't working and moves on to a new guy (IE, this thread...)
    Context, my friend.

    Oh hell you think you how this world runs again maybe for zombies like you it dun mean shit but we just have an example of a proposal after three weeks. Now if the fiance left him I can bet your skinny ass that there would be some emotional damage done.

    If one person in that 3 week relationship was delusional enough to think the other guy wanted to be his always and forever, even AFTER he went on to ask the friend to replace him... then he needs help.

    You're understanding me WAY wrong.

    I agree that 3 weeks can mean something to the right couple... In this case, I hope it doesn't.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI can imagine knowing that you click with someone in 3 weeks, BUT, there are no irrepairable scars left from a 3 week fling if one person decides it isn't working and moves on to a new guy (IE, this thread...)

    Context, my friend.


    No, not irrepairable harm, except when the new guy is the dumped guy's roomie and best friend and co-worker. And the person went and told the second guy before ending it with the first guy.

    What a mess.

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    Nov 19, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    BigWhoopGangsta said
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI can imagine knowing that you click with someone in 3 weeks, BUT, there are no irrepairable scars left from a 3 week fling if one person decides it isn't working and moves on to a new guy (IE, this thread...)
    Context, my friend.

    Oh hell you think you how this world runs again maybe for zombies like you it dun mean shit but we just have an example of a proposal after three weeks. Now if the fiance left him I can bet your skinny ass that there would be some emotional damage done.

    If one person in that 3 week relationship was delusional enough to think the other guy wanted to be his always and forever, even AFTER he went on to ask the friend to replace him... then he needs help.

    You're understanding me WAY wrong.

    I agree that 3 weeks can mean something to the right couple... In this case, I hope it doesn't.


    Oh so its all my fault now? I know you think I am dumb and ghetto so lets keep it real man. I might be a little hood but I am far from dumb so don't even try to turn this shit around me. I called you out on a comment that was a heaping generalization and you come here trying to make me look like the bad guy like you have previously but guess what I aint buying it
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    ThePenIsMyTier saidI can imagine knowing that you click with someone in 3 weeks, BUT, there are no irrepairable scars left from a 3 week fling if one person decides it isn't working and moves on to a new guy (IE, this thread...)
    Context, my friend.

    No, not irrepairable harm, except when the new guy is the dumped guy's roomie and best friend and co-worker. And the person went and told the second guy before ending it with the first guy.
    What a mess.


    It's pretty clear that the bouncy third party in this is classless, but the OP seemed to go about it the right way.

    The OPs room mate just lost a potential lover... but again.. no harm done if he is sane.

    Their friendship shouldn't suffer unless the OP keeps blaming himself for this random new guys problem... Am I the only person that sees it this way? They seem to have a good friendship, and this third guy will be gone with the wind. Aside from a little petty jealousy, I don't see any problems arising except for a few days mourning over the loss of someone who wouldn't have loved him in the first place.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    BigWhoopGangsta said

    Oh so its all my fault now? I know you think I am dumb and ghetto so lets keep it real man. I might be a little hood but I am far from dumb so don't even try to turn this shit around me. I called you out on a comment that was a heaping generalization and you come here trying to make me look like the bad guy like you have previously but guess what I aint buying it


    I wasn't blaming you, but now I know you are pretty damned stupid. Now I can blame you.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:41 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    BigWhoopGangsta said

    Oh so its all my fault now? I know you think I am dumb and ghetto so lets keep it real man. I might be a little hood but I am far from dumb so don't even try to turn this shit around me. I called you out on a comment that was a heaping generalization and you come here trying to make me look like the bad guy like you have previously but guess what I aint buying it


    I wasn't blaming you, but now I know you are pretty damned stupid. Now I can blame you.


    What a fucking douche. You don't have a brain or the human decency to treat people the same. But I am not surprised to see this sort of behaviour coming from you since all these younger pretty white boys think they can look down brothas like me for being hood. But let me tell you I worked at a bank and I deal with people like you all the fucking time so honestly you can go fuck yourself. You are a fucking cunt and if I was there in real life I would spit on your face for being such a bigot.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:42 PM GMT
    Please make a real account with your real persona, this act is getting old. Unorginal, unfunny, unkind....
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:46 PM GMT

    ThePen and BigWhoop, I think both of you are pretty smart.

    I'm mixed race so I'll take ya both on! lol!

    *puts up old 56 year old fists, swings and hits Bill*

    -Doug


    ...and I agree TPMT, the OP did nothing wrong. The roomie's bf is an ass.

    BUT a three week relationship can be enormous. *tips hat to BigWhoop*

    Now you'll excuse me while I hide under the couch.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:46 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidPlease make a real account with your real persona, this act is getting old. Unorginal, unfunny, unkind....



    Yea once again play the victim you little barbie doll. Honestly so tired of all this bullshit people trying to bring a brotha down for no good reason other then voicing his opinion. I was nothing but cordial until you started showing me attitude.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:49 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    ThePen and BigWhoop, I think both of you are pretty smart.

    I'm mixed race so I'll take ya both on! lol!

    *puts up old 56 year old fists, swings and hits Bill*

    -Doug


    ...and I agree TPMT, the OP did nothing wrong. The roomie's bf is an ass.

    BUT a three week relationship can be enormous. *tips hat to BigWhoop*

    Now you'll excuse me while I hide under the couch.


    My post was never meant to apply to all relationships, but to this specific post. This is why I spoke about context....
    Three weeks in a relationship where feelings were not mutual, which should be noticed by both parties, is nothing. Any views of it being something is pure desperation and delusion. Catch my drift?

    P.S> Kudos to the OP for saving your friend from this guy.
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    Nov 19, 2011 11:53 PM GMT

    I get your drift indeed, although from the rommie's reaction to the OP, it appears the roomie was completely fooled by the BF, and that happens frequently in the straight, bi and gay world, so to speak.

    icon_wink.gif